My Camberwell Sunshine / 我的小太陽

今天要交上學期的所有作業，所以我又再度大包小包上學去，其實可以拿著畫走在路上讓我感覺很虛榮，經過小車票亭頭一轉，中東老闆又送來飛吻和溫暖的微笑，不要小看這個人喔，在我心裡他是我的坎貝爾小太陽，因此我得把這一刻畫下來。

Today we were supposed to hand in all the assignments for last term, so again I left home with my portfolio and tube. In fact, walking on the streets with my drawings made me feel so vain. When I passed by the ticket booth and turned my head, the owner from the Middle East gave me a kiss and warm smile. Hey, this guy is my Camberwell sunshine though I go to him at most on a weekly basis. I felt the need to draw this scene after coming home. 

交完作業之後就是黑膠唱片包裝的成發時間，在那之前我們看了別人的作品，心裡不是很踏實，不過善良的溫蒂一直安慰我大家都半斤八兩，也對，其實比起上學期，我真的是混多了，不過起碼得失心不會太重，而那之前很多人都跑來說他們很欣賞我們這一組的作品。

After handing in the assignments, it was time for the crit on the CD/vinyl package design. We had some time to walk around and take a look at others' works. To be honest, I didn't feel very sure, but Wen Dee was very kind to make me feel better by saying that her group work isn't so perfect. Well, compared with last term, I certainly didn't go all out, but at least I wouldn't be so heart-broken if in the end it isn't good. In fact, quite a number of classmates came and told us they love our design. 

我和溫蒂說我已經訂的六月中的機票要回家，本來很堅強的溫蒂最近變得很感性，她說到時候會很悲傷，我說沒有關係，來台灣找我吧！我送給她一塊鳳梨酥，她一直握在手裡，她說怕放進袋子裡會壓碎，真是令人感動啊！後來又和班上的好幾個非英國同學聊到台灣，我邀請大家到時來拜訪我，其實在家裡我都和嘉蕊說，我要回家結婚了，因為前幾年算命的丹尼爾說就是這一兩年，嘉蕊還非常認真地說：你一定要挑一個非學期中的日子，我要買一頂英國式的帽子去參加！我們每天在家就是這麼胡鬧的。

I told Wen Dee that I have decided to go home in mid-June. Wen Dee, who is always such a strong person, has become rather sentimental. She said it's sad. I told her that it's ok and that she can come visit me in Taiwan. I gave her a pineapple cake, and she just kept holding it in her hand instead of putting it down because she was afraid that it would be crushed in her bag. I found that very touching. Later we talked of the wonderful food that Taiwan can offer with other non-British classmates, and I couldn't help inviting them to come. In fact, in the dorm, I keep telling Jazel that I am going home to get married because that's what Daniel, the astrologer, said a few years ago. Jazel took it very seriously saying, "You have to choose a date when I can fly from London. I'll wear a British hat to go to your wedding." That's how we play every day. 

不是不喜歡畫圖了，而是我現在對於課程的架構有清楚的了解，不禁開始想我現在學的可能不是我想要的東西，最近大家對於能夠開心畫圖這件事很在乎，我覺得即使我脫離這個環境，我還是會畫畫。雖然之前有點低潮，但現在這一點我可以很客觀地看目前的學習和生活，不再是因為我想逃避。

It's not that I don't love drawing anymore, but that I have a clear understanding of the structure of the courses. I can't help thinking that what I am learning now is not what I am looking for. Besides, lately we have been talking about being able to draw happily and freely. I am sure that even if I no longer stay in this environment, I'll keep on drawing. I did have some low moments a while ago, but at this point, I can look at my learning and life objectively. I made the choice not because I want to run away. 

我反而要感謝之前的低潮，因為我覺得自己有打開心，看到身邊的許多好人，也感受到他們一直以來的溫暖。

I do have to thank God for giving the low moments. Because of them, I have got to open my heart and realized that there are many good people around me. I deeply feel their warmth...

做評論剛開始大家都很有活力，不過通常過了一兩組就會開始疲勞，我很慶幸我們是倒數第二組，因為我是個很不多話的組長，我的理論是：好的作品是不需要解釋的，而且我除了教書以外，真的不太喜歡在大家面前說話。

In the beginning of the crit everyone is upbeat, but usually after one or two groups, fatigue starts to creep in. I was glad that we were the second last group. I am not a talkative director. My theory is that you don't have to explain if the works are good. Besides, I don't feel at ease talking in front of people except teaching. 

我看著窗外的太陽想，今天真適合出遊啊！鑫很認真地站到椅子上聽。剛開始的幾組很嚇人，都是砸重金把畫稿送印刷廠，我越看就越汗顏了。

I looked at the sunshine outside the windows and thought, "What a day for going for fun!" Xin stood on a chair to get a better look. The first few groups were really intimidating because they spent a fortune having their design printed out in deluxe manners. I felt kind of embarrassed about what we did. 

要報告之前，婕蔓說：你一定要很驕傲地介紹喔！那些背後的小故事就不要說了。

Before the presentation, Germaine said, "You have to give the introduction with pride. As for the stories, leave them out of this." 

其實早上助教傑克來看過我們的作品就露出很愛的表情，但想不到，我也不過說了三句話，德瑞克整個就接過去說：這是我今天最喜歡的兩件作品之一。除了對小桃的手寫字稱讚不已，對雷蒙的吉他設計也很鍾意，然後又翻了我的研究檔案夾，他整個就很像吃了迷幻藥地說：你們讓我這一整天都不同了！我得很不好意思地說，人家都是塞進真的黑膠唱片，我們的是用黑色紙卡剪的，可是這些小細節好像都不重要了。我們這組的評論時間結束之後，小桃還問我：你覺得他們說的是真心話嗎？我回答：應該是吧！

As a matter of fact, Jake took a quick look at our package in the morning, and he appeared to like it. But,    when I said no more than three sentences, Derek couldn't wait to add, "This is one of my two favorite packages today." He gave a compliment on Momo's handwritten typefaces and Raymond's guitar image. Then when he thumbed through my development file, it was as if he took drugs when he said, "Oh, you have made my day." I have to confess that all the other groups used real vinyls in the sleeves while we had only fake ones cut out of black paper. But these details didn't seem to matter anymore. After the crit on our work was over, Momo asked me in disbelief, "Do you think they were telling the truth?" I replied, "I think so!" 

我們說這是個幸運的意外，對我來說，這是個很有趣的處境，之前我辛苦做的作品評價慘到不行，當時最看不過去的就是我現在這種作品，我想上帝要讓我嚐嚐這個立場的滋味。想起來最近一連串的事件要告訴我的就是：做你自己吧！有時候真的是不需要那麼努力的！

We said this is a happy accident. For me, this is an interesting experience. Before I worked so hard only to hand in really terrible works, and at that time I couldn't understand why works which were not so carefully done got better critiques than mine. I guess God wants me to taste how it feels to be in such a place. I can only say, what has happened lately keeps giving me the message: Be myself! Don't always strive for the best and give myself a hard time! 

但今天最令我高興的是，我們發現組長很強勢的組作品風格就是組長的風格，但婕蔓說我們的沒有，當然啦，我可是隨著別人搖擺的人嘛！我可以很驕傲的地方是，老師稱讚哪一部份做得很好時，我會很榮幸地補充那是哪個組員的想法。雖然我們的設計師一整天看起來都不是很開心，最後我還是和他說：你好像沒有很喜歡這個作品，但我得說你有很多好想法。

To my great happiness today, we found that if the creative director of a group is very dominant, the style of the package is exactly that of the CD. Germaine said that ours doesn't feel that way. Of course, I change my mind easily if it's a good suggestion. I am proud of myself in that whenever the tutors mentioned a strength in our design, I would introduce the member responsible for that. Though our designer didn't seem happy all day long, in the end I still told him, "You don't seem to like this package, but you do have good ideas." 

要離開畫室時小桃對我說：謝謝你！這句話比什麼都有力！那些有的沒有的都該被忘了！

Before leaving the studio, Momo said to me, "Thank you!" These two words are far more powerful than anything else. I think what occurred should all be forgotten!