Monday, May 30, 2011

When I look back / 回顧


轉眼間今年就快過一半了,雖然五月發文看似懶散,其實這個月挺多產的,只是很多影像只屬於當下或特定的一個人,我要說的話都沉在時間或某些心裡了。

It dawns on me that this year is almost half over. I seem to have been quite laidback in May, but the truth is that I am pretty prolific this month. It’s just that many images belong only to certain moments or specific people. What I wanted to say had sunk into the river of time or the wells in some hearts.

水彩課照舊,最近和老師再度提到技巧的訓練,過去的這半年,為了補不足之處,我重複著基礎筆觸的練習,和之前純粹只是為情感的表達創作很不相同,老師說,有了技巧可以選擇不用,但沒有技巧就無法完整自我表達,當時我還不甚明白這話中之意。而心境方面,每星期兩小時的畫畫課,記錄著我的起起伏伏,學期剛開始畫了一張圖,任何人都感受到筆觸的浮躁。到了學期中,我試著放掉之前的重筆觸,想要用輕描淡寫的透明重新開始,雖然我自以為心境平緩下來,老師卻說我的內在是跳躍的動態,說好聽則是我仍然充滿生命力,同學說我的心裡住著夏卡爾或是梵谷,可是現在我想要有莫內的圓融和沉穩,於是水彩課不僅是練技術,也讓我思索自己是怎麼樣的人。

Watercolor classes go on as usual. Lately Jim has been discussing the issue of techniques with me again. Over the past few months, trying to make up for what I lack, I have repeated the basic exercise of using brush pens. That is radically different from my past habit of creating mainly for self-expression. Jim mentioned that being equipped with sophisticated techniques, we can choose not to use them, but not having them will make many painting tasks impossible. I didn’t fully get the message in his words then, though.

Mentally, the two-hour lesson every week records my ups and downs. At the beginning of the semester, I painted a picture in which everyone could feel my impatience. By the mid-semester, I tried to let go of my typical heavy brushstrokes, desiring to start anew with a light, transparent style. I believed that I had calmed down inside whereas Jim said he felt the jumps in me. Well, to put it mildly, I am quite full of life. My classmates or colleagues said I have Chagall and Van Gogh in me, but now I long for Monet’s mellowness. It’s fun that watercolor classes not only provide me with opportunities to hone my skills but also reflect what kind of person I am.

這兩個星期在孩子們的畢業紀念冊上大肆作畫,突然那些老師之前教過的撇步在某個早晨冒了出來,我有一種自我滿足的感覺,好像是之前低頭耕耘許久,有一天抬起頭來,眼前的風景都不同了。

In recent weeks I have been doodling in my kids’ yearbooks. Suddenly the skills that Jim had taught popped out of nowhere on a certain morning. I felt self-fulfilled. It’s like I’ve been sowing for eons, and when I raise my head one day, what’s in front of eyes is totally different.

有時候看著別人的人生,會希望自己是Ana,或者是Serge,而今天我覺得當我也真好。

Sometimes when I look at other people’s lives, I’d wish that I were Ana or Serge, but today I feel it’s good to be me.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Caterina’s Garden / 凱特的花園


























這個星期觀察了許多花朵和植物,去看了莫內展,也意外發現台北故事館前的英式花園,本來還苦惱凱特琳娜的生日禮物要畫甚麼題材,結果下雨的週末,坐在書桌前鬼畫符時,靈感就這麼來了。雖然我偏愛大太陽天,但是雨中的花園畫起來特別詩意,而凱特剛好是植物學的專家,今年就讓花朵們祝她生日快樂囉!

This week I’ve been observing numerous flowers and plants. I checked out the lovely exhibition of Monet’s water lily paintings and accidentally found the gorgeous English garden in front of Taipei Story House. I was still wondering what I should draw for Caterina’s birthday gift. Fortunately, on the rainy Saturday, I was struck by a superb inspiration while doodling at my desk. Though I prefer sunny gardens, but the rainy ones are especially poetic. And Caterina happens to be a botanist, so why not let the flowers wish her a wonderful birthday!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Life Stories / 人生故事








這個星期受到了一些挫折,因為深知不能在沮喪的泥沼中打轉,我每天走出去看別人的生活,和他們交談,希望回來的時候用新的角度重新檢視我的困境。在象山上遇到了牽著胖狗爬山的胖男子,用相機捕捉101之美的攝影阿伯們,在國畫課上和學習陶藝的謝同學聊他過去充斥著數字的人生,週末在龍山寺邊偶然發現了剝皮寮,隨性地坐下來和寫了六十年書法的阿善師說話,我急於從每個人的生活經驗學到智慧,因為怎麼說我都還太稚嫩太脆弱。

This week I’ve suffered from some frustrations. Deeply aware that I can’t wallow in depression, I walked out of myself every day to take a look at others’ lives and to converse with them. My hope was to re-examine my dilemma from a new perspective after I came back. In Shiang Mountain, I ran across Mr. Round with his chubby dog and a bunch of passionate senior photographers waiting to capture Taipei 101 at sunset. In Chinese painting class, I had a long talk with Mr. Pottery, who used to work with numbers before retirement. On weekends, I stumbled into Bo Pi Liao, a historic site near Long-shan Temple. There I accidentally discovered Master Shan, a calligraphy writer engaged in the art for over sixty years. I was too eager to derive wisdom from everyone’s experiences because I had found myself to be too tender, too fragile.

最要感謝的是我身邊良善的精神支柱,如果說這次的經驗教了我甚麼,其中一課就是我也要這麼熱心地幫助別人。

Most of all, I would like to express my heart-felt thanks to the kind and sincere folks around me. Their support is priceless, and without them, I wouldn’t be able to write these words now. One of the lessons the incident taught me is that I should pay it forward selflessly when seeing others in need of help.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

Lost love / 失去的愛


“Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those sentences weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end. Love doesn’t.”

by Mitch Albom


「失去的愛依舊是愛,它只是以不同形式存在。你看不見他們的微笑或無法拿東西給他們吃,也不能搔搔他們的頭髮和和擁著他們跳舞,但是當這些感覺漸漸逝去,回憶卻越來越強烈,回憶變成你的伴侶,你呵護著它、抱著它、和它共舞。生命會走到盡頭,但愛不會。」

-米奇 • 愛爾邦