It is ... / 離不開

上週書商拿了一些青少年小說到辦公室，好心的同事把我們的書也放進紙箱裡，看起來還真像一回事。

Last week the salesperson from a bookstore loaned us some teenage novels. My kind-hearted colleague put our book together in the paper box. I have to say ours looks quite professional when placed next to these really well-written works. 

說好了要離開十六歲，卻離不開，因為和一群小朋友一起長大是一件很美好的事。

I find it hard to put aside the age 16 because it's a very lovely thing to grow up with a bunch of kids.

16 Episode 4 / 16 第四集

這個星期我開始放手，讓小朋友接手推銷自己的作品，我給了各種提醒，並且在背後督促大家，畢竟要站出去需要很多勇氣和信心。

In the past week I decided to let go so that my kids could take over the task of selling their works. I told them all the business strategies and checked from time to time if they did take action. After all, it takes much courage and confidence to sell one's own stories....

雖然網路無遠弗屆，但是大家似乎對書本比較有興趣。我們的市場很小，不過真的得到很大的迴響，學校裡有些熱情的小粉絲，讓作者們得到溫暖的支持。班上的同學也透過各種通路想要讓更多人看到這本書，同時邀了許多校外的朋友來捧場。

Though our blog makes the stories accessible, it seems that people are still more into the book. Our market is small, but there are some really passionate fans at school whose warmth surprises our young authors in a positive way. The girls in my class also go all out to promote the book. There were many visitors their age from  other schools. 

寫故事的人和讀故事的人一樣重要，我觀察到有些認真閱讀的少年少女，感到很欣慰。我們完全沒有從這個project得到金錢的受益，我想要的只是學生的作品被閱讀，這週好幾個孩子和我說不知道自己存在的意義為何，我覺得書寫是可以讓人自我認識和愛上自己的方式。

The writer is as important as the reader. I was touched to see some teenagers really reading the book. We do not earn any cent from the project. All I want is that my students' works are read by as many people as possible. This week some kids told me that they don't know their self-worth at all. My belief is that writing is a powerful act that enhances self-discovery and self-love. 

我們的書也在現場販賣，我鼓勵同學發揮商業方面的才能，其實賣一本和賣一百本對我們來說沒有任何差別，但是我希望大家可以學習如何賣東西。

We also accepted book orders on the spot on the school anniversary day. I encouraged the girls to explore their business talent. In fact, it makes no difference to us to sell one copy and one hundred copies. However, I hoped that they could learn how to be salespeople.

從英國回來之後，我一直想要做點不同於之前的嘗試，而這幾個月因為忙著這件事，人生變得很不一樣，花很多時間在別人身上，就算書已經收尾，過去的一週裡諮商的cases接二連三而來，已經被問了好幾次還有沒有在畫圖，的確這一陣子重心有些轉移，但還好我的每個當下都找得到平衡。從孩子和他們父母身上，我看到自己努力的收穫，我相信我不是白活。

Since coming back from the U.K., I've wanted to try the off-beaten track. My life has turned out to be quite different in the past few months because of the book. I spend so much more time on people now than in the past. Although we have wrapped up the project, I am no less busy since my days are again packed with counseling sessions. I did notice that my focus has kind of shifted when asked if I am still drawing by some friends. Luckily, I am able to find my balance in every moment. After almost a year, I saw the traces of my effort in my students and their parents. I never believe that I make effort only to get nothing in return.

我很喜歡人，沒辦法只躲在家裡畫圖，我很喜歡畫圖，有時需要一個人透過畫圖把事情想清楚，那麼接下來我應該把兩者結合在一起。

I love people, so I can't hide home drawing all the time. I love drawing, and there are times when I have to be think things through by drawing alone. I think my next goal is to combine both.

16歲，先說暫時的再見吧！

Here is my temporary farewell to 16!

16 Episode 3 / 16 第三集

我們的故事寫完了，可是真的人生才剛開始，這些故事引出了先前有些孩子們說不出的問題，所以藉由這個寫作的過程，我們走進了心理療程，也是我第一次覺得十六歲可以如此沈重。

We have wrapped up our story project, but the real life has just began. This task brought forth the problems the kids couldn't utter, so by means of this process, we now head into our counseling sessions. This is also the first time I feel that the age 16 can be so heavy.

話雖然這麼說，這本書裡我最喜歡的故事是「生命」一章，我把三個故事放在最後，因為它們需要很多時間和感情消化，不過卻是值得一讀再讀的議題。

I don't want to contradict myself, but the chapter I love the most in this book is life. I put the category at the end of the book because I know it will take a lot of time and emotion to digest the three stories. However, I can guarantee that the reader will feel like reading them again and again.

圖 岳喬萱繪 / picture drawn by Taylor Yueh

想像你十三歲時便永遠地失去很喜歡的朋友，這樣的傷痛要如何面對呢？這是個需要勇氣才寫得出來的故事，請你來讀喬萱的人生。

What would you do if you lost your beloved friend at the age of thirteen? It's a story that takes much courage to write. Please come and read Taylor's story--After She Left.

圖 張馨方和鄭依如繪 / picture drawn by Eva Chang and Yi-ju Cheng 

馨方說了失去愛狗的故事，因此必須面對死亡的課題，其實十六歲的少女懂得比我們想像的多。

Eva told a story about losing her dog friend in Missing You, thus forced to face the big issue of death. In fact, a sixteen-year-old girl knows much more than we expected.

圖 朱子栩繪 / picture drawn by Sophy Chu 

我們習以為常的再見，對於小時候不斷搬家的子栩卻是如此沈重。本來子栩想寫的並不是這個題目，是我們談過之後她才試著面對的課題。文章裡的感情很深，讀的當下要準備好，不然觸及到你心裡的某個傷口，落淚是很正常的反應。

What does a goodbye signify for you? For Sophy, who moved constantly from one country to another in her childhood, it is a gesture loaded with meanings. In fact, it wasn't the topic that Sophy planned to write at first. I saw the potential of the theme in our talk. The story, like Sophy, contains very deep feelings. As the reader, you have to be prepared and it's normal to drop a tear or two if it reminds you of your past wounds. 

前幾週把書寄給鄭明進老師，發現他對於這本書有很不同於我的看法，他挑了幾個故事的插畫，說這些作品很有十六歲的精神，分別是以下的作品。

I sent the book a few weeks ago to Mr. Ming-chin Cheng, a heavyweight figure in the illustration circle in Taiwan. I found he has a very different view from me. He picked some stories whose illustrations highly represent sixteen-year-olds. The works are as follows:

Darkness Before Dawn by Elizabeth Lim, illustrated by Deedee Yeh 

B F or BF? by Sandra Yue, illustrated by Joyce Pan, Sharon Lin and Sandra Yue 

On the Way by Zoey Shih, illustrated by Tina Fang 

陪少女們過了波濤洶湧的十六歲，即將到來的夏天裡，我要去過三十六歲的最後兩個月，不像過去，現在我不需要出走，我要在蟬聲的陪伴中安安靜靜地畫圖，準備一個我很想要辦的展覽，主題是「簡單的愛」，這是我對過去這一年的人生找到最好的答案，看起來很平凡的願望在我的想像中卻充滿簡單的喜悅。

I have accompanied the girls on the journey of 16 full of ups and downs. Unlike the past decade, I don't  feel the pressing need to get away. Instead, in the coming summer, I am going to spend the two last months of 36 drawing quietly in the company of singing cicadas. My ambition is to prepare an exhibition titled Simple Love, which is the best answer I have found to the question I've been thinking about in the past year. This sounds like a very ordinary wish, but I know the process will be full of heart-felt joy....

16 Episode 2 / 16 第二集

這週我們的作品都上線了，請按此處，給小朋友們一點鼓勵吧！

This week we have put all our works online. Please press the link here. Your reading the stories will greatly encourage my lovely students! 

我們的封面設計得到很大的迴響，其實背後有好幾個人的想法和執行，還有老師們的幫忙。

Our cover design received rave reviews. It was the outcome of several girls' idea and execution. Also, we can't forget the teachers' help!

還有好多老師花錢買我們的書，謝謝大家！

Many teachers offered to buy our books. We appreciate your good will so much!

Buying Flowers / 買花

現在買花買得很兇，辦公室和家裡都擺了花，剛開始只是想要點繽紛，後來發現我很依賴這些花朵，像一種信仰。

I am very much into buying flowers now since I make it a rule to decorate the office and the apartment with them. In the beginning it was solely because I desired some living colors, but later I got so addicted to it that I couldn't live without this habit anymore. 

除了花本身，我很喜歡和賣花的店家互動，如果沒有和他們談談天，整個經驗似乎就不完整，我好像隨著年紀增長越來越走入人群。

Apart from flowers, I enjoy interacting with the florists. My experience wouldn't be complete if I didn't chat with them. It's interesting how I've turned out to be a people person as time passes by....

Blessings / 祝福

忙了好一陣子，到身心可以鬆懈的時候，心裡的魔鬼都跑出來，我花了兩天整理我的內在，和渴望說再見，今天又回到正面平靜的我。

After being busy for a while, the demons in me were all released since they knew I wouldn't be able to fight them given my mental and physical exhaustion. It took me two days to cleanse my inner self. I pulled myself together to say goodbye to my desires and longings. Today I am finally myself again. 

昨天在龍山寺看到一張很美的臉，群眾們誦經時，有位先生完全沈浸在歌唱之中，滿臉盡是喜樂。

Yesterday I spotted a very beautiful face in Long-shan Temple. When the followers were reciting the incantations, a man was totally lost in singing with joy written all over his face. 

我也有低落沮喪想逃的時候，但是我知道最後我都會回到自己身邊，坦然面對生活裡的各種場面。有時候我也想，我是不是太坦然太刺眼，別人我是不知道，不過對我來說，誠實和寬容才是王道。　

There are moments when I am frustrated and upset. There are times when I feel like fleeing. But I know in the end I will come back to myself and face every challenge in life. Sometimes I wonder if I am too honest and if my honesty is too much for others to bear. I don't know about others, but for me, honesty and magnanimity rule.

別人有太多我沒有的幸福，與其讓忌妒擋在我們之間，我選擇打開雙臂送上我的祝福。

Others have too much happiness that I don't, but instead of letting jealousy stand in our way, I choose to open up my arms and offer my sincerest blessings....

16

最近我每天都在和時間賽跑，努力利用人力資源克服我在電腦軟體方面的弱點，並且學習抓大放小，終於把書完成了。這是一本關於十六歲的短篇故事集，包含了十五個學生和我寫的作品，除了文字外，還有插畫，做書的過程中我一直和孩子們說：我的同學去波隆納參加插畫展，我在這裡要出版像樣的東西。我不斷重複：你可以更好。難怪今天終於有人說我是個難搞的老師。

Lately I've been racing against time, making effort to overcome my weakness in using computer software by putting talented people to good use and learning not to obsess about certain details. Finally, here is our first book, hot off the press printers. 

This is a collection of short stories revolving around the theme of the age 16, including the works of 15 students and mine. Everyone had to write and illustrate their story. In the process I repeated to the girls: My ex-classmates are in Bologna participating in the illustration fair. I don't want to publish terrible stuff here. Knowing they could meet my expectation, I had never stopped saying: You can do much better. No wonder today they finally admitted that I am a tough woman. 

去年在坎貝爾做團體作業時真是惡夢一場，設計這本書時我們大家集思廣益，決定主題概念後女孩們紛紛熱心地幫忙，很難想像團隊作業可以如此順遂美好，對於孩子們我的很感謝。

My group project in Camberwell last year was nothing but a nightmare. However, when designing this book, we brainstormed together. After deciding on the main concept, the girls helped each other with enthusiasm. It was hard to imagine that teamwork can be so smooth and beautiful. I am very thankful to my kids. 

雖然每個故事只有一千多字，我們在下筆之前就不斷討論，因為我大力推薦，所以大部份的學生寫的是親身經驗，然後每週有每週進度的討論，最後還有無數次校對，經過這四個月，好多人的生命都改變了，有些同學因為這件事面對過去的傷痛，也產生了自信心，而我對她們也更瞭解。而我應該是改變最大的人吧，我一直不屬於任何團體，這是第一次我和一群人同時有相同的目標，我不在乎自己給了多少，因為我也是其中一部份。

Though each story is no longer than 1500 words, we had discussions on the themes before we got down to work. That explains why most students wrote about their personal experiences (since I highly recommended it). There were also weekly talks before the girls finished the whole stories. Also, Sophy and I proofread the final version for numerous times. 

After these four months, many students' life had changed. Some of them chose to face their past wounds and through writing, they found remedy. Also, this project boosted their self-confidence. I got to know more about each of them. However, I should be the one that underwent the most change. I had never belonged to any group, but this was the first time I felt connected to some people because of a common goal. I didn't mind how much I'd given because after all I was part of the project. 

中間還有好多好多小故事，雖然我現在一時想不起來。下週等孩子們把作品放上部落格後，大家就可以好好品味十六歲的美麗。

Though I can't remember them all, there are so many stories during the process. Next week when the girls upload all the works to their blog, you are more than welcome to savor the beauty of 16....

The Star Is Twinkling / 星星還亮著

兩週前收到信誼繪本比賽未入圍的通知，心裡著實難過了一下，不過因為目前很認真地在籌備一本書，雖然沒有空畫圖，卻也沒有時間傷心太久。

Two weeks ago I received a letter from Hsin-yi Publishing House informing me that my work wasn't selected in the picture book contest this year. It did hurt. However, since I am busy preparing a book, I didn't have spare time for dwelling on my disappointment. 

我試著復原的同時，凱特提醒我倫敦的友人珊卓拉很喜歡我送件的「把我的星星還給我」。上週末在薛吉妹妹的新屋裡看到我之前寄的明信片像展覽一樣貼在牆上，看到自己繽紛熱情的過去。今天要離開學校之前，我和孩子們說也許明天可以趕印第一本書，她們的眼睛閃著光芒，蘇菲說：那將會是世界上第一本屬於我們的書耶！

While I was recuperating, Caterina reminded me that Sandra in London is a fan of my story Give My Star back to Me!. Last weekend I saw my past postcards shine on the walls of Shaggy's new place. They so reminded me of my colorful past. Today before leaving the office, I told the girls maybe we can get to see our first printed book tomorrow. Their eyes sparkled, and Sophy said, "That will be our first book in the world!"

當我一直很用力地閃著光亮或用力地拉著陷在黑暗裡的人，我的星星也照顧著我。我準備好重新再來，我就是要一直畫到別人都看到我的光亮。

When I go all out to shine for or pull those who are trapped in the dark, my stars are taking care of me. I am ready to start again, and I am determined to draw until the world sees my twinkles.

Why can't I / 我不能

因為我不想發脾氣，因為我想當成熟的人，於是有一天我問自己：為什麼我不能失控？失去這個能力也是很失衡的喔！

Because I don't feel like throwing a tantrum, because I want to always act mature, one day I can't help asking myself, "Why can't I lose my cool?" Isn't it unbalanced to lose the ability to lose control?

Gentle Rebel / 溫和的反骨

這個月底要幫學生出一本短篇故事集，主題是16歲，她們說要湊十六個故事，於是我也下海寫了一篇，為了找插畫的靈感，我研究自己十六歲拍的相片，不知道當時的我知不知道，我溫和的外表下是典型的大反骨啊！

My students and I are coming up with a collection of short stories at the end of this month. The theme is   the age of 16. They talked me into writing one too so that we will have 16 stories. It took me some time to study my photos taken at 16 for illustration references. I am wondering if I already knew that I was a gentle rebel then...