This week the weather turned cloudy and rainy. As a result, my mood suffered a drastic downturn since I am such a weather-oriented person. Plus, I probably imposed too much pressure on myself so that I started to have signs of dementia. I forgot the newly-bought sketchbook in the art supply shop. I left my student ID in the library without being aware of it at all, and I came near being blocked by the guard when I went to school two days later.
Before the crit on Thursday, I struggled to come up with six images, bearing in mind that I should put down my memory of the past summer break and express its feelings by appealing to the viewer's five senses. I felt drained by the end of Wednesday. There were still ample images in my mind, but I couldn't proceed because I didn't feel like repeating similar techniques or style. I wonder if it was the change in weather that caused everyone's fatigue on Thursday morning. Only one tutor Jake showed up. Lou, whom I know much better, was nowhere to be found. Jake wanted everyone to present his or her works in front of the whole class rather than group discussions like the past few weeks.
Though I was rather fatigued, I still took notes like mad. Jake is a talkative teacher, but his advice is plenty and helpful. His suggestions will do me much good when it comes to the images I am going to present during the following three days. Despite this awareness, I started to suffer a confidence crisis as we looked at more and more people's assignments. I had a strong feeling that my works are inferior. Especially when I saw images formed by super fine lines, I felt like hiding my Fauvist and Impressionist drawings.
To punish the students who were late, Jake wanted them to share their works first. In fact, I think the punishment should be not to look at their sketchbooks because then they wouldn't get any feedback. However, Jake thought most of us didn't want to show our own drawings. I don't think I did a brilliant job, but if I get advice, positive or negative, I will know how to improve. Unluckily, the free Jake didn't pay much attention to time, and I was among those who were forgotten. I was to blame too since I wasn't very active. Thus, my Thursday was about to end in darkness...
On my way home I walked with Vicky and Elie. While waiting for the bus with Vicky, I kind of figured out the whole thing. There was no point in pushing myself like this. I know better than anyone that I have to relax. When I am in good shape, I can make myself go very far. But I have to let go once I detect I am going downhill. I watched a silly TV drama for a whole evening and got a good night sleep. The next morning when I woke up, I was full of ideas again. Isn't life so simple like that...
This was the night when we were trapped in Lanyu by an approaching typhoon.
This picture looks terrible, but I think of it as a very good experiment. I was very afraid when diving in Lanyu. It's a fantastic experience, and I keep telling others that. However, the memory at the deepest level is about fear.
As a matter of fact, many images can be associated with my earlier entries of the past summer on the blog, but I added new elements. In the past summer, I kissed Yoyo, spent much time playing with Von and Kai. The morning when I drew this picture, it was raining. I guess one day these boys won't have a clear recollection of their childhood, but maybe deep down in one small corner, they will still remember me...
When we went to the mountains, Dad took a nap in the bamboo woods. I'd like to depict how the breeze felt at that moment. Only two people looked at my sketchbook on the sad Thursday. They were amazed by this drawing, but to be honest, I was disappointed. It took me months to practice the techniques so I could impress those who don't know much about Chinese ink painting. I would feel happier if they saw the breakthrough I made in the previous drawings.
I went to the giant tree forest with Dad and Mom in summer. To express the tactile feel of the bark without repeating what I had done before, this time I used the egg box and leaves I picked on the street as a kind of coloring medium.
Every time after I overuse media, I feel like going back to simply drawing. But this picture feels kind of empty. What do you think?
After I hit the lowest point, I'll bounce back to a very high peak as if I took drugs. I went to the seaside with Lee and Hui back in August. I hardly used pencils, but now I can't live without them. I find it amazing that I could do something like this totally from memory.
I had meant to draw Granny's pickled white gourds, but later it turned out to be so. I like it a lot myself.
I have many memories of hospital visits during summer break.
Several girls in my class love the dark styles, and I am more or less influenced by them.
This coming weekend I am going to finish my sketchbook at a steady yet relaxed pace. At least I have to be the only person that cares about my works. This evening Elie and a new friend Kitty invited me to go to a Halloween party, but I said I have to get up early to play badminton tomorrow morning. Well, I do have completely different life schedules than young boys and girls. Yet since I know I am kind of going down, I can use some exercise!