spring in autumn / 秋天裡的春天

在秋天的倫敦，我常有季節上的錯覺，每天早上起床迎接我的盛陽，讓我強烈感覺生命的美好，反倒沒有我預期的蕭條。

In autumn in London, I am often confused about seasons. The dazzling sunshine that welcomes me at the beginning of every day makes me so appreciate the beauty of living. Instead, the sentimental feel of fall hasn't settled in. 

我的學習大作戰持續中，本來嘉蕊覺得我每天早一個小時到去搶課有些誇張，但是到了第二天大家都知道要早到這個小秘密，果然書本裝訂課沒多久就額滿，接下來幾天要更早起才行。

My learning battle continues. Jazel found it exaggerating to arrive one hour early to sign up for courses, but by the second day this week, more and more people were aware of the competitiveness of these workshops. So the vacancies of the bookbinding course soon filled up. Oh, it looks like I will have to get up even earlier during the coming days. 

今天的講師是珍，她其實是芭芭拉多年前的老師，珍的風格非常溫柔細心，幫我們把所有材料都準備好了。

Today's lecturer was Jane, who was actually Barbara's teacher many years ago. Jane appears to be a very nice and considerate person. It can be judged by the material bag she prepared for everyone. 

這個星期上完每一堂課，講師們都會發學生會設計的課程回饋表給學生填寫，看來這裡的教育真的是服務業，不過我帶著東方溫良恭儉讓的美德來上課。

After each course this week, the lecturers give out feedback forms designed by the student union for students to fill out. I can tell that education here totally belongs to the service industry. Fortunately, I am from Asia, born with the virtues of politeness, respect, kindness and everything you can imagine. 

其它人安靜地工作時，我和嘉蕊邊做邊用中文聊天，很像歐巴桑在做手工藝品，這孩子也挺有趣的，常和我說藝術做得開心就好，我會語重心長和她說：你是要走這一行的人，從現在開始要改變觀念，不然以後會找不到工作。明明兩三個月前我和他是一樣的想法，這中間到底發生了什麼事？

While others were quietly stitching their books, Jazel and I chatted happily in Chinese like two middle-aged ladies making handicrafts at home. She is certainly a very young and innocent child. She told me: Art is all about doing what pleases you. I reply: If you are going to stay in this field, you have to think differently from now on. Or I am worried that you might not be able to land a job. Strangely, I shared her thought two or three months ago. What had happened? 

上了兩天的課，看到幾張重覆的臉孔，有些女孩一看就是那種非常開心、活在自己世界裡的愛蜜莉。而且大多數學生都有種不食人間煙火的美麗，不是特別亮眼，但長得真好看。

I saw some familiar faces which had also appeared in the printing workshop. Some girls appear to me the doubles of Amelie. I feel at first sight their pure joy of life and they certainly have their secret worlds in which imaginary creatures abide. Most art students have a kind of unworldly beauty. They are by no means eye-catching among crowds, but if you look long enough, you'll find them really good-looking. 

做完簡單的一本書，珍說其實重要的是書本裡的內容。

After we finished a simply-stitched handmade book, Jane said that what matters is the pictures and stories we put inside the book. 

書本裝訂雖然屬於小眾藝術，但當我想到這世界上有人如此努力在研究如何創造更多形式的書本，不禁覺得很感動。

Bookbinding isn't really a popular form of art, but when it occurs to me that there are people who spend their lives researching and inventing creative forms of books, I can't help feeling moved. 

在這裡美術材料不便宜，所以從學校帶回家的紙張，我都要好好珍惜。

Art supplies are far from cheap here, so I cherish all the paper and materials I bring home from the school. 

話說回來，我發現並不是每個人都像我這麼小家子氣，學校的某個角落有一堆外面每本售價四點五磅的精美雜誌，居然被隨意丟棄在地上。

On the other hand, not everyone is as "careful" as I am. On one corner of the school was a stack of exquisite magazines, each of which costs 4.5 pounds if you buy it. And they were strewn like trash... 

雖然下課後其他女孩紛紛去參加南岸的旅遊導覽，仲秋的午後我和嘉蕊決定回家煮晚餐。前幾天薆文問我定下來了沒，我想我好像進入不同於前兩週的新階段，生活作息很清楚，不會動不動就往外跑，沒有之前那樣興奮，不過身體因此得到休息。

After the course, other girls invited one another to join the tour of Southbank, but Jazel and I decided to go home for dinner on a sunny afternoon. A few days ago Ai-wen asked me if I had "settled down." I think I have entered a new phase. Now I have a fixed schedule, and I do not go out so often. Though I am not as excited as when I first came, my body is thus able to relax. 

傍晚，孩子坐在外頭聊天，我在書桌前寫書法，好久沒寫了，早上努力研究Illustrator的電腦字體理論，晚上我要練習真實的寫字。剛寫完看不清楚，以為自己寫得歪歪扭扭的，過了一會兒看還不錯。

In the evening, kids sat and talked outside. I was practicing calligraphy at my desk. I hadn't written it for a long time. In the morning I was reading the theory of typography and how to use Illustrator, but the evening time should be reserved for the real handwritten work. Right after I finished, I couldn't tell if these words were well-written. In fact, they seemed kind of slanted for me. But they are actually not so bad... 

要開始覺得有點寂寞時，想到要把空白的手工書畫一畫，涼爽的秋夜裡，我有外面的青春的喧鬧聲，電腦傳來的廣播電台音樂，還有筆畫在紙上的咻咻聲。這一年我會因為畫圖這件事，把我從一個人的苦悶裡拉出來，轉換到心境愉快的寧靜。

When I was about to fall into the trap of loneliness, it dawned on me to draw in the blank handmade book. On a cool autumn evening, I had the company of young people's partying din, radio music from the computer and the whizzing sounds of my pen on the paper. I believe that this year, the act of drawing will pull me out of the pit of being alone and taking me to a serene hill where I am bathed in the joy of my humble yet colorful existence. 

這本叫作「我」的無字書是為小方而寫的，只是很簡單的草稿。

This wordless book titled "ME" was inspired  by Von. It is only a very simple sketch for the time being. 

其實我根本只是為了寫左頁這句話。

My biggest motivation was actually to write the sentence on the left page: for my beloved Von and Kai. 

親愛的你不管在哪裡，也祝你秋天裡有著春天的心情。

My dear, no matter where you are, I wish you a lovely spring in autumn.