Relay game / 接力畫

今天和男孩們玩一個游戲，我先開始一張圖，他們必須畫得一模一樣，我們三個在書房裡排排坐，最後還搶起畫筆。

Today we try a new game, that is, I will start to draw a picture and the boys have to draw exactly the same as me. We sit in a row in the study. In the end, we even fight for the colored pencils. 

        這當中我有許多有趣的發現，例如說，楷維是數學腦，與其畫無限的橘子把畫面填滿，他採用直線排列，並且先數我畫了幾顆。

     In the process I have some intriguing discoveries. For example, Kai is a math person. Instead of following his instinct and filling the image with oranges, he draws in lines and even counts beforehand how many I have drawn. 

        我們輪流休息去。因為太好玩了，我們畫了快三個小時。

     We take turns taking a break. It's so much fun that we keep at the project for almost three hours. 

        我看到每個人的風格各異，我們一起開了很多玩笑，好久沒有這樣玩了呢！我在想，這樣的畫面會持續到男孩們幾歲呢？

     It's obvious that everyone has their distinctive styles. We even joke about one another's doodle. In fact, we haven't played like this for a long while. And how long will this kind of Sunday fun last? 

        我的人物有點胖胖的。

     My characters are always kind of chubby. 

        楷維的人物瘦瘦高高的，攤販老闆很有黑社會老大的感覺。

     Kai's figures are tall and thin. We tease him for drawing gangster-like vendors. 

        思維的人物很夢幻，比楷維的風格還天真。

     Von's figures are dreamy. I feel his style is even more child-like than Kai's. 

        上哪去找這麼可愛的孩子們呢？

     Where can you look for such lovely kids? 

My robot boyfriends / 我的機器人男友

My sunshine boys / 我的陽光男孩

雖然很想坦然面對自己，但最近感到一片迷惘。

Much as I want to face myself, I still can’t help feeling lost.

                我的白蘋果也於此時掛了。

     My white Macbook decides to crash at the same time.

                可是在男孩的塗鴉裡，我看到小小的火焰，讓我覺得也許再過幾天我就可以重新再來。

     However frustrated I am, I spot sparks of fire in the boys’ doodles, which whisper, “You can do it, you can do it all over again!” 

Miss Moon 2 / 思思與月亮 2

拖了三個月，我終於送印有名字的書檔，雖然只是小小的五個字，卻有非凡的意義。書印出來和老闆詢問印刷的問題，他說其實很多數位印刷的問題是大量印刷可以避免的，我說：再給我一點時間，有一天我一定有機會的。

I put off sending to print the book version with my name on it for three months. Though they are only five small words, they make a whole world's difference. When I pick the books, I inquire about some printing problems with the printing shop technician. He says many problems of digital printing can be avoided in traditional printing. I said, "OK, give me some time. I'll get the opportunity to have my work printed in huge numbers."

        我也在自己的書櫃裡了，想著我的書對其他世界級的繪本說：初次見面你好！

   I find myself in my bookshelf, imagining my book saying to other world-class books: Nice to meet you! 

        不知道有沒有機會和全世界說這本書的故事，是八歲的小方睡不著的故事，他在睡前總想著各種擔心，甚至擔憂以後會不會結婚，有自己的孩子，雖然我自己都還沒實現同樣的願望，我卻可以堅定地和他說，一定沒有問題的！朋友在試讀的時候紛紛說這是他們最喜歡的圖，我想其中有我無限的想望和祝福吧！

   I don't know if I'll get a chance to tell the world about the book. It's a story about the eight-year-old Von, who can't fall asleep. He tosses and turns at night because of all sorts of worries. He even worries if he'll get married and have his own children in the future. Though I am still single with no children, I have the firm faith that he will. When my friends read the book, they find the picture their favorite. I bet it's because they can feel my longings and best wishes too! 

相關故事 / related post entries: 

小方的生日禮物 / Von's eight-year-old birthday gift

楷維的監督 / Kai was a strict supervisor 

終於把書送出去了 /  I finally sent the book to the competition 

You are so hardworking! / 你好認真！

夏天答應為小方畫一個故事，因為不能失信於小孩，所以現在很努力地在實現我的諾言。四歲的楷維不用上學，哥哥在寫作業時，他常常來和我作伴，有一晚他看到我在畫繪本時，充滿真心的感嘆說：你好認真！我轉過頭回答：我是啊！想不到他也看得出來。

I promised to draw a story for Von this past summer, so I am spending every free minute I have on it. The four-year-old Kai still hasn't gone to school, so while Von is buried in homework, he often seeks for my company. One evening when I am working on the story, he makes a heartfelt remark: You are so hardworking! I feel like that there is finally someone who really understands how I feel. I turn to him and reply, "YES, I AM!"

        發想故事的時候隨心所欲，可是真的要畫一系列的圖時，需要的是意志力、理性和講究完美的要求，昨天讀到陳致元先生一年只生產一本繪本，就知道這個過程其實是考驗個性。

   It takes imagination to brainstorm in the beginning of writing a picture book, but when I get down to drawing a series of images, it requires willpower, rationality, and perfectionism. I read about the famous Taiwanese picture book artist Chen Chih-yuan yesterday. Accomplished as he is now, he produces a picture book a year on average. This is a process that is constantly testing me for if I do not feel balanced, I can't draw well. 

        我想，我可以的。

   Despite all odds, I think I can. 

Give me a story / 送我一個故事

今天是小方七歲生日，從他出生以來禮物已經送到不知道要送什麼了，我說：送你一個故事好嗎？他指定要有恐龍或變形金剛在故事裡。前幾個星期他見我坐在書房，喜孜孜地跑來問我：你在做什麼？我趕快拿出幾張草圖，他滿臉開心地回答：我就知道！

Today is Von's seven-year-old birthday. I am totally at my wits' end when it comes to his birthday gift, so I offer to write him a picture book. He is quite pleased with the idea, especially if there are dinosaurs or Transformers in it. A few weeks ago he saw me working in the study one morning, so he dropped by gleefully, asking, "What are you up to?" Sensing his hint, I took out the dummy immediately, and a smile broke across his face. "I knew it!" He uttered. 

        昨天托貝琳的福，去當一場童畫的評審，看低年級的作品，整個充滿孩童的光亮，就算畫不好也讓人覺得理所當然，到了中高年級組，我發現人生的挑戰真的是越來越艱辛，技巧要更熟練，卻又不能失去真摯的感情，不過優秀的作品裡卻藏著超級美麗的靈魂。

   Thanks to Beilin, I was asked to be a judge in a drawing competition for school children. When we went over the pictures of young kids, whether the works are excellent, they shine with the innocence of childhood. It totally makes sense to me if the drawings are not of good quality. However, as we moved to the images of children aged between 8-12, I realized that life has many challenges in store for those who really want to do well in art: For one thing, they have to better their drawing techniques. What's more, there has to be sincere emotion to convince the viewer. Hard as it is, I can envision the beautiful souls that lie behind the best drawings. 

        給親愛的小方：希望你的光芒不會隨著年歲增長消失！

   My birthday best wish for Von: I hope your glow won't fade as you age! 

Like the watermelon / 像西瓜一樣

小方的奶奶從台南帶了又大又黃的西瓜，我忍不住爲它畫一張圖，雖然夏天早已結束，但是那甜美滋味久久不散去。

Von's granny brought a giant watermelon from Tainan. Seeing the babe, I couldn't help drawing a sketch of it. Though summer was long over, I could feel its sweetness still lingering on.

小方看我把西瓜從冰箱搬到書桌上，十萬分專注地畫著，不禁說：汪達姨真的很愛畫圖呢！連吃的東西也想畫！我答道：它實在長得太漂亮了！

I moved the watermelon from the fridge to the study. As I was totally engrossed in drawing, Von exclaimed, "Auntie Wanda, you really love drawing. You can't stop yourself from drawing food!" I replied, "That's because it's so beautiful!"

但小方不知道的是，我們倆的愛都像西瓜ㄧ樣，充滿著清澈的重量。

But there is something Von doesn't know for the moment. Like the watermelon, his and my love is both weighty with seemingly-light transparency.

playing / 玩

這真是充滿試煉的一週，連我都覺得難以下嚥，還好回家總是有美麗的畫面舒緩人心。

This has been a trying week. Even I find it hard to swallow. Fortunately, there are always soul-comforting images waiting for me at home...

Anticipation / 期待

每天早上七點，思維起床的第一件事：坐在窗台上看爸爸媽媽的車從車庫開出來。這樣小小的動作讓我放不下鏡頭。

At 7 a.m. every morning, the first thing Von does after  getting up is looking down from the window to see off his parents. His lingering eyes and love make it impossible for me to take off the lens from his small body. 

Feedback / 回饋

小亮繪 / drawn by Liang

有時候我知道自己迷失在某個小細節，看不到全面的風景，但是總有外在的回饋讓我明白我是暫時的失明。

Sometimes I know I focus so much on a detail that I lose sight of the whole picture. But luckily, there is always feedback from the outside world that reminds me that I am only temporarily blind.

畫完「武士與小金龜」後，小亮媽一直和我說小亮和弟弟小柚因為這個故事有多開心，我把畫壞的部份送給小亮發揮，一看到他的作品我很清楚，他比我有才氣多了，這整個過程中我只是個媒介，我卻沒有因為被比下去難過，相反地我很高興自己可以這樣走進他的世界裡。亞得琳在旁邊幫腔說，之前在辦公室遇到小亮時，知道他不隨便和別人互動的，我下次想見到小亮本人，請媽媽有機會帶他來和小淳阿姨作朋友。

After I gave away the story The Warrior and the Ladybug to Liang, Emily has been telling me how much joy it has brought him and his younger brother Yo. I also attached some exercise sheets in the pack. Upon seeing his work, I knew he is way much more talented than me. I am no more than the medium in the whole process, but I do not feel discouraged because he outshines me. On the contrary, I am glad he let me in his world. Adeline couldn't help explaining how Liang does not accept people so easily, especially when she experienced that in person. I asked Emily to bring Liang to the office next time because I'd like to be his friend, the face-to-face kind.

美欽說我「認領」了很多孩子，他們長大之後會對我很好，好像不用等到以後，他們現在已經不斷地在給我回饋，這幾天和楷維在聽嚴爵的「暫時的男朋友」，我問他開玩笑要不要當我暫時的男朋友，他很爽快地說好，哥哥聽到之後很像錯過什麼肥缺地說：我也要當你的男朋友！這個小禮物會讓我溫暖很久很久⋯

Meichien said I "adopt" many children, and they will be my guardian angels after growing up. It looks like I won't have to wait until then. They have showered me with tons of feedback. When I was listening to Yen-j's "Temporary boyfriend" with Kai, I asked him jokingly if he wants to be my temporary bf. He said yes at a lightning speed, and when Von heard that, he offered to be my boyfriend as if he didn't want to miss such a precious opportunity. I think this gift will warm my heart for a long long time...

Stars / 小星星

媽媽在學攝影，讓兄弟倆當模特兒，我忍不住也拿出相機跟著胡亂拍。

Mom is learning photography. She lets the two boys pose for her. Seizing such a heavenly opportunity, I am tempted to take one shot after another too. 

之前嘉蕊和我爭說楷維沒有思維帥，但上帝是公平的，楷維有一種明星特質，他在鏡頭裡非常之迷人，可能是因為那股自在。這張照片比丹尼爾克雷格的劇照帥上一千倍。

Jazel often argued with me about who's the handsome one among the two kids. She voted for Von. However, God is fair. There is something about Kai that makes him stand out in photos, and I attribute it to his being at ease in front of the camera. Personally, I think he looks 1,000 times more charming than Daniel Craig in this photo. 

最近讀書一本接一本，心裡頭還是有填不滿的空虛感，不過幾張男孩的黑白照馬上就把洞填滿了，都是因為我的小星星。

Lately I've been an avid reader, but there is still a patch of blank I can't fill with words. Luckily, a few black-and-white photos attack that sense of emptiness and make me feel whole, all thanks to my little stars...

Dreaming of the amusement park / 夢中的兒童樂園

哥哥不能和我們去兒童樂園，所以回家之後我們在描述這趟旅行時總說：下午睡了一場午覺，夢到我們去兒童樂園玩⋯

Von can't make it to the amusement park together with us, so after the trip, this is how we describe the day: We have had a sweet nap this afternoon, and we dream of having so much fun in the amusement park...

楷維只有九十公分，所以我們只能連續搭咖啡杯。

Kai is only 90 cm tall, so we can only take coffee cup rides again and again. 

還搭了摩天輪。

We also take a Ferris Wheel ride.

回家之後我們有了新目標：我們要努力長高到一百公分，就可以搭輻射飛椅！

We are loaded with a new goal after going home: We are going to grow to more than 100 cm so that we can take the thrilling flying chair ride next time! 

Paddington Bears / 派丁頓家族

英國的回憶常常在一轉眼或一呼吸中跳出來，有一天我開始叫楷維「派丁頓小熊」，我還上網查了圖片讓他知道自己應該長怎樣，從那之後回到家只要在門外大叫：派丁頓小熊！就會有一個三歲的小孩很奮力地幫我把門推開。這時哥哥問：那我呢？很粗心的阿姨有時會以為哥哥比較成熟，對他的態度就隨便些，我隨口說：你喔！就泰迪熊好了。所以楷維一人推不動門時會大叫：泰迪熊你也來！

Often the memories of the UK jostle me at certain moments. One day I started to call Kai "Paddington Bear." I even showed him the images online to give him a better idea. After that, whenever I come home and call "Paddington Bear!" I will hear a three-year-old shuffle to open the door for me. Then Von asked, "What about me?" I tend to careless with him simply because I think he is elder and mature. I blurted out, "You...You are Teddy Bear." So when Kai can't manage to push open the door, he shouts, "Teddy Bear! Come help me!" 

派丁頓小熊是個小馬屁精，每天說甜甜的話逗得我們很開心，一晚他轉過來對我說：我是你的派丁頓小熊，你是我的派丁頓大熊！再加上那些「好漂亮！」「好厲害！」等等的稱讚，很難不開心。這個週末只不過要出遊兩天，出發前一晚睡前還依依不捨地對我說：我會想你。

Little Paddington Bear is a brown nose. Every day he intoxicates us with sweet talk. One night he said to me, "I am your Little Paddington Bear, and you are my Big Paddington Bear." No one can resist his sincere-sounding compliments such as "So beautiful!" "So good!" This weekend he is taking a two-day trip, and before going to bed, he infused so much feeling into the sentence "I'll miss you!" after saying night night to me. 

可是除了這些，派丁頓小熊時不時也會冒出非常了不起的人生話語，某天他對爸爸說：後退就是前進，前進就是後退⋯然後我就拿這些話去輔導十五歲的女孩。

Apart from these, Little Paddington Bear sometimes comes up with very philosophical words. One day I heard him saying to his dad, "Taking a step back is actually a move forward and vice versa." Then I  found myself saying the same words to fifteen-year-old girls.

相對之下，哥哥有點離我們而去的感覺，小方本來就是個成熟的孩子，現在說話更像大人，對於我的一些舉動他會保留意見，因為我的背景電台從來不是說中文的，這星期格外想念法文，放了一周的法國文化電台節目，弟弟會跟著我喃喃念不懂的語言，哥哥則說：你怎麼老聽這些東西？那神情根本就是爸爸的翻版，他接著說：你之後要去法國嗎？你不要再離開了，我會很想你。難怪我被楷維灌迷湯之際，愛雪會說：小方是實在的好青年。只是這句話用來形容六歲的小孩很怪。

By contrast, Von seems to be farther away from us now. He's always been a mature child, and even so now. He reserves his opinions on some of my acts. For example, I always listen to podcast in other languages than mandarin, and since I really miss French, I've listened to a French culture radio program for a week. Kai will repeat what he doesn't understand after me, but Von says, "How come you always listen to such stuff?" He looks to me the splitting image of his dad at that moment. He then goes on, "Are you going to France afterwards? But I don't want you to go away anymore because I will miss you a lot." No wonder whenever I get carried away by Kai's praise, Mom always inserts her comment, "Well, Von is a down-to-earth good guy." I find it weird to describe a six-year-old in this way though. 

最後我們想了個辦法：把哥哥變成派丁頓中熊，這樣我們三個就可以組成派丁頓家族。大熊的心願就是小熊們不要那麼快長大⋯

In the end we figured out a way--turning Von into Middle Paddington Bear, so we could form the Paddington family. The biggest wish of Big Paddington Bear is that the small bears do not grow up so fast...

On the defense / 心防

這週終於要開始新的繪本計畫，本來有點不知如何起頭，不過因為主角是武士，我請男孩們擺出各種姿勢讓我拍照。有趣的是，兩個人搶著當武士，尤其是楷維，不太喜歡當受害者，我只好親自示範，最後大家玩得不亦樂乎。

I am finally starting my new picture book project this week. I was kind of at a loss, but since the main character is a warrior, it occurred to me that I could ask the boys to pose for me. Interestingly, they both fought to be the warrior, especially Kai. However, I needed the reference of victims as well. In the end I had to demonstrate in person, and we really had a blast.

今天一整天讀了關於心防的故事，接到的電話也有關心防的故事。有人放下了，有人正在掙扎，心防和喜不喜歡一個人是沒有關係的，就是情份未到，我都明白。但不論如何，我要當我漂亮的、開朗的、平靜的36歲女生。

I read a story about being on the defense, received a phone call about being on the defense today. Someone let down the wall, while someone else is still struggling. We might like a person while being on the defense against him or her. It's just that we do not know each other well yet. I understand it all, but whatever your problem is, I will go on being a beautiful, extrovert, and peaceful 36-year-old big girl.

36

今天是三十六歲的第一天，早上和太陽一起醒來，看著窗外映進來的陽光，我知道今天會和我一樣又溫暖又明亮。

Today is the first day of the 36th year in my life. I woke up in the morning with the sun. Seeing the orange light reflected from outside, I know that today will be as warm and bright as me.

如果說每一歲生日都有個主題，對我來說今年是感恩的一年。從倫敦回來之後，到處遇見的人們一直讓我知道我有多美好的人生，我有很疼愛我的家人和好友；我有兩個超可愛的寵物男孩；我有實現夢想的勇氣；我有成長的動力；我有好玩的工作；我有最愛的熱情；我有愛人的能力，所以在生日前我很努力把我所擁有的給出去。

If there is a theme for every birthday, for me, this year it is gratitude. Since coming back from London, people I run into everywhere have constantly reminded me what a beautiful life I have. I have a very loving family and friends, two super adorable pet boys, the courage to fulfill my dream, the motivation to change for the better, a fantastic job, passion for drawing and most of all, the ability to love. Thus, I set the goal to pay it all forward before my birthday. 

我請男孩們幫我畫生日卡，我們邊畫圖邊唱歌，從英文的「我的愛永不變」到法文的小王子主題曲到義大利文的「你想當美國人」，最後索幸跳下椅子跳舞，一面重複著l'americano，楷維幫我畫蛋糕畫到很累，還要深呼吸，最後我和他開玩笑說：汪達姨很苦命耶，哪有人畫自己的生日蛋糕的？

I asked the boys to draw birthday cards for me. We drew and sang, from George Benson's Nothing's Gonna Change My Love for You in English to De Planete en Planete, the theme song for the cartoon The Little Prince in French, to Tu Vuo Fa L'Americano in Italian. In the end we all jumped from our chairs to swing, repeating the word l'americano like mad. Kai was so exhausted from drawing my cake that he had to take a deep breath from time to time. I joked with him, "Auntie Wanda feels very bitter about having to draw her own birthday cake." 

思維說要畫一隻馬，他不在時小馬可以陪我，結果他把馬畫成恐龍了，思維還不會寫國字，所以我們倆合力寫下他對我的祝福。

Von said he wanted to draw a horse, which can accompany me when he is not around. In the end the horse turned out to be a dinosaur. Von hasn't learned how to write Chinese characters yet, so we two wrote together down his best wishes for me. 

謝謝很多小天使，送給我真摯的問候，我很幸福。

I also want to thank many guardian angels of mine for their sincere greetings. I know I am so blessed...

Wanda's art class 12 / 汪達的美術課 12

不知道從什麼時候開始，汪達收集越來越多的處女座朋友，所以從八月底沿路到九月，我們的美術課生日卡業務相當蓬勃，不過因為我也是難搞的處女座，當然是VIP級的家人和友人才能得到我們的手繪卡。

I have no clue since when I have collected more and more Virgo friends, so since the end of August, we have been rather busy making birthday cards in our evening art class. However, since I am also one of the difficult Virgo babies, only our VIP family and friends can have the privilege to get our handmade cards. 

薛吉姐姐收到這兩張卡片時都快哭了，這些線條不能被複製，孩子們一直長大，它們紀錄了男孩們童稚的真心。

When Shaggy received these two cards, she was on the brink of tears. True, as the boys grow up at a light year speed, these lines record their best wishes of a specific moment. They can't be replicated. 

接下來要為男孩們的阿嬤畫卡片，小方畫了有翅膀的外婆，我們在她生日的前一晚把卡片快遞到她心裡。

Next the boys drew cards for their granny. Von drew a lovely grandma with wings. We sent the cards to her heart on the night before her birthday. 

那誰來當我的小天使呢？

Who is going to be my guardian angel?