class / 階級

十二年前剛去美國時，會因為好奇去參加宿舍的派對，但我並不是個喜歡跑趴的人，所以之後能免就免去，除非同學和我說，當天包吃包喝。

When I first went to the States 12 years ago, I would attend parties held by the dorm mates out of curiosity in the beginning. But I am by no means a party animal. Afterwards, I did my best to stay away from any party unless my classmates told me that I could get a free meal including cheese and wine.

週六晚上Brooke Hall辦了個趴，雖然我性不喜喧鬧場合，我深知出席的必要性，不然我應該很快就會在宿舍裡掉入孤獨的淵藪。

There was a mingling party in Brooke Hall on Saturday evening. Though I always feel ill at ease in parties, I was deeply aware of the necessity for me to show up or I'd soon fall into the abyss of isolation in this hall.

接近派對的時間，我這棟的年輕男孩忙進忙出的，我老坐在窗前不太好意思，便拎著我要貢獻的零食打開門，問男孩需不需要幫忙，他沒有拒絕，卻也沒說要做什麼，我尷尬地走進交誼廳，坐在沙發上看電視的兩個洋妞也不知道要和台灣阿姨說什麼，我把零食擺好之後，只好東看看西瞧瞧，還企圖和女孩們一起看電視，只見場面更加笨拙，我只好默默轉身離開。

As the party was about to start, I saw the boys in my building come back and forth. I felt guilty about always sitting at my desk without contributing anything, so I grabbed my munchies, opened the door and asked him if he needed a hand. He didn't turn me down, but he didn't tell me what to do. Thus I slowly walked into the common room with embarrassment. The two white girls sitting on the sofa watching TV had no clue what to say to a Taiwanese auntie. After putting down the snacks, I pretended to look around, even attempting to sit down and watch TV with them. Well, we were all devoured by the awkward silence, so I figured it might be a relief for me to leave.

幸好派對開始之際，出現了一群比較成熟的女生，看來很像派對的總企劃。雖然我這個晚上已經有了失敗的記錄，但我不氣餒。

Fortunately, when the party began, a group of mature girls appeared outside the common room. I wondered if they planned everything. Though I had tasted failure this evening, I was far from discouraged.

朋友們都知道我不喝酒，可是當下大家一片和樂，主辦人遞了瓶啤酒過來，我二話不說就拿起來喝，之後新加坡小妞問我是不是要配合才喝，我很老實地承認，我的隨和度在這十天之內根本翻了一百倍。就像J和我説的，很多人抽煙有部份原因是為了打入某些圈圈，那倒是，看我窗前每天聚集的小煙槍就知道了。

Friends know that I don't drink at all, but the ambience at that moment was so jolly. When the party planner passed me a bottle of beer, I took it without any hesitation. Afterwards, my new acquaintance missy Singapore asked if I did that to look nice, I admitted to her the truth. I was already a pretty easygoing person in the past, but now I am definitely the champion in the competition for the most easygoing lady in the world, or in the universe. Like what J told me, many people smoke not purely because they have to live on it. Another reason is that it's a means for them to mingle with certain people. I totally agree with her, and the young smokers that gather in front of my window several times a day are the best proof to support her argument. 

在派對上只和兩個東方女孩說了話，與其和一大群人言不及義，我想要認真地認識一個人，所以最後只結交了台灣女孩查米妹。果然我的惡夢成真，她的年齡是我的一半，我都可以當人家媽了，但我還是要維持一派優雅，不洩露歐巴桑面對年齡震憾的恐慌。查米已經開學了，她和我大概說了上課的情形、作業的形式，後來我們又談到生活瑣事，她是個很特別的孩子，明明只有十七歲，居然生活作息和我差不多，煮飯也盡量少油少鹽，這應該是上帝安慰我的方式，說年齡不一定是距離。

I talked most of the time to only two Asian girls in the party. Instead of being in a group, I prefer to get to know a person well. In the end, I spent most of the time conversing with Charmy, a Taiwanese teenager. My nightmare finally became the reality. She is half my age, which is to say, I can be her mom. Still, I had to keep my facade of elegance instead of revealing any sign of panic that a middle-aged woman feel when compared with a relatively young female. Charmy's term has started. She told me about the courses and assignments. Later we got to everyday lives. She is certainly a very special kid. Though she is only 17, she keeps good hours like me. Also, she maintains a light diet. I guess God was trying to comfort me, sending the message that age won't necessarily form any huge gap. 

但我們之間有最大的差別，我可以感受查米來自很優渥的家庭，而我要求自己自立自強。

However, there is a very gigantic difference between us. I had the feeling that Charmy comes from a very well-off family while I request myself to be financially independent. 

過去的十天裡我像搭階級升降機，見識了一些倫敦的生活階級，我不會刻意區分，可是我處處可以感受到，對我來說，除了學校裡會有很多富家小孩之外，我還有學校以外的社交圈。我不屬於任何一層，因為如果以我每個月可以花費的數目來看，我算是第一級貧戶，我不想賦與感情或慾望於其中之一，相反地，和不同人交誼時，我盡量用無偏見的觀點體驗他們的人生。

Over the past ten days, I have been taking this class elevator up and down, witnessing some classes in the London society. For me, I will be exposed to not only kids from wealthy families at school but also social circles outside the school. I don't belong to any class because seriously speaking, given the expenses I can afford per month, I will definitely be eligible for government pension. Being able to define my position, I do not attach emotion or desire to any class. On the contrary, when socializing with different people, I do my best to experience their lives without formerly-formed bias. 

我當然明白物質生活的重要，可是我這幾個月常問自己，如果拿走了我日常生活中固定的某些元素，我還能生存嗎？例如說，我不能隨心所欲地買繪本，會覺得很痛苦嗎？定形沒有不好，可是我也想走出我的舒適地帶，看我的潛能有多少。

I, of course, understand the importance of material life. But over the past few months, I've often posed the question, "If certain materials I am so used to in life were taken away, would I survive?" For example, would I feel bad about not buying picture books as freely as possible? I am not against a fixed pattern of life; yet, I want to walk out of my comfort zone to see what I am capable of. 

有些樓友發現我每天洗澡洗到被燙傷，很羨慕地說：一定是你把熱水用完，因為你第一個起床，有無限的熱水使用量，我那裡要等十分鐘才有熱水可用。我當下不禁想：我從來到英國之後的經歷，套多明尼克的話，我簡直就是中大獎了，連查米看起來也很羨慕我住一樓、付標準房的錢卻住大房、還得到PK的大獎，換算成階級，我一定是Brooke Hall的上流社會。

Some floor mates found that I am almost burned by the boiling hot shower water every day, saying to me with green envy, "You must be the person that uses up all the hot water because as the first person to wake up in the morning, you have access to unlimited hot water." When I looked back on what had happened to me during the past ten days, I literally "hit the jackpot," quoting from Dominic. Even Charmy envies me for getting a ground-floor room, having a large room with the expenses of a regular room, not to speak of PK's big prize. If I translate this all into the class system, I must be the upper class in Brooke Hall. 

一邊和查米聊天，一邊偷偷觀察交誼室的人，我不知道他們是不是和我一樣，說到跳舞就變得很拘謹，可是內心有火熊熊燒著，總之這是一個很靜態的趴，明明電子音樂震耳欲聾，頂多只有一個high咖扭動身體一兩下，熱情就被旁邊的人澆熄了。

While chatting with Charmy, I secretly observed others in the common room. I don't know if they were as prim as me when it comes to dancing, yet with fire burning inside them. Anyway, this was a very sedentary party. The techno music killed our ears,  but there was only a hyper girl moving to the music for a few seconds. Her passion was then extinguished by the overpowering force of others' stillness. 

查米離開之後，不是很想啃零食的我心想，來都來了，就喝罐免費的可樂。看人潮慢慢離開，我也要打道回府，打開門一看，哇，外面還有一大群圍坐成圈圈的戶外趴。

After Charmy left, I grabbed a pack of snacks though I didn't feel especially hungry. I thought since I was there, I might as well drink a free can of coke. Watching people go away in twos and threes, it was time for me to go back to the room. Upon opening the door, I was gobsmacked to see another HUGE ring of kids sitting outside, right in front of my window. 

進房之後很想運動，便開了Youtube用少女時代的教唱帶，此時窗簾外是少男少女的狂歡時光，而窗內是大嬸的扭動時間，誰說我們有年齡的階級之分？

After coming home, I felt the need to exercise, so I got on to Youtube, dancing to SNSD's song. At that instant, outside the window the kids partied on, but inside it my hot dancing hour. Who says there is a class difference of age between us? 

派對結束後的第二天早晨，我泡了來英國的第一杯早餐茶，照片有氤氳繚繞之感，此時用力開趴的孩子們還在周公的懷抱裡‧‧‧

The following morning after the party, I got up at 7:30 am and made my first cup of English breakfast tea. You can feel the warm air even by looking at the picture. As for the party-goers, they were still in the embrace of sleep... 

後記：畫完第三張圖我才想到，之前用小蕙為我從泰德帶回台灣的空白明信片，也是畫和小方在房間裡狂舞的畫面。

PS: After I finished the 3rd image, it occurred to me that I drew something similar, with me and Von dancing crazily in my room, on the blank postcard of Tate that Hui had brought back to Taiwan for me.