etching / 蝕刻版

今天早上一起床，原來的我回來了，雖然最近她常常出走。我貼了張條子在書桌前，寫著：開心地畫圖，沒錯，至少我用的是一張高達2.65磅的紙，我如果還不開心，真是暴殄天物。

This morning when I woke up, I retrieved my self, though lately she has left me quite often. I posted a note on the wall in front of the desk, which says, "Draw with a happy heart!" Indeed, I am using expensive paper, which costs 2.65 pound each. If I were still reluctant, I would be wasting God's good will.

這是上週五做的蝕版刻，我昨天某個點和畫室裡的孩子說，等這個功課做完，我很久不會看羅密歐與茱麗葉，我才剛說完，蘿拉也說了同樣的話，然後艾登說，以後他的小孩也不准在他面前提這齣戲。

These are the etchings from last Friday. Yesterday at a point, I told the kids in the studio that I won't watch Romeo and Juliet for another ten years after we wrap up this project. Right after I finished, Laura made the same comment. Then Aidan said that even his children can't mention the play in the future. 

我現在果然如小蕙說的，畫玫瑰畫到快靈魂出竅了，不過怎麼說它都是我最愛的花啦！今年就剩一個月，可以這麼過是很奢侈的‧‧‧

As Hui said, now I am drawing roses like mad. Well, but they are still my favorite flowers. Since we are sailing into the last month this year, I have to admit that it is a super luxury to lead my life this way...

Have you? / 你是否？

休息了一個週末，我知道今天皮要繃緊了，所以一早把畫具款款就趕快進畫室。大家寒喧前兩天的社交活動，我正要動工時，旁邊的艾登突然用很誠懇但有些苦惱的語氣坐下來對我說：你是否有種感覺，覺得看到別人畫的都比自己好？我轉過去很無耐地回答：你對我說這話真是找對人。他拿出剛買的一本漫畫全集翻給我看，說多想要裡面的線條和風格，我把上週的經驗和他分享，他又拿出海報的草稿，我和他說，我們都被困住了，其實前幾週德瑞克還稱讚他畫得很不賴，艾登的線條有種速度感，而且看這個人的圖會了解他很有想像力，我把最近大家和我說的話拿出來用在他身上：你只能做帶有自己風格的東西。

After taking a pause from my project during the weekend, I was very aware of the remaining time on my hand. This morning I packed my drawing kits without delay before going into the studio. We kind of caught up on the previous weekend, and when I was about to start, Aidan sat down to talk to me in a very sincere yet troubled tone: Have you ever felt that others' works are much better than yours? I turned to him in total agreement: Tell me about it...He took out a collection of comics he just had bought, saying how much he wanted the lines and styles of the artists. I couldn't help sharing with him my experience last week. Then he thumbed through his own sketches for the project. I told him that we are both trapped. In fact, several weeks ago Derek gave him a compliment on how well he draws. There's something spontaneous about Aidan's lines, and you'll find him to be very imaginative upon seeing his works. I encouraged him with the words that friends had been showering upon me lately: You can only produce works in your own style.

轉回頭之後，我完全忘記我剛才說的話，試了好幾種媒材我都不喜歡，而且我不確定別人是否懂我的新圖像，撐到了下午，我對助教麥克說我必須和他談談，雖然我已經決定回頭做玫瑰的意象，他問到我之前的圖，我把上週的手機想法給他看，他也是很直接地說他不喜歡。這件事我已經接受了，令我苦惱的是新圖，還好他很快就幫我想出新的敘事方法，再加上這已經是最後階段，他替大家想可以立即修正的方式。

After I turned back to my work, I had completely thrown behind what I said. I experimented with several media, but I didn't like the results. Besides, I had a new image which I was not sure if the viewer understands. I tried to make it on my own until the afternoon, but I felt I should turn to Mike for help. I had come back to the rose image, but he asked me about the previous choice. I thus showed him the cell phone idea, and he said very directly that he didn't like it. I could live with that with no problem. In fact, I was more worried about the new image. Fortunately he figured out another narrative form for me. Since this is already the final stage, he tried to figure out quick ways to modify everyone's ideas.

傍晚時我想了一整天發生的事，我最近處於不是很確定自我的狀態，我已經計劃好最後用原稿手繪呈現，但在畫室中聽到大家紛紛說要去印刷行輸出數位圖像，我又開始動搖，雖然我很明白印刷出來的作品和電腦上看到的還是有出入，我不如呈現最原始的手繪感。可能我太久沒有經歷不確定感，我有些慌了手腳，不過我想這是上帝要我學習被照顧，讓我學著在走到極限時向別人求救。

In the evening I looked back on what had happened today. I've been in a state of uncertainty lately. I planned to present the poster in the form of the original drawings, but upon hearing that so many classmates would like to print out their PDF files, I started to oscillate. I knew that the output will look different from the computer version based on last week's experience, so I might as well present the hand-drawn feel of the originals. I haven't experienced that uncertainty for too long, so I panic easily. However, I figure this is God's message of wanting me to learn being taken care of, to learn to turn for help when I've reached my limits.

今早上學途中發現樹上掛著捕夢網，不知是誰放上去的。這幾天曉寧和豆豆相繼和我說她們看了我的畫總是會心一笑，我在追夢的過程中慢慢地忘記我是誰了，幸好她們提醒我，我和自己說，不列印也沒關係，但是要帶著愉快的心把作品畫出來。

On my to school this morning, I found this dreamcatcher on a tree. I wondered who had put it up there. Over the past few days Ning and Bean have reminded me how my drawings make them smile. I guess I have gradually forgotten who I am while I am after my dreams. Thanks to their reminder, I tell myself that I don't have to print out my posters, but I have to draw them with gladness. 

這週是學期的倒數第二週，很多人沒來畫室裡畫畫，很多人中午就走了，到了下午只剩下一些人，隔壁的艾登不時唱起歌，另一桌的蘿拉說她覺得自己是三十五歲，我說那是我的年齡耶，艾登說不要開玩笑了，之後居然接著說，你是永恆的。蘿拉說他在和你調情，我揶揄艾登說：不會跟你女朋友說啦！艾登又說：真希望有一天別人問我是做什麼的，我可以回答我是插畫家。我們聽了都心有戚戚焉，對啊，不只是自己畫爽而已。其實我在畫室裡多少感受到緊張的氣氛，但這些邊畫圖邊亂說話的片刻是我很珍惜並且想要記住的。

This is the second last week of the term. Many people didn't show up in the studio, and some left around noon. In the afternoon only a handful of us remained. Aidan couldn't help singing, and Laura said she feels like 35. I said, "That's my age!" When Aidan heard it, he exclaimed, "No way!" He went on to say, "You are timeless!" Laura said that he was flirting, and I teased him by saying, "Oh, I won't tell Becky (his girlfriend)." He went on, "I hope one day when people ask me what I do, I can say that I am an illustrator." We all relate to that because we want more than please ourselves. In fact, I always get tense after having spent a day in the studio, but these moments of doodling and mumbling nonsense at the same time are what I cherish and want to bear in mind. 

不知道那個捕夢網是不是已經有人許願了，如果沒有的話，我先說：你好，我是插畫家，有賺錢的喔！

I wonder if anyone has made any wish on that dreamcatcher. If not, I'd like to say, "Nice to meet you. I am an illustrator, and I live on drawing." 

return plane tickets to London / 倫敦來回機票

我在部落格的統計資料裡可以看到陌生人是如何找到我的部落格，今天看到搜尋的關鍵字有「分手禮物」，可是我的那篇po文說的不是和情人分手的禮物。今天下午去米亞田野公園散步時，幫這位苦惱的同學想到了答案，如果你要和情人分手，請送他或她兩人倫敦來回機票和住宿費，在友人的陪伴下，他會發現這個城市太美麗太有趣，很快就會忘了你給的傷痛。

I can see how strangers stumble upon my blog in the blog statistics. Today I saw the keywords "goodbye presents." Well, but in that entry, it is not about what gifts to give to ex-lovers. This afternoon when I went for a walk in Myatt's Fields Park, I thought of a perfect answer for the stranger inflicted by the question. If you are to break up with someone, please give him two sets of return plane tickets to London and cover all the expenses. In the company of a good friend, your ex will find this city too beautiful and too fantastic to remember you.

Quentin Blake / 昆丁布雷克

安得烈法朗史瓦繪 / painted by Andre Francois

十一月初得知昆丁布雷克會出現在法國文化協會舉辦的南肯辛頓兒童節慶時，我立刻訂了票，昆丁和大衛麥奇─彩色拼貼象艾默的作者，討論法籍匈牙利裔畫家安得烈法朗史瓦。當時還想了要做什麼特別的禮物送給昆丁，我的腦海中充滿瑰麗的想法。

In early November when I learned that Quentin Blake would appear in the South Ken Kids' Festival hosted by Institut francais, I booked right away the ticket for his speech with David McKee, the author and illustrator of Elmer the patchwork Elephant. Then I was full of all sorts of fantastic ideas on what present I could make for Quentin.

誰知這幾個星期內我除了準備功課，根本沒有多餘的時間，所以我拖到今天早上很努力地把握時間做了一張卡片，主題是有關我夏天去明池看到的一棵樹，讓我想到昆丁的一本書─綠色的船。

However, only God knew that during the past three weeks, apart from preparing for the Romeo and Juliet project, I didn't have any spare time for even doodling. I didn't start making a card for Quentin until this morning. The theme is about a tree that I saw in Min-che this past summer. It reminded me of Quentin's book The Green Ship.

昆丁是我的偶像，不過還有另一個很重要的原因，下學期的作業是要去訪問四個業界的人士，我很想要訪問昆丁，所以把我的意圖寫在最後。

Quentin is my idol, but another important reason is that next term we have to interview four practitioners. I want very much to interview him, so I wrote my intention at the end of the letter.

因為座位的關係，我拍照無法拍到大衛先生，不是我故意忽略他。我也非常喜歡今天的主題畫家，兩位講者都說到，法朗史瓦教他們的是如何奔放地畫畫，他的畫有種無懼的特質，對他而言畫圖是呈現主題的感覺，而非比例的精準，他的插畫雖然常出現在雜誌和海報，卻有純美術的風格。我在這個點聽到這些話很適合，因為最近我放不太開，對自己也沒有信心，聽到另一派隨感覺畫圖的人，讓我再度想起自在是很重要的。昆丁和大衛都是比較偏想像畫風的插畫家，所以像大衛雖然有畫速寫的習慣，他說速寫的內容不會直接出現在他的創作當中。

Because of my seat, I couldn't include David in my photo, not that I ignored him on purpose. I also love the discussed artist Andre Francois. Both illustrators mentioned that Francois taught them a license of freedom. There's something fearless about his works. For him, painting is more about presenting how something feels rather than the anatomy. Though his illustrations appeared often in magazines and posters, there is a fine art quality in his works. It was really the right time for me to hear these words. Lately I have had problems letting go, and I haven't had much confidence in myself either. Hearing that some artists paint how they feel, I recalled the importance of feeling at ease when drawing. Quentin and David are both more into imaginary drawings. David said that he keeps the habit of drawing in sketchbooks, but his sketches don't appear directly in his works. 

大衛麥奇手繪信封 / envelope drawn by David McKee 

排對等簽書時，前面的媽媽和小男孩是我班上同學潔絲的家人（或朋友），媽媽很認真地拿出小男孩要送給昆丁的畫，我暗自高興這樣我等一下的行為就不會太突兀，小男孩想當插畫家，媽媽替他問要怎樣才能當，昆丁說：你要每天畫畫，如果你喜歡的話。這整個場面真的很可愛，昆丁是英國插畫界的教父，可是整個人看起來很樸實，不認得他的人大概會覺得他就是個普通的老先生，可是他不只如此。

While I was waiting in queue to get my book autographed, the mother and the son in front of me are either family or friends of my classmate Jess. The mother took out a drawing done by the little boy, which was meant as a gift for Quentin. I was secretly glad that he helped me pave my road so that I wouldn't appear weird in doing something similar later. The mother said the little boy would like to be an illustrator, and she asked for him how he could achieve that. Quentin replied, "You have to draw every day, if you like it." The whole scene was very lovely. Quentin is the godfather in the British illustration industry, but he looks very down-to-earth. For people who can't recognize him, he is no more than an ordinary old gentleman, but of course he is more than that. 

輪到我時，我趕緊送上卡片，他立刻打開信封來看，我和他解釋我看到那棵樹時馬上想到他的書，我說我是坎貝爾的插畫系學生，我要謝謝他總是激勵我，他說他現在沒教書了，對坎貝爾比較不熟，我說畫圖比較好玩啦！我很高興他沒有翻到最後看我的文字，和他見面之後，突然覺得這樣就夠了，最後沒有訪問到他也沒關係，因為我已經在倫敦，見到我最喜歡的插畫家了。

When my turn came, I gave Quentin the card immediately, and he opened it for a look. I explained to him that his book came to mind when I saw the tree. I told him that I am an illustration major in Camberwell. I also want to thank him for inspiring me. He said that he isn't teaching now. He used to know Camberwell better. I went on to say that it's more fun to draw than to teach. I was glad that he didn't read my words on the back of the card. After meeting him in person, I suddenly felt that it was more than enough, even if I didn't get to interview him next term. After all, I am in London and I have met my favorite illustrator! 

走去V&A博物館的路上，從地下道走進自然歷史博物館的門前廣場，有個很特別的驚喜，是閃亮的旋轉木馬在冷冷的冬日裡起舞著！這就像倫敦生活在我人生裡的意義，不管以後我會不會在插畫方面有什麼發展，至少我盡力了，也非常幸運，雖然接下來可能還有數十年的日子，我沒有任何的遺憾了。

On my way to V&A Museum, I climbed from the tunnel to the square in front of Natural History Museum. An amazing surprise was waiting for me--the shiny carousel spinning on a cold winter day! It is what days in London mean to me in my life. Whether I'll make it or not in illustration, at least I've done my best and I am also blessed. Though I am only halfway through life, I can say I have no regret... 

the mighty cockroach / 打不死的蟑螂

今天去印刷工作坊沿路上，看到好多美麗的風景。

On my way to the etching workshop today, I saw so many lovely tableaux of people. 

對街有個媽媽在安慰傷心的孩子，等我把相機拿出來時，已經錯過母親為小朋友擦眼淚的那一幕。

Across the street was a mother consoling her sad child. By the time I took out the camera, I had missed the scene in which she wiped away his tears. 

老夫婦的正面照比背影還美，但是我不想嚇他們到心臟病爆發。

The front view of the old couple would be way more moving than their back shot, but I didn't feel like scaring them to heart attacks. 

女孩蓄勢待發準備好好跑一場。

The girl was ready for a good jog. 

和我一樣要去上學的男孩。

A boy was on his way to Camberwell School of Arts like me. 

這是印刷室裡我最喜歡的作品之一。

This is one of my favorite works in the printing areas. 

還有個很棒的驚喜，今早把宇珍送我的生日禮物拿出來使用，我一直以為裡面是橫條筆記紙，居然是空白頁，這對畫圖的人很重要。封面是我在「小王子」書中最愛的引言─最重要的是眼睛看不見的一切。

There was another fantastic surprise. When I opened Olivia's birthday gift for me this morning, I was so happy to find that it is not ruled notepaper inside. Instead, it's blank paper. This is so important for someone who draws. On the cover is one of my favorite quotes from The Little Prince--The essential things are invisible for the eyes. 

我已經恢復了，我給自己休息的時間，但回家路上想到要重做的作業，不禁又興奮起來，在我腦裡我大約可以預想它們的樣子，不過我要等我完全恢復元氣，再加上明天見了我的偶像之後再說吧！

I have bounced back. I gave myself some time off, but on my way home this evening, I couldn't help feeling thrilled upon thinking of the modified version of my assignment. In my head I could foresee how they will look. But I want to wait until I completely recuperate and meet my idol tomorrow...

the middle point / 中間點

上一篇網誌說到我忙了一整個週末，在週日晚上和嘉蕊用餐時，她問我為何不用老師和同學建議的想法，我本來脫口而出說，我不是很懂他們的重點，但這麼說的那一刻，我突然想通了，因為之前為了玫瑰湊合出來的圖像仍舊牽強，本來我都要翹腳休息了，卻在週日晚上犧牲看愚蠢偶像劇畫新的草圖。

In my last entry, I mentioned how I was totally dedicated to my first idea during the weekend. On Sunday evening when I dined with Jazel, she asked me how come I didn't give a second thought to the idea picked by Lou and my classmates. I blurted out, "I don't quite get their point," and on saying that, I figured it out. After all, the new images I produced to go with the rose image are not so closely linked to it. I had planned to take Sunday evening off, but then I sacrificed my leisure activity of watching silly TV series for drawing new sketches. 

新的想法有關命運的主題，把羅密歐和茱麗葉的故事放到不同的時代，羅密歐都還是會陰錯陽差錯過羅倫斯神父傳遞給他的訊息，以致他最後誤以為茱麗葉死了也跟著自殺，我選了劇本當時派信差的年代、1950年用電報和現在的手機通訊。

My new idea has to do with the theme of fate. My point states that no matter which context we place the story of Romeo and Juliet, the former will miss Friar Lawrence's message coincidentally so that he ends up believing that Juliet is really dead, which leads to his suicide. I chose the era of the play when messages were delivered by messengers, the 1950s when telegrams were dispatched and modern days of cell phone communication. 

不同於上個想法的抽象表達，這次我想用三幅漫畫呈現，而我之所以覺得很辛苦是因為平常愛怎麼畫就怎麼畫，但最近老聽老師說要去找參考資料，所以我先把各個年代的建築和字體找來，一一畫好才做最後的稿，這當中我覺得我要很努力地才能畫出來像其它漫畫家的流暢線條。

Different from the abstract thinking of my previous idea, this time I'd like to make use of the comic form in three images. I found it really challenging because I don't usually pay attention to the real proportions of human figures or buildings. However, lately the teachers have often mentioned the importance of getting references. Thus I looked for architecture, clothing styles, and typography of all the eras needed. I drew based on the information before settling for the final draft. In the process, I made much effort trying to present the flowing lines of really admirable graphic novelists or comic artists. 

相對於很多無法放掉堅持的同學，我完全相反，我可以很快地接受建議，對於我原本的東西沒有留戀，也很願意聽別人的想法，這和我老是覺得自己不夠好的想法很有關係。

Compared with many classmates who can't let go of their preferred subject matters and styles, I am at the other end of the spectrum. I am more than ready to take others' advice, and I discard what I have without nostalgia. I'd like to hear what others think as well, all of which has much to do with the deep-rooted thought that I don't think I am good enough. 

週一繪里看了我的稿之後很明白地對我說，就做莎士比亞年代的連環圖吧，我很高興地採納她的看法。

On Monday after Elie took a look at my drafts, she said to me straightforward that I should do the Shakespearean era comics. I accepted it gladly. 

因為在原著裡，送信的神父去到曼都亞時，當地有疫情，他被隔離起來，因此無法及時傳遞信件。這個版本連我自己都覺得很難懂，而且圖像和字體都不行，明明我想了很多，結果卻很可怕。我和嘉蕊討論之後決定試試看現代版。

In the original play, Friar John, who is the messenger, is quarantined when he tries to deliver the letter to Romeo in Mantua. I found this version hard to comprehend, not to mention the terrible writing and typography. I covered as much as possible while doing the planning, but it ended up as a disaster. After I discussed with Jazel, I decided to try the modern version first. 

草稿裡本來放了很多細節，但我想到這個廣告是要放在地鐵站，大部份的乘客只會花幾秒的時間觀看，所以昨天就把一切簡化。

There were many details in the drafts, but upon thinking that the ad is designed for the metro station, most passengers will spend no more than a few seconds reading it. I therefore simplified the images yesterday. 

最後這幾張看起來線條簡單，我卻花上一整天定稿試色等等。

Though the final images look really simple, it took me a whole day to decide the final look and try out the colors. 

連嘉蕊也來幫我試字體和排版。

Jazel helped me with the typography and layout. 

把圖又重畫一次才做最終版，弄到晚上十點多，我真的覺得快虛脫了。

I redrew individual images before arranging the final version. I didn't finish it until 10:30 pm, and meanwhile, I was dehydrated. 

我覺得這是我的極限，所以不論老師給我什麼評論，我都問心無愧。露看了之後說：這不是你的東西，你怎麼能做出這麼無聊的作品呢？她說之前那些隨便畫的小圖都比這個好太多，因為這些圖看起來很死。

I felt that this was what I could come up with, so no matter what comment the tutor gave me, I wouldn't feel guilty toward myself. After Lou looked at my work today, she said: This is not you. The work is boring. She said the thumbnail images I did before are way better than this because the images look dead. 

回家的路上我想著，我不應該沮喪的，我覺得自己畫不好，露喜歡的卻是那個我，而急於改進的我把那部份也拋到腦後，在想要用圖像溝通時，我犧牲了原來有的東西，啊，如果這算是人生很困難的課題，其實算簡單了，我的課題是找到中間點。

On my way home I thought to myself, I shouldn't feel discouraged. I never think I am good enough, but Lou likes the part of me I negate. And as I am eager to make progress, I have thrown that part of me behind. In trying to "communicate" through my image, I sacrifice what I have. Well, if this is a difficult question in life, then life isn't that difficult. My lesson is to find the middle point. 

下午讀瑞典插畫家亞斯翠林格蘭寫的Pippi的故事，皮皮說：活著是多麼美妙啊！是啊，可以看到美麗的冬日景色，可以知道自己的問題，可以勇敢面對，沮喪不超過六分鐘，還好下星期才是最後的交稿日，還好‧‧‧

In the afternoon when I was reading the story of Pippi written by the Swedish illustrator Astrid Lindgren, Pippi said, "How glorious it is to be alive!" Indeed. I get to see the fascinating winter scenery, find out my problems and face them with courage without feeling depressed for more than six minutes. And fortunately, I have another week before the final due date. Fortunately...