too much freedom / 太多自由

來英國之前小蕙和江老師替我打了預防針，在這裡不會有人教我畫畫的細節，的確，老師會給我們可以努力的方向，但這裡和亞洲最大的不同在於學習的自由，我們一週的上課天數只有兩天，週一進畫室畫圖，週四帶作品進畫室接受評論，其他自我學習的三天看起來好像時間很充裕，可是拿目前正在做的「羅密歐與茱麗葉」來說，我已經從上週六做到今天，不斷地在推翻原本以為可行的結論，還是沒有自己覺得不錯的成品。

Before coming to the UK, Hui and Jim both gave me the mental preparation that here no one will teach me the details about drawing. Indeed, the tutors give a general direction for us to work in most of the time. However, the biggest difference between the education here and that in Asia is that students are given loads of freedom in learning. We have only two school days in a week: on Mondays, we go into the studio to draw; on Thursdays, we have crits on our works in progress. That means we can decide for ourselves what to do with the rest three days, which seems to be a lot of free time. But if I take the ongoing Romeo and Juliet project for example, I have worked from last Saturday til today. I am constantly overthrowing feasible ideas. So far, there hasn't been any decent outcome.

嘉蕊說在新加坡受限制慣了，太多自由讓她無所適從，反而不知道可以怎麼利用。其實自由的背後需要的是更大的自我紀律，還好我常常在她耳邊唸，她說以前都是最後一刻才開始做作業，我說，我年輕的時候也是那樣，只是不做作業時也無法專心玩耍，多半花在擔心上了。

Jazel said she was so used to restrictions in Singapore, and the new freedom made her feel lost. As a matter of fact, freedom and self-discipline have go to hand in hand. Luckily, I nag at her constantly. She used to do her assignments at the last minute. I was like that when young, but I didn't really enjoy the time when I was not doing homework. I wasted most of the time worrying about it.

不過老師們很成功地達到一個目的：那就是我們現在不畫圖就感到無比罪惡，讓我覺得我的強迫症更嚴重，這比讓我學會某個水彩技法更了不起吧！

Nevertheless, the teachers have achieved an amazing goal, that is, now when we are not drawing, we feel utterly guilty. I am wondering if I am much more compulsive than before. This should be a greater feat than teaching me how to use watercolors.

花了一個週末，最後在週日晚上決定轉換想法，也許我會再回來用舊想法也不一定！

I spent a whole weekend only to change my idea on Sunday evening, but maybe I'll come back to the first idea later...