feeling of love 2 / 愛的感覺 2

過了一個星期失眠的生活，在尋找療方的過程中看清楚了許多之前沒看到的小細節，因此自我做了調整，雖然我也無法說將來的日子裡會不會再發生，但起碼現在的我又是嶄新的人了。

I had a week of insomnia. When looking for remedies, the search shed light on many details I hadn't got to see before. Thus I made some self-adjustment. I can't tell for sure if insomnia will occur again in the days to come, but at least I am a new person now.

要特別謝謝一直幫助我的人，睡眠不足最怕的就是對自我和世界的不確定感，還好有好多在遠方的朋友和家人，還有這裡的朋友給我愛的感覺，讓我知道自己是被愛和關心圍繞著。

I want to give special thanks to those who have been giving me a hand all along. The aftermath of insomnia is that I'll begin to doubt my existence and the world. Very luckily, my faraway friends and family have always been my great mental support, and also friends here give me the feeling of love. It's very important to know that I am surrounded by love and concern.

左至右：繪里、特蕾莎

from left to right: Elie, Tereza

左至右：曉琪、桃子

from left to right: Hsiao-chi, Momo

左至右：溫迪、我、泰緹安娜

from left to right: Wen Dee, me, Tatiana 

上周末去慶祝圖一兩位美女的生日時，我發現雖然我表面是個社交沒有問題的人，可是我並沒有真的打開心房，所以一直有種疏離感，如果沒有經歷失眠這件事，我可能也不會發現這個問題。

Last Sunday we went out to celebrate the birthday of the two beautiful girls in the first photo. Then I discovered that though I appeared to be sociable, I didn't really open my heart. That was why I didn't have a sense of belonging here. If I hadn't gone through insomnia, I wouldn't have found this could be a major issue for me. 

其實我剩下的時間不多了，應該要好好珍惜身邊的人，因為將來就只能看這些照片回憶了。

As a matter of fact, I don't have much time left. I should cherish people around me because I'll have only the photos to turn to in the future. 

最近也時時想著家人，和之前習以為常的生活。不過想想這趟來英國很值得，我從裡到外像是被重新組合，這不就是之前行前說明會教授說的話嗎？而且大家會覺得一個三十多歲的人應該是泰然自若，其實不然。

I've been thinking a lot about my family and the life I took for granted. This year in London is really worth the money because I've been transformed from head to toe and looked at the old trauma deep in me. And this reminds me of what Ms. Anderson, the professor that recruits students in Taiwan, said, "You'll be pieced together in a new way." Maybe people will think that a year abroad for a thirty-something person should be a piece of cake, but at least in my case I've had my struggles. 

我發現睡前胡亂畫一張圖很有幫助，有一天同學看我的速寫本時說很喜歡上圖，我開玩笑地回答：因為那是用失眠換來的。

I found that doodling before going to bed helps a lot. One day when my classmates were going through my sketchbook, one of them said she likes the upper image. I replied jokingly, "Because I drew it at the cost of sleep..." 

以前是我給別人愛的感覺，在一個人旅行好久之後，覺得我很需要別人給的愛的感覺，謝謝你們！

It used to be me to give others feeling of love, but after having traveled for so long, I feel that feeling of love from others. Thank you for being there for me...

愛的感覺 1 / feeling of love 1