Taiwan and me / 台灣和我

要從波隆納回倫敦的早上，外面依舊閃著陽光，我的心情五味雜陳，想到好久不會見到凱特，又很怕這就是我插畫生活的終點，還有荷爾蒙正在經歷變化，前往機場的巴士上，我後座的先生突然間唱起Green Day的九月結束時請叫醒我，這首歌是我上次來義大利到處都聽見的歌，本來就非常催淚，結果眼淚就一直滴，好不容易控制住了，他又把巴士當舞台，唱起另一首也讓我很有感觸的歌曲，是Bruce Springsteen的「在黑暗中漫舞」，他一直重覆著一句歌詞─沒有火苗是燒不起來的，然後我又受不了，我是心裡都快燒起來的人啊！而且他的歌聲真不賴！才會讓我的情緒一觸即發。

On the morning when I was about to return from Bologna to London, the sun was as dazzling as ever, but I felt a mixture of emotions. I was rather sentimental upon thinking that I won't see Caterina for a long time. Also, I was afraid that this will be the end to my illustrator life. I was also undergoing hormonal change as well. On the bus ride to the airport, the Italian sir sitting behind me suddenly started singing Green Day's Wake Me Up When September Ends. It was the song I heard everywhere when I came to Italy last time, and it is still a tear-jerker for me. As a result, tears kept springing. It took some effort for me to control myself, and then he walked down from the back of the bus and sang another song that triggered off my sadness again. It was Bruce Springsteen's Dancing in the Dark. He kept repeating one of the lines--You can't start a fire without a spark. Well, I've always burned with hot fire inside! Anyway, his voice was just fantastic, which explains why I was so not myself...

到了機場後沒時間傷心，趕緊去找我的登機櫃台。我搭的是廉價航空Ryanair，從倫敦出發時，櫃台小姐並不清楚我需不需要申根簽證，而當時是凌晨四點，小姐很無力地就幫我蓋了機票上的章，我開始感謝英國人的隨意。在波隆納時，櫃台小姐也不確定，我和她說台灣簽證從去年就可以免簽遊歐盟國家，但是她覺得需要和相關單位確定，打了很多通電話，也實在是中華民國這個稱呼太令人困惑了，她一直朝中國的方向去找，那當然是不行，最後她說我的案例很可疑，叫我去機場的警察局，我就又苦命地回到主要航廈。

I didn't have time to feel sad when I reached the airport because I had to look for my check-in counter. I took the budget airline Ryanair. When I left London, the lady didn't have a clue if I needed the Schengen visa, but it was four a.m. in the morning. She believed my words and stamped my ticket for me within 10 seconds. I really appreciated her imprecision. In Bologna, the Italian lady wasn't sure either, but I told her that as a national of Taiwan, I don't need the visa to travel in E.U. She felt the need to confirm with the authorities concerned, so she made several calls. Well, I have to say that the name Republic of China is confusing. I kept hearing her saying "China" to her colleague, and if she looked under the category of China, of course she couldn't find anything. In the end she said my case was very suspicious and she was sending me to the police station in the main terminal.

我就這麼去到了警察局，想不到有意外的發現，警員們不管男女都相當高大，個個都是俊男美女來著，每個都有著地中海古銅色的肌膚，他們一看到護照上的台灣字樣就恍然大悟地說：台灣喔，沒問題啦！還親切地讓我走安檢的快速通道。算了，要不是因為無知的小姐，我也不可能受到帥氣警員的呵護。

I thus found myself in the police station. Well, I ended up with a surprising discovery. The police, both men and women, are very tall and extremely good-looking. Everyone has the typical Mediterranean tanned skin color. When they saw the Taiwan word on the cover of my passport, they waved their hands reassuring me, "Oh Taiwan, no problem!" They even let me take the fast track to go through the security check. Had it not been for the ignorant lady, I wouldn't have a chance to interact with the handsome police. 

要登機的時候，空姐說她在找我，因為她還是得在機票上蓋章，我用很平靜但驕傲的語氣和她說：我拿台灣護照是不需要申根簽證的。她很客氣地一直和我道歉。上了飛機之後，又開始掉眼淚，當小國的人民一定要很驕傲才行，如果我們不堅持，就會被遺忘。

When I was boarding, the flight attendant said she was looking for me for she still needed to stamp on my plane ticket. I told her in a calm yet firm tone that with my Taiwan passport, I don't need the Schengen visa to travel in E.U. countries. She kept apologizing to me politely. After I got on the plane, tears rolled down my face again. Coming from a small country, we need to have a lot of self-pride. If we don't insist, we will be forgotten. 

在倫敦機場要過海關時，前面有數名先生小姐都被攔下來，有名狀似日本人的先生還被四位移民局的人員質問，海關先生親切地問我讀哪裡，我回答之後他還問，那你應該是讀藝術吧！很快地我就通關了。雖然在這裡總是覺得很疏離，但是這次的經驗讓我感覺像回家。

When I was going through the customs in the Stansted Airport, several men and women were taken aside. A Japanese-like man was even interrogated by four people from the UK Border Agency. The customs sir asked me where I study, and after I answered his question, he replied nicely, "So I think you study art?" I was allowed to go soon after. Though I've always felt like an outsider here, this experience made me feel like coming home. 

這幾天我又找到方向了，我的結論是，雖然我一度覺得自己被淹沒了，也知道我只有小小的火燄，但無論如何我都要繼續努力下去，謝謝凱特琳娜，自從我來到倫敦就一直從羅馬照顧著我，還有好多一直相信著我的家人朋友，對我來說波隆納之旅只是個開始！

I've found my direction over the past few days. My conclusion is, I STILL WANT TO DANCE, EVEN IN THE DARK! I know I have only a very small spark, but I want to go on. Big thanks to Caterina, who has always been sending vibes to me from Rome ever since I arrived in London. Also, great thanks to family and friends who always believe in me. For me, the trip to Bologna is just a beginning!