Taiwan and me / 台灣和我

要從波隆納回倫敦的早上，外面依舊閃著陽光，我的心情五味雜陳，想到好久不會見到凱特，又很怕這就是我插畫生活的終點，還有荷爾蒙正在經歷變化，前往機場的巴士上，我後座的先生突然間唱起Green Day的九月結束時請叫醒我，這首歌是我上次來義大利到處都聽見的歌，本來就非常催淚，結果眼淚就一直滴，好不容易控制住了，他又把巴士當舞台，唱起另一首也讓我很有感觸的歌曲，是Bruce Springsteen的「在黑暗中漫舞」，他一直重覆著一句歌詞─沒有火苗是燒不起來的，然後我又受不了，我是心裡都快燒起來的人啊！而且他的歌聲真不賴！才會讓我的情緒一觸即發。

On the morning when I was about to return from Bologna to London, the sun was as dazzling as ever, but I felt a mixture of emotions. I was rather sentimental upon thinking that I won't see Caterina for a long time. Also, I was afraid that this will be the end to my illustrator life. I was also undergoing hormonal change as well. On the bus ride to the airport, the Italian sir sitting behind me suddenly started singing Green Day's Wake Me Up When September Ends. It was the song I heard everywhere when I came to Italy last time, and it is still a tear-jerker for me. As a result, tears kept springing. It took some effort for me to control myself, and then he walked down from the back of the bus and sang another song that triggered off my sadness again. It was Bruce Springsteen's Dancing in the Dark. He kept repeating one of the lines--You can't start a fire without a spark. Well, I've always burned with hot fire inside! Anyway, his voice was just fantastic, which explains why I was so not myself...

到了機場後沒時間傷心，趕緊去找我的登機櫃台。我搭的是廉價航空Ryanair，從倫敦出發時，櫃台小姐並不清楚我需不需要申根簽證，而當時是凌晨四點，小姐很無力地就幫我蓋了機票上的章，我開始感謝英國人的隨意。在波隆納時，櫃台小姐也不確定，我和她說台灣簽證從去年就可以免簽遊歐盟國家，但是她覺得需要和相關單位確定，打了很多通電話，也實在是中華民國這個稱呼太令人困惑了，她一直朝中國的方向去找，那當然是不行，最後她說我的案例很可疑，叫我去機場的警察局，我就又苦命地回到主要航廈。

I didn't have time to feel sad when I reached the airport because I had to look for my check-in counter. I took the budget airline Ryanair. When I left London, the lady didn't have a clue if I needed the Schengen visa, but it was four a.m. in the morning. She believed my words and stamped my ticket for me within 10 seconds. I really appreciated her imprecision. In Bologna, the Italian lady wasn't sure either, but I told her that as a national of Taiwan, I don't need the visa to travel in E.U. She felt the need to confirm with the authorities concerned, so she made several calls. Well, I have to say that the name Republic of China is confusing. I kept hearing her saying "China" to her colleague, and if she looked under the category of China, of course she couldn't find anything. In the end she said my case was very suspicious and she was sending me to the police station in the main terminal.

我就這麼去到了警察局，想不到有意外的發現，警員們不管男女都相當高大，個個都是俊男美女來著，每個都有著地中海古銅色的肌膚，他們一看到護照上的台灣字樣就恍然大悟地說：台灣喔，沒問題啦！還親切地讓我走安檢的快速通道。算了，要不是因為無知的小姐，我也不可能受到帥氣警員的呵護。

I thus found myself in the police station. Well, I ended up with a surprising discovery. The police, both men and women, are very tall and extremely good-looking. Everyone has the typical Mediterranean tanned skin color. When they saw the Taiwan word on the cover of my passport, they waved their hands reassuring me, "Oh Taiwan, no problem!" They even let me take the fast track to go through the security check. Had it not been for the ignorant lady, I wouldn't have a chance to interact with the handsome police. 

要登機的時候，空姐說她在找我，因為她還是得在機票上蓋章，我用很平靜但驕傲的語氣和她說：我拿台灣護照是不需要申根簽證的。她很客氣地一直和我道歉。上了飛機之後，又開始掉眼淚，當小國的人民一定要很驕傲才行，如果我們不堅持，就會被遺忘。

When I was boarding, the flight attendant said she was looking for me for she still needed to stamp on my plane ticket. I told her in a calm yet firm tone that with my Taiwan passport, I don't need the Schengen visa to travel in E.U. countries. She kept apologizing to me politely. After I got on the plane, tears rolled down my face again. Coming from a small country, we need to have a lot of self-pride. If we don't insist, we will be forgotten. 

在倫敦機場要過海關時，前面有數名先生小姐都被攔下來，有名狀似日本人的先生還被四位移民局的人員質問，海關先生親切地問我讀哪裡，我回答之後他還問，那你應該是讀藝術吧！很快地我就通關了。雖然在這裡總是覺得很疏離，但是這次的經驗讓我感覺像回家。

When I was going through the customs in the Stansted Airport, several men and women were taken aside. A Japanese-like man was even interrogated by four people from the UK Border Agency. The customs sir asked me where I study, and after I answered his question, he replied nicely, "So I think you study art?" I was allowed to go soon after. Though I've always felt like an outsider here, this experience made me feel like coming home. 

這幾天我又找到方向了，我的結論是，雖然我一度覺得自己被淹沒了，也知道我只有小小的火燄，但無論如何我都要繼續努力下去，謝謝凱特琳娜，自從我來到倫敦就一直從羅馬照顧著我，還有好多一直相信著我的家人朋友，對我來說波隆納之旅只是個開始！

I've found my direction over the past few days. My conclusion is, I STILL WANT TO DANCE, EVEN IN THE DARK! I know I have only a very small spark, but I want to go on. Big thanks to Caterina, who has always been sending vibes to me from Rome ever since I arrived in London. Also, great thanks to family and friends who always believe in me. For me, the trip to Bologna is just a beginning! 

Bologna 2 / 波隆納 2

當我的同學在展場裡奮戰時，我和凱特去了波隆納植物園，不過這個植物園附屬波隆納大學，不收費，因此感覺沒啥在照顧植物，我們很像去到了廢墟。

While my classmates were fighting for themselves in the fair, Caterina and I went to the botanic garden, which is affiliated with the university. Since the admission fee is free, it feels that no one is taking good care of the plants. 

春天是義大利小朋友校外教學的季節，到處都看得到成群的孩子。

In spring, kids are taken out of schools for field trips. 

戴桂冠葉的女孩剛畢業！

The girl with the laurel wreath just got her diploma! 

我們來到了生氣勃勃的市場街！

We visited the lively market streets! 

紅通通的肉舖。

The red  butcher's.

照片前排的是義大利餃子，形狀很像我們吃的餛飩，是波隆納土產，義大利文中稱tortellini，源自於波隆納方言的torta，意即蛋糕，因為它的麵皮只用麵粉和雞蛋，不加水，餃子裡包肉或起司，可乾濕兩吃。

In the front row of the photo are tortellini, which resembles Chinese dumplings. It originally came from Bologna. The name tortellini derives from the word torta in Bolognese dialect meaning cake because the batter for the wrapping is made from only flour and eggs with no water. It is stuffed with meat or cheese, can be served in broth or with sauce.

結婚送的喜盤。

Beautiful plates as perfect wedding gifts. 

繽紛的蔬菜。

Colorful vegetables. 

義大利人吃很多海鮮。

Italians eat a lot of seafood. 

這一帶的起司也很有名。

Cheese in this region is a must-eat. 

狀碩的肉品。

Huge chunks of meat products. 

真的到處都充斥著顏色。

Colors are everywhere...

怎麼能少了甜點呢？

How can we survive without sweets? 

應景的復活節巧克力球。

In-season colorful Easter choco-eggs. 

凱特帶我去一家有五百年歷史的餐廳，但是這裡只供酒，客人必須自己帶食物，旁邊剛好有好幾間熟食店，我們挑了一些有特色的菜帶進去吃。桌子很大，客人可以和陌生人同桌，順便交新朋友。

Caterina took me to a five-hundred-year-old osteria. Here guests have to bring their own food because they serve only wine. There are several nice delis around, so we bought some and went in. Guests can share tables with others and get to interact. 

一走進去簡直就是到了一九五零年代義大利電影的場景，連老闆娘都讓人覺得非常經典！

I felt like walking into an old Italian movie. Even the lady behind the counter looks so classic! 

牆上是幾十年前來這裡的藝術家贈予的作品，凱特說和店面和七零年代時完全一樣。

The images on the wall were given by the artists who came here to dine. Caterina said that the restaurant looks the same as it did in the 70s. 

還有戶外座。

There are outdoor tables. 

我買了海鮮沙拉、番茄和茄子鋪炸麵包粉和小甜點炸奶凍，配上一杯白酒。

I bought seafood salad, tomato and eggplant au gratin, crema fritta (fried custard) and a glass of white wine. 

凱特堅持我必嚐的帕米森起司，真的好濃郁！

Caterina insisted that I try Parmesan cheese. It was 2-year-old, and tasted so milky and lovely! 

我偷拍別桌的食物，這裡典型的火腿配起司配麵包。

I took a photo of others' food. Here it is typical to eat bread with ham and cheese. 

晚上和同學們用餐。

I dined with my classmates in the evening. 

同學們選了一家很浪漫的餐廳。

The girls chose a very romantic restaurant. 

我點了波隆納千層肉派，因為燈光昏黃，後來我才發現麵皮是綠色的，真好吃啊！

I ordered lasagna Bolognese. Because of the dim light, I didn't realize the pasta was green until I almost finished it. It was just so yummy!

Bologna Book Fair 2 / 波隆納插畫展 2

插畫展除了讓各國推銷繪本，另一個重點就是讓各國的出版商談版權，所以把攤位設計得很舒適是做生意的要訣。

In the book fair, each country can promote their picture books. Also, publishers can sell book rights to their counterparts from other countries. Thus, it is very important to provide a comfy reading environment. 

台灣展館似乎去年也是長這樣。

The Taiwan booth seemed to look the same as last year. 

這些弟弟妹妹們在做什麼呢？

What were these young people doing? 

有些出版商歡迎插畫家和他們面談。

Some publishers welcomed illustrators to sit down and show their portfolios. 

其實我對於直接秀作品給出版社很沒有勇氣，因為我準備太不足，看到別人都帶著大畫夾來，而我卻用超市塑膠袋裝我的小書，真的覺得很羞愧。凱特琳娜為我帶來之前的作品，她說一定要拿這一本給出版商看，我看大家排隊，也硬著頭皮一起排。很多人都不是第一次來，我前面有些人馬上就被拒絕，我看了都很不忍。

I lacked courage in showing my works to the publishers. Compared with others with big black cases, I was so unprepared, especially when I put my booklets in the Morrisons' plastic bag. Caterina brought from Rome one of my previous works. She said I had to show it to the editors. Seeing others in queue, I mustered all my courage to line up as well. A lot of artists didn't come for the first time. I could tell how cruel the world is upon seeing some people being turned down soon after they sat down. 

我和左邊的女士談，她對我還蠻好的，她說這本小書的確不錯，但他們不出版無字的書，請我和另一家法國出版社談。

I talked to the lady on the left. She was rather nice. She said the booklet is a good job, but they do not publish textless books. She wrote down the name of another French publisher and asked me to talk to them. 

其實當天我有點小感冒，我也忘了這本小書到底在說什麼，覺得很心虛，談完之後很想逃，所以想當天就作罷。

I had a minor cold that day. Besides, I felt very guilty about not remembering much the booklet. I felt like running away, so I kind of gave up that day. 

晚上和同學們聊時，發現她們都好積極，我對自己非常失望，心想第二天一定要做點什麼。

When I exchanged my experience with Wen Dee and Tatiana in the evening, I  found them to be super active. I was terribly disappointed with myself, keeping telling myself that I had to do something the following day. 

我們第一天傍晚去超市買膠帶，無論如何都要在展場留下痕跡。

We bought tape in a supermarket on the evening of the first day, determined to leave some traces in the fair. 

雖然說來很不好意思，連這個都是為了過機場安檢裝液體和膠狀物用的袋子。

I was ashamed to say that the plastic bag was used for putting liquid and gel in the airport. 

我還是閃躲著和出版商說話的機會，但是遇到小桃和特蕾莎，看她們充滿鬥志，我只好再去排隊。

I still avoided talking to publishers, but Momo and Tereza were so full of stamina. I couldn't help but queuing up again. 

來找機會的不只是年輕人，也有上了年紀的插畫家。這是一家德國廠商，他們不喜歡有花樣的小書，所以和我說，設定閱讀的年齡層很重要，而他們的出版品也不是走禮品路線，但她們覺得凱特帶來的作品真的很特別。

The interviewees were more than young students. There were also many veteran illustrators. This is a German publisher. They are not into my kind of gifty booklets. They told me that my works are mainly for my own travel experience. I should think about the age group of my potential readers. However, they do find my love book mentioned above very unique. 

再談一家，但這家風格和我的更不同，很快就被拒絕了。

I talked to one more publisher, but the style of their books is so different from mine that I was turned down right away. 

之後凱特琳娜很積極地要幫我找昨天法國出版商推薦的同行，我居然連札記本也不翻，只記得部份的名字，當然找不到，要離開波隆納前一天晚上才發現自己沒有記完全，內心真是充滿悔恨，尤其是聽到同學們得到機會，我就更覺得自己很不積極，明明很想要，卻又很懦弱，真的很糟糕。

Later Caterina offered to look for the French publisher recommended by the lady the day before. Though I remembered only part of the name, I didn't even check my journal. Of course I ended up not finding it. When I thumbed through the page on the night before leaving Bologna, I was so full of regret. Especially when I knew that my classmates got positive responses from the publishers, I was quite angry with myself for not seizing the opportunities I wanted so much. 

這次除了高水準的葡萄牙館外，韓國館很令人驚豔，一如韓劇，韓國人在繪本出版業展現強大的野心，書本數目驚人，品質也很不賴，有一區完全是做傳統故事的繪本，他們對於歷史很強調。

Apart from high-quality Portuguese exhibition, Korean booth was surprisingly beautiful. Like Korean TV drama, Koreans showed great ambitions in the picture book industry. The number of books was overwhelming. The quality was also guaranteed. One section was totally dedicated to the illustrations of traditional folktales. Koreans really put an emphasis on their history. 

每本繪本都附上貼心的英文大意或翻譯。

Synopsis or translation in English was attached to every picture book. 

韓國人真的很會行銷。

Koreans are very good at marketing. 

另一個我要推薦的是小而美的立陶宛館，書本陳列清新，還有印刷精美的免費明信片。

Another booth I'd like to recommend is the small but beautiful Lithuania. The display of books was very neat, and there were well-printed postcards for free. 

互動的電腦軟體供讀者觀看英文版本。展館小姐非常親切，不會因為我們是路人就不理我們，據說韓國館的服務人員只對出版廠商比較友善。

The interactive computer provided the reader for the English version of the picture books. The ladies were very friendly. They didn't ignore us just because we were nobody. I had insider news that Koreans were more friendly with the publishers. 

我還和插畫家（畫面最左手放下巴的女士）莉娜小聊，因為她的書是本館主打，她人超好的，我因為有些沮喪便問她有沒有想放棄畫圖的時候，她說從來沒有，只有越畫越想畫，我還問她出版書是不是很不容易，她說還好，那是因為她資質甚高啊！回家讀了一下她的簡介，她出生藝術世家，真的是很令人羨慕啊！

I even had a chat with the illustrator Lina Dudaite (on the left of the photo with her hand on the chin). Her books were promoted in the booth. She is super nice. I was kind of frustrated, so I asked her if there was a point when she felt like giving up drawing. She said never. The more she draws, the more she wants to do it. I also asked if it is difficult to have books published. She said it isn't that hard for her. I think it's because she is really talented. I read her bio after going home, and she was born in a family of artists. I hardly envy anyone, but I find her talent enviable... 

小方和阿楷一定會很愛的巴士系列！

Von and Kai would love the buses! 

蘇俄館的掛飾，蘇俄的繪本非常狂放，我看了好喜歡。

The decorations of the Russian booth. I love the wild lines and colors in Russian picture books. 

要離開之前又到某家義大利出版社晃了一下，身後有位女士很興奮和她的出版社友人在談話，凱特琳娜翻譯他們的談話內容給我聽，原來開心的是位插畫家，她的書版權賣得很好，連日本人也很喜歡，真是令人豔羨！

Before leaving, we took a look at an Italian publisher. A lady behind me talked with her publisher colleague in excitement. Caterina translated their conversation for me. It was an illustrator who had a very successful day. Her book rights were sold and even the Japanese loved her book(s). How enviable... 

果然波隆納之旅是我這一年中對我影響最大的一件事，短短的幾天裡我學到很多，雖然我要回去工作了，可是我一定還會再來的！

As I thought, the trip to Bologna is the most influential event in this year. I learned so much within a few days. Though I am going back to work soon, I am sure that I'll come again to Bologna Book Fair!