Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Zen master You / 游‧禪學大師
趕搭「美麗的小錯誤」這本書的風潮，我也去買來試看看不一樣的人生，因為太想要和現在不同的生活，我從一開始就選擇不去上大學，直接去歐洲旅行，但走到最後的結局是，我嫁給了法國人，過著到處流浪的旅人生活，最後死於巴里島，並且很快地就投胎轉世為老鷹。說來這和我真實的人生出入並不大，讓我有些小失望。To catch up with the trend of reading the do-over novel Pretty Little Mistakes by Heather McElhatton, I laid my hand on a copy, all worked up about different lives I might have had. In the beginning I made a choice of traveling to Europe instead of going to college, which I already had done. Well, in the end, I married a French guy, traveled around the world, and died in Bali. I soon reincarnated into an eagle after my death. To be honest, this is not very different from my real life, which kind of disappointed me.
不過這本書的好處就是可以一次又一次地重頭再來，我在書中偶然瞥見禪學大師這個名稱，於是我下定決心，這就是我把這本書看完的動力，有一天我一定要走到成為禪學大師的結局。
But the good thing about this book is that I can do over again and again. I came across the term Zen master on one page, so I made up my mind to try all the endings. Some day, I will make the right choice and become a Zen master.
因為在班上嚷嚷這個心願，儀柔在學期末的卡片裡就送給我「游，禪學大師」的封號，讓我過過乾癮。就算還沒有到大師的境界，我覺得自己已經是一座山了，在那裡穩穩地屹立著，可是如果是我來寫「美麗的小錯誤」，我是一座想要移動的山，雖然形體動不了，但是總有一天，我要和洛磯山或安地斯山交換靈魂，然後就像儀柔最後的祝福，我們會在異國相遇！
Because I kept talking about this wish in class, Elain gave me the term “Zen master, You” for free on her end-of-the-semester card to make me happy. Even if I am not a master now, I feel like a mountain, rooted there calm and poised. If I am to write Pretty Little Mistakes, I will be a mountain that feels like traveling. I might not be able to move physically, but one day, I will exchange souls with the Rocky Mountains or the Andes. Then like what Elaine suggests, we will run into each other in another country!
謝謝儀柔和莉筠的溫暖話語和祝福！
Thanks to Elaine and Lillian for all the warm words and best wishes!
Because I kept talking about this wish in class, Elain gave me the term “Zen master, You” for free on her end-of-the-semester card to make me happy. Even if I am not a master now, I feel like a mountain, rooted there calm and poised. If I am to write Pretty Little Mistakes, I will be a mountain that feels like traveling. I might not be able to move physically, but one day, I will exchange souls with the Rocky Mountains or the Andes. Then like what Elaine suggests, we will run into each other in another country!
謝謝儀柔和莉筠的溫暖話語和祝福！
Thanks to Elaine and Lillian for all the warm words and best wishes!
Friday, June 26, 2009
10 x 15
問題：如果你想說的話加起來有全世界那麼大，卻只有10 x 15公分的明信片可以寫，你選擇說甚麼？
Question: If you have a whole world to say on a tiny postcard of 10 x 15 cm, what will you write?
Question: If you have a whole world to say on a tiny postcard of 10 x 15 cm, what will you write?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
a few quiet minutes / 安靜的片刻
關於我現在的學生
About My Current Students
這一年來，沒有為現在的學生留下任何隻字片語，我想大概是因為我對他們的意義和之前的學生很不一樣，以前大家把我當作肩膀仰賴，至於現在，我覺得自己很像教室裡的某項擺設，如果我安靜不出聲，可能不會有人看見我，我還打趣地想，我們校外教學的時候，我很有可能會像「逐夢鬱金香」裡的母親，被丟在加油站裡，完全沒人注意到我沒有上車。
This year, I haven’t written anything for my current students. The major reason is that I, for them, play a very different role than my previous students. I was used to be thought of as a shoulder. As for now, I am more like the locker in the classroom. If I remain silent, no one will be aware of my existence. I even thought with a sense of humor that on our field trips, I might be left behind in the gas station like the mother in Bread and Tulips. No one would notice my empty seat and lack of presence.
到幾天前，我都還是這樣想著我們的關係：一群很自得其樂的傢伙和一個不甘心被遺忘的老師，可是現在我有了新的領悟，因為太容易被忘記，就要大聲地宣示我的存在，雖然大家可能會看不慣我執意被記住的堅持，這是我和這群人之間的平衡。
I still thought of us like that until a few days ago: a group of natural high students and a teacher unwilling to be forgotten. But it dawned on me that the more easily I am forgotten, the louder I have to declare my existence. Well, some people might not like how I insist on being remembered, but this is the balance point I found in my relationship with my current students.
今天是這個學年的最後一天上課天，我很慶幸自己從一團泥沼裡優雅地爬了出來，雖然目前還有一隻腳在裡頭，我要謝謝現在的學生，給了我影響深遠的刺激，這對我將來的人生會有某種程度的改變。
Today is the last school day of this semester. I am very glad to have got out of a mass of slime and mud, with some elegance, though I still have one foot inside at this moment. I want to thank my current students for giving me long-term stimulation. This will change my future life to a certain degree.
還有，我要謝謝現在的學生，在一年的磨合之後，教了我一件我之前無法體悟的事：就在學期要結束之際，我突然懂得享受早晨進教室，坐在電風扇嗡嗡叫的教室裡，在短暫的十五分鐘裡，陪大家讀書寫字，我開始覺得那不只是我的工作項目，因為儘管我不願意承認，我在情感上也依賴著你們。
Besides, I want to thank my current students, for teaching me something I didn’t know how to appreciate, after one year of mutual adjustment: Right at the end of the semester, I suddenly learned to enjoy going into the classroom in the morning, sitting in the classroom filled with the buzzing sounds of electric fans. Within the short fifteen minutes, I am there to keep you company while you read and write. I started to feel that it is more than a job item. Despite my reluctance, I rely on you emotionally.
我們共同有的，除了大部分時間都是我在碎碎念之外，不過就是那每天安安靜靜在一起的幾分鐘嗎？但是那會是將來我想起你們的回憶重點。
And if you do not count the time when I nag about this and that, what we have is a few quiet minutes together every day. Insignificant as they might seem, that will be my memory of you in the future.
About My Current Students
這一年來，沒有為現在的學生留下任何隻字片語，我想大概是因為我對他們的意義和之前的學生很不一樣，以前大家把我當作肩膀仰賴，至於現在，我覺得自己很像教室裡的某項擺設，如果我安靜不出聲，可能不會有人看見我，我還打趣地想，我們校外教學的時候，我很有可能會像「逐夢鬱金香」裡的母親，被丟在加油站裡，完全沒人注意到我沒有上車。
This year, I haven’t written anything for my current students. The major reason is that I, for them, play a very different role than my previous students. I was used to be thought of as a shoulder. As for now, I am more like the locker in the classroom. If I remain silent, no one will be aware of my existence. I even thought with a sense of humor that on our field trips, I might be left behind in the gas station like the mother in Bread and Tulips. No one would notice my empty seat and lack of presence.
到幾天前，我都還是這樣想著我們的關係：一群很自得其樂的傢伙和一個不甘心被遺忘的老師，可是現在我有了新的領悟，因為太容易被忘記，就要大聲地宣示我的存在，雖然大家可能會看不慣我執意被記住的堅持，這是我和這群人之間的平衡。
I still thought of us like that until a few days ago: a group of natural high students and a teacher unwilling to be forgotten. But it dawned on me that the more easily I am forgotten, the louder I have to declare my existence. Well, some people might not like how I insist on being remembered, but this is the balance point I found in my relationship with my current students.
今天是這個學年的最後一天上課天，我很慶幸自己從一團泥沼裡優雅地爬了出來，雖然目前還有一隻腳在裡頭，我要謝謝現在的學生，給了我影響深遠的刺激，這對我將來的人生會有某種程度的改變。
Today is the last school day of this semester. I am very glad to have got out of a mass of slime and mud, with some elegance, though I still have one foot inside at this moment. I want to thank my current students for giving me long-term stimulation. This will change my future life to a certain degree.
還有，我要謝謝現在的學生，在一年的磨合之後，教了我一件我之前無法體悟的事：就在學期要結束之際，我突然懂得享受早晨進教室，坐在電風扇嗡嗡叫的教室裡，在短暫的十五分鐘裡，陪大家讀書寫字，我開始覺得那不只是我的工作項目，因為儘管我不願意承認，我在情感上也依賴著你們。
Besides, I want to thank my current students, for teaching me something I didn’t know how to appreciate, after one year of mutual adjustment: Right at the end of the semester, I suddenly learned to enjoy going into the classroom in the morning, sitting in the classroom filled with the buzzing sounds of electric fans. Within the short fifteen minutes, I am there to keep you company while you read and write. I started to feel that it is more than a job item. Despite my reluctance, I rely on you emotionally.
我們共同有的，除了大部分時間都是我在碎碎念之外，不過就是那每天安安靜靜在一起的幾分鐘嗎？但是那會是將來我想起你們的回憶重點。
And if you do not count the time when I nag about this and that, what we have is a few quiet minutes together every day. Insignificant as they might seem, that will be my memory of you in the future.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
makeup=make up? / 化妝=虛構?
最近因為被批評邋遢，讓我想到了英文裡化妝品的說法makeup，轉換成動詞片語make up，就變成「虛構」的意思，我和學生討論兩者之間究竟有否關聯，有人說，化妝等同於創造出新的一張臉，又有人說，化妝其實是物理整容，我倒認為，雖然是可還原性的變化，但是每天要花上半個小時整理門面，長期下來也是很浩大的工程。I was criticized as “sloppy” lately by people who don’t really know me well. This reminds me of the word “makeup.” If turned into a verbal phrase, “make up” means to create something out of nothing. I asked students if there is any connection between the two. A girl said that makeup is synonymous to coming up with a new face. Another girl said that makeup is actually physical change of plastic surgery. In my opinion, even though it is reversible, we end up spending a considerable amount of time on it in the long run.
我對化妝這件事沒有意見，畢竟每個人選擇用自己的方式面對世界，在路上瞥見精雕細琢的美女時，我的目光無疑地也會被吸引，我比較怕的是，化妝久了之後，我們認不得自己原來的樣子，而歲月的痕跡是無所遁形的，我發現再怎麼努力，白頭髮始終比我早一步，皺紋在不知不覺中形成一條條蜜粉的溝渠，如果要執意反抗，這就是一輩子的戰爭。
I don’t have any objection to wearing makeup. After all, everyone chooses their way in facing the world. I have to admit when I catch sight of beautiful women whose charm is further enhanced by cosmetics, I can’t take my eyes off them. However, what worries me is, after getting used to hiding behind the masks, we can’t recognize how we really look. Traces of age are powerful in their silence. No one can be exempted. I realize that no matter how hard I try, gray hair always pushes out earlier than I want it to and wrinkles form ditches of loose powder with time passing. If we insist on fighting against nature head-on, this will be a lifelong war.
與其把這些痕跡遮掩起來，不如想要如何把它們美麗地展現出來，因為在我的經驗裡，逃避終究會引向全盤崩潰，然後就是面對的大課題了。
Instead of covering the “flaws,” why not face them and show them in presentable and creative ways? In my own experience, escape will only lead to total collapse, and then we will have to deal with the huge life lesson of confronting our fear…
Sunday, June 21, 2009
serendipity / 留心
雖然最近整個人有點暈暈的，踩在地上的步伐像剛從遠方歸來的旅者，因為時差，不是很確定自己真的落地了，不過我勞碌的處女座性格，已經在我的腦裡設定一整張任務表，我就是無感，也能夠一項接著一項處理，事實上，當我用旁人的眼光看自己時，其實常常是很驚訝我的超高效率。
Lately my head was spinning like crazy. I felt like a returning traveler from a faraway land. I was not sure if I had really landed because of that jet lag problem. However, my laborious Virgo personality had scrolled down an entire list of tasks for me to tick off. I was kind of numb, but that didn’t stop me from accomplishing the missions. As a matter of fact, I am often amazed at my super efficiency when I look at myself from a detached perspective.
昨天在我前往書店的路上，我意外地發現紫藤廬內正在進行的畫展，我還差一點應徵女服務生的工作，因為上面要求英日文俱佳，可學習茶道，感覺這是目前我很需要的一門學問，讓我冷卻下來，定定心。
Yesterday on my way to Eslite, I came across a lovely exhibition going on in Wistaria Tea House. I nearly applied for the waitress job because I seemed to meet the requirements of speaking decent English and Japanese. I was actually tempted by the opportunity to learn the art of tea-making. I was in need of the knowledge to cool down and calm my heart.
然後當我在法國工廠外面瞄著明信片架時，我的眼光就是離不開那張有著黑貓的影像，雖然我知道是一張寄不出去的明信片，我還是買了下來，這兩天反覆看，很開心自己下了手。
When I passed by à l’affiche, I was squinting at the postcard racks inside. I couldn’t take my eyes off a postcard with a black cat in it. I knew it would be a postcard I couldn’t send out, but I still ended up buying it. I was terribly pleased when I looked at it over and over again these two days.
別人常說，我只差再擁有甚麼就不缺了，我卻覺得，因為我有充滿陽光的眼睛，所以甚麼都有了。我的serendipity－發現意外珍奇事物的小天份，讓我在下雨天裡看到彩虹，在黑夜裡看到星星。
Other people often say to me, as long as you have this and that, your life will be perfect. I never think so. As I have eyes full of sunshine, I don’t lack anything. My serendipity makes me see rainbows on rainy days and stars on dark nights.
我釋懷了，祝福你。
I am totally fine now. Best best wishes for you…
Lately my head was spinning like crazy. I felt like a returning traveler from a faraway land. I was not sure if I had really landed because of that jet lag problem. However, my laborious Virgo personality had scrolled down an entire list of tasks for me to tick off. I was kind of numb, but that didn’t stop me from accomplishing the missions. As a matter of fact, I am often amazed at my super efficiency when I look at myself from a detached perspective.
昨天在我前往書店的路上，我意外地發現紫藤廬內正在進行的畫展，我還差一點應徵女服務生的工作，因為上面要求英日文俱佳，可學習茶道，感覺這是目前我很需要的一門學問，讓我冷卻下來，定定心。
Yesterday on my way to Eslite, I came across a lovely exhibition going on in Wistaria Tea House. I nearly applied for the waitress job because I seemed to meet the requirements of speaking decent English and Japanese. I was actually tempted by the opportunity to learn the art of tea-making. I was in need of the knowledge to cool down and calm my heart.
然後當我在法國工廠外面瞄著明信片架時，我的眼光就是離不開那張有著黑貓的影像，雖然我知道是一張寄不出去的明信片，我還是買了下來，這兩天反覆看，很開心自己下了手。
When I passed by à l’affiche, I was squinting at the postcard racks inside. I couldn’t take my eyes off a postcard with a black cat in it. I knew it would be a postcard I couldn’t send out, but I still ended up buying it. I was terribly pleased when I looked at it over and over again these two days.
別人常說，我只差再擁有甚麼就不缺了，我卻覺得，因為我有充滿陽光的眼睛，所以甚麼都有了。我的serendipity－發現意外珍奇事物的小天份，讓我在下雨天裡看到彩虹，在黑夜裡看到星星。
Other people often say to me, as long as you have this and that, your life will be perfect. I never think so. As I have eyes full of sunshine, I don’t lack anything. My serendipity makes me see rainbows on rainy days and stars on dark nights.
我釋懷了，祝福你。
I am totally fine now. Best best wishes for you…
Thursday, June 18, 2009
power of love / 愛的力量
這兩天有種被冷不防打了幾拳的感覺，胸口悶悶的，喘不過氣來。平常小方跺腳生氣的時候，我只覺得他發脾氣的樣子很可愛，請他冷靜，不過這一次我居然跺腳跺得比他還大聲，他看了看我，說：你不要肝火那麼旺嘛！聽著我的台詞他嘴巴裡說出來，我甚麼也不能做，只能開心地大笑。
These two days I had the suffocated feeling of being hit in the chest when I was off guard. I couldn’t breathe smoothly. Whenever Von stomps his feet to show his anger, I only find him and the way he expresses himself adorable. My typical reaction is asking him to cool down. But this time I chose to stomp my feet harder than he did. He took a look at me, saying, “Push down the bile!” Hearing my line being stolen, I couldn’t do anything but laugh heartily.
These two days I had the suffocated feeling of being hit in the chest when I was off guard. I couldn’t breathe smoothly. Whenever Von stomps his feet to show his anger, I only find him and the way he expresses himself adorable. My typical reaction is asking him to cool down. But this time I chose to stomp my feet harder than he did. He took a look at me, saying, “Push down the bile!” Hearing my line being stolen, I couldn’t do anything but laugh heartily.
隔了一晚，第二天早晨我在浴室裡時，他在外面問我忙甚麼，我隨口回答在想事情，他說：不要再想了，頭髮會變白的，我打開門問他是誰教他的，他說：是我們去買麵的時候，你和我說的！
The following morning when I was in the bathroom, he asked at the door what I was up to. I threw a casual answer at him, telling him that I was thinking. He then replied, “Don’t rack your brain anymore. You’ll get gray hair.” I opened the door to ask him who had taught him the line. He said, “You said that on our way to the noodle stall once!”
很久沒有這種無法還手的沮喪感，可是我感受到自己給過小方的力量，又溫暖地流回到我身上，應該不是每個人都知道要這樣愛別人的吧！還有很多身邊的人用言語鼓勵我，我要放下昨天和之前的一切，抬頭挺胸地往前進！
To be honest, I haven’t felt the kind of frustration in not being able to hit back. But the warm power I gave to Von flows back to me. Not everyone knows how to love others in this way. Besides, many people shower me with encouraging words. I am going to put down yesterday and everything before that and take giant stride forward into another beautiful day!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
visualization / 我的樣子
攝影：Kay小姐 / photo taken by Kay因為和自己那麼近，我有時看不清楚自己的樣子，這時候就得透過別人的鏡頭來一探全貌。
Because I am too close to myself, I can't always see me well. Then I have to resort to others' perspectives.
這是我的樣子，這是我要過的生活‧‧‧
This is how I look, this is the life I am leading and dreaming of every day...
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
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