afternoon tea mood / 下午茶心情

對我來說，旅行裡的腳步得不停地調適，剛開始我總是像苦命的旅行僧，靠著我鐵人般的雙腳走遍大江南北，雖然很痛快，但是少了休假該有的悠閒自在。當我的體力無法再負荷如此嚴格的行程之際，我的心也開始放鬆，目標從一日三四個景點變成一兩處，其他的時間就吃吃喝喝，能如此自我放縱，真的是種福氣。

It takes me time to find the right pace on a trip. In the beginning, I always travel like a highly self-demanding monk. I drag my steely legs and walk far and wide to get to my destinations. I do enjoy myself; somehow, the relaxing feel that belongs to travelers is missing. Later, when my body can't take the rigorous physical challenges anymore, I start to loosen up. My daily goal, which originally includes three to four destinations, will be cut down to one or two. As for the rest of the time, I end up chilling out in air-conditioned cafes, savoring my afternoon tea. It is really a luxury to indulge myself like that.

下午茶心情看似平凡，但想不到旅行一結束，這般輕鬆的心情便蒸發至空氣中了，本來以為還在身邊，回頭怎麼找也找不到。最近我的焦慮指數快要破表，這件事說出來，很多以為我總是老僧入定的人大概要幻滅了。

You might think that there is nothing about what I call "the afternoon tea mood." Well, right after my trip ended, that beautiful state of mind evaporated into the air. Even when I turned around, it was no longer with me. Lately, I've been so anxious that I hardly know it to be me. I guess a lot of people who'd have the image of my being zen will be disillusioned.

因為看不慣自己歇斯底里的，我想自我剖析一下。這一切和今年夏天有很大的關係，假如我們之間在6月4日以後就畫上了句點，彼此都客客氣氣相待，而不是如此坦誠地走進彼此的生命裡，毫無保留地分享，我在感情上就不會如此依賴。可是好多事情發生了，但它們反而讓我有些害怕將來的未知，因為這個夏天太美好，你們在我的心中太美好，完全不可取代。

I am not used to my hysterical self, so a short self-analysis might help. All this has much to do with this summer. If nothing had gone on between us after June, 4th and we had always been polite toward one another instead of opening up our hearts, I wouldn't be so dependent emotionally. Yet, so many things have happened, and I have lost the ability to just walk away into the unknown of the future. After all, this summer is too beautiful, you are too beautiful, totally irreplaceable.

去年此時我和你說的，每天要帶著下午茶心情去上班，本來只是開玩笑的，想不到這句話成了我今年必須要很努力才能達到的目標。沒關係，我的心很大，還裝得下一些人，就算剛開始甚麼也沒有，我有許多誠意。總有一天，我們可以平靜自在地相待‧‧‧

I told you last year at this time that I would go to work every day with my afternoon tea mood. I was sort of kidding then, but these words become a very clear goal for me now. I have to work hard to reach it. Well, I guess my heart is big enough to accommodate some more people. Even if there is nothing between us for the time being, I have my sincerity to offer. One day, we will end up being at ease in the presence of each other...