Capture / 捕

"I don't want to capture any heart. I just want to tame one that I really adore..."

Huei's film-making project still goes on. And she never doubts the decision of my role, which is the only and one lead actress. A few days ago, she came to my place to shoot the scene in which I painted. I was quite anxious since my brain was literally drained that morning. It would be unprecedented to film someone who painted nothing but air, and I didn't want to disappoint her.

I did have an image in mind, but I wasn't sure if I was calm enough to put it down. Then it occurred to me that I could express my whole concept only with simple lines and shapes. Thus started our silly little spy game. I knew what every line meant, but Huei was puzzled. As time went by, she saw more and more cryptical symbols on the paper. At the same time I said to myself silently, "Come on, this is easy. You should know what I want to convey!"

That day, I enjoyed how it felt to be an abstract art painter. In fact, it doesn't matter what I want to say. What you get from the picture is far more important. At least that's how I console myself when I try to appreciate abstract artworks.


「我不想擄獲任何顆心，我只想馴服我真的喜歡的那一顆。」

小蕙的拍片計畫仍持續著，她對於找我當女主角這件事，似乎沒有任何的懷疑，得到製片兼導演如此深厚的信任，我便全力以赴，雖然有時候我覺得自己的臉照在螢幕上，說是現今所有當紅骨感少女的兩倍大也不為過。

前幾天我們進行到拍攝我現場創作的景，即使事先行程已排定，到了當天，我突然畫不出來，整個人又疲累又煩躁，不過該來的還是會來。本持著不能傷害小蕙感情的原則，我只好硬著頭皮，結果在開拍的當兒，曙光乍現，我把心裡想到的一幅圖用線條和基本的形狀表現，於是我們便開始諜對諜的遊戲。每當我畫下一筆時，心裡嘀咕：「喂！知你如我，你應該知道我要說什麼吧！」但我只見小蕙一頭霧水，拍攝完之後，只好來個心理解析大作戰。

我終於體驗到當抽象畫家的感覺了。不過我總覺得，看抽象畫的重點不在於看穿畫家的心思，而在於觀者從中得到什麼領悟，我看不懂抽象畫時，都會這樣安慰自己。