a hug / 一個擁抱

這兩天做作業到有點走入死胡同的感覺，時間一點一滴地過去，我離目標依舊那麼遙遠，不禁擔心焦慮。

I have driven myself to a dead end these two days doing the Romeo and Juliet assignment. With every minute passing, I am still so far away from my goal. I can't start to feel worried and anxious. 

今早去了演講，主題是如何應用創意影響大眾的行為模式，德瑞克在結論中說了一句話，現在大部份的藝術主修都埋頭生產美麗的影像，卻沒有想到用藝術和別人互動，我心頭一驚，想那不正是現在的我嗎？坐在我隔壁的泰緹安娜也一副壓力很大的樣子，剛開始我只想到自己，演講結束後我和她小小談了一會，然後我說我們擁抱一下，果然因此得到很大的力量。

This morning I went to the practitioners' talk on how to influence public behavior with design. Derek said something as part of the conclusion--most art majors nowadays bury themselves in producing beautiful images without interacting with others by means of art. His words hit me hard because I was reminded of myself. Tatiana, who sat next to me, also appeared to be under much stress. Before the speech, I only thought of myself, but I had a quick talk with her after the speech. I offered her a hug for I was in need of it too. I thus gained plenty of vibes from it. 

回家之後收到奕帆寄來的意外驚喜，還有昨天也收到薛吉的問候，謝謝大家，我的確該時不時走出來想到別人，因為付出本身就是獲得啊！

After I came home, I received a surprise packet from Lori. Yesterday I also got greetings from Shaggy. Thank you everyone. I should take a step out of my little room and think of others. After all, giving itself is an act of getting!

too much freedom / 太多自由

來英國之前小蕙和江老師替我打了預防針，在這裡不會有人教我畫畫的細節，的確，老師會給我們可以努力的方向，但這裡和亞洲最大的不同在於學習的自由，我們一週的上課天數只有兩天，週一進畫室畫圖，週四帶作品進畫室接受評論，其他自我學習的三天看起來好像時間很充裕，可是拿目前正在做的「羅密歐與茱麗葉」來說，我已經從上週六做到今天，不斷地在推翻原本以為可行的結論，還是沒有自己覺得不錯的成品。

Before coming to the UK, Hui and Jim both gave me the mental preparation that here no one will teach me the details about drawing. Indeed, the tutors give a general direction for us to work in most of the time. However, the biggest difference between the education here and that in Asia is that students are given loads of freedom in learning. We have only two school days in a week: on Mondays, we go into the studio to draw; on Thursdays, we have crits on our works in progress. That means we can decide for ourselves what to do with the rest three days, which seems to be a lot of free time. But if I take the ongoing Romeo and Juliet project for example, I have worked from last Saturday til today. I am constantly overthrowing feasible ideas. So far, there hasn't been any decent outcome.

嘉蕊說在新加坡受限制慣了，太多自由讓她無所適從，反而不知道可以怎麼利用。其實自由的背後需要的是更大的自我紀律，還好我常常在她耳邊唸，她說以前都是最後一刻才開始做作業，我說，我年輕的時候也是那樣，只是不做作業時也無法專心玩耍，多半花在擔心上了。

Jazel said she was so used to restrictions in Singapore, and the new freedom made her feel lost. As a matter of fact, freedom and self-discipline have go to hand in hand. Luckily, I nag at her constantly. She used to do her assignments at the last minute. I was like that when young, but I didn't really enjoy the time when I was not doing homework. I wasted most of the time worrying about it.

不過老師們很成功地達到一個目的：那就是我們現在不畫圖就感到無比罪惡，讓我覺得我的強迫症更嚴重，這比讓我學會某個水彩技法更了不起吧！

Nevertheless, the teachers have achieved an amazing goal, that is, now when we are not drawing, we feel utterly guilty. I am wondering if I am much more compulsive than before. This should be a greater feat than teaching me how to use watercolors.

花了一個週末，最後在週日晚上決定轉換想法，也許我會再回來用舊想法也不一定！

I spent a whole weekend only to change my idea on Sunday evening, but maybe I'll come back to the first idea later...

happy dieting / 快樂減肥法

其實今年的倫敦冬季很溫暖，可是我不知哪根神經壞了，我這麼有自制力的人居然開始半夜啃土司，而且奶油是一整坨地塗，前幾天晚上在半個小時之內吞完一盒巧克力，這週末自我反省了一番，說減肥太誇張，因為我三餐仍然照吃，但是我規定自己吃完不能立刻坐下來，所以最近我家特別乾淨，雜貨也特別齊，我要不是出去超市晃一圈，就是打掃房間。我發現冰箱滿的時候反而不會那麼想吃，今天的我特富有啊！

This winter in London has been really warm so far. However, I don't have any clue what came over me because someone so disciplined like me started to bite toast at midnight! You should see how I tossed a big ball of butter onto it. A few nights ago, I alone ate up a box of chocolate. This weekend I did some self-analysis. I really shouldn't call what I am doing "dieting," because I still eat three meals. But I make it a rule not to sit down immediately after eating. That's why my room has been particularly clean lately and the fridge is packed with all kinds of food. I've got into the habit of tidying up my space and going for a walk to the supermarket after dinner and lunch. It's funny that when my fridge is full I don't have such a scary appetite. Well, today I am very rich!

我還因此有了意外收穫，昨天發現我家旁邊就有個不小的Myatt's Fields公園，只是個社區公園，卻美得像電影場景，我之後的身材就要靠它了！

I also gained something else accidentally--yesterday I found Myatt's Fields Park right next to Brooke Hall. It's nothing but a community park, but it's as beautiful as a movie set. Well, this is where my gym is going to be!

between London and Taipei / 倫敦和台北之間

今天早上聽91.7fm，聽說台北下著雨，我這邊是大晴天，透過廣播，我感受兩邊的天氣。DJ報的時間是晚上，我卻想像著有大太陽的夜晚，同時很想也不想家。

I tuned into 91.7fm in Taiwan this morning. I heard that it rained unceasingly in Taipei, but we had a super sunny day here in London. Through the broadcast, I experienced the weather of two cities. DJs kept announcing the time. It was the evening there, and I pictured a night with sunlight. I missed and I didn't miss home...

Alice / 愛麗絲

最近很多親朋好友和我說有定時跟蹤我的部落格，所以現在我沒話說也會擠出來。謝謝大家的鼓勵，但是如果你們也看到我們班上同學的作品，就會覺得我的不是很了不起，但就我個人的進展是很感人啦！

Lately my family and friends have told me that they are faithful followers of my blog, so it prompts me to post new entries on a daily basis, even though I might not always have so much to say. Thank you for all your encouragement, but if you got to see my classmates' works, you wouldn't think mine are so impressive. However, if you compare my current works with the past ones, there is indeed much progress.

昨天老師說，這週末回去想想要用什麼媒材表達我們的圖像，上週同學問：老師，作業週一交嗎？老師回答：週四才要交，但週末可以開始做。天真的我以為週一可以就這麼過去，現在我可清醒了，我連基本的三張圖都還沒湊出來，我要是只是想想，下週肯定完蛋，所以剛才從圖書館要回家時遇到泰緹安娜，她說周五晚上要好好放鬆，對我來說可以想出美好的圖像才是放鬆啊！

Yesterday Derek told us to think about and experiment with the media we can use to express our images. Last week Wen Dee asked, "Should we hand in the assignment on Monday?" Derek answered, "It's due on Thursday, but you can start over the weekend." I was so innocent to think that I didn't have to produce anything for Monday. Now I am wide awake. I don't even have the three images required. If I take my time, I'll be toast next week. On my way from the library home this afternoon, I ran into Tatiana. She said she was going to relax on Friday evening, but for me, only when I come up with a lovely image can I relax.

為了讓大家了解我的目標究竟為何，這個設計師的作品就是老師對我們的要求 〈請按左欄的Orange)：

To give everyone a better understanding of my goal, please go to the designer's webpages of Orange:

http://www.chrissiemacdonald.co.uk/

「愛麗絲夢遊仙境」─約翰坦尼爾爵士插畫 / Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, illustrations by Sir John Tenniel 

我漫不經心讀著「愛麗絲夢遊仙境」，也一邊學坦尼爾爵士的線畫，卻越來越覺得我就是愛麗 絲，現在我要從那麼小的尺寸變到巨人，哇，有這樣的目標，就算本來沒有足夠的實力，因為刺激，我怎麼都會做得比原來想像得好。

I am reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland on and off, but I am also learning the hatching techniques from Sir John Tenniel. The more I read, the more I relate to Alice. Now my task is to turn into the giant from a mini-doll. With such a goal, though I might not have that much potential, I'll do so much better thanks to the stimulation. 

大家等著下星期吧！

Let's look forward to what I'll come up with next week! 

Aspire / 立志

這幾天睡飽了，心情也跟著放鬆，我想到上週作業做到吐血，老師還沒有時間看，我不禁想開，我依舊認真做，但不再和自己過不去。

As I got enough sleep during the past few days, I came to relax. Upon thinking how stressed I was last week from the assignments and the tutors might not have time to look at them, I learned to take things easy. I still do my best, but I don't drive myself to a dead end. 

今早一起床，外面的陽光灑進窗戶，我把卡洛送我的花放在窗台上，我又恢復往日的熱血，唯一的不同是最近吃的特別多，真擔心冬天過後我就變成大胖妞了。

This morning when I woke up, I was greeted by the sunlight that found its way into my room. I put Carol's flowers on the windowsill for them to take a sunbath. My passionate self came back. The only difference is that lately I've been eating A LOT. I am so worried that I'll turn into a very plump lady after winter is over. 

去到學校老師終於要揭曉「羅密歐與茱麗葉」任務的最終目標了，從幾週前開始，老師都只是透露下一週的功課進度，所以其實很多人霧煞煞。原來我們必須設計一組三張的廣告，可以以各種形式存在，如雜誌封面、地鐵站廣告等等，為了讓我們更清楚了解，老師秀給我們看好幾張優質的廣告，這些例子的基本想法只有一個，但有好幾種呈現方式，而之前老師不願意一下就說得那麼直接，因為他們要學生從無數發想中找出最合適的影像和文字組合，否則很多人會跳過這中間的階段，直接生出最終圖像。

Today Derek finally revealed the final goal of the Romeo and Juliet project. Starting from two weeks ago, the teachers gave only bits and pieces of clues, so a lot of us didn't quite get what it is all about. The project is actually about designing two to three ads originating from the same core idea and they can come in any form such as magazine covers or ads seen at tube stations. To give us a better understanding, Derek showed us some really excellent examples, which all share one thing in common--there is more than one image to represent the same idea. The tutors are not willing to be direct about the project because they want us to push our ideas so that we can come up with the best choices of images and texts. Or like Lou said, many of us would skip the process and produce the final images all at once. 

德瑞克還放了去年的學生同期作品，明年整學年結束時，我們要把這一年完成的作品以PDF檔匯集，看到前輩們的作品，對我來說是很好的激勵，雖然我們只做到一半的階段，暫時無法想像究竟要如何完成這個作業，那樣優秀的作品讓我覺得，要把一項作業做到最好，就是花上再多時間也不為過啊！感覺這個週末又可以好好地自我探索。

Derek also shared with us the brilliant works by the 2nd-year students last year at this time. By the time the school year ends next summer, we will have to compile all our works in the PDF format. Seeing the senior students' works, I think there is no better way to stimulate me. Though we are only halfway through and I can't imagine what my final piece will look like, the fantastic images make me realize again that even spending a month on an assignment is worth it. I look forward to the coming weekend because I can spend days exploring more possibilities. 

今天我們分了組，助教挑了各自想要的學生，如我預期，我在露薏斯的組，我鬆了一口氣，雖然傑克給了我許多有關畫畫的建議，但是我暫時沒辦法達到他的期望，露對我比較了解，是個很貼心客觀的人，我想跟著她我可以快樂地學習。我和勵雯開玩笑說，基本上傑克挑了喜歡畫連環漫畫的同學，而露這一組很多活在自己的世界的同學，說好聽就是很有個性，這麼說我也是其中一個。

Today we found out about the group we belong to. Each tutor chose the students they'd like to work with. As I expected, I am in Lou's group, which I am glad about. Though Jake gave me tons of advice on drawing, I don't think I can live up to his expectations for the time being. Lou seems to know me better, and she is a very considerate and neutral person. I will feel happier being in her group. I joked with Li-wen that Jake picked students who are into doing graphic novels or manga while in Lou's group, most of us live in our own worlds. To put it in a nice way, each of us has a unique way of viewing life. In fact, I am talking about myself as well. 

今天我們要交五十個速寫小圖，再從中挑十個發展。

Today we had to put up fifty thumbnail images and ten finished images. 

（早上拍照時陽光在我的作業左上角留了腳印。）

(While I was taking photos this morning, the sun left its footprint on the upper left of my sheet.) 

我的問題還是一樣，儘管我昨天生出數十個想法，我最愛的還是被炸開的玫瑰花，但是要如何把這個單一的影像發揮，因為廣告圈的作業方式是要生出好幾張圖像表達單一想法，同學老師給我建議用其他想法，我不想這麼快放棄，讓我再好好想想。

My problem is still the same. Though I came up with many thumbnail images yesterday, my favorite still goes to the blown rose, which I came up with on Monday. However, it's just a single image and in advertising, the core idea should be conveyed in different platforms. Lou and my fellow classmates gave me advice on using other images, but I don't want to give up so soon. Let me think more about it. 

今天畫室的氣場很妙，有些人不滿意自己被分到的組，有人仍然不喜歡這個作業，但也有些人開始冒出新芽，欣在老師的評論之後，很努力生出新想法，並且和我們討論，我和她說她的內心世界很棒，但要轉換成別人一看就懂的圖面，她很誠懇地說：我很努力地變成正常人，你沒有感受到嗎？當時真想給她一個擁抱。

Today the chi in the studio was quite mixed. Some people were not satisfied with their groups, while some didn't like the assignment. However, new seeds started to burgeon in some people. After the crit, Xin did her best to modify her images and discussed with us. I told her that her inner world is beautiful, but she has to turn it into understandable images. She replied in earnest: I've tried to think like normal people. Didn't you feel it? I should have given her a hug then. 

要去聽演講之前，維琪開玩笑地稱我小書呆子，我為了逗她玩，假裝很驕傲地回答：我是啊怎樣？如果她知道我的終點有可能比其他人的都早到來，就會知道為何我這麼戰戰競競了。

Before going to the lecture, Vicky teased me by calling me "Little Nerd." To carry on with the game, I acted really proud and replied, "I am..." If she knew that all of this would end much sooner for me than for others, she would understand why I hold onto everything like this. 

在一切結束之前，我要立志往上爬，伸手抓到倫敦夜空裡的星星，然後都放進我的人生裡。

Before everything ends, I want to aspire to climb upwards, reaching for the stars in the night sky of London, and put everything in my life...

Give me some more time / 再給我一點時間

這幾天很累，累到圖畫不出來，卻又不知道可以做什麼，走在路上只能東看西看，試著找一些靈感。例如說，我在猜這個白馬桶是自己逃出來的嗎？但為何不跑遠些呢？

I was more than exhausted during the past few days, so tired that I couldn't draw. Meanwhile I wondered what else I could do. When walking on the roads, my eyes searched for interesting things so that I could find inspirations. For example, I was curious if this toilet made the escape itself, but if it's really so, why didn't it run further? 

氣溫有逐漸下降的趨勢，但秋天還捨不得離開弗洛登路，天氣晴朗的時候，楓葉看起來就更美麗。

I have the feeling that the temperature is slowly dropping, but autumn still can't bring itself to part with Flodden Road. When there are sunny spells, the maple leaves appear even more charming. 

星期一在畫室裡的任務是拿上週發展的想法繼續發展下去，老師要的是小圖的速寫，每張不超過五分鐘得畫出來，我想我的圖還不夠多元，因為最終要能生出兩個廣告表達同一個想法。

The task on Monday in the studio was to develop one of the ideas we had formed last week. The teachers asked for thumbnail images, each of which should be drawn within five minutes. I think my images were not diverse enough because in the end everyone of us has to come up with two different ads for the same idea. 

今天之前我有種什麼也想不到的枯竭感，早上起床時，我終於復原了，我對自己說，如果我不喜歡我生出的想法，明天我根本無法上台報告，所以無論如何，我要用愛好好做作業。

Before today, I was sucked dry. I couldn't think of anything and I didn't like what I did. This morning when I woke up, I recuperated mentally and physically. I told myself if I don't like my ideas, I won't be able to present them tomorrow. So I have to do the homework with love no matter what. 

雖然我想快速地進步，也容易沒有達到目標感到沮喪，但怎麼說我都在前進。和蔡女士視訊時，隨手畫了一堆肖像，以前我是不會畫這些東西的，這應該是我的改變指標之一。

Though I want desperately to make progress and I am likely to feel frustrated without achieving my goals, I am moving forward anyway. While Skyping with Mom today, I did doodles of everyone's portraits. I wouldn't draw so spontaneously like this before. It is an indication of my change. 

再給我一點時間，我對自己說。

Give me some more time, I say to myself. 

feast to cure melancholy / 治憂鬱之大餐

過去這個星期行程大滿檔，身心俱疲，週末和卡洛回到三周前去過、位於Camden Lock的風味茶屋Yumcha，上次去的時候陽光灑滿整間茶室，昨天天氣有點陰，窗外的樹葉翠綠依然，我喝了加了牛奶的焦糖甜心茶，又吃了可口的司康餅，整個大滿足，吃完之後沿運河散步，天黑之際的街景很迷人。

My schedules during the past week were superhuman. I was mentally and physically exhausted. On the weekend Carol and I went back to the adorable teashop Yumcha located in Camden Lock. Last time when I was there with Caterina and Jazel, it was a lovely sunny day with sunlight reflected from the windows. Yesterday the weather was cloudy, but the tree leaves are of a fresh yellow green as usual. I had very sweet Caramel Sweetheart with a yummy scone. I was almost healed. After the afternoon tea, we took a stroll along the canal. The cityscape at dusk was really enchanting. 

接著和James逛了倫敦政經學院一圈之後，發現他們的學生好認真，星期六傍晚電腦室滿滿的都是讀書的孩子，我們坎貝爾藝術學校週末是不開門的呢！

Then we had a tour in LSE with James as our guide. The students are so hardworking. The computer room in the library is packed with kids  on Saturday evenings. Hardly anyone goes to Camberwell School of Arts on weekends! 

晚餐我們參加了「治憂鬱之大餐」，用餐的場所在圖書館，每個人進場會拿到一張卡，上面有一個特定的角色，因為古早人相信身心的健康起源於人體各種脾性的平衡，如果不均衡會產生燥熱、憂鬱、易怒和冷淡之現象，很妙的是我拿到的是憂鬱，雖然我沒有心情低落，但我的確長時間工作、沒時間好好吃飯。

We had a "feast to cure melancholy" for dinner. The venue was in the library of Wellcome Collection. Everyone was given a card upon entering and assigned a role. People in the past believed that mental and physical health results from the balance of all humors in human body. If there is any imbalance, one is likely to be sanguine, melancholy, choleric and phlegmatic. It was a coincidence that I got the role of Emmanuel, who suffers from melancholy. I was not in low spirits, but like her, I did work long hours without taking much time to eat properly. 

現場的工作人員有的負責幫大家診斷，有的則給大家處方和治療的食譜，我面對的傢伙太帥，我不知不覺又畫起圖來，好不開心啊！

The staff helped everyone diagnose our problems and gave us prescriptions and recipes. The guy whose group I was assigned to was so gorgeous that I couldn't help drawing him and then other staff members. It was such a wonderful evening! 

這是開胃菜，主持人在上每道菜之前會報上菜名，但我忙著畫圖，沒認真聽，只能憑自己感覺猜，這個吃起來有點像肉乾。

This was the appetizer. In fact, the host announced the name of every dish before it was served. But I was too busy drawing to pay attention to her. Based on my limited understanding of food, this tasted like shredded meat. 

主菜一魚一素，魚片和薯條蠻好吃的。

The main courses were comprised of two dishes. The fish and chips were rather scrumptious. 

素食有馬鈴薯和洋蔥。

The vegetarian dish contained chips and onions. 

這是鴨肉小點。

This was a snack of duck meat. 

最後一道是奶霜配水果乾。

The last course was cream with preserved fruit. 

這一餐真是特別的體驗，不過如果食物份量乘以五倍，在冷冷的冬天裡就更令人滿足了！

This meal was a very unique experience, but if the food portion had been four times larger, it would have been so filling in cold winter!