My last lesson with Granny 3 / 和阿嬤的最後一堂課 3

風和日麗的星期天下午，我坐在阿嬤家的陽台，呼吸著暖冬的空氣，想要用速寫的方式把一切收進眼底和心底，感受阿嬤生活的風景。每次回七堵總是匆匆吃個飯旋風式地離開，這次我想要無止境地待在那裏，感受每一分鐘。

On the sunny Sunday afternoon, I sit on Granny's balcony, breathing the warm winter air. Wanting to remember it all, I begin drawing a sketch of what I saw. Every time when we return to Chi-du, it was always a whirlwind visit. This time I want to discard the manacles of time and stay there without hurrying to my next destination. 

        雖然公寓一間一間地蓋起來，從阿嬤家還是看得到前火車站，熟悉的汽笛聲讓我想到小時候，空靈的夜晚裡總聽得到一樣的背景音樂。焦點往眼前拉近，後火車站的兩樓建築擋住視野，再拉近些就是明德國中的教室，被我畫得很像台北的國宅，我身上的城市味渲染了整張速寫圖。教室後方原本是小小的菜田，以前阿嬤還在那裏種菜；人行道上披了美容院有破洞的毛巾。阿嬤家前方的街道是悠閒的，偶有一兩位行人經過，看見大阿姨熟悉的身影晃過去，我便熱情地打招呼。

     Despite the rising number of apartments, I can still see the train station in the distance. The familiar locomotive sounds remind me of my childhood when I could hear their whistles at dark nights. If we zoom in, the back of the station, which is nearer, has a new second-floor, and it blocks the sky. Right in front of Granny's are the classrooms of Min-der Junior High School. Somehow I make them look like the tall residential buildings in big cities. I can't help but color the sketch with my city feel. The lawn in the back of the school building used to be where Granny planted vegetables. On the fences that separate the school and the road hang some tattered towels of the beauty salon on the ground floor of Granny's apartment. The middle-aged beautician are in a rush to dry them on such a fine day. The street is empty most of the time, with one or two passers-by strolling. When I see my eldest aunt taking a walk after lunch, I greet her from the balcony enthusiastically. 

        從阿嬤過世的那一天開始，我總在陽台等著，看到有車子停在樓下，便猜想應該是來拜訪的親戚或友人。在黑悠悠的夜色裡，看見阿婆阿白花花的身影從車內緩緩地走下來，心裡想：阿嬤等著大家也是這種心情吧！晴朗的週日下午，有幾名不是很確定的中年男女也上樓來了，是阿嬤的鄰居，阿嬤家變成了一個人群聚集的目的地。

     Since the day of Granny's death, I've got into the habit of waiting on the balcony. Seeing cars approaching, I wonder if it's relatives or friends that come to express condolences. When my great aunt's cotton white hair emerges from the car and she slowly descends, I can somehow experience what Granny feels each time visitors come. On the Sunday afternoon, some men and women, not sure if they have come to the right place, stand downstairs. They turn out to be Granny's neighbors. The apartment suddenly becomes a very popular parlor in the quiet neighborhood. 

        我隔著玻璃窗聽著家人在客廳裡邊摺紙蓮花，聊東南西北，好久沒有這麼親切的感覺了。鄰居一上來便說：我才想好久沒在市場看到阿嬤。這幾個月阿嬤病情惡化就再也沒出門去逛他最愛的市場，聽著他們聊啊聊的，我看到了阿嬤在家庭以外的生活，原本以為她沒什麼朋友，這才發現她有著我不知道的人際圈，漸漸地我不擔心了，在另一個世界裡一定也有很多等著他的家人和朋友。鄰居沒有久留，卻帶來許多溫暖。

     I draw and listen to my elder relatives chat as they fold paper lotuses. They chat about everything, their voices being so soothing. One of the neighbors says, "I haven't seen Granny in the market for long." Well, Granny hadn't been unable to go out with her health deteriorating over the past few months. Their  conversation gives me a peek into a whole new world of Granny's life. I used to think that she didn't have friends. It is not until now that I realize she does, which relieves my worries. I bet in her current world, there must be many relatives and friends waiting for her. The neighbors do not stay long, but their warmth lingers even after they leave. 

        前幾晚一走到陽台上，眼淚就嘩啦啦地滾了下來，男孩們出來和我玩，我說：「以前阿祖就在這裡和我們說再見、看我們離開。」講著講著聲音變得哽咽，楷維問：「你怎麼啦？」我說：因為我很傷心。思維很懂事地接著說：「是因為阿祖嗎？」雖然很傷心，但是有小朋友大大的肩膀可以靠。

     A few nights ago, the moment I walked onto the balcony, tears dropped like a turned-on faucet. The boys followed right after me. I told them how Granny waved goodbye to us from the balcony. Then I choked. Kai asked, "What's wrong?" I said, "I am very sad." Von said understandingly, "Because of Granny right?" Though I felt sad, I know I have children's shoulders to lean on. 

        星期天我的肩膀是四歲的小心心，她陪著我在陽台畫圖，字正腔圓地說：「我好喜歡這裡的風景。」我一邊和她說著阿祖的故事，一邊被她療癒著，這些都是阿嬤派來陪我的小天使。

     Then another child comes on Sunday. The four-year-old Xin accompanies me as I sketch. She says to me, "I love the scenery here." I tell her that it's what Granny saw too. I share Granny's stories with her, while she heals me. These are all my little angels sent by Granny. 

        現在走在路上看到別人的阿嬤，眼光總是無法別開，會想要多看一眼，這似乎是回憶阿嬤的一種方式。有時候還是會有一點點傷心，我的快樂像是發酵過的麵粉，看起來很豐盈，但只要輕輕一按，我的心就會瘀傷，不過這也沒什麼不好的是吧！

     Now when I see Granny-like grannies on the roads, I can't take my eyes off them. I guess this is a way for me to remember my granny. Sometimes I am still kind of sentimental. My happiness is like fermented batter. Though it looks fat on the outside, it is bruised easily if someone touches it lightly. There's nothing bad about it actually....