Granny's map / 阿嬤地圖

雖然這一陣子跑七堵跑得很勤，卻還是有好多想看想知道的事，不只是關於阿嬤，也關於我的童年。今天是放寒假的第一天，我決定拋開時間的枷鎖，盡情地感受這個小地方。

I've been traveling to Chi-du a lot lately. Still, there are still tons of places and people I want to visit here. It's not only about Granny but also about my childhood. Today is the first day of winter break. I've made up my mind to go with the flow and experience my hometown to the fullest.  

        和前幾個星期來的時候一樣，天氣陰雨綿綿，我和火車站便利商店的小妹借了把椅子，坐在後火車站的出口兩個多小時，畫一整排擠在一起的四層公寓。

     Like my previous solo visit, it's drizzling and gray today. I borrow a chair from the convenience store in the train station and sit in front of the exit sketching the four-story apartments for two and half hours. 

        隨著年紀漸長和經驗累積，我常常在畫A地時會想到速寫B地的旅行，或去C的感覺，可以回到我長大的地方用新的眼光看原本熟悉的景色，同時還回憶法國或英國或各國，真的是很幸福的事。一邊畫圖，一邊感受七堵人的民情，這是我小時候想像不到的事。

     As I age, I've accumulated more traveling experiences. Thus, when I am sketching place A, the memory of place B often flashes through my mind, or the moment just reminds me of a trip to place C. I can't think of a more blissful thing than going back to where I grew up and seeing it as if I'd never been there. Meanwhile, it makes me recall the foreign countries I once stayed in. I spend time drawing quietly and feeling what the locals are like, which is something I couldn't imagine I would do when I was little. 

        又去繞了阿嬤最愛的市場，很多人和我提到阿嬤時都提到這個地方，太哥陪阿嬤來市場，阿嬤教他如何買柳丁和冬瓜；美麗和阿嬤逛市場，大家都認識阿嬤，因為會觸景傷情，美麗在阿嬤過世之後沒辦法去市場。我和阿嬤沒有逛市場的共同回憶，我只好用想像力，猜測某幾攤老闆也許認識阿嬤。

     Then I stroll in Granny's favorite market, which many relatives mentioned when we talked about her. Granny taught Tiger, my cousin, how to choose oranges and white gourds. Meili always accompanied Granny on her visits to the market. Because a lot of vendors knew Granny, Meili couldn't bear going there after Granny passed away. I don't have any of these memories, so I can only rely on my imagination, wondering who might be Granny's friends. 

        回到七堵大街上吃豆花，吃完之後和小姐聊了起來，話說十二月中回來看阿嬤，媽媽交代買豆花給阿嬤吃，可是那天豆花店關門，我不是故意要找碴，只是隨口問小姐店是否休週日，然後很神奇地，我並不特別和朋友或同事說外婆過世的消息，我居然對著一個陌生人就自然地和她說有關阿嬤的事，和她說外婆過世前想買豆花讓她開心，和她說外婆月初走了，她居然很不好意思地一直說那天剛好有事，七堵的所有回憶都可以和阿嬤串在一起。小姐看我外帶一杯豆花，問我是否還有親戚住在七堵，本來直覺地回答沒有了，才想到豆花是要給大阿姨的。

     I go back to the main street for a bowl of bean curd. I then strike a conversation with the lady. Back in December, Mom said I could buy some for Granny because she liked it when Mom fed her the dessert on the day before I went back. However, it was closed on the day I returned to Chi-du. Dad and I felt so lost. So I ask her if the shop is closed on Sunday. She says that day was one of the few exceptions. I didn't mention Granny's death to many people, but strangely, I tell the lady about Granny. She feels very sorry about closing the shop that day. It occurs to me that everything that happened in Chi-du can have something to do with Granny. 

     The lady asks me if I still have any relatives in Chi-du. Instinctively I say no, but it is right after I say it that I realize I do. The takeout bean curd is for my eldest aunt. 

經過了空蕩蕩的阿嬤家，沒有進去。

     I pass by the empty apartment of Granny, and I do not go in. 

倒是去了大阿姨家，大阿姨是個孩子，面對孩子我總是很自在，我問她想不想阿嬤，她說：「想啊，那天我哭得很傷心呢！」提起了上週末阿嬤出殯時的風和日麗，她說：「真的是阿嬤的日子。」那天我們燒了漂亮豪華的房子給阿嬤，還有各式家電，「阿嬤現在一定過著快樂的生活，而且也沒有身體的苦痛，可以自在地玩牌。」「和誰玩啊？」大阿姨問。「和朋友啊！」我答，「怎麼樣會遇到呢？」「只要很想就會遇到！」

     Instead, I go straight to my auntie's place. She is a child within, and I am always at ease in children's presence. I ask her if she misses Granny. She answers, "I do. I cried hard last Saturday in the funeral." We speak of the beautiful day. She can't help making the remark, "It was really Granny's day, wasn't it." We burned an extremely luxurious paper house for Granny along with all sorts of electric appliances. "Granny must be having a wonderful time now without any physical pain. Best of all, she can play card games to her heart's content." "With whom?" Auntie asks. "With her friends." I answer. "How can she meet her friends up there?" "As long as she wants to, she will." 

        和大阿姨說再見後，前往阿嬤以前種菜的菜園，遇見正在車庫補漆的四姨丈，他告訴我阿嬤種菜的田地，大阿姨說阿嬤八十歲之後還拉美麗下田呢！我也沒有這樣的回憶，只能在雨中速寫，旁邊種田的先生走過來，我和他說阿嬤的事，他認識阿嬤，「這幾年都沒看見阿嬤了。」「因為身體不行了。」今天走過的每一處都有阿嬤的痕跡，對我來說很有療癒的效果。

     After saying goodbye to Auntie, I move on to the small patch of land where Granny used to grow veggies. I run into my fourth uncle, who's busy painting his car in the garage. He points out the specific patch for me. It's amazing that Granny could still do farm work in her eighties together with Meili. I don't share any memory of that with her either. All I can do is sketch in the rain. A neighbor who's tending his crops walks by. I tell him about Granny, whom he used to know too. "I haven't seen her in the past few years." "Because her health deteriorated." I can find Granny everywhere I visit today, which has a great healing effect on me. 

        我離開這個世界之後也有人會想要走一遍我的生活地圖嗎？

     After I leave the world, will there be anyone who's interested in my life map?