Upwards / 向上

江老師說，國畫裡不喜畫櫻花，因為櫻花的花瓣向下垂。這個星期我的功課是畫杜鵑花，老師給我的範本中，花瓣都朝外上方開，感覺是積極的春天。

Jim said that cherry blossoms are not a favorite in Chinese painting because the petals droop downwards. This week my assignment is drawing azaleas. Jim painted a sample for me and the petals turn outwards and upwards. Through the image, I can envision a positive spring season.

這兩天天氣好得不得了，上帝對我也特別好，改了好幾份作業，看了一些申請手冊，感受到孩子們的進步，有的是長距離的慢跑，有的是我不經意的動作，卻產生了我意想不到的好結果，我們之間從誰開始的向上力不重要了，因為我們彼此都受惠，希望這股力量在我們分手之後會一直記在心裡。

The weather these two days have been gorgeous. God is especially nice to me. After having looked at some reading notes and portfolios for application to colleges, I feel my kids’ overwhelming progress. For some, it’s a long running marathon, and for others, it’s a good result brought about by little things I do. It doesn’t matter where the strong urge to reach for a goal originates because both of us profit from it. I do hope that this driving force will stay with us when we are no longer together.

Kai’s talk / 童言童語

楷維的語言能力在將近兩歲時爆炸式地發展，雖然有時候發音怪怪的，但習慣之後我不免感到驚訝，回想他兩個月前只能一次說一兩個單字，現在居然也能響珠砲哇啦哇啦地講話，我把他有趣的思維記錄下來，以便將來回顧。

Kai’s language ability has taken a HUGE leap before he turns two years old. Though sometimes his pronunciation isn’t precise, he never fails to amaze me. It’s hard to imagine that he could utter only one or two words in a sentence two months ago, and now it’s a piece of cake for him to make a long sentence. I would like to record his childlike ideas so that I can look back on these memories in the future.

一、楷維稱呼各式人偶為「妹妹」，舉凡咕咕鐘上面的小人或櫃子裡陳放的組裝機器人，這些東西令他很害怕，也許他看到裡面的甚麼也說不定。

1. Kai calls all kinds of figurines “mei-mei” (meaning younger sisters), including the small figures that come in with the cuckoo clock and my brothers’ hand-assembled toy figures. In fact, he finds them scary. I am thinking maybe he sees something inside them which is invisible to adults…

二、盆栽掉落的花瓣使楷維好奇，自從我教了他「花落了」，他每次走進客廳來一定要複習，我看著他天真地說出這麼滄桑的字語，感覺非常特別。

2. The falling petals from the bonsai aroused Kai’s curiosity. Since I taught him the sentence “The flowers have withered,” he has got into the habit of reviewing it every time he walks into the living room. It feels very special for me to hear such a philosophical statement from a 2-year-old soul.

三、說要打屁屁，楷維很誠懇地翹起屁股說：在這裡。

3. Whenever we threaten Kai with spanking, he will stick out his buttocks saying, “Here they are.”

四、最喜歡車車的楷維也會指揮倒車入庫，看他比著手投入地叫著：再來再來，我想他在會說話之前一定等很久。

4. Kai, a fervent car fan, has also learned to give commands about parking. When seeing him gesture and shout, “Backwards!” I can’t help wondering that he must have waited long before being able to say these words with ease.

Leaving traces of memory / 留念

鋼琴被搬走了，不過是到我最愛的小方小楷家，我也開始整理書櫃了，裡面滿滿的英文小說是我的青春寫照，，我想在和他們分手之前畫一張圖於書的背脊上－小楷喜歡坐在鋼琴上俯瞰窗外的風景，我希望自己也能時時有這樣的視野。

Our piano was moved away and sent to Von and Kai’s. I have started to sort through shelves of novels in English, which are such a precious symbol of my youth. I’d like to draw something on the ridges of the books before parting ways with them—Kai loves to sit on the piano and overlook the view outside the window. I hope to take such a perspective all the time.

London Bridge / 倫敦大橋

下雨的週末，我們在客廳裡畫畫，小方邊哼著「倫敦大橋倒下來」，小楷在「倒下來」的小節就加入，這是個有點慵懶有點彩色的春天。

On the rainy weekend, we draw and paint in the living room. Von hums the nursery rhyme “London Bridge Is Falling Down.” Kai joins in when his elder brother gets to the “falling down” part. This is a sort-of-laidback and sort-of-colorful spring.

Super Lucky / 無敵幸運

上個周末去了倫敦藝術大學的說明會，負責招生的教授Wendy Anderson說，一定要隨身帶著速寫本，內容不一定要是塗鴉，就算是購物單或描寫戀愛對象都可以，之前從申請學校開始，我一直被灌輸成品不是最重要的結果，反倒是發想的過程，而速寫本裡最好記錄這整串的演變。想到未來我的腦袋可能會被整個解體再重組，原本的擔憂都變成興奮，我想起秀貞說，看看一年以後的我作品有甚麼樣的改變，連我自己也很好奇。

Last weekend I went to the orientation seminar held by University of the Arts London. The professor responsible for recruiting new students, Miss Wendy Anderson, said that a designer or artist must carry with him or her a sketchbook. It doesn’t have to be a collection of images. It can be a shopping list or about someone you are in love with. Since applying for schools, I’ve been told that the finished work is not as important as the process of brainstorming. How one derives the inspiration is more likely to arouse the teacher’s curiosity. Upon thinking that my whole brain will be deconstructed and re-pieced together, what I had perceived to be anxiety all turned out to be excitement. Jane wondered how my works would change in one year, which equally interests me.

小小的演講室裡放眼望去至少有四分之一的同學年齡是我的一半，由爸媽陪同著，再看看入學許可上的花費金額，我不禁想這些人應該從小就過著不愁錢的生活，真的是美麗的人生。對我來說，我可以離開的時間有限、預算有限，可是我覺得自己無敵幸運，因為有限制的條件下讓我從之前就要很珍惜這個決定為我帶來的動力，怎麼說我都很高興從頭到尾都是我自己一個人全權負責，但我不會忘記和大家分享我得到的啟發和快樂。

I took a quick glance at the small room filled with my future classmates, at least one fourth of whom are half my age accompanied by their parents. I then glimpsed at the amount of tuition fee on the acceptance form. I couldn’t help guessing that these kids never have to worry about money. In a sense, what a beautiful life…For me, I can get away only for a period of time on a limited budget, but I already consider myself super lucky. Given these conditions, I have started to cherish the impetus this decision brings me since a few months ago. And I am proud of myself for taking full responsibility for making this decision and carrying it out all on my own. However, I will never ever forget to share with others the inspiration and joy this detour brings me.

Auntie Wan / 汪阿姨

許多人選擇不生小孩的理由是，這個世界太險惡，新世代要面對那麼多前所未見的挑戰是不公平的，我一直都認為活著就充滿無限可能，每個人會找到自己的路，但最近的天災頻繁，進步的科技好像並沒有讓人過更好的生活，我開始認同憂心人士的觀點，新生兒有甚麼義務去承受之前世世代代累積的貪惡和自私呢？

I’ve heard that many people choose not to have children because this world is too sinister and rugged. It is unfair for the newborns to be confronted with so many unprecedented challenges. I had always believed that life itself was full of possibilities, and that everyone would find their way to survive. However, I’ve come to identify with others since large-scale natural calamities occur at such a frequent rate and advanced technology doesn’t actually ensure a better life. It doesn’t make sense for the new generation to bear the negative consequences caused by greed, evil and selfishness of their ancestors.

現在我們再也不能拍胸脯地說，等你長大或幾十年以後這種字眼，安然活著的每一天都是賺到的，隨時都要心存感激。我也知道正在眼前發生的浩劫，但我還是要因為孩子們微小的、瑣碎的進步感到喜悅：小楷的句子字數增加到三四個字了，雖然大家猛教他對我說汪達姨，我在他口中變成了汪阿姨。我離開世界的時候，要帶著是這樣的回憶。

Now we can’t say with assurance words like, “After you grow up,” or “in decades…” Every day when we are still able to go about our daily routines is an extra gift. It is blasphemous to live without a thankful heart. I am so aware of the terrible catastrophe that is playing out right in front of my eyes, but meanwhile I want to be joyful for the kids’ tiny and trivial progress—Kai is capable of saying more than three words in each sentence. Everyone repeats to him how to say “auntie Wanda,” though I turn out to be auntie Wan. When I leave the world, I want to go away with such memories.

London Postcards Project / 倫敦明信片計畫

要搬家了，我在房子整修之前把牆上的圖片紛紛拿下，其中小方最喜歡的就是薛吉姐姐送的倫敦地鐵圖。習慣到處留下印記，我在地圖上標示乍看之下想拜訪的車站和隨意挑選的日期，而小方到時候會收到那一天記錄的手繪明信片。

Before moving away, I take down little by little the posters tacked to the walls. Among them, the metro map of London given by Shaggy is Von’s favorite. Used to leaving my marks everywhere I can lay my hands on, I circled the stations that I’d like to visit and wrote down randomly picked dates. Von will receive hand-drawn postcards from me on those chosen days then.

Smeared Face / 花花臉

小方的鼻頭上某天突然出現了像黑芝麻的斑點，雖然家長們都緊張得不得了，我卻和他說，這真是個寫圖畫書的好題材，他也雀躍地和我附和。拖了一陣子，心中老想著，我要當守承諾的大人，最近終於把草本生出來，不過很多地方不滿意，所以我決定之後再重寫。不過明天我的小少爺來訪時，我們可有得玩了。

A black dot grew out of nowhere and decided to settle on the tip of Von’s nose one day. All the adults were tormented by its mysterious appearance, but I told him, “Now we have a WONDERFUL theme for writing picture books!” He was thus, if not more, at least as excited as me. I had been putting off the task though, despite the constant nagging of my conscience to remind me that a responsible adult should keep her promise to a young child. The good news is that I have finally produced the draft, but the bad news is that I am so dissatisfied with it that I will rewrite it in a few months. Still, I can’t help feeling thrilled about my little princes’ arrival tomorrow because we’ll have the story to chatter about.

故事提要：小比不喜歡吃飯，外婆為他煮了又香又Q的黑芝麻飯，他沒吃幾口就飽了，但是第二天早上小比起床時，發現鼻子上長了一顆大黑點！

Excerpt of the story: Bibi doesn’t like to eat. Granny prepares yummy sesame rice for him, but he eats next to nothing. The following morning when Bibi gets up, he finds a HUGE black dot on the tip of his nose!!!

singing frogs / 蛙鳴

原來我不是辦公室裡唯一消化不良的人，我的鄰居艾蜜莉剛好也犯了胃病，我們的症狀一樣，因為氣找不到出口，只好靠人工的打嗝方式得到紓解，於是此起彼落的蛙鳴就在我們之間流動著。

It turned out that I am not the only person with the indigestion problem in the office. My neighbor Emily has exactly the same symptom, also caused by too much stress. The “chi” can’t find any exit in our bodies, so we can only alleviate the pain by belching constantly. Thus, in the silence between us flows the hoarse singing of two sick frogs…

Defensive / 防

今天早上練書法，寫「防」字時老把耳朵和方靠得太近，難怪有時候容易受傷害，太接近方體，會被銳利的角度割到，所以從現在起，必要時我得保持距離。

When I was practicing calligraphy this morning, I failed to pay attention to the distance between the two parts (meaning ear; square) in the word “defensive.” No wonder I am easily hurt sometimes by the sharp angles of a square. From now on, I have to keep my distance when necessary…

Slow Movement / 慢活

吃了一個多月的胃藥，上個星期決定轉看中醫，醫生一把脈便說，這不是腸胃的問題，是頭腦轉太快了。所以我目前正在重新學習無所事事的藝術。

After taking medicine for my gastroenteritis for more than a month, I made the decision to switch to seeing a Chinese medicine doctor last week. Upon feeling my pulse, the doctor cleared all my confusion right away, saying that it was my brain that caused all the discomfort. It moved too fast for my body to catch up. That’s why at this moment I am relearning the art of being a “vegetarian.”