The pianist / 小小鋼琴家

In the blink of an eye / 一瞬間

大約兩個月前我和小方一起讀沙基布勒奇的「我等待」，讀到故事最後的部分，小方第一次聽到死亡的主題，我卻沒有好好地處理他的情緒，只是很冷血地說每個人都會死掉，他小小的心靈一時難以承受，眼淚便開始在眼眶裡打轉，他啜泣地請我抱他一下，即使之後我們沒有再碰這本書，死亡的想法其實一直留在他的腦海裡。

About two months ago, Von and I read J’attends written by Serge Bloch. The book deals with the big issue of death in the end. I forgot that this would be a brand-new and difficult topic for him, so I just told him bluntly that everyone will eventually die. He was too young to take the lesson. At the thought that everyone around him would leave him and that even he himself would disappear in this world one day, tears welled up in his eyes. He wept and asked me to give him a hug. I then promised him not to touch the book for a while. Despite so, the idea of death has obsessed him since then.

幾天前我邊畫畫，他一邊玩車車時，突然很平靜地問我：每個人都會死對不對？那我們死掉的時候看起來怎麼樣？感覺怎麼樣？接下來會去哪裡？原來他始終沒忘記死亡的主題，經過一段時間的消化，他用另一種方法來面對，好多大人一輩子都想不通，這個小孩花了兩個月居然可以從害怕轉為好奇，並且想進一步了解這個人生的大課題。

A few days ago, while we were hanging out in the living room, the questions suddenly popped out of his mouth, “Everyone dies right? So how do we look when we die? How does it feel? Where will we go afterwards?” He talked in a very calm tone. It amazed me that he had digested the information about death within, and that he is going to face it. Many adults never figure it out in their lifetime, but this child took only two months. His fear was transformed into curiosity, which prompts him to find out more about death.

最近好多跡象都顯示，小方長大了，而且是以光速在變化著，小孩的成長每每在一瞬間發生，沒有在身邊見證的家長自然錯過不少，在身邊的感受其中的奧妙，但是那些緊抓住的，都只能當作孩子長大離開以後的回憶，作為心靈上的撫慰，因為總有一天他們都會離開。

Recently many signs have indicated that Von is growing up, at the speed of light. Children’s change often takes place in the blink of an eye. If parents are not there to witness it, they certainly miss out on MUCH. Those who get to see it experience the mystery of life. However, the transient moments we hold onto so tightly can only serve as mental solace after children are gone. After all, some day they’ll all go away from us.

Big Sis & Angry Little Lion / 姊姊‧生氣的小獅子

夏天到了，每個人似乎都多了那麼些煩躁。

With the approach of summer, everyone seems to get a little bit more cranky.

最近我作繪本草圖的練習，而小方是很好的讀者，所以每到周末，我便把前一周的成品和他分享，可能因為故事的角色是我們身邊的人物，他對於我的草本愛不釋手。

I’ve been practicing writing picture books over the past one month. Von is my one and only reader. He takes a great liking to the plots because they are all related to people around us. Thus, it has become one of our routines to read my stories together on weekends.

不過這個周末他玩過頭了，把草本當作玩具在地上拖，讓非常難得發脾氣的我，覺得多少要說他一頓，結果反而把他的叛逆性給喚出來，我說：你要好好愛護這本書，弄壞了就沒得讀了，小方明明很喜歡它，卻回嘴：沒關係，反正我書很多，你很生氣，我也很生氣。繼他兩歲之後，我們已經很少吵到不能溝通的地步，於是我想，再和他說下去也是徒然，我便安靜地走回到書桌，甚麼話也沒說。

However, this weekend he kind of went too far. Carried away by excitement, he dragged the handmade book bought from India on the floor as if it were his toy car. I felt the need to give him a lecture, so I said calmly, “You should take good care of this book because it’s the only one in the world.” I knew how much he loves it, but he talked back, “I don’t care. I have a lot of books. I am as angry as you!” Since he turned two, we had hardly staged such a fierce fight. I thought that we should cool down first, so I went back to the desk without saying anything.

從小時候到將近三十歲，冷戰一直都是我的專長，我花了好多年擺脫這個我也討厭萬分的壞習慣，但是那天中午坐在書桌前，我很訝異自己年輕時居然能夠忍受冷戰那種動彈不得的壓抑，即使我說只是要讓小獅子冷靜，我覺得當時的空氣很不舒服。至於小獅子，先是跑去找周圍的長輩，希望他們認同他，再來又跑到我身邊，一邊收拾玩具一邊碎碎念，最後靠過來說：妳在畫甚麼啊？

Over the first 30 years of my life, silent treatment had always been my expertise. It took me so many years and efforts to get rid of this habit, which I hate as well. That noon, when I sat at the desk, I was surprised by my past self for being able to bear with the suffocating air when I gave others silent treatment. Even though I only intended to calm Von down, I didn’t feel comfortable. Meanwhile, Von went to my mom, trying to win some support. Later, he came to the living room, putting away his toys and murmuring to himself about not liking me anymore. In the end, he stood beside me and asked, “What are you drawing?”

在敝人爸爸的勸說之下，小獅子終於道歉，兩手稍息放在背後，很認真地把整件事始末用清楚的語言表達，我看著他說：「你為甚麼要邊說邊笑呢？」他回答：「乾阿公說要帶著微笑。」我真是不知哭還笑，連道歉都搞得這麼逗趣。

Persuaded by my dad, Von finally apologized, with both hands behind his back. I looked at him trying to put the whole story into words, “Why do you laugh when you apologize?” “Grandpa said I should apologize with smiles.” I was rather amused by the answer despite my anger.

就像明明沒有人教我冷戰，我卻要花一輩子戒掉這個惡習，學習溝通，小獅子大概也要花上一輩子學習放下強烈的自尊心，也好啦，太完美的人生活恐怕會很無聊。

No one taught me to give silent treatment after a fight, but it took me a whole life to shake it off and learn to communicate efficiently. Obviously, Von will have to spend the rest of his life casting his strong ego aside. Well, that gives each of us a life lesson to focus on, or our life would be really dull.

我們吵得如火如荼時，可愛的小楷忙著滿場跑叫台語版的「姊姊」，因為這是他會的幾個稱謂之一，我們每一個人不管男女老幼，都變成姊姊了。

When the fight was going on, Kai was running around calling “Big Sis” in Taiwanese. Since this is one of the few words he knows, everyone of us, whether man or woman, young or old, is Big Sis for him…

The Best Team / 最佳團隊

某天我在餐桌前吃早點時，呈現一種放空的狀態，盯著眼前的信用卡帳單背面，琳瑯滿目的度假飯店，當下很想打電話預訂，完全不管飯店是在礁溪還是墾丁。不過說來奇怪，工作量全都在我可以負荷的範圍內，承受力卻有些不如之前，最近也特別容易上火，也許是之前累積下來的量到了某個點。

One morning when I was having breakfast, I was so fatigued that I couldn’t think. I stared at the back of the credit card bill on which I found the ads of several resort hotels. At that moment I felt the urge to call and book a room. I have been longing to take a few days off and do nothing. Yet I am not really loaded with more work than I can take. Maybe I have accumulated enough pressure along the way, and now it’s time to let it all out.

儘管如此，我更想要找到出路，我希望每天早上起床時都是歸零的狀態。上帝其實是公平的，越是在這種時候，身邊的人會對我說些體貼的話。季節先生說：「很謝謝我合作的人是妳。」，在一段旅程要接近終點聽到這句話，特別感心；我知道我和一群很棒的小朋友合作，棒到別人老是在抱怨時，我想不出有甚麼讓我能夠數落的地方，只能暗自慶幸。

However, I don’t want to run away. Instead, I desire more than anything else to find a balance right here and now. I hope that when I get up every morning, I have forgotten yesterday’s problems. I notice that the more stressed I am, the more considerate people are to me. For example, Mr. Season said to me, “I am glad you are my partner.” I was touched beyond the description of words when I heard it, especially when one of our journeys is about to end. Besides, I have to admit to myself again and again that I have the best team in the world. I work with such great kids that I have nothing to complain about. I can only thank God for my damned good luck.

也許我們都不是最聰明或最優秀的人，但是我們都很努力，而且有著同樣的目標，希望別人在下星期的成發裡都可以感受到那短短十分鐘背後的用心！

Maybe we are neither the smartest nor the best, but we are no doubt the most hard-working people with the same goal. And I truly hope that others get to see how much effort lies behind everyone’s ten-minute presentation on the stage next week!

Family day / 家庭日

通常我們星期日的早上甚麼也不做，哪也不去，就待在客廳裡，讀書讀累了，便幻想，想累了就畫畫，一個早上就這麼過去，不過以大人來說，要內心很平靜才能享受這些看似瑣碎的時刻。

We usually do nothing and go nowhere on Sunday morning. The living room is our territory. We read, imagine, and draw by turns, and it’s not hard to imagine time slips by when we are engaged in these seemingly-trivial activities. However, as an adult, only when I am in peace with myself can I really enjoy the moments.

最近多了隻小企鵝在客廳裡晃來晃去，處處尋找可以作怪的地方下手，在他犯案之前我對他唱「Oh oh you are in trouble」，他會回過頭來咧嘴笑，露出兩顆新發的白牙齒。

We’ve had one new little penguin strolling in the living room. He is constantly looking for fun such as shelves to open and close repeatedly. Before he commits the crime, I will sing to him, “Oh oh you are in trouble.” Not able to resist the rhythm, he will turn back and grin, revealing his two newly-grown white teeth…

You made my day / 你的光芒

這一陣子我的心態上有些變化，常常會對於原本覺得理所當然的事情或目標產生自我懷疑，也許是生理上的疲倦使然吧，但是與其用負面的態度來詮釋，我自問身心靈到底要的是甚麼，而我願意順著它的方向走下去。

I’ve undergone some change mentally speaking. Maybe it’s physical fatigue that makes me begin to question what I used to take for granted. However, instead of interpreting my change from a negative point of view, I get to have more dialogues with my inner self. I am willing to find out what it wants and adjust my ways of living.

往往在這種時候，我特別容易看到別人的光芒，或強烈感受到他們帶給我的能量。上周末的校慶，據說人事室經手的假單厚厚一疊，我因為帶著強烈的使命，所以對於這麼公式化的一天有些不同的期待，這是我和小方的校外教學日，想到要帶著他一天，我連前一晚睡覺時都很興奮。平常我搭乘公共交通工具沒甚麼稀奇，可是不能天天出門的小子，在我想圖方便之下，詢問他要不要搭計程車，他確非常堅持要搭公車，原因是可以看到窗外的風景，他的單純給了我新的思考角度，原來我每天習以為常的例行公事居然如此令他盼望。再者，有個小孩在身邊，我居然以一種不知不覺的姿態打入辦公室的婆媽圈，人真的要時常玩一下角色扮演，才能從不同的觀點切入。

At times like this, I am more likely to see the glow of some people around me and feel their power. Last Saturday was the school anniversary, which is probably one of the last events that the faculty feels like celebrating. I thought of it in a different manner because I invited Von to come along. The decision kept me tossing and turning the previous night because of excitement. For me, there isn’t anything special about taking public means of transportation. In fact, I figured it would be much more convenient to take a taxi with a kid by my side. It surprised me when Von insisted on taking a bus because he would like to see the views outside the windows. Besides, that day I slipped into the circle of mothers in the office with such ease. This reminds me that role-playing is rather essential if I am seeking for a different standpoint.

還有我要謝謝哲芬，舉行令人感動難忘的小展覽，給我工作以來最特別的ㄧ場校慶。不過是短短的四十分鐘，大家安靜地坐在小小的空間裏，想著那些簡單動人的作品，聽著彥竹青春的歌聲，連小方都喜歡這樣溫馨的場合，我已經忘了自己給過甚麼，但從這些光芒四射的孩子身上，我又再度充滿活力，重拾要努力的理由。

Moreover, I want to thank Che-fen for her lovely exhibition, which marks this school anniversary from the former ones. Forty minutes didn’t count as a long period of time, but I will not forget how the light and warmth moved me. We sat in a small space, surrounded by the simple illustrations. Meanwhile, Yen-drew’s youthful singing filled the air. Even Von enjoyed being there. I never remember what I’ve given, but from these children with beaming glow, I’ve retrieved the reasons why I should do my best.


就是因為你，讓平凡的生活變得不平凡了。

It’s you that make ordinary daily life extraordinary.

a postcard a day 6 / 每日明信片 6

秋天和冬天的晚上，我說的是很晚很晚，約莫十一點以後，涼爽乾燥的空氣裡有新鮮葉子的味道。如果這個時候我剛好到陽台洗水彩筆，我會想，這種天氣很適合約會，回到家的戀人背上一定都長了翅膀吧！

On late autumn and winter nights, I mean, after 11 pm, I can smell fresh leaves in the cool and dry air. If I happen to go out to the balcony for cleaning my brush pens, I can’t help thinking, “This is perfect weather for dating. Lovers must feel like the flying angels in Chagall’s paintings.”

儘管我只是空想，上床睡覺的時候還是不免會對自己說：人生真是美好！

Despite the absence of dates in my life, it doesn’t stop me from saying to myself “life is beautiful!” when I go to bed…

a postcard a day 5 / 每日明信片 5

愉快的星期天早晨，小方帶著新的髮型起床，我問他：你在睡夢中去燙了頭髮嗎？

Pleasant Sunday morning—Von woke up with a brand-new hairstyle. I asked him, “Did you go to the barber and have a perm in your dream?”

a postcard a day 4 / 每日明信片 4

落雨的初夏，空氣中有股涼意。我從講者的身份，轉化成速寫者，趁著不是我的課堂，捕捉偶然發現的ㄧ景，聽著教室裡老師宏量的聲音，學生清亮的發問聲，我很心安。

The air in early summer feels cool thanks to the heavy rain. I seize the moments between classes to do some sketches of an amazing scene on the campus I have recently discovered. As I draw, I float on steady sound waves formed by the teacher’s reassuring voice and students’ soft murmurs.

不過我把二樓往下俯瞰的景畫成一樓平視的角度了，下次再接再勵。

I planned to do a bird’s-eye view from the second floor, but it’s obviously not so in the picture. Well, I’ll take another try.

a postcard a day 3 / 每日明信片 3

每天在捷運上會遇到形形色色的人，那一天我遇見一個小男孩，引頸期盼地看著列車前方，他看到了甚麼呢？

I come across various kinds of people on the MRT every day. That day it was a little boy. I can’t forget the way he stared into the distance, where the cars were about to sail into.

儘管世界如此混亂，我仍然希望他看到的是生存的機會和無限的未來。

Despite the chaos of the world, I still hope what he sees is the possibility to live and a promising future.

a postcard a day 2 / 每日明信片 2

You think you are the only one that feels like running away?

Your bookbag wants to escape too!

a postcard a day / 每日明信片

我終於明白為甚麼大家那麼想要小孩了。

I finally realized why most of us want kids that badly.

最近覺得靈感枯竭時，看看我身邊的小方，這是個喜歡閱讀和收明信片的小孩，大人覺得沒興趣的主題，他總是興致盎然，或者大人覺得很愚蠢的話，他卻認為很有創意。於是我開始想一堆有的沒有的鬼點子，因為我知道不管我說甚麼，他都會全心接受。

When I felt that there weren’t many active brain cells left in my head a few weeks ago, I turned to Von—this is a kid who loves reading and receiving postcards. He hardly dismisses a book as boring while most adults can tell if they are interested in a subject within three seconds. Or he sees sparks of creativity in what adults consider silly. Thus, it occurred to me to brainstorm as many crazy ideas as possible because I know he’ll embrace whatever I say.

沒有創意了嗎？現在我規定自己每天早上起床要想一個很特別的點子，在出門前用五到十分鐘的時間畫在空白明信片上寄給小方，漸漸地，我好像也沒自己想得那麼腦汁乾枯了。

Out of creativity? I make it a rule to squeeze out a very special idea after I get up every morning. I’ll have to draw a quick picture and send it to Von before leaving for work. Little by little, I am not that dull as I thought I was.

昨天去圖書館的路上想到我們前兩個月在公園的野餐畫面，哪一天我們也在飛機上野餐吧，還可以打開窗吹吹風喔！歡迎我們的新成員小楷！

Yesterday on my way to the library, the image of our picnicking together in the park flitted before my eyes. Well, what about having afternoon tea one day on an airplane? With the windows open! Also, welcome our new member Kai!

Duality of Life / 人生的二元性

每天起床都要很慶幸自己還活著，要認真地過每一天。

We should wake up every morning with a heart full of gratitude that our life still goes on, and we should live every day as if it’s our last day.