夏天是我的高生產季，每年五月左右，我的睡眠時間驟減，即使身體感受到某種程度的疲勞，依舊能夠專注地作畫，有時這樣的高效率都讓我驚訝。最近季節進入夏季，我又感覺到那般巨大的能量，而且內心充滿著渴望，想著各種我想嘗試的可能性，不過老實說，某些時刻我覺得自己快爆炸了，我的軀體快要無法承受強烈的想望，我開始覺得可以停下來也是好事。I am especially productive in summer. Every year around May, I start to sleep much less. Even when my body feels a certain amount of fatigue, I can still focus on painting. Sometimes my efficiency really shocks me. Since a few weeks ago, I have felt that gigantic mojo. My heart almost bursts with the desire to try many possibilities that occur to me along the way. To be honest, sometimes I think I am going to explode. My body can't take that ambition. I can't help but think that if I can take a break, it will be really nice.
我被熱情的渴望向前推，卻也容易患得患失，好不容易建立起來的平靜心思很容易因為一句話或一個機會打翻，於是我又得重新開始，日常生活就是不停地尋找那微妙的平衡。說來愚蠢，這幾天居然因為母親去廟裡抽的一支籤感到些許沮喪，上面說，我應該要守住自己的本分，我明明就不是個迷信的人，但是可能我太在乎畫畫這件事了，無法不受到影響，我問自己除了自我滿足之外，還想要什麼，如果我要的只是如此單純，如果我像自己想得那麼穩，為何會有些低落？也許我要得不如自己想得純粹，要面對這個現實的想法也需要點勇氣。
I am pushed forward by passion, but it's like taking a roller coaster ride. I get excited easily, and I am easily frustrated as well. It takes me a while to be calm, yet sometimes a remark or an opportunity spoils that beautiful balance. Then I'll have to start all over again. My daily life is about retrieving the calm state. Stupid to say, these few days I have been kind of brought down by a lot my mom drew in a temple. It said that I should focus on my work because painting won't get me anywhere. I am not a superstitious person. However, I care too much about my art not to be influenced. I ask myself what I'd like to attain apart from self-satisfaction through creating. If I want nothing more than that, if I am so stable as I think, why do I feel low? Perhaps what I want is more than that. It takes guts to confront this realistic idea.
米類繪製的明信片
postcard by Milay
幸好在自我面對的那一刻，我的心裡有個畫面，而我急切地感到把它紀錄下來的慾望，在我實現它的同時，我因此得到解脫。小蕙前幾週去台東宣傳她的紀錄片時，捎來張明信片，她在雨中來回，搭夜車從台北下東部，破曉到達台東時，猛然往窗外一看，是一望無際的梯田和藏在山嵐裡的群峰，讀她的文字，我的腦裡浮現由這些細節構成的美景，不得不畫下來，而且所有大自然的畫面有種抒壓的力量。
Fortunately, at the moment of self-analysis, I have a picture in mind. I am eager to put it down, and in doing that, I am relieved. Huei sent me a postcard when she went down to Tai-dong for promoting her documentary a few weeks ago. She left in the rain, took a night train down along the east coast. When she arrived at dawn, she was happy to find vast green paddy fields and soaring mountains in the mist on looking out of the window. When I read her words, an image formed by these details emerge. I can't help painting it since I believe so firmly that nature holds a miraculously healing power.
她又說，紀錄片放映現場只有三名觀眾，就像我去年冷冷清清的畫展，但是我們都知道，我們這麼熱衷藝術，其實主要是為了自我取悅，我們也都走了如此長的一段路，很多事情不是只有三個觀眾或一張籤可以道盡。去年此時，小蕙和我邊玩耍邊拍她的第一支紀錄片，事隔一年，她即將要出國主修紀錄片，我有什麼進步呢？當時剛開始亂畫壓克力，一竅不通，現在也沒多了不起，倒是比較得心應手些，還有說不出的領悟和吸收新知，我們離當時的起點有好一段距離，我都了然於心，只是有時候沒辦法理性地安慰自己。
She wrote, there were only three viewers in the theater. It kind of reminded her of my exhibition which was not noticed by too many people last summer. We are so in love with art mainly for pleasing ourselves. We've come such a long way that it cannot be summarized by the fact that there were only three viewers or by a lot. Last year at this time, Huei and I made her first documentary and played along. A year later, she is about to go to the UK for advanced film studies. Any progress on my side? Well, I was a total beginner of acrylic painting then. I wouldn't say that I am good now, but at least I am more familiar with the medium. There is also some progress which cannot be put down in words. We are so far from the beginning point then. I know it all, but sometimes I can't convince myself when I am not that upbeat.
所以說，生活裡的每一刻看似終點或結束，其實都只是起點，失敗之後再站起來是起點，成功之後重新開始也是起點。我得拿出年少時期的土撥鼠精神，埋頭向前，我想神祇給我那樣的訊息，只是要考驗我吧！
So, every moment in life looks like the end, but it is actually a beginning point. After the failure, we start anew. After the success, we are faced with a new challenge. I need to review the marmot spirits of my teens. I have to burrow hard without looking up to check my progress so often. God gives me the above-mentioned message just to test me, I think.
明年此時的起點我往回看，又會看到什麼呢？我不知道，如果要找出答案，你要一直回來喔！
When I look back from the beginning point a year from now on, what will I see? I don't know. If you want to find out the answer, you'll have to keep coming back.
﹝小註﹞目前有諸多projects纏身，義大利之旅暫時停刊，我沒有忘記它。
PS: I am tied down with some projects for the time being, so I'll take a pause from the Italy project for the time being. Just want to let you know that I have not forgotten it.
Fortunately, at the moment of self-analysis, I have a picture in mind. I am eager to put it down, and in doing that, I am relieved. Huei sent me a postcard when she went down to Tai-dong for promoting her documentary a few weeks ago. She left in the rain, took a night train down along the east coast. When she arrived at dawn, she was happy to find vast green paddy fields and soaring mountains in the mist on looking out of the window. When I read her words, an image formed by these details emerge. I can't help painting it since I believe so firmly that nature holds a miraculously healing power.
她又說，紀錄片放映現場只有三名觀眾，就像我去年冷冷清清的畫展，但是我們都知道，我們這麼熱衷藝術，其實主要是為了自我取悅，我們也都走了如此長的一段路，很多事情不是只有三個觀眾或一張籤可以道盡。去年此時，小蕙和我邊玩耍邊拍她的第一支紀錄片，事隔一年，她即將要出國主修紀錄片，我有什麼進步呢？當時剛開始亂畫壓克力，一竅不通，現在也沒多了不起，倒是比較得心應手些，還有說不出的領悟和吸收新知，我們離當時的起點有好一段距離，我都了然於心，只是有時候沒辦法理性地安慰自己。
She wrote, there were only three viewers in the theater. It kind of reminded her of my exhibition which was not noticed by too many people last summer. We are so in love with art mainly for pleasing ourselves. We've come such a long way that it cannot be summarized by the fact that there were only three viewers or by a lot. Last year at this time, Huei and I made her first documentary and played along. A year later, she is about to go to the UK for advanced film studies. Any progress on my side? Well, I was a total beginner of acrylic painting then. I wouldn't say that I am good now, but at least I am more familiar with the medium. There is also some progress which cannot be put down in words. We are so far from the beginning point then. I know it all, but sometimes I can't convince myself when I am not that upbeat.
所以說，生活裡的每一刻看似終點或結束，其實都只是起點，失敗之後再站起來是起點，成功之後重新開始也是起點。我得拿出年少時期的土撥鼠精神，埋頭向前，我想神祇給我那樣的訊息，只是要考驗我吧！
So, every moment in life looks like the end, but it is actually a beginning point. After the failure, we start anew. After the success, we are faced with a new challenge. I need to review the marmot spirits of my teens. I have to burrow hard without looking up to check my progress so often. God gives me the above-mentioned message just to test me, I think.
明年此時的起點我往回看，又會看到什麼呢？我不知道，如果要找出答案，你要一直回來喔！
When I look back from the beginning point a year from now on, what will I see? I don't know. If you want to find out the answer, you'll have to keep coming back.
﹝小註﹞目前有諸多projects纏身，義大利之旅暫時停刊，我沒有忘記它。
PS: I am tied down with some projects for the time being, so I'll take a pause from the Italy project for the time being. Just want to let you know that I have not forgotten it.
8 comments:
That's a beautiful painting miragee, it's wonderful that you could capture the 'speed' of the train, the mists among the mountains, the chilly air/breeze...
It's not easy to go against the tide...but many have made it, and if you listen quietly, to yourself, you might hear the answer, the answer that you want to hear, the answer that you hope to hear...
and the answer that will make all of us happy that that's what you've heard...
Jia You!
加油！ 走過歲月, 遵循自己內心的聲音吧！不必留待明年來回顧, 現在就朝著想望前進.
miragee,
當你感到低落的時候，請想想在不知名的地方，有一群人在默默地支持妳，他們都因欣賞了妳美好的畫作與文字而使生活更美好。如果有機會，真希望能親眼看到這些美麗的明信片呢!
還有，我是male,不是female，呵
Constance: I used the technique I learned in Chinese painting class. It was interesting to learn that you can employ that in acrylics too. I also used a little pastel to make the whole pic more misty.
I know...sometimes I can't help but think that I work so hard and I hope to see my efforts pay off. However, I also know that things are not so simple in this business. That's why I need to find a balance again and again...
johnny: 好，我每天都很努力地向前邁進。
蝴蝶先生：有，我的確有想到默默支持我的人，這是很大的一股力量呢！
上個星期有一些新朋友看了第一手的畫作，但是我個人覺得好像只要是畫過了，自己就不覺得怎麼樣，因為我是個不停向前看的人，以後如果有比較大型的展出，一定會讓你知道。
不好意思，看了你的暱稱和文章，一直以為你是很嚴謹認真的女生:-).
miragee,
我深深相信會有越來越多的人從你的畫還有你的文字得到力量還有安慰,就像我一樣!:]
一定要繼續加油呀!
Don't worry, I'm sure most of your loyal readers will keep coming back!
And that's a wonderful painting! 'Love it!
spookie: 謝謝你啦！其實我很快就好了，總有那種覺得自己站不穩的時刻，不過好像越來越少了。
marc: Well, then I'll have to thank you for coming back all the time!
You're very welcome, and it's my pleasure!
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