Accumulation / 多了什麼？

六年不見傑哥了，他和雅雯旋風式地回台兩週，又灑脫地回紐約。上次他們要離開的前一晚，我睡不著，後來想想應該是有些情緒，這一次我們送完機直接到附近的竹圍漁港看夕陽，我坐在漁港前速寫到眼前一片黑，當天晚上也安然地入睡，暗自慶幸隨著年歲增長，對於分別這件事我應該越來越在行了。

I hadn't seen my younger brother Jei for six years. He and his wife Claire flew away cooly after a short visit home for two weeks. Last time the night before he left, I had insomnia. Well, I always get quite sentimental at moments of saying goodbye. This time we headed for Zhu-wei Fisherman's Wharf right after seeing them off at the airport. I sketched the harbor at sunset until I couldn't see anything in front of me. I slept soundly the same night, which means I have learned to bid farewell as I age. 

        最近上課教到accumulation這個字，我問孩子們：年紀大之後，會多了些什麼？他們的回答很可愛，孩子會變多，皺紋會變多，白頭髮會變多，經驗會變多，智慧會變多，我卻想說：放下的東西會變多。

   We are learning the word "accumulation" this week. I ask the girls the question, "What accumulates as we get older?" They offer various answers like children, wrinkles, gray hair, experience and wisdom. My answer is, "The things and people we leave behind." 

        不過我的心不贊同我，這週不知怎麼搞的，夢到好多好久不見的人，只見過一次的人都入夢來。

   However, my heart doesn't agree with me. I have been dreaming of people I no longer see, even those whom I've seen only once in my entire life. 

        有時候我也討厭自己這麼內斂，什麼都塞到心底，卻自以為放下了。

   Sometimes I really dislike myself for being repressed. I stuff everything into a corner of my heart,  meanwhile believing that I have left them go.