My Little Sleeping Beauty / 我的小睡美人

外婆又住院了，我們一大群人去探望她，她卻張不開眼皮，看她很努力地要打開眼睛，但夢裡似乎有很迷人的世界，其實是外婆越來越虛弱了。為了叫醒外婆，媽媽在外婆還聽得見的耳邊問她孫子的名字，外婆看雖半夢半醒，其實神智還是清楚的。一邊美麗說著外婆失去的能力，病房的氣氛開始沈重，表姊們眼淚簌簌地滾了下來。

Granny is hospitalized again. When many of us visit her together, we can't wake her up. There seems to be a fascinating dream world out there. Well, to put it realistically, it's because Granny's health condition is worsening day after day. Mom shouts into her one ear that can still hear and gives her a quiz on who's who. Though she looks so sleepy, she still manages to get our names right. Meanwhile, Granny's maid Meili lists the abilities that Granny has lost over the past few days. The atmosphere in the ward is so gloomy that tears roll down my cousins' face like a downpour of rain. 

        不對，我們不是應該開心嗎？我的眼淚正要被傷心的情緒誘拐時，突然有個聲音對我這麼說，外婆已經九十歲了，身體器官當然會慢慢不管用，可是我們比起其他人幸運的是，外婆得了肝癌並不自知，上帝給了她無知的大禮物，所以每次進醫院都迷迷糊糊的，只會不停咕噥要趕緊出院打牌，她從來沒有讓我們面對病患本身的情感糾結，關於這一點，我們真的很幸福。

   No, shouldn't we rejoice? As my tears are about to be kidnapped by a burst of sad feeling, a voice protests. Granny is already ninety years old. It is sad but normal that her organs are not functioning. However, compared with other families, we are blessed because Granny never knows that she has cancer. God bestows one of the best gifts on her--ignorance. So every time when she is hospitalized, Granny thinks about nothing except wanting to go home as soon as possible so that she can play mahjong with her children. We are spared the torture of having to cope with the emotional ups and downs of the patient. 

        這一年來外婆老化的過程步調是漸進式的，即使有難過的情緒，至少我們都有些準備。表哥不斷輕撫外婆的頭髮，於是她又昏昏欲睡，我們站在病床的四周和病房外，安靜地看著她似乎要睡著的樣子，我不禁有不同於以前的想法，死亡也可以是輕盈平靜的，陪摯愛的人入睡，想著他們到另一個世界旅行夢想。

   Granny has aged at a gradual pace in the past year, so we have the chance to be more or less prepared. In the ward, my cousin fondles Granny's gray hair, trying to put her to sleep. She is surrounded by us as we watch her fall asleep quietly. Then I suddenly have a different idea about death than before. Death can be light and calm. It's actually putting people we love to sleep while they embark on a wonderful trip in a brand-new world. 

        表哥按了外婆的脈搏，外婆又醒了過來，很客氣地對他說：謝謝你醫生，不嫌棄我老。外婆有種神奇的魔力，也許她誤以為表哥是醫生，也許她是真心地開玩笑，她這麼一說，悲傷的病房裡突然出現了很溫暖的幽默，一整個散佈在空氣中，外婆也笑了，眼睛裡又出現亮亮的光，表哥也輕鬆地回答她：你都不嫌我年輕，我怎麼會嫌棄你老呢？接著爸爸又說：要打牌嗎？這次外婆居然像個乖小孩地說：不行啦，身體要照顧好才行。

   Granny opens her eyes when my cousin feels her pulse. She thanks him gently: Thank you doctor. Thank you for not dismissing me because of my old age. That is Granny's charm. Perhaps she really believes the doctor is visiting her, or perhaps she is just joking. Her sense of humor dispels the heaviness of illness and death, making the ward a warm place. She laughs too, and when she does that, I see glows in her beautiful eyes. My cousin can't help replying: You don't despise me because I am young either! My dad goes on to tease Granny: Would you like to play mahjong? Unlike the past, she answers: No, health is more important than anything now. 

        外婆時而清醒，時而走入過去或夢中，她不斷地揮揮手叫我們也都各自回家睡覺，我們還是杵在那兒，看她昏過去、醒來、又昏過去、又醒來，她是我的小睡美人，醒來很好，睡著了也好，我們要把握陪他入睡的當下。

   Granny wanders between the reality and the dream world on and off. She whisks her hand telling us to go home for some sleep though it's actually the middle of the day. We still remain immobile, looking at her wake up, fall asleep, wake up again, and fall asleep again. It occurs to me that she is my Little Sleeping Beauty. Whether she is awake or asleep, both are fine. 

        外婆在這世界的每一天都是我們的福氣，假如她真的得離開，我也不會只是難過，多於難過的是高興，因為她教了我死亡也可以很喜悅很美麗。

   Every day Granny is still with us, it's our luck. If she really has to go, I will feel more than sadness. I will feel more happiness than sadness for she has taught me death can be quite joyful and beautiful.