Genuine bliss / 真的幸福

從英國回來整整一年，雖然這一年比在倫敦開心許多，但是以一個幸福感如此強烈的人，我只能給自己打上60分。

It has been a year since I came back from London. I know I have found my place, but I give myself a 6 out of 10, given the fact that I've always been full of joy. 

    剛回來時因為整個人煥然一新的感覺，同事問：你是不是好事近了？我說還沒，但是看著朋友一個接著一個走進婚姻生小孩，我也相信這是我該走的路，雖然我總是坐在家裡作白日夢。

   I had that brand-new feel from head to toe right after I returned. One of my colleagues asked, "Do you have any good news?" I said no, but seeing almost all of my friends head into marriage one after another, I was made to think of it as the path I should take as well. (The truth was that I did nothing but daydream at home all the time.) 

    這當中我有一些情緒要面對，可是沿途我聽了很多人的故事，覺得上帝一直在給我修練的機會，春天結束時我找到答案：我怎麼能依賴另一個人給我全部的快樂？與其不斷預期將來會如何，我應該要面對現在這一刻，全心全意活在當下。

   I had to confront some conflicted emotions in me. Fortunately, I heard many stories along the way, and it felt like God was giving me opportunities to gain my perspective. I found my answer at the end of spring: How can I depend on someone I don't know well for all my happiness? Instead of predicting what my future will hold, I should turn to the present and live in it.

    放下期望和慾望，我覺得很輕鬆，上週泰文老師發了兩本佛經解釋，讀完化普樂寫的「佛陀的啟示」，我的幸福指數飆高到90分以上，我很喜歡其中的一段話：

   Letting go of my expectations and desires, I feel relieved. Last week my Thai teacher gave us two books on the lessons taught by the Buddha. After reading What the Buddha Taught by Walpola Rahula, I felt I could score a 9 on the scale of happiness. I love one excerpt a lot:

    不論在做什麼事情的時候，動手也好，日常起居也好，從事公私工作也好，要時刻念茲在茲了了分明於你的每一舉動，你或臥或立或坐或行，或安眠，或曲臂伸腿，回顧前瞻，穿衣吃飯，言談靜默，大小便利，凡此一切以及其他種種活動，你必須時時刻刻了了分明於你所作的每一動作。也就是說，你必須生活在當前的瞬間中、在現在的行為中。這並不是說你不應想到過去未來。相反的，你在與眼前的時刻行為有關的方面，一樣可以想到過去未來。

   Another very important, practical, and useful form of 'meditation' (mental development) is to be aware  and mindful of whatever you do, physically or verbally, during the daily routine of work in your life, private, public or professional. Whether you walk, stand, sit, lie down, or sleep, whether you stretch or bend your limbs, whether you look around, whether you put on your clothes, whether you talk or keep silence, whether you eat or drink, even whether you answer the calls of nature--in these and other activities, you should be fully aware and mindful of the act you perform at the moment. That is to say, that you should live in the present moment, in the present action. This does not mean that you should not think of the past or the future at all. On the contrary, you think of them in relation to the present moment, the present action, when and where it is relevant. 

    一般的人，並不生活在他們眼前的生活中，他們都生活在過去或未來裡。雖然看外表他們似乎是在此時此地做著些什麼，實際上，他們是生活在他們思想中的另一世界裡，生活在虛構的問題與苦悶裡。通常他們是活在過去的記憶中，或對未來的欲望和懸揣之中。因此，他們並不生活在他們目前在做的工作裡，也不樂於這工作。所以他們就對現況不滿、不開心，而自然而然的不能對當前像是在做的工作，獻出全部的身心。

   People do not generally live in their actions, in the present moment. They live in the past or in the future. Though they seem to be doing something now, here, they live somewhere else in their thoughts, in their imaginary problems and worries, usually in the memory of the past or in the desires and speculations about the future. Therefore they do not live in, nor do they enjoy, what they do at the moment. So they are unhappy and discontented with the present moment, with the work at hand, and naturally they cannot give themselves fully to what they appear to be doing. 

今天有機會問了小朋友一個問題：你在急什麼？你為什麼要趕到下一階段的人生？看起來好像是我在輔導別人，其實我也在問自己同樣的問題。

Today I had a chance to ask Sophy the questions: Why are you hurried? Why do you want to rush to the next stage of life? It looked like I was counseling her, but I was asking myself the question.

英國的生活離我越來越遠，但是我從來沒有如此確定這就是我要做的工作，這就是我的人生，而我的任務就是擴大我的幸福感，因為還有好多人不知道這三個字的意思。

I am leaving behind my British life, but I have never felt so sure that this is the job I want to do and that this is my life. My mission is to expand my bliss because there are so many people out there who have no idea how it feels.

現在，我是真的幸福。

Now I feel truly blissful.