on the way 3 / 夢想實現中 3

07/12/08, 07/13/08

「如果你有很喜歡做的事，這件事會帶你走得很遠很遠，看到很不一樣的世界。」─我在鷹架上的體會

"If there is something you enjoy doing, it will take you very far and show you a whole new world."--My epiphany on the scaffolds


上個周末的壁畫工程又是一段充滿轉折的故事。話說我周六一早獨自抵達美術館戶外場地時，原本很得意我是第一個到達的人，不過一看到很有敵意的鷹架時，整個人都傻了眼，我很仔細地研究要如何爬到最高層，發現這對不擅長體育的我，真的是不可能的任務。我深吸數口氣，左思右想，決定用之前的鐵梯作為輔助，但是周圍又毫無人煙，我只好隨便抓個遊客幫我在下面扶梯子。當我和恐懼掙扎之際，歐吉桑一邊道：「你有必要為藝術犧牲成這個樣子嗎？我看你不要勉強囉！萬一有甚麼事，你一個人在這裡，很危險的。」平常的我可能哼一聲地就走掉了，當時我的腿都軟了，深深覺得歐吉桑的話很有道理，便有了自己應該回到地面、把包袱收收的領悟。

My wall-painting mission continues, and last weekend there was a long story full of twists and turns. I was rather happy to be the first person that arrived on the scene last Saturday morning, but soon my good mood was challenged by the hostile-looking scaffolds. I thought very hard about how to climb to the top. However, it was really Mission Impossible for me, who is never ever good at sports. I took several deep breaths, trying to make use of the iron ladders as an aid. Since there was no one around, I begged a visitor to hold steady the ladders for me. While I was fighting with my fear, my temporary assistant said, "Do you have to go so far for art? Don't force yourself. Should something happen and you are all alone here, it can be very dangerous." I might have walked away if I had been on the ground. At that moment, my legs were like mashed potatoes. I couldn't agree with him more, so I had the dawning realization that I should come back to the ground, pack my belongings and leave.

待歐吉桑離開之後，我和鷹架面對面，雖然心已經被害怕佔據了，卻還是有很多不服氣，我開始打電話，一面問薛吉何時抵達，一面請雅鈞和馨予來幫忙，大家想破頭也要把我給送上離地面四公尺的高度，最後是有經驗的卓小弟宏謙，因為曾經畫過我的這一塊版面，很輕鬆自在地示範爬行方式，讓下面的我看得嘖嘖稱奇。我並沒有那麼勇敢，只是看著大家這麼鼓勵我，我慢慢地就坐上離牆邊最近的木板了，最後眾人還紛紛推薦我轉行去當油漆工，當時我突然很珍惜我那美好的工作。

When the visitor left, I was all alone with the scaffolds. My heart was filled with fear, but I believed I was more than that. I started to make phone calls to Shaggy, Ya-jun and Hsin-yu. Everyone racked their brain trying to send me up to 4 meters from the ground. In the end, it was Hong-chien, who once painted my part of the wall two years ago, that demonstrated with ease for me how to climb the scaffolds. I was very impressed by his poise. I wasn't that brave, but with their encouragement, I made it to the wooden planks that were closest to the top of the wall. These funny people even said I was good enough to brush walls as a new career option. I suddenly cherished my current job a lot.

爬上去除了需要勇氣之外，輕盈的好身段更不可缺，我在鐵架和鐵梯裡鑽來鑽去，到了最上面之後，如果要保持站立的姿勢，還得像蜘蛛人般，手掌得緊貼著牆壁，一整天下來，對於身體是很大的考驗。每爬上去一次，我就會對薛吉碎碎念一次：「這種事情不是做了一百次就不會害怕，當然是不得已的啊！」

It takes not only courage but also a lithe body to get up there. I writhed between the scaffolds and the iron ladders. When I got to the top, one of my hands had to lean firmly on the wall when I stood up, like Spiderman. These were great physical tests. Whenever I had to climb, I would groan to Shaggy, "I can never be immune to fear, even one hundred times after I do it. I have no choice..."

害怕歸害怕，離地四公尺的許多感受和在地面上不盡相同，當蟬鳴響起時，坐在上頭有種被立體音響環繞的貴賓級享受，或者微風一吹時，我感受到的涼意是在地面上的好幾倍，不過晚上當蚊子全部出來開派對，肆意地在我的皮膚上狂吻，坐在下面的薛吉可以大聲地詛咒，我只能面帶微笑地想：「好樣的！」

Though I never totally got rid of fear, it felt very different to be in the air than on the ground. When the concert of cicadas began, I felt like surrounded by the most luxurious Hi-Fi stereos. Or when the breeze blew, I felt so much cooler than down there. But when all the mosquitoes swarmed out in the evening for their feast and kissed my skin like crazy, Shaggy, not too far from the ground, could curse like a mad man. I could only smile and think, "Damned..."

我們就這樣畫過一個有著陽光的午後、一個有著星星的傍晚。到了第二天，我清楚地明白，恐懼這回事，想像大過於事實，有了這個體悟，第二個午後，我學會了享受坐在鷹架上的時刻，甚至在某一刻，我居然想，如果我死後也能安然地坐在高空裡畫畫，身邊有微風輕撫、亮亮的陽光，那就好。

In this way, we painted away a sunny afternoon, a starry evening. The second day, I learned a great thing about fear, that is, we tend to dramatize it with our imagination. In the second sunny afternoon, I learned to enjoy the time spent on the scaffolds. At one moment, it even occurred to me that I could accept death without cowering if I could sit like that in the air painting with sunshine and breezes around me after I died.

最後我要好好地感謝薛吉，照片裡沒有她的芳蹤，不過我薛吉在我的背後撐腰，因為薛吉，我才能安心地爬上去，這輩子除了我很愛的John和Sharon，我好像還沒有這麼樣地信賴一個人。

In the end, I want to say "thank you very much" to Shaggy. You can't see her in the photos, but she is my pillar. Because of her, I could make it to the top, reassured that she would catch me if I fell. I don't think I have ever trusted someone like that in my life apart from my beloved John and Sharon.

這真的是很痛快的一個周末，對於下一個畫畫的周末，我更充滿了期待！

It was a superb superb weekend. I can't wait for the next wall-painting session!