to you, in 2028 / 給2028年的你

我被網友isay串連，得抒發關於「愛」的主題。就這樣吧，再過二十年，你回頭看，應該會一目瞭然。

I was tagged by isay on the topic of "love." Well, this is it. When you look back in twenty years, you shall understand e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g...

postcards in black and white / 黑白明信片

攝於八里‧台北

台北不是個羅曼蒂克的城市，美麗的角落屈指可數，卻被那麼多離開的人想念著。

photos taken in Bali, Taipei

Taipei is far from a romantic city. Nor does it deserve the compliment of being beautiful. Yet it is missed by many of those who have left.

想找一張明信片寄給你，安撫你對家的渴望，選擇黑白色調，就像台北在你的回憶裡，表面上有些塵埃散落，心情有點惆悵，底下卻是無止盡的思念。

I want to send you a postcard to sooth your aching longing for home. Taipei in black and white, like the city in your memory, is scattered with some dust on the surface. The two colors so perfectly reflect your nostalgia for every detail about your somewhat ugly yet terribly warm hometown.

Impression / 印象

這個冬天連續在大溪和豐原見到這樣的民房，第一次還可以不經意地走過，雖然內心有點癢癢的，於是到了綠色走廊的時候，說甚麼我也不能放過如此古樸的景色。

This winter I've seen the same style of houses in Da-xi and Fongyuan. The first time I could just walk by, ignoring the tickling longing in my heart. However, I couldn't let it go when the similar scenery was presented again in front of my eyes in the Green Corridor.

畫畫其實是一件很私人的嗜好，但是速寫讓我和陌生人產生了連結，儘管我多麼不想在意別人的眼光，過路者多多少少會做各式各樣的評論，從我的外表到速寫的內容，都是旁人談論的主題，我變成了他們對話裡的姊姊、小姐、大嬸，我分明不是隱形人，而在他們眼前具體地存在著，卻被如此自在地討論著。通常為了能進入他們的內心世界，我盡量不加入談話，最多只是會心一笑，當我畫下某個風景留在心上的印象時，也傾聽著我在別人心上留下的印象。

Drawing is a very private hobby, but sketching draws a link between me and strangers. Much as I want to forget the passers-by, I can't stop them from making all sorts of comments on topics from my appearance to my sketches. Thus, I become the "big sister," "miss," "mrs." in their conversation. The funny thing is, I am never invisible. I exist like any other human being in front of them, yet I am discussed so freely. Usually, in order to enter their inner worlds, I try not to be engaged in their talks. I at most smile to myself. When I put down on paper the impression of a certain scene, I am also listening to the impression I leave on others.

our second Valentine's Day / 第二個情人節

time machine / 時光機

舊曆年到了，想假裝沒這回事都不行，時間在各處灑滿了痕跡，我只要隨便一轉頭，每個角落都提醒著我，歲月不饒人。

Chinese New Year is closer than around the corner. Even though I'd like to be left in peace, it's just impossible. Time scatters traces everywhere. Whenever I turn my head, I read the signs saying that in time everyone is fair.

上星期在我的一人跨校考察旅行裡，回到了年少時就讀的國中，儘管街道冠上了高貴的「敦南」名，巷子底的矮平房依舊存在，為了滿足我浪漫的情懷，把傘丟在一邊，在人家的門口前立刻速寫了起來，一邊回想，和我一同上下學的友伴已經移民他國十多年，我還在同個小圈子裡轉來轉去的。

Last week on my one-man trip to different schools, I had a chance to go back to my junior high school. Even though the narrow street has been given a rich-sounding new name, the row of old houses still sits there. Being an inveterate romantic, I dropped the umbrella right away and got down to sketch in the rain. Standing in front of people's residence, I recalled the good old days and thought of the companion that went back and forth with me between the school and our neighborhood. She started her new life in another country more than a decade ago, and I am still here, in the same area.

如果一年只需要回憶一個過去的細節，都還在我的忍受範圍之內。就在我才從十多歲的時光浪潮回到現實，突然發現今年家中的男性同胞迷上極簡風，所有過往的、不再回顧的紀念品紛紛都基於占空間的理由必須全數出清。很多之前累積的林林總總，因為有些不捨，被置放在某個角落，雖然心裡也很清楚，不會再拿出來溫習了，要丟掉還是需要一股強大的決心。

It'd be reasonably bearable if I don't have to review more than one detail of the past per year. Right when I slid back into the present from the overwhelming emotional tides, I suddenly found that the guys in my family are totally infatuated with the extremely simple decorative style. All the souvenirs from the past, those which will not be looked at anymore, have to be thrown away based on the reason that they take up too much space. The "stuff" I have accumulated are placed deep in the shelves out of my attachment to the past though I am also clearly aware that I won't give them another glimpse. Still, it takes rock-firm determination to leave them behind.

晃了數天之後，我終於能夠面對現實，一邊整理一邊做最後的回顧，看到大學時成堆的筆記，才回想起當時我真的很認真向學啊！現在時間都花到甚麼事情上了，也說不上來。

After wandering around for a few days, I finally pulled myself together. While sorting out the files, books, and papers, I thought to myself that this would be my last time looking back. On seeing piles of notes made in college, it reminded me how studious I was at that time. So what am I so busy with now? I can't give a very satisfactory answer to be honest.

從今天起，暫時我只想往前進，時光機留著明年此時再來搭吧！

From today on, I only feel like moving ahead. I'll leave the time machine for next year, at this time!

postcard relationship / 明信片關係

現在的我，用手機幾乎是得靠天賜的緣分才連絡得到，至於電子郵件，收是收到了，不過我卻說不準何時才有回覆的心情，有時還沒回信之前便已經忘記曾經收到過信，久而久之，大家對我的要求不那麼高了。

If anyone would like to contact me now, it takes fate and mountains of good luck to talk to me on the cell phone. As for email, I do check my emailbox on a daily basis, but I can't tell when I feel like replying. Usually, before I get back to friends, I forget they once sent words to me. Gradually, people have learned not to expect so much of me.

我也有過和人密切保持連絡的時期，剛開始接觸網路，可以每隔幾個小時就查一次信箱，或者掛在網路上好幾個小時，但是這樣的熱血終究無法維持，最後我又回到使用郵寄的溝通方式，現在要找到我，只有靠明信片。

There were days when I was in frequent, or rather, tight contact with others. When I was first exposed to the Internet, I checked email every few hours, or I stayed online for a whole afternoon/night. However, my enthusiasm didn't last long enough. Eventually, I ended up sending snail mail again. Now, only by mailing postcards can friends find me.

明信片來來回回的過程中，我暗想著對方是否已經寄出，而這次的明信片圖樣會有怎樣的心情，字裡行間有沒有回覆我的疑問，儘管我有如此多的想像空間，我並不是每秒每刻都想著這些問題，在某些時候偶然想起，帶著一點掛念，一些期待，卻又不打擾我的日常生活，我喜歡我們親密又疏離的關係。

When waiting for friends' postcards, I imagine if they have sent the email, what kinds of images there will be on the postcards, if they have responded to my questions. Though there is so much for me to imagine, I do not spend all the day obsessing. Instead, they come to mind at moments I can't expect. Then I'll think of those people quietly. Our close yet detached relationship does not stop me from going about in my busy daily life. It pleases and satisfies me.

然後某一天，在眾多的垃圾郵件中，夾著一張單薄、佈滿文字的明信片，我帶著喜悅的心上樓去，在電梯裡一邊盤算著要怎麼回信，常常委靡的生活因而多了個小目標，無聊的日子突然個人化起來，開心地寄出明信片之後又開始耐心地等待。就這樣，周而復始。

Then one day, among a pile of junk mail hides a thin postcard lined with words. I'd go upstairs, planning what surprise I should prepare in the elevator. Sometimes a small goal emerges like that in my totally messy life. A boring day takes bright colors. After sending out the postcard with joy, I start to wait patiently. The cycle repeats, over and over again.

明信片關係裡，隱藏著太多的可能性，剛認識的新朋友，認識很久的老朋友，友達以上戀人未滿，等等等等，因為書寫的空間有限，所有的情緒化成最濃縮的字句，任真實的情感躲藏。Nora Jones在「我的藍莓夜」裡飾演的Elizabeth，就要愛上Jude Law扮演的餐廳老闆之際，離開紐約去流浪一年，她從各地寄明信片給他，他則閱讀著她的經驗，等著她，明信片關係為他們的進展過程畫了很長的一顆逗點。現實生活中的明信片關係，因為不保證對象都像王家衛電影中的男主角一樣深情，所以浪漫度不能相比，但是明信片可以帶來的遐思，遠超過冷冰冰的電子郵件。

Postcard relationships allow too many possibilities. They are for newly-met friends, long-time friends, potential lovers, etc. etc. Because there is not much space for words, all the emotion has to be condensed into short and concise sentences, in which dwell the true feelings. In "My Blueberry Nights," Elizabeth, played by Nora Jones, leaves New York City when she is about to fall in love with the restaurant owner, starred by Jude Law. She sends postcards to him everywhere she has gone, and he reads her experiences, waiting for her. The postcards draw a long comma in their relationship from friends to lovers. In real life, No one can guarantee if those you are writing to are as faithful as the lead male roles in Wong Kar-Wai's films. Maybe it's not as romantic as the postcard relationship in the movie, but postcards definitely bring much more imagination than cold and dead email.

magic / 魔力

為什麼從拒絕素描到迷戀速寫？這些日子以來，我常常自問，可能是我想要從天馬行空的世界抽身一陣子，再加上走到了轉型的階段，讓我想要在走上更抽象之路前，回到基本線條的訓練。

Why am I so obsessed with sketching at this moment, regardless of my total rejection of it before? These days, I've been asking myself the question. I feel the need to disappear for a while from the world of wild fantasies. It seems that I've reached another stage. I have to start from basic lines and compositions before coming up with a new, abstract style.

我忘掉年少時期在畫室裡畫蘋果的噩夢，從身邊發掘我有興趣的影像，剛開始的線條總是扭扭捏捏，有著害怕犯錯的痕跡，暖身之後，發現有些錯誤與其遮掩，不如讓它們自在地活著，速寫最令人心醉神迷的境界便是，我在速寫本上使力地來回刷著，不知不覺，所有的線條有了它們獨一無二的個性，我也不用再對照著真實的版本，因為他們不會一模一樣，誰說速寫只不過是照抄？

I leave behind the teenage nightmare of drawing apples over and over again in the studio. Instead, I look for images that interest me in the seemingly tedious daily life. In the beginning, the lines are always cautious, scattered with the traces of fear for making mistakes. After the warm-up, I realize that rather than cover the mistakes, I might as well let them live. The most ecstatic state of sketching is when I get completely carried away by drawing the lines back and forth. Without my awareness, the picture obtains its unique life. I don't even have to look at my model because they won't be the same anyway. Who said that sketching is all about copying real life line by line?

從前的我喜歡畫畫，是因為受到顏色的吸引，現在我發現線條的巨大魔力，就是單一色，也還是有深淺、光影之分，而且一樣感動人心，可以有著言語無法形容的效果，撫慰我們小小的、脆弱的靈魂。

I liked painting because I was attracted to colors. Now I've discovered the amazing magic of lines. Even in the same color, there are differences between various hues, light and shadows. They are equally moving. Our little, fragile soul is thus soothed beyond words.