makeup=make up? / 化妝=虛構?

最近因為被批評邋遢，讓我想到了英文裡化妝品的說法makeup，轉換成動詞片語make up，就變成「虛構」的意思，我和學生討論兩者之間究竟有否關聯，有人說，化妝等同於創造出新的一張臉，又有人說，化妝其實是物理整容，我倒認為，雖然是可還原性的變化，但是每天要花上半個小時整理門面，長期下來也是很浩大的工程。

I was criticized as “sloppy” lately by people who don’t really know me well. This reminds me of the word “makeup.” If turned into a verbal phrase, “make up” means to create something out of nothing. I asked students if there is any connection between the two. A girl said that makeup is synonymous to coming up with a new face. Another girl said that makeup is actually physical change of plastic surgery. In my opinion, even though it is reversible, we end up spending a considerable amount of time on it in the long run.

我對化妝這件事沒有意見，畢竟每個人選擇用自己的方式面對世界，在路上瞥見精雕細琢的美女時，我的目光無疑地也會被吸引，我比較怕的是，化妝久了之後，我們認不得自己原來的樣子，而歲月的痕跡是無所遁形的，我發現再怎麼努力，白頭髮始終比我早一步，皺紋在不知不覺中形成一條條蜜粉的溝渠，如果要執意反抗，這就是一輩子的戰爭。

I don’t have any objection to wearing makeup. After all, everyone chooses their way in facing the world. I have to admit when I catch sight of beautiful women whose charm is further enhanced by cosmetics, I can’t take my eyes off them. However, what worries me is, after getting used to hiding behind the masks, we can’t recognize how we really look. Traces of age are powerful in their silence. No one can be exempted. I realize that no matter how hard I try, gray hair always pushes out earlier than I want it to and wrinkles form ditches of loose powder with time passing. If we insist on fighting against nature head-on, this will be a lifelong war.

與其把這些痕跡遮掩起來，不如想要如何把它們美麗地展現出來，因為在我的經驗裡，逃避終究會引向全盤崩潰，然後就是面對的大課題了。

Instead of covering the “flaws,” why not face them and show them in presentable and creative ways? In my own experience, escape will only lead to total collapse, and then we will have to deal with the huge life lesson of confronting our fear…

serendipity / 留心

雖然最近整個人有點暈暈的，踩在地上的步伐像剛從遠方歸來的旅者，因為時差，不是很確定自己真的落地了，不過我勞碌的處女座性格，已經在我的腦裡設定一整張任務表，我就是無感，也能夠一項接著一項處理，事實上，當我用旁人的眼光看自己時，其實常常是很驚訝我的超高效率。

Lately my head was spinning like crazy. I felt like a returning traveler from a faraway land. I was not sure if I had really landed because of that jet lag problem. However, my laborious Virgo personality had scrolled down an entire list of tasks for me to tick off. I was kind of numb, but that didn’t stop me from accomplishing the missions. As a matter of fact, I am often amazed at my super efficiency when I look at myself from a detached perspective.

昨天在我前往書店的路上，我意外地發現紫藤廬內正在進行的畫展，我還差一點應徵女服務生的工作，因為上面要求英日文俱佳，可學習茶道，感覺這是目前我很需要的一門學問，讓我冷卻下來，定定心。

Yesterday on my way to Eslite, I came across a lovely exhibition going on in Wistaria Tea House. I nearly applied for the waitress job because I seemed to meet the requirements of speaking decent English and Japanese. I was actually tempted by the opportunity to learn the art of tea-making. I was in need of the knowledge to cool down and calm my heart.

然後當我在法國工廠外面瞄著明信片架時，我的眼光就是離不開那張有著黑貓的影像，雖然我知道是一張寄不出去的明信片，我還是買了下來，這兩天反覆看，很開心自己下了手。

When I passed by à l’affiche, I was squinting at the postcard racks inside. I couldn’t take my eyes off a postcard with a black cat in it. I knew it would be a postcard I couldn’t send out, but I still ended up buying it. I was terribly pleased when I looked at it over and over again these two days.

別人常說，我只差再擁有甚麼就不缺了，我卻覺得，因為我有充滿陽光的眼睛，所以甚麼都有了。我的serendipity－發現意外珍奇事物的小天份，讓我在下雨天裡看到彩虹，在黑夜裡看到星星。

Other people often say to me, as long as you have this and that, your life will be perfect. I never think so. As I have eyes full of sunshine, I don’t lack anything. My serendipity makes me see rainbows on rainy days and stars on dark nights.

我釋懷了，祝福你。

I am totally fine now. Best best wishes for you…

power of love / 愛的力量

這兩天有種被冷不防打了幾拳的感覺，胸口悶悶的，喘不過氣來。平常小方跺腳生氣的時候，我只覺得他發脾氣的樣子很可愛，請他冷靜，不過這一次我居然跺腳跺得比他還大聲，他看了看我，說：你不要肝火那麼旺嘛！聽著我的台詞他嘴巴裡說出來，我甚麼也不能做，只能開心地大笑。

These two days I had the suffocated feeling of being hit in the chest when I was off guard. I couldn’t breathe smoothly. Whenever Von stomps his feet to show his anger, I only find him and the way he expresses himself adorable. My typical reaction is asking him to cool down. But this time I chose to stomp my feet harder than he did. He took a look at me, saying, “Push down the bile!” Hearing my line being stolen, I couldn’t do anything but laugh heartily.

隔了一晚，第二天早晨我在浴室裡時，他在外面問我忙甚麼，我隨口回答在想事情，他說：不要再想了，頭髮會變白的，我打開門問他是誰教他的，他說：是我們去買麵的時候，你和我說的！

The following morning when I was in the bathroom, he asked at the door what I was up to. I threw a casual answer at him, telling him that I was thinking. He then replied, “Don’t rack your brain anymore. You’ll get gray hair.” I opened the door to ask him who had taught him the line. He said, “You said that on our way to the noodle stall once!”

很久沒有這種無法還手的沮喪感，可是我感受到自己給過小方的力量，又溫暖地流回到我身上，應該不是每個人都知道要這樣愛別人的吧！還有很多身邊的人用言語鼓勵我，我要放下昨天和之前的一切，抬頭挺胸地往前進！

To be honest, I haven’t felt the kind of frustration in not being able to hit back. But the warm power I gave to Von flows back to me. Not everyone knows how to love others in this way. Besides, many people shower me with encouraging words. I am going to put down yesterday and everything before that and take giant stride forward into another beautiful day!

answer / 答案

visualization / 我的樣子

攝影：Kay小姐 / photo taken by Kay

因為和自己那麼近，我有時看不清楚自己的樣子，這時候就得透過別人的鏡頭來一探全貌。

Because I am too close to myself, I can't always see me well. Then I have to resort to others' perspectives.

這是我的樣子，這是我要過的生活‧‧‧

This is how I look, this is the life I am leading and dreaming of every day...

Listener / 聽者

dedicated to my beloved Miss Wen

HOME / 故鄉

上個星期給學生出的報告裡，問了學生他們的故鄉在哪裡？十六歲的少女們紛紛回答台灣。

I gave students a question about their hometowns in a paper last week. These sixteen-year-old girls had no doubts that their their hometown is the little island we dwell in.

前幾天我們家裡的二寶寶出生了，大人手腳慌亂，儘管大家知道注意力要公平地分在老大和老二身上，但是有時候總是會心有餘而力不足，懂事的小方則努力地撐了三天，第一次沒有和爸爸媽媽同睡的日子，那種考驗很像我小時參加夏令營，心因為想念有點瘀傷，甚至會按奈不住想哭的感覺，但總覺得，撐過去以後，人生會變得無限寬闊。身為鄰居加親戚，我們很盡力地擔任加油的應援團，我忘了弟弟出生時我是不是也有失寵的感覺，結果我居然從這個三歲的小孩身上體驗到失落。

The second baby in our family finally came a few days ago. It couldn't be more hectic in the household. Though the adults were so aware that attention has to be equally spent between the first-born and the new baby, it wasn't always a piece of cake. Von, the understanding big brother, managed to make it through for three days without his parents around. His experience reminded me of my summer camp days in childhood. My heart'd become bruised because I missed my parents so much. Sometimes I couldn't even repress the desire to cry, but for unknown reasons, I'd always believe that if I make it, life ahead would be so much broader. As neighbors and relatives, we cheerled Von with zest and showered him with compliments and encouragement. I forgot how it felt when my younger brothers were born, and it turned out that I lived through the same thing from this three-year-old.

就像努力的馬拉松跑者，小方在這三天裡，起床之後帶著微笑和我們道早安，之後便努力地玩耍，不去想爸爸媽媽暫時不在的事實，驚訝的是我們，這個小孩有著超級老成的靈魂，雖然我們並不是第一天認識他，但每天每天還是無法停止對他的成熟感到訝異。

Like a committed marathon runner, Von greeted us with heartfelt smiles when he got up during these three days. Then he made efforts to play so to forget the fact that his parents were away for the time being. He surprised us. This kid has a super old soul, which we have known for a long time. Still, we can't stop feeling amazed by his maturity.

也許在某個太陽下山的傍晚，他開始有一點想哭，他說他想媽咪，哭完之後擦掉眼淚，又開心地前進。只有在深夜時，我看著他在沙發上排排停的車輛，才感覺他心裡是有些寂寞。他和那些車車想穿越高山大海，找到爸爸媽媽。

Maybe on an evening after the sun set, he became kind of mushy. He said he missed mom. After shedding some tears, he moved on. Only late at nights, when I looked at the cars he had parked on the sofa, I could feel his loneliness. He and they wanted to conquer all the mountains and sea to reach his parents.

故鄉對小方來說，是爸爸媽媽。而小方，是我的故鄉。

HOME for Von, is his parents. And Von for me, is my HOME.

how it feels to wait for a letter / 等信的心情

Thanks to Carol for the gorgeous paper!

watching / 看

car friend / 車友

我很早就知道自己不是開車的料，再加上我惜命如金的個性，即使去年我很努力地嘗試上路，最後的領悟是：人生苦短，為甚麼要和自己過不去呢？

I knew at an early age that I am not cut out to be a driver. Besides, I cherish my life more than anything else in the world. Despite the fact that I DID take a second attempt to hit the road last year, I eventually ended with the realization: Since life is so fleeting, why bother to cause myself so much worry and fear?

在沒有車的日子裡，我學到，交車友是很重要的ㄧ件事，獨自一人開車是很寂寞的，而車子有四個乘車座不是白設計的，共乘不僅為了減少車流量，在車上可以嘻嘻哈哈，可以確保駕駛不會得自閉症。

On my carless days, I learned that making car friends is something very important. Isn't it lonely to drive all by oneself? I believe that the existence of four passenger seats is there for very good reasons. Carpooling can not only smooth the traffic but also create a pleasant atmosphere for those who ride together. It's especially significant in ensuring the mental safety of the driver.

最近剛上路的薛吉，邀請我ㄧ同出遊，我花一點點勇氣就答應了，因為有薛媽在前座負責叮嚀的工作，我坐在後頭很自在，還有時間素描。我很羨慕薛吉的勇往直前，並且一再想著，每個人都有自己適合的事情，我天生就是富貴命，換個角度想，沒辦法開車也挺好的。

Shaggy got her driver's license this spring. When she invited me for a ride, it took me only a little bit courage to say yes. Shaggy's mom is a fantastic coach, who doesn't drive though. She did her job of reminding Shaggy to watch out perfectly. I sat in the back, with my sketchbook and pen. From the angle of a passenger, I envy Shaggy's guts a lot. It kept occurring to me that everyone is born for a reason. I was born to enjoy the ride as a passenger. It's equally lovely not to drive.

沿途的路上ㄧ片翠綠，初夏的烏來山間風景甚好，人潮應該被熱空氣逼退了，真是悠閒愜意的出遊啊！

We meandered in the green mountains. The scenery in early summer in Wulai is lush. Heat drove away big crowds of tourists, so we didn't have to fight for our way. We certainly had a very agreeable outing.

謝謝薛吉和薛媽。如果你還缺一名乘客，這裡有隨時可以報名的成熟女性喔！

Special thanks to Shaggy and her mom. If you need one more passenger, well, don't forget that here is a very mature lady waiting:-)