Serene Little Corner / 寧靜的小角落

本來我想進入十二月再開始申請學校的流程，但是在留學展意外發現提前面試的機會，於是我得在幾天之間把資料備齊，再加上面試的老師強調相關科系的經驗，代辦顧問希望我能夠多讀點書，用知識和口才為自己博取優勢，於是圖書館有關插畫的書籍幾乎都被我掃光了，我這幾天過著抱著書睡覺的生活，不過因為讀的是很好玩的內容，所以有一種很幸福的感覺，就像全世界沒甚麼人在乎我做的事情，但是我卻因為它而開心。

I planned to start my application to graduate school from December, but I accidentally discovered an accidental opportunity for an interview, which will take place in less than a week. That means I’ll have to come up with all the documents required in a few days. Besides, the interviewer seems to place MUCH emphasis on the applicants’ professional art background, so the counselor hopes that I can brush up on what I read before to gain an edge for myself with knowledge and eloquence. Thus, I have checked out almost all the books related to illustration from the library. These days I’ve rocked myself to sleep surrounded by books, but the content is so interesting that I feel extremely blissful. Though not many people care about what I am doing, I am happy all the same in my serene corner.

小雪說，幹嘛那麼老了還要辛苦唸書，可是我的人生裡沒有比這更確定想做的事了，讀到可愛的昆汀布雷克原來大學也是主修英文，後來才又讀插畫，我就更明白自己不是唯一這麼選擇的人。

Sharen said that I shouldn’t pave such a difficult road for myself, but I am surer of nothing else in my life. Especially when I learn that the British master Quentin Blake also majored in English in university, and that he didn’t take up illustration until he stopped being a student, I am even more certain of my own choice. Well, now I know I am not the loner.

Telephone jungle / 電話叢林

每當我打電話給小方，阿楷也不甘示弱，雖然能說的只有幾個字，而且大部分時候是安靜的，他總是緊抓著話筒不放，於是爸爸媽媽就必須出面把小隻的帶走，有時候都要說再見了，小楷又再度復出，兄弟兩人就這樣來來去去滿場跑，讓我感覺這一通電話還真是無盡呢！

Whenever I call up Von, Kai is eager to make his presence felt. Despite his limited vocabulary and reigning silence, he holds tightly onto the phone. Then Mom and Dad will have to distract his attention, thus taking him away from the war zone. Sometimes when I am about to bid farewell, Kai makes his comeback. The two brothers play and talk alternatively, which makes me wonder if the phone call will ever end.

為了讓兩個人不吵架，我畫了一張電話叢林，拾手盡是話筒，這對於很計較有沒有人打電話給他的小方應該是個福音吧！

To bring everlasting peace for the two boys, I drew a telephone jungle in which there are telephones everywhere. This should please Von a lot since one of his major anticipations in the daily life is talking to aunts on the phone.

to age elegantly / 優雅地老去

去了歐洲教育展打聽目前名單裡的學校，剛開始有點不熟悉展場裡的氣氛，我身邊盡是青春洋溢的大學生，雖然我一副運動裝扮，心裡對於自己多人家十幾歲這件事無法不在意。

I went to the U.K. study fair with the intention of collecting more information about schools I would like to apply for. In the beginning I was kind of daunted by the young bobbing heads of college kids. Despite my purposeful sporty looks, I was so aware of the age gap between me and them.

從第一間學校開始，我便不斷地聽到類似的話語：如果你之前不是藝術主修，就要靠作品集博得青睞，因為大部分的學生都還是有藝術背景。這樣的說法還真是不公平，我是帶著筆記去的，如果學校在網上提供充足的資料，我也都說得出來課程內容和教授的作品風格，不過我倒是不放在心上，那多出來的十幾歲還是有用的。

Most school representatives made similar remarks about my qualifications: You need a strong portfolio since you were not an art major. Most students in our programs still have art backgrounds. I hope my case will certainly be an exception. I went with notes about every school. I had no problem pinpointing the features of each school’s courses and the styles of more famous professors. Fortunately, I viewed their words more as a friendly suggestion which would give me an edge when preparing the application forms. There is still something useful about being older.

回家的路上我一邊想，和我同年齡的人都在哪裡，為什麼我還要冒險，而當我走進童裝店幫家裡的小朋友買衣服，店員問我有幾個小孩，我說我沒有小孩，答案是那麼明顯，如果最後都要老去，我想用我的方式記錄人生，雖然沿路還是會有些緊張和害怕，我不想要後悔沒嚐試過的選擇。

On my way home I couldn’t help wondering where people of my age are. I asked myself why I still need to take an adventure. When I walked into a children’s clothing store, the clerk asked me how many children I had. I said I didn’t have any. The answer was so obvious. If we all have to age in the end, I want to record life in my own manner. There will of course be moments of fear and panic along the way, but I don’t want to obsess about the would-have-beens later on.

他們有青春，而我有熊熊的火焰。

They have got youth, while I’ve got flaming fire.

Sunbathing / 泡太陽

這幾天太陽亮得很，可是我們家青春的小魚被囚禁在課堂和書本裡，看著眼前的河流不能盡情游水，顯得很沒勁。

This week the sun has shone especially hard, but my youthful little fish are trapped in piles of books and the sad gloomy classroom. It is an indescribable drag to face the temptation of the crystal-clear flowing water without having the courage to take a plunge for a wild swim.

我說，去曬曬太陽吧！因為人生的苦悶多半持續著，所以把握稍縱即逝的陽光特別有必要。

I say, go for a sunbath. After all, while the dull moments in life span decades, seizing the ephemeral pleasure like cheerful sunshine is definitely a must when it comes to avoiding depression.

攝於京都三千院‧2008夏 / photos taken at Sanzen-in Temple in Kyoto, summer 2008

Je veux voir / 我想看

和小蕙去看凱瑟琳丹妮芙於2008年拍的記錄片「我想看」，她在貝魯特參加影展之際表達想去黎巴嫩南方看一看的心願，於是導演安排她和黎巴嫩的男演員拉比目如埃同車，由拉比充當凱瑟琳的導遊，沿途映入眼簾的是貝魯特的斷垣殘壁和被戰火襲擊的小鎮，凱瑟琳和拉比甚至誤闖地雷遍佈的危險區，而這些片段都是未經安排的真實情節。

I went to see Cathérine Deneuve’s film I Want to See produced in 2008 with Huei. On her visit to Beirut for a gala event, she asked her hosts to organize a trip to South Lebanon for her. The director put her together in the same car with one of Lebanon’s famous actors Rabih Mroueh, who served as her driver and tour guide. The documentary presents the ruins in Beirut and Rabih’s native village. The two even accidentally drive into a dangerous zone scattered with landmines on their ride in the south. These scenes truthfully reflect the situations in Lebanon without any pre-arrangement.

片子到了接近尾聲時，拉比和凱瑟琳經過海邊，所有被戰爭摧毀的建築物被運到這裡，廢墟瓦礫被怪手擊碎，再一併到入海中。拉比說，他不得不幻想，海中其實有個巨大的城市，我想這個城市可怕的地方在於，人類遮掩了自己的野心和慾望，表面上好像是看不見了，但只是被藏起來。

At the end of the film, Rabih and Cathérine pass by the seaside, where all the rubble and debris, traces of the wars, are broken into small pieces first and then dumped. Rabih says that he can’t help imagining a gigantic city lying underneath the sea surface. I think the terror of this city lies in that mankind puts away their ambition and desire somewhere out of sight. They might be invisible, but that doesn’t mean they do not exist.

每個人的心裡也都有個被隱藏在海中的巨大城市，需要勇氣才有辦法正視。

In each of us might lie a monstrously huge city, and it takes courage to look it in the eye.


Seek my shadow / 找自己的陰影

91

她在綿綿陰雨裡遇見他，他穿著整齊坐在便利商店前，反覆訴說自己91歲了，兒子開賓士車，他即將被送到養老院，他說那裡的生活也不會比較好，對於不良於行這件事，他感到無奈和無助。他的思緒在過去和現在之間來來回回，在已經說過的話和想說的話之間來來回回。他說想要吃點甜的，她去買了白木耳湯送給他，他要帶回家，用某種小心翼翼的儀式好好地享用陌生人的善意。

而那之後，她再也沒有遇見他。


She ran into him in drizzling rain. He was neatly clad, sitting alone in front of a convenience store. He repeated his age, which was 91. His son drove a Mercedes-Benz. He was about to be sent to a nursing home, but he didn’t believe his life there would be any better. He felt hopeless and helpless about his not being able to walk. His thoughts traveled between the past and the present, between what he had said and what he wanted to say. He had cravings for something sweet. She bought a bowl of sweet soup for him. He would like to take it home and savor every bite of good will from a stranger with a certain kind of ritual.

Since then, she has never seen him again…