One Percent / 百分之一

照片攝於從瓦倫西亞前往格瑞納達的途中

photos taken on the way from Valencia to Granada

八月在計畫這學期英文專題課時，赫然發現請了外師的那天是我的生日，這是我給自己最大的禮物，畢竟我也常希望可以閉嘴，聽聽別人的聲音。

When I was planning the syllabus for this semester’s special courses for the gifted class back in August, it occurred to me that I had invited a foreign lecturer on my birthday. I think this is the biggest gift I have prepared for myself, by accident. After all, I often wish I could shut up and listen to others.

所以今天我一派輕鬆，不像平常，從早上就要開始準備，我本來想，我只要坐在教室後面兩個小時，快樂地過完另一個工作天。不過人生真的是處處有驚喜，要下課前夕，有一組同學的劇本主題是愛情，結果講師Igor很激動地說：華人最會隱藏自己的感情了，那不是害羞，是恐懼！我們對人示愛，百分之九十九會受挫，那又怎樣？如果能碰到百分之一，一切都值得！因為他又說，我很老了，但是我很快樂，請相信我說的真理。小朋友們懂不懂，我不清楚，但我點頭如搗蒜。

So today I was really at ease, unlike other weeks when I always have to start the preparation from the morning time. I thought all I had to do was sit in the back of the classroom and then draw a period to another happy work day. But life is just full of surprises. Right before the end of the class, one group of kids came up with the theme of love for their play. Then the lecturer Igor couldn’t help sharing his points of view with us: Chinese people are good at hiding their feelings! That is not being shy. It’s fear that stands in the way. When we bare our hearts to others, chances are that we might be turned down, and in 99% of the cases, it’s true. But if we run into that 1% of people, it’s all worth the effort. He kept saying, trust me because I’ve lived a long life and I am a happy man. I don’t know how the kids felt, but I nodded my head like crazy.

送Igor出去搭車的時候，我對他說，我總是打開心的那個人，不過都遭到拒絕了，他轉過來對我說，他們一定錯過許多，我沒有傷心或難過地說，我知道。

When I walked Igor to the bus station, I said to him, I am always the one that opens my heart, but I am constantly turned down. He just turned and looked at me, saying, “They have lost a lot.” I replied calmly without feeling sad or upset, “I know.”

除了之前收的無數的禮物，今天學生送了我George Benson的Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You，我剛好收到Jamie從芝加哥的來信，弟弟把Stacey Kent的專輯用美麗的黃絲帶包起來放在我桌上，傍晚爸爸要帶我去買新的慢跑鞋，我以為我生日禮物都收完了，卻來了這麼一個大禮物。我一定常常聽起來很像個快樂地很沒有深度的傻蛋，但那不是我不懂悲傷，我只是覺得它得用在值得的地方，我也有創傷，但那又怎樣呢？總有要痊癒的一天吧！所以我還是要相信，有一天我會找到真愛，有一天我會得波隆納，因為在相信和不相信之間，我還有甚麼選擇呢？

Apart from tons of gifts I had received before today, students sang to me today George Benson’s Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You, which is my favorite at this moment. I found Jamie’s letter from Chicago in the mailbox. Jun put Stacey Kent’s CD tied with a yellow ribbon on my desk. Dad is taking me to buy a pair of new running shoes this evening. Just when I thought I had got all the gifts, a BIG one dropped from the sky. I must sound like a shallow happy fool all the time, but that’s not because I don’t understand sorrow. I just believe it has to be used in the right places. I have trauma from the past, but so what? The wounds have to heal sooner or later. Therefore, I still want to believe that one day I will find true love and that I will become one of the selected illustrators in the Bologna Book Fair because between the choices of believing and not believing, you know the one I’d go for.