Sometimes

by Weichuen You 1999

I have had difficulties taking up the pencils and brushes this week. Too much work and worries have weighed me down. No matter what I do with the lines, they just don't come out right. I lost my patience somehow. Worse, I started to have doubts about the present.

I am not too obsessed with the past. Instead, my curiosity for the future "me" is much stronger than my nostalgia for what happened. There are days when I wish I could take the time machine and see where and how I'll turn out to be in ten years, in twenty years. My life might always remain the same, but I need some space for dreaming. Or maybe I know my life will be very different and I need to be assured. I am at one of those stages for the moment. It's not easy for someone like me who's full of confidence most of the time. I'll just have to accept the fact that I am just a human.

This morning I thought of a very simple drawing I did six years ago. Back then I never stayed long at a job or at studies. Life seemed easier without commitments. But it was inevitable to feel rootless and tumultuous. Now I am beginning to be afraid of changes. Yet how to explain that I dream of it every day?

The only way out: All I have to do is draw my attention back to this present. It is the only moment that counts. After all, the past is too old while the future is all too unpredictable. I promise to try taking up the pencils again tonight...