Wednesday, December 31, 2014

I can let go / 捨得


過去幾個月像是在和時間賽跑,每見一次阿嬤,她就喪失些能力,同時身體的苦痛就多了些,於是我想了個辦法,如果我常去看她,感覺到的變化就不會如此巨大。上個月我們還可以一起度過十分鐘的下午茶,阿嬤神智清楚到還能回想怎樣從七堵到台北的家,一個月之後,阿嬤已經坐不起來了。

I have been racing against the clock in the past few months. Granny loses her abilities day by day, while she suffers from more and more physical pain. I figure that if I visit her more often, I won't lose her at such a fast speed. Last month, we had ten-minute afternoon tea one day with Granny reminiscing how to go from Chi-du to our place in Taipei. However, one month later, she couldn't sit up anymore.

        2014年的最後一天,阿嬤又住院了,我們在跨年的喧囂之中疾駛去醫院看阿嬤,雖然她因為打了嗎啡昏迷,整個人也瘦到不行,我記得的都是那張帶著微笑、發光的臉。入院之前,阿嬤對美麗說自己年紀大了,該走了,現在卻困在疼痛的軀體裡,我們沒有一個人不流眼淚。

     On the last day of 2014, Granny is hospitalized again. We whiz by the crowds that are celebrating the new year everywhere in the city. Though she is currently in a coma because of the painkiller, looking so thin and withered, all I remember is her glowing face with a beautiful smile. This morning she told Meili that it is time for her to go, but now she is trapped in her degenerate body. None of us can stop shedding tears upon seeing her. 

        回家的路上,車窗外的台北夜好迷人,自由的阿嬤可以盡情地享受這美好的景色,雖然會捨不得,可是我很想和她說:這一切都是你的,我希望你帶著大家的祝福展開無憂無痛的新旅程!

     On our way home, I can't help wowing at the fascinating night view of Taipei city outside the car window. If Granny is freed, she can enjoy it all. Though I am still learning to let go of her without feeling sad, I would like to say to her, "This is all yours my beautiful. I want you to embark on a care-less and pain-less journey with everyone's best wishes!"

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