I can let go / 捨得

過去幾個月像是在和時間賽跑，每見一次阿嬤，她就喪失些能力，同時身體的苦痛就多了些，於是我想了個辦法，如果我常去看她，感覺到的變化就不會如此巨大。上個月我們還可以一起度過十分鐘的下午茶，阿嬤神智清楚到還能回想怎樣從七堵到台北的家，一個月之後，阿嬤已經坐不起來了。

I have been racing against the clock in the past few months. Granny loses her abilities day by day, while she suffers from more and more physical pain. I figure that if I visit her more often, I won't lose her at such a fast speed. Last month, we had ten-minute afternoon tea one day with Granny reminiscing how to go from Chi-du to our place in Taipei. However, one month later, she couldn't sit up anymore.

        2014年的最後一天，阿嬤又住院了，我們在跨年的喧囂之中疾駛去醫院看阿嬤，雖然她因為打了嗎啡昏迷，整個人也瘦到不行，我記得的都是那張帶著微笑、發光的臉。入院之前，阿嬤對美麗說自己年紀大了，該走了，現在卻困在疼痛的軀體裡，我們沒有一個人不流眼淚。

     On the last day of 2014, Granny is hospitalized again. We whiz by the crowds that are celebrating the new year everywhere in the city. Though she is currently in a coma because of the painkiller, looking so thin and withered, all I remember is her glowing face with a beautiful smile. This morning she told Meili that it is time for her to go, but now she is trapped in her degenerate body. None of us can stop shedding tears upon seeing her. 

        回家的路上，車窗外的台北夜好迷人，自由的阿嬤可以盡情地享受這美好的景色，雖然會捨不得，可是我很想和她說：這一切都是你的，我希望你帶著大家的祝福展開無憂無痛的新旅程！

     On our way home, I can't help wowing at the fascinating night view of Taipei city outside the car window. If Granny is freed, she can enjoy it all. Though I am still learning to let go of her without feeling sad, I would like to say to her, "This is all yours my beautiful. I want you to embark on a care-less and pain-less journey with everyone's best wishes!"

the gift I can give / 給得起的禮物

這星期學校簡直被巧克力和糖果淹沒了，加上要上六天的課，聖誕節似乎長無止盡，還好同事愛密莉介紹了一個很不錯的活動，讓同學選一件意義非凡的二手禮物，和大家分享故事背後的故事，然後為它找個新主人。

This past week the school was literally inundated with chocolates and sweets. The fact that we had six school days this week made Christmas endless. Luckily, my colleague Emily introduced an extremely meaningful activity--everyone brings a secondhand object with them to school, shares its story and trades it with another person. 

        我有兩個班級，剛開始宣布這個活動時，我的班很強烈地表達，如果是自己珍惜的物品，會捨不得送出去，不如把活動改成故事分享就好，可是我很想試試大家的極限。真班也有類似的反映，可是意見沒有那麼大聲。

      I have two classes. When I first announced the activity, my class voiced their opinions strongly. They argued that if it's an object they cherish, they won't be able to give it away. It'd be preferable if we changed it to "Show and Tell." However, I really wanted to see how far everyone could go, so I insisted on the exchange part. The girls in the other class also shared similar ideas, but they didn't protest so vehemently.  

        到了送禮物的當天，真班一上場的同學多半說：這個物品提醒我不好的回憶，所以我想送出去。原本是要送出祝福的，變成了很多人的療傷園地。不過我也因次聽到了一些可能永遠不會知道的故事，怎麼說都很慶幸讓大家有這個機會分享。

     On the gift-giving day, a lot of girls in the other class started their stories this way: The object reminds me of something really negative, so I don't want to keep it. I had explained that the activity is to give best wishes. Instead, this turned out to be a healing camp for many traumatized kids. Still, I am glad because I go to hear many stories I wouldn't have known. 

        過去兩年裡，每次有機會和我自己的班做星空夜語活動時，不是我閃開機會就是機會閃開我。想不到這一次同學們一上場，完全不隱藏地分享關於自己的一些事情，故事裡有心碎、失望、成長過程中的自我期許和回憶，而且拿出來的禮物可能是對某位親人或朋友唯一的懷念，還是大方地給了出來。

     In the past two years, I've had some chances to have heart-baring group talks with my own students, but I kind of shunned away. To my surprise, today the girls were so frank that they didn't hesitate to share stories about their heartaches, disappointment, and growth. More importantly, the objects they offered might be the only memorabilia from an important relative or friend. Their generosity really impressed me. 

        上面的同學說得哭得語無倫次，下面的好多雙眼睛都紅了，我是個這麼在乎講話有沒有組織的人，也放鬆了。安靜的勵學樓裡，別班同學安靜地自習，我卻堅持我們在今年最後的一個週六做這件事。

     The story-tellers shed tears as they narrated their stories, while tears rolled in the listeners' eyes. I can never stop finding fault with people whenever their talks are incoherent, but I relaxed today. In the quiet building, the other classes were busy studying, but I insisted on exchanging stories on the last weekend of 2014. 

        聽到前一個同學率真地表達情感之後，還沒有發表的同學開始擔心自己的故事不夠有寫有淚，小獅居然狗急跳牆到想編出令人動容的情節，上台據實以報之後，逗得全班哄堂大笑，大家一下哭一下笑，真像在洗三溫暖。

     Having been touched by stories full of emotions, those who hadn't talked yet were worried if they could move the audience. Maggie was so anxious that she couldn't help inviting the girls that sat next to her to make up stories for her object, which made the whole class burst into laughter. We cried and laughed at the same time. 

        兩個小時的交換故事結束後，玉璽跑來對我說，今天真是很棒的兩堂課，聽到了很多故事，又知道了關於彼此的一些事，開心之餘，我想到的是這個孩子過去兩年多以來的起落，現在走到了這個點，是多麼長足的進步，這是今年多好的句點。

     After the activity, Enci came to me saying how wonderful it was. I agreed, but what came to mind was the change of this kid within two and half years. She's' come so far after all those ups and downs, which is a fantastic period to end year 2014. 

        當了十幾年的老師，每天我都還是要提醒自己要打開心，今年的聖誕禮物回應了我的努力，感謝孩子們的坦率，我常常想我說的話是不是都蒸發到空氣中了，結果證實了還是有些用處的。

     Though I've been teaching for more than a dozen years, I still have to remind myself to open my heart every day. Santa gave me a perfect gift in return--the girls' honesty. I often wondered if my words had evaporated into the air, but now I know they are of some use. 

        每天上完課有不同的情緒，我和孩子們的情緒交會有無限可能的反應，我一直以為這會是個極其勞累的星期六，想不到內心充滿如此感動，久久無法退去。

     Every day at work it is not the same because of the different chemistry between me and the girls. I'd thought this would be an extremely tiring Saturday. However, I was so moved that the rest of the day I could feel the good will. 

        我們要走入最後一學期了，回首看之前走過的路途，雖然真的很高興一起走到了這一點，但也會開始捨不得。

     We are approaching the last semester together. Looking back on the past two and half years, I am happy to have come so far, but meanwhile, I know it's not easy to let go when we say goodbye. 

後記：照片中的練習取自Keri Smith的Living Out Loud。 

P.S.: The exercise sheet is excerpted from Keri Smith's Living Out Loud. 

Weekend Children's Museums 2 / 假日兒童博物館 2

最後一週的假日兒童博物館，我們玩拼圖。我選了三組果實和種子，分別是水茄苳、大葉桃花心木和台灣鐵杉。我把畫好的圖切成十二片，讓小朋友重組，爸爸媽媽們也來幫忙。拼圖這件事可快可慢，剛開始我忘記提醒大家圖是直式還是橫式，結果就是到最後得重來。

In the last workshop of the weekend children's museums, our group task is piecing puzzles. I choose the fruits and seeds of three kinds of trees--small-leaved Barringtonia, the mahogany tree and Taiwan Hemlock (Tsuga chinensis). 

   In the workshops before, children don't need much of their parents' assistance. However, this time, the adults can't help taking part in the game. Some groups work fast, while others take much more time. In the beginning, I forget to remind the groups if the pictures are landscape or portrait, so in the end, some of them have to start all over again. 

        看起來好像快要拼對了，但方向錯了。因為爸媽和孩子合作，所以我有了意外的收穫，觀察每家的親子互動非常好玩，有些媽媽比孩子們還投入，一位長得像混血的美麗媽媽好喜歡我的圖和植標館的氛圍呢！

   It looks like the moms are going to get it right, but the image is landscape. Surprisingly, I get to see the interaction between kids and their parents because of teamwork. Some mothers are more involved than their children. One extremely beautiful mom who looks like a mix seems to love my pictures, plants and the herbarium! 

        水茄苳的海漂果實完成圖是這樣，不過這已經是另一組的小朋友了。

   This is the finished piece, but this boy is from another different group than the moms and children in the photos above. 

        拼完馬上到戶外實地觀察在豔陽裡茁壯的水茄苳樹、它又叫穗花旗盤腳樹。

   We have some small-leaved Barringtonia trees right outside in the garden. Isn't it nice to see with our eyes what we have learned? The tree is also called Powerpuff Mangrove. 

        水茄苳樹生長在水邊或海邊，因此果實靠水傳播，外皮防水。

   Small-leaved Barringtonia trees grow near the sea, so the fruits are carried off with the tide. They are waterproof. 

        而且果實很輕喔！

   The fruits are rather light! 

        接下來上場的是大葉桃花心木。

   Our next star is the mahogany tree. 

        這一組男孩很認真，身後的媽媽是老師，是第一個問我她可不可以畫畫的大人。

   These two boys are very committed. Their mom standing behind them is a teacher. She's the first adult that asks me if she can draw as well. 

        大葉桃花心木的主樹幹是單軸，樹枝兩邊對稱生長，我在周間趕著畫完，直到週六走過台大的桃花心木道，近距離觀察之後，才發現自己畫得不精準。

   The tree trunks of a mahogany tree is symmetrical, growing from the single sturdy stem. I was in a hurry to finish the picture during the week, so it is not until I walk by the row of mahogany trees on the campus of NTU on Saturday that I realize I didn't draw very precisely. 

        大葉桃花心木的蒴果在三月的晴天爆裂之後，螺旋槳狀的種子就會隨風飛翔，飛離大樹媽媽，到有陽光的空地成家。

   The fruits, which look like reddish-brown capsules, split along five seams on sunny days in around March. Then the propeller-like seeds will be carried far away from their mother tree by the wind. 

        最後是台灣鐵杉的果實和種子。

   Our last star today is the fruit and seeds of Taiwan Hemlock. 

        台灣鐵杉生長在海拔兩千公尺以上的山區。雄花粉隨風飄散，飄落在雌花毬，受孕的雌花毬果把鱗片關起來變成毬果，會從紫色轉褐色，雖然我把毬果畫得很大，真實的大小約1.5到2.5公分。

   Taiwan Hemlocks are found above the altitude of 2,000 m in Taiwan. The male pine cone disperses the pollen, which lands on the purple female cones. They are then tightly closed in to protect the eggs. The purple color will gradually change into brown. The cones of Taiwan Hemlocks are about 1.5 cm to 2.5 cm. 

        成熟時遇好天氣，毬果會打開一片片果鱗，讓帶有翅膀的種子隨風飛揚。

   When the seeds are ready, the hemlock tree will cut off its supply of water to the pine cone. This causes it to dry up and open up, allowing the seeds found at the base of the scales to fall or be blown out of the cone.  

        看孩子們畫畫是很幸福的事。

   It always brings me much delight to look at children drawing. 

        有一群孩子和媽媽實在太可愛了，我忍不住私心幫他們把明信片寄出去。

   I adore a group of adults and children so much that I can't help mailing their postcards for them. 

        戶外庭園的行程超級豐富，導覽詹姆斯先生可以滔滔不絕地說下去。

   The tour of the outdoor gardens are super enriching. The guide James can talk on and on when it comes to plants. 

        千萬不能錯過植標館外的筆筒樹，這可是館的特產啊！

   You can't miss the common tree fern outside the herbarium. It is our special feature. 

        這幾週真的很謝謝館方額外調派的工作人員，還有給我無限自由任我發揮，表面看起來好像是我多做了很多事，但其實我每週六離開植標館時總是無比地開心，能和小孩及植物一起生活，還有什麼好不滿足的呢？

   I really thank the staff and volunteers of the herbarium for making all this possible, also, for giving me so much freedom to plan what to do. I seem to have spent much time and effort preparing the teaching materials, but Saturday afternoons are my favorite. I never leave the herbarium without feeling fulfilled during these weeks. What more can I ask for when I am  blessed with a life with children and plants? 

A room with a view / 窗外有樹景

以前學生考試時，我畫她們，現在我發現窗外也有各式各樣的風景可以記錄，而且我們現在住在一棟樓，每一層教室的高度不同，看到的樹木部位也不一樣。原本我想要畫亞歷山大椰子樹由低至高的相貌，想不到這次監考的教室是另一邊，第一次遠遠畫記錄葉型，下午又到同一間教室，近看才發現花已經冒了出來，更幸運的是，當天立馬問到同事，原來我的新朋友是芒果樹！

I used to sketch students when they were sitting for monthly exams. Now I realize there are various views outside the windows. The 12th graders live in a building which is surrounded by trees on the two sides. The views of classrooms on different floors differ. I had planned to sketch the Alexander Palm from the bottom to the top on the day of the midterm, but it didn't occur to me that I was assigned to go to a classroom on the other side. In the morning I sketched the leaves, but when I went back there in the afternoon, I noticed that the tree had blossomed. Best of all, I found the name of my new friend on the same day by asking my colleague, which is the mango tree. 

        我的班級在頂樓，使我每天都有機會看到亞歷山大椰子樹的頂端，最近我常常盯著葉腋冒出的串串紅色果子，覺得很驚奇，不知道埋首書堆的孩子有沒有看到比書本還要真實的大自然呢？

   My class lives on the top floor, which gives me opportunities to observe the top of the Alexander Palm trees every day. Now I always look at the rounded bright red fruits with amazement. I wonder if the girls, who are buried in books, also notice the beauty of the real world. 

        我和孩子們的旅行要進入最後半年了，我說：這間教室是最接近我夢想的地方，之前從這裡去了倫敦，現在從這裡走進畫繪本和學習植物的美好人生，希望對他們來說也有同樣的意義。

   We are counting down our days together. I say, "This classroom is the closest place to my dreams. I went to London from here. I am reaching my dream of being a book writer and illustrator from here too." I so hope the room has the same significance for them too. 

        謝謝每天有你們相伴的生活！

   I want to say, "Thank you for your company!" to the trees and the girls!