Decision / 決定

從九月底開始，我就像能量小兔不停地規劃展覽的內容，想說的東西太多，卻又割捨不掉其中任何一環，所以我有種不是很相信自己的感覺，我真的做得出來嗎？

From the end of September, I’d been planning the exhibit with the incredible stamina of the Energizer bunny. There was so much I wanted to say, and I didn’t want to do without any detail. So I couldn’t whisk away the question mark in my mind—Is it really possible for me to come up with a decent exhibition in two months?

這個星期當我走到最後的試驗階段時，我突然領悟，我並沒有考量觀者的需要，我只是猛想著自己要分享的經驗，但是對我來說，藝術的目的已經超過自我表達，現在我期許當個能夠透過圖像和其他人互動或溝通的創作者。

Halfway through this week, at the final stage of trying my forms of expression, it dawned on me that I hadn’t taken into account the needs of the viewer. I was blinded by my strong desire to share the experiences. Yet for me, art should go beyond self-expression. I expect myself to be an artist who can interact and communicate with others through my images.

於是我下了一個讓我沮喪好幾天但卻是必要的決定，我來不及在明年一月展出，我得退出和薛吉的聯展，所以到時候步調咖啡的展覽就由薛吉一人獨挑大樑，但是我對她很有信心，因為她的作品呈現和我的相較起來，主題清楚多了。

Thus, I made a decision which was rather discouraging but necessary. I can’t make it for the exhibit in January next year. I have to back out of the duo exhibition with Shaggy, who will be the solo artist in TOTE Café then. I have much faith in her because compared with my works, there is a very clear theme in hers.

花了一個月，旅行的草稿加計畫用掉了四本札記本，我好像又回到了原點，但是如果沒有這些嘗試，我就不會找到我的方向，所以即使有些失望，我明白這個決定是必要的，我不想只是畫圖，我想要畫好圖。

It took me a month and four journal books to come so far. I seem to have gone back to the starting point. However, without these trials and errors, I wouldn’t find my direction. Despite my disappointment, I know I’ll come to this decision anyway. I don’t want just to draw. I want to draw well.

到時候大家一定要來看薛吉的展覽！你會看到滿滿的、繽紛的西班牙！

Please don’t miss Shaggy’s exhibit. You’ll get a heavy and satisfying taste of Spain!