The way we are / 姿態

明明家裡一片混沌，我居然在亂中取景，找到每個人搬家的姿態，而這些代表畫面也明顯表達家人對我要出國讀書的觀點：

The apartment is in a total mess, but strangely, I find interesting scenes for doing sketches out of the chaos. These images of everyone’s packing styles perfectly reflect their ideas about my going to U.K. for further studies.

弟弟：真不敢相信妳要去那麼冷的地方！

我：只是去一陣子，又不是去一輩子。

Jun: I can’t believe that you’ve chosen to go to such a cold place!

Me: I’m going there only for a short while, not for my whole life.

爸爸：做這件事對妳的工作沒有甚麼幫助，妳應該只是去讀好玩的吧！

不過因為爸爸很愛我，我想他試著認同我喜歡做的事，在這幾個月裡，我們的對話中時不時提到和倫敦有關的一切，就連我當大家在辛勤打包時抽空塗鴉，他也採放縱的態度，對我真是相當容忍。

Dad: Making this decision won’t do any good to your current job. You just draw for fun right?

However, Dad loves me a lot, so he tries to accept everything I do. In the past few months, we have mentioned London many times in our dialogs. Even when I laze around with everyone else busy packing, he takes a very lenient and tolerant attitude toward my eccentricity.

至於媽媽，好幾位同齡的朋友或同事居然都問了一樣的問題：妳媽媽怎麼說呢？我回答：我已經很老了，媽媽管不動我，儘管如此，我發現她每天的想法都有變動，剛開始我還在考慮要不要接受基礎學位，傑哥強烈地建議我去美國而不是英國，我感到心煩意亂時，媽媽很理性客觀地說：就算去英國，妳一定也會學到新事物，但可能數個星期之後，她突然冒出來一句話：妳怎麼能夠確定妳去得成？我希望妳不要去。我們不停在矛盾的想法之間搖擺，我配合著搖擺，因為我知道這就是愛的樣子吧。

而當我今早在速寫時，我對走過來要收拾衣服的媽媽說：等一等，我還沒畫完，她很乾脆地走開一邊喃喃自語：這樣也可以畫‧‧‧

As for mom, I’ve been asked the same question by some people of my age: Does your mom agree to your decision? I reply: I am too old to ask for my mom’s approval. She is probably the most realistic person in my family in that her mind changes all the time. In the beginning, while I was hesitating whether to take the offer of the foundation degree, Jei strongly suggested that I go to the States instead of Britain. Mom only made the following rational comments, “I think you should go because you’ll learn new things no matter what.” But a few weeks later, words of doubt would pop out of her mouth, “How can you be so sure that you will go in the end? I hope you won’t.” She swings between the two contradictory thoughts with me pretending to oscillate along because I know it’s love that makes her so.

When I was doing a sketch of her clothes this morning, I stopped her from putting them into the box. She only walked away without any objection murmuring, “That’s an inspiration too?”

還有我，急著把東西收好，才能沒有罪惡感地玩耍。

And me, so eager to pack everything away that I can play without feeling a sense of guilt…