Botanical garden, 2007 / 2007的植物園

這學期受到很多人的影響，不喜歡在別人面前畫畫的我，居然興起了想要寫生的念頭，於是上個星期才跑過國立歷史博物館參觀「藝術家的書」展覽，這個週末又忍不住再去一次，我的目的地是博物館裡的忘言軒，狹長的咖啡廳，安靜明亮，就面對著外面的荷花池，是再完美也不過的寫生場地。

So many people have been telling me about the beauty of outdoor sketch this semester. I do not enjoy painting in front of people, but lately I have felt a strong desire to try sketching. Speaking of a perfect venue, the café in National Museum of History came to mind. Actually, I went there no more than a week ago for the exhibition of artists' handmade books. But I couldn't resist the temptation of going there again this weekend. I had my mind set on the long and narrow café on the second floor. It faces the lotus pond, giving people a full view of the lush garden. It is always quiet and well-lit. I can't think of a better place.

最近對於札記本使用成癮，所以我帶著數年前遊紐約的手札，雖然中間間隔了七年的光陰，我卻一點也不介意。炎熱的午後，咖啡館有一半的位置是空著的，不過靠窗的桌子全都有人，我悠閒地東張西望，不久有桌客人準備起身離開，我暗自竊喜地把杯子餐盤移到可以清楚看見荷花的餐桌，我看見的景色有天堂的味道。

As you can tell, I've been addicted to the use of journal books. I dug out the old journal for the trip to New York City seven years ago. I do not mind the long interval between now and then. On the hot Saturday afternoon, half of the tables in the café were empty, but the good seats next to the windows were all occupied. I looked around while having lunch, not in any hurry. Fortunately, a couple stood up, ready to leave. I moved my cup and plates, secretly thanking God for such a heavenly twist of fate.

待我開始作業之後，逐漸地，身旁的聲響像從電視裡傳來，依舊清楚，但是不屬於我的時空，有阿嬤的聊天聲、情侶的呢喃聲、相機的喀嚓聲，直到外面的雷聲轟轟，我才真正被驚醒，下雨了。

When I got down to work, little by little, the sounds around me were still distinct, but they didn't belong to my world, more like those coming from TV. The old ladies chatted calmly about their families, the young lovers whispered, and there were also the crisp digesting sounds of cameras. I was not aroused from sketching until the thunder outside struck. It rained.

為了等待水彩風乾，我翻到前面的頁數，很久沒有讀從前的筆記了，恰好我在七年前的同時，也那樣地著迷紐約的植物園，札記本的前半部盡是有關它的記述，不過我仔細閱讀之後，才又回想起當時的心情，24歲的夏天，我多麼喜歡那個男孩，可是大部分的時候我並不快樂，總是追著他善變的心思跑。我的文字充滿著敏感的情緒，原來七年前的我是這樣。

To wait for the watercolor to dry, I turned to the previous pages. I hadn't read my own writing for many years. It was quite a coincidence that exactly seven years ago, I was also so fascinated with the New York Botanical Garden. The first half of the journal was all about it. I didn't quite remember how I had felt then until I read my words carefully. In the 24th summer in my life, how I liked that guy. But I wasn't happy most of the time. His fickle personalities were worse than unpredictable. My past sensitivity touched me. I thought to myself, so I was like that seven years ago.

雨越下越大，進來躲雨的人越來越多，咖啡館裡的吵雜和外面的雷雨聲成正比擴大，我翻過一頁又一頁的傷感，彷彿那是前世的我，我只模糊地記得當時有這麼一段掙扎，但是細節太陌生，我想不起來。接著我又翻回到已乾的速寫，繼續下一頁的寫生。桌上的盆栽、隔壁桌的客人都歡迎入鏡，若水彩未乾，我就把原本只有靜物的圖面擴大，淋雨的荷花、被大風雨肆虐的荷花、直直落的大顆雨水，窗旁的大樹和綠蔭，等等等等等。畫面若是滿了，就再回到從前，悠遊於過去的字裡行間。

It rained harder. More and more people came in the café to take shelter. The noise grew in proportion to the thunder and lightning out of the windows. I thumbed through pages and pages of sorrow and uncertainty. I read as if it had been about me from the previous life. I did remember that unrequited love affair, but the details were all too unfamiliar. I couldn't think of any. Then I turned back to a new page, starting another sketch. The small bonsai plants on the tables, the people next table were lovely topics. While waiting for the watercolor paints to dry, I would enrich the empty parts of the pages with lotus exposed to the rain, lotus blown by the wind, straight-falling big raindrops, the giant trees and shades, etc. etc. etc. After the pages were filled, I would go back to the past, traveling between my words.

雨勢逐漸緩和，咖啡館躲雨的客人一個個離開，我的身邊風景不斷轉換，從老年夫婦到年輕情侶到單人女子到外籍男子，在文字中我從現在旅行到過去又回到現在，這一切變化中，水彩筆一直在書上舞著。我看起來是一個人，卻也不只一個人。

The rain let up little by little. The guests left one by one. The scenery around me kept changing, from the old couple to the young lovers to a girl to two foreign men. I traveled from the present to the past and back to the present through words. Among all these changes, my brushes kept dancing on the pages. I seemed to be alone, but I was not alone.

接近傍晚，有點累了，我把札記書合起來，兩肩掛著道具，輕鬆自在地邁出忘言軒，短短的週六午後，什麼都見過，卻什麼都不想，腦中唯一盤算的是下一週的速寫課地點。

It was almost the evening time. I felt sort of fatigued. I closed my journal, took up the big bags, and walked out of the café in a very relaxed mood. On the short Saturday afternoon, I saw everything, but there was nothing in my mind. The only question I gave a thought to was where I should have my sketch lesson next week.

roses / 玫瑰花

今天在回家的路上，買了一束玫瑰花。等捷運時，我仔細端詳粉色的花瓣，想到很久以前，去紐約市旅行，當時是留學生，對於金錢錙銖必較，看到擦肩而過的路人手裡拿著幾朶玫瑰，內心充滿羨慕之情，於是我對自己說，將來我也要常常為自己買花，因為它們的美麗讓我的一整天都鮮豔了起來。

This afternoon on my way home, I bought a bouquet of roses. When waiting for the MRT, I stared at the rosy petals and suddenly all the memories came back. A long time ago, on my trip to New York City, I was full of envy when seeing people buy roses for themselves. I was a poor student then, having no extra money for little luxuries like that. So I told myself, one day I am going to buy flowers for myself because they can brighten my day and make it so colorful.

迷人的女孩會說，等情人送花吧！可是到了我現在的年紀，我不在意有沒有人獻上花束，情緒低迷的時候，我若去到花市或行經路邊的攤販，便立刻逃離沮喪的泥沼，在我的情人出現之前，我得讓自己快快樂樂的。

Beautiful girls would say, I'll just wait for flowers from my lovers. I've come to such an age that I don't care if anyone sends me flowers. When I am blue, a trip to the flower market or a bouquet bought from a street vendor will lift me up. Before my lover shows up, I have to make myself happy.

多年以前，我希望可以住在像紐約那樣的城市，我的願望沒有實現。現在我住在台北，做著多年前夢想放棄的工作，身邊的人普普通通，卻讓我覺得很幸福。更重要的是，我時時都可以帶一束玫瑰花回家，儘管母親常嚷嚷過高的價錢，我會回以一抹安靜的微笑說，沒辦法，今天就是需要玫瑰花。

Many years ago, I wished to live in a big city like New York. My dream didn't come true. Now I live in Taipei, doing a job I wished to give up many years ago. People around me are so ordinary, but whenever I am with them, I feel loved. What's more important, I can bring a bouquet of roses home anytime. Though Mom would often complain about the prices, I would respond with a quiet smile, saying, sorry, I need a bunch of roses today, at any price.

於是玫瑰花束成為我對這個城市的回憶，極重要的一部分。

So bouquets of roses have become an extremely important part in my memories for this city.

﹝註﹞：圖中為小妞們和我遊花市的寫真。

PS: The picture is about our trip to Chien-kuo flower market, me and my girls.

mumbling / 喃喃自語

好像每年有一段時間，我都有那種想過著電腦以外的生活，和很多人比起來，我對電腦的依賴度算低的了，例如說，大家不太能了解為什麼我謝絕使用即時通，我也不懂為何這陣子我寧可拿本書翻閱、寄真實的明信片，而不是盯著螢幕瀏覽網頁、傳送email，這可能和我喜愛古早事物的個性有些關係。不用電腦的我，可以完完全全地專心於真實的生活，我很喜歡那樣的純粹。

There is a period of time each year when I feel like living without computers. Compared with many people, I do not rely much on the modern age technology. For example, I detest MSN to such an extent that I do not want to hear people talk about it. Lately, I've been more into reading books, sending real postcards than surfing the Internet and sending email. This has something to do with my preferences for old things. When I do not touch the computer, I can focus on the real life. I like that kind of pureness.

我想固定來小房間的網友並不多，不過我對於自己的懶散有些不好意思，我常常想到你們，所以要告知你們我的這個小怪癖。

I don't think I have many regular visitors to the little room, but I feel ashamed about my willful laziness. I think of you from time to time, so I'd like you to know about this side in me.

這些日子裡，我還在畫畫，做了一本札記書，主題是介紹台北城，本來最主要的原因是為了參加moleskine的比賽，但是一張一張地做下去之後，我發現有許多支撐我的動力，因為摯友小蕙即將赴英深造，這一年半裡我們去了好多地方，我對人生也有了很不一樣的看法，所以我想把這些回憶做總整理。後來我覺得這也是對我自己生命的交代，雖然在製作的一個月裡，每天下班回家都累得像條狗，還是會自發性地坐到書桌前繪畫，幸好我有鋼鐵般的堅持。做完之後有些失落，但是眼前有全新的挑戰，好像沒有時間碎碎唸或感傷。

During the past month, I was still drawing. I made a journal book about the Taipei city. It was originally for the contest held by the Italian brand of notebooks—moleskine. However, after I started the project, I realized that the purposes for making the book had changed. My best friend Liang-huei is about to head for the UK soon. Since last year, we've been to so many places in Taipei, and she has changed my outlook on life. I'd like to put all the memories into a book. Then it also dawned on me that I was recording my own life. Even though I was as tired as a dog after work, my conscience would take me to my desk. I would sit down and paint away the whole evening. I am glad that I persisted. I have to say that I feel a sense of loss after I finished the project, but I have other new challenges. I don't have time to be sentimental...

雖然有時我刻意保持無聲，我的部落格還是記載了一切，包括我安靜的任性。不過我絕對不是吝嗇於分享‧‧‧

Sometimes I remain silent on purpose, but my blog records everything, including my quiet waywardness. Yet I am far from being stingy. I love to share my art more than anything...

My teacher / 老師的老師

江正吉老師繪
by Jim Jiang

上學期上完國畫課之後，有種大徹大悟的感覺，我覺得再怎麼練習，我也不會進步，所以這個學期開始的時候，便斷然地和老師說，人應該要執著於自我的專長，很多事是不能勉強的，本來想就這樣揮揮衣袖離開，結果老師和班長紛紛來勸說，我還記得老師那時的表情，他的臉上有著很包容的微笑，說：「傻孩子，上國畫課是很開心的事，就算只是來看我畫畫也無所謂，因為這兩個小時中，你可以跳脫原來的思考方式，也許因此可以學到新東西，應用在你想創作的方面上。」

After taking Chinese painting class for a semester, I had an epiphany—no matter how hard I practiced, I was not born for it. Therefore, in the beginning of this semester, I told Jim with firm determination that I should focus on what I am good at. With no talent in Chinese painting, I didn't want to force myself. I had intended on stopping the lesson, but Jim and our class leader came to me, trying to change my mind. I still remember how Jim looked then. He wore a magnanimous smile on his face and said, "Silly child. Learning Chinese painting should be fun. Even if you just come and watch me paint, it will still do you good. Within these two hours, you can detach yourself from your old mode of thinking. Perhaps you can even learn something new from me and apply it in the field you are more interested in."

於是，這個學期我到目前為止沒有拿過一次毛筆，幾個月前，我完全無法接受上課之後不做作業，想不到現在我還挺高興的，有時候上課只是和身邊的婆婆媽媽天南地北地哈啦，也不再自我苛責，好像是腦中某個卡住的齒輪被修好了，想法變得開闊許多。

Well, this semester I haven't taken up the brush pen, not even once. A few months ago, I couldn't accept the idea that I didn't do any homework after the class. I wouldn't have imagined that I am so happy now. Sometimes I spend much time chatting away about all with the senior ladies in class, and I've stopped blaming myself for my laziness and distraction. It's like a cog in my brain was stuck. It was fixed at a certain moment and I've become quite broad-minded.

去年秋天一開始上課時，老師說了句很有哲理的話，他說，國畫裡盡是人生的哲學。因為他從中得到諸多體悟，所以我們又從他身上學到第二層的詮釋。有時我為一些芝麻小事要捉狂時，看著老師那樣氣定神閒地畫畫，不禁自問，如果是老師，會如何看待同樣的問題，即使我不知道他的反應，我很確定的是，他不會因此大發雷霆，這樣想之後，我也想要他的平靜自若，自然就會朝比較平和的方向去找解決的方法。

Last autumn when I first started, Jim said something very philosophical. He said that one can learn about life in Chinese painting. He interpreted the life philosophy according to his own experiences, and we benefited so much from his wise words. Sometimes when I am about to lose my temper because of certain trivial things, Jim's poise make me ask myself how he would solve the problem if he were in my shoes. I don't know the answer, but I am sure that he wouldn't fly into a rage. I want his calm badly and that leads me toward a more peaceful way of thinking.

有時我太專注於畫畫，把所有重心往上面放，前幾天有些苦惱時，聽到老師說，畫畫不是全部，生活裡還有其他事，像親人等等，連老師一輩子從事美術，卻還說，畫畫只是為了增添生活情趣，我感動於他謙卑的態度。不過也對，如果生活裡沒有和別人互動，沒有一些責任和義務，我可能就不會那麼珍惜畫畫帶來的快樂自在。我本來也都清楚這個道理，可是怎麼活著活著就忘了‧‧‧

Sometimes I concentrate too much on painting and have the idea that it is the only thing that matters in my life. A few days ago when I was kind of upset, Jim happened to say that painting isn't everything. There are other important things and people such as taking care of our family. I was very touched by his humble attitude. Jim has been working in the art field for more than 3 decades, he still believes that painting is mainly for making life more interesting. In fact, if there were no interaction with other people and responsibilities, I wouldn't cherish the joy of painting. I knew this too, but sometimes we forget as we move ahead...

這個週末和四年沒有見面的Florence重逢，她說，我比年少的時候豁然開朗，我想那是因為身邊許多人教我如何生活，老師也需要老師啊！

This weekend I had a reunion with Florence, whom I hadn't seen for four years. She said that I am so much more mature and at ease than before. That's because many people around me have been teaching me how to live well. You know, even teachers need teachers!

Beginning point / 起點

夏天是我的高生產季，每年五月左右，我的睡眠時間驟減，即使身體感受到某種程度的疲勞，依舊能夠專注地作畫，有時這樣的高效率都讓我驚訝。最近季節進入夏季，我又感覺到那般巨大的能量，而且內心充滿著渴望，想著各種我想嘗試的可能性，不過老實說，某些時刻我覺得自己快爆炸了，我的軀體快要無法承受強烈的想望，我開始覺得可以停下來也是好事。

I am especially productive in summer. Every year around May, I start to sleep much less. Even when my body feels a certain amount of fatigue, I can still focus on painting. Sometimes my efficiency really shocks me. Since a few weeks ago, I have felt that gigantic mojo. My heart almost bursts with the desire to try many possibilities that occur to me along the way. To be honest, sometimes I think I am going to explode. My body can't take that ambition. I can't help but think that if I can take a break, it will be really nice.

我被熱情的渴望向前推，卻也容易患得患失，好不容易建立起來的平靜心思很容易因為一句話或一個機會打翻，於是我又得重新開始，日常生活就是不停地尋找那微妙的平衡。說來愚蠢，這幾天居然因為母親去廟裡抽的一支籤感到些許沮喪，上面說，我應該要守住自己的本分，我明明就不是個迷信的人，但是可能我太在乎畫畫這件事了，無法不受到影響，我問自己除了自我滿足之外，還想要什麼，如果我要的只是如此單純，如果我像自己想得那麼穩，為何會有些低落？也許我要得不如自己想得純粹，要面對這個現實的想法也需要點勇氣。

I am pushed forward by passion, but it's like taking a roller coaster ride. I get excited easily, and I am easily frustrated as well. It takes me a while to be calm, yet sometimes a remark or an opportunity spoils that beautiful balance. Then I'll have to start all over again. My daily life is about retrieving the calm state. Stupid to say, these few days I have been kind of brought down by a lot my mom drew in a temple. It said that I should focus on my work because painting won't get me anywhere. I am not a superstitious person. However, I care too much about my art not to be influenced. I ask myself what I'd like to attain apart from self-satisfaction through creating. If I want nothing more than that, if I am so stable as I think, why do I feel low? Perhaps what I want is more than that. It takes guts to confront this realistic idea.

米類繪製的明信片

postcard by Milay

幸好在自我面對的那一刻，我的心裡有個畫面，而我急切地感到把它紀錄下來的慾望，在我實現它的同時，我因此得到解脫。小蕙前幾週去台東宣傳她的紀錄片時，捎來張明信片，她在雨中來回，搭夜車從台北下東部，破曉到達台東時，猛然往窗外一看，是一望無際的梯田和藏在山嵐裡的群峰，讀她的文字，我的腦裡浮現由這些細節構成的美景，不得不畫下來，而且所有大自然的畫面有種抒壓的力量。

Fortunately, at the moment of self-analysis, I have a picture in mind. I am eager to put it down, and in doing that, I am relieved. Huei sent me a postcard when she went down to Tai-dong for promoting her documentary a few weeks ago. She left in the rain, took a night train down along the east coast. When she arrived at dawn, she was happy to find vast green paddy fields and soaring mountains in the mist on looking out of the window. When I read her words, an image formed by these details emerge. I can't help painting it since I believe so firmly that nature holds a miraculously healing power.

她又說，紀錄片放映現場只有三名觀眾，就像我去年冷冷清清的畫展，但是我們都知道，我們這麼熱衷藝術，其實主要是為了自我取悅，我們也都走了如此長的一段路，很多事情不是只有三個觀眾或一張籤可以道盡。去年此時，小蕙和我邊玩耍邊拍她的第一支紀錄片，事隔一年，她即將要出國主修紀錄片，我有什麼進步呢？當時剛開始亂畫壓克力，一竅不通，現在也沒多了不起，倒是比較得心應手些，還有說不出的領悟和吸收新知，我們離當時的起點有好一段距離，我都了然於心，只是有時候沒辦法理性地安慰自己。

She wrote, there were only three viewers in the theater. It kind of reminded her of my exhibition which was not noticed by too many people last summer. We are so in love with art mainly for pleasing ourselves. We've come such a long way that it cannot be summarized by the fact that there were only three viewers or by a lot. Last year at this time, Huei and I made her first documentary and played along. A year later, she is about to go to the UK for advanced film studies. Any progress on my side? Well, I was a total beginner of acrylic painting then. I wouldn't say that I am good now, but at least I am more familiar with the medium. There is also some progress which cannot be put down in words. We are so far from the beginning point then. I know it all, but sometimes I can't convince myself when I am not that upbeat.

所以說，生活裡的每一刻看似終點或結束，其實都只是起點，失敗之後再站起來是起點，成功之後重新開始也是起點。我得拿出年少時期的土撥鼠精神，埋頭向前，我想神祇給我那樣的訊息，只是要考驗我吧！

So, every moment in life looks like the end, but it is actually a beginning point. After the failure, we start anew. After the success, we are faced with a new challenge. I need to review the marmot spirits of my teens. I have to burrow hard without looking up to check my progress so often. God gives me the above-mentioned message just to test me, I think.

明年此時的起點我往回看，又會看到什麼呢？我不知道，如果要找出答案，你要一直回來喔！

When I look back from the beginning point a year from now on, what will I see? I don't know. If you want to find out the answer, you'll have to keep coming back.

﹝小註﹞目前有諸多projects纏身，義大利之旅暫時停刊，我沒有忘記它。

PS: I am tied down with some projects for the time being, so I'll take a pause from the Italy project for the time being. Just want to let you know that I have not forgotten it.

the reason for no tears / 不哭的原因

一個多月前，在畢業旅行的營火晚會上，我們在沙灘上圍成一圈，天上的星星閃亮到不行，女孩們繞著我，天真誠懇的眼神冀望我說些感性的話，我始終只是笑笑的，可是有些小妞已經開始掉淚，相較之下我顯得有些冷血。之後同學們紛紛對我說，老師真沒fu，我答道，我的感情都投注在日常生活裡了，在你看得到和看不到的細節中。

More than a month ago, in the bonfire party on our graduation trip, girls formed a circle on the beach with me in the middle. The stars in the sky shone like crazy. Instead of gazing at them, they looked at me with so much innocence and expectation in their eyes. They'd like me to make some remarks full of feeling. I just smiled, but some girls began to shed tears. Compared with them, I gave the impression of being cold-blooded. Afterwards, girls said to me, "You are so cold..." I replied that all my love is invested in the small details in daily life, visible and invisible.

說每分每秒想著你太過誇張，不過你常常猛一下在我搭車、畫畫、慢跑、甚至是如廁的時候就這樣闖入我的心房，於是我開始想著要怎麼樣幫助你，拉你一把、或者只是讓你微笑，從前我總覺得自己很無聊，下班之後還要因為你的問題苦惱，現在倒是覺得我不得不，因為也許我的一句話，你會在往後人生失意的時刻想到這句話，永遠有復原的力量，但這也可能只是我自以為是的想法，不過無論如何，我沒有辦法坐視不管。

It would be too exaggerated to say that I think of you every moment. But the thought of you does take me by surprise when I am dozing on the subway, painting in my little room, jogging in the park, or even going about the daily routine in the bathroom. Then I start to rack my brain, wondering how I can give you a hand, lift you up or just make you smile. I hated myself obsessing about you even after work. Now I have the idea that I can't help it. Maybe because of something I say, it will always give you strength when you are down in the future to come. You'll thus be able to stand up again. Alright, perhaps this is just my presumptuous idea. Yet I can't leave you alone.

於是你沮喪的時候，我也受到影響，但是我不會耽溺在那樣自憐的情緒，我會跳出來，用我的成熟樂觀感染你，給你另一種看人生的視野。可是，你不是唯一的受益者，我也從你的身上感受到年輕的光芒和希望，如果今天我做的完全不同的工作，別人不會以為我看起來只有十八歲，光是這個原因，我和自己說，看來只能繼續待在這個行業了。你也給我新的觀點，常常走在路上還會因為你造的某句蠢話噗哧一笑。

So when you are low, I feel your frustration. But I won't indulge myself in that self-pity. I'll detach myself from the subjective emotion, infect you with my optimism, and give you a brand-new viewpoint to look at life. You probably think you are the only beneficiary. Then you are wrong because I am so enveloped in your youth and energy. If I were doing a totally different job today, other people wouldn't always believe that I am only 18 years old. With that reason alone, I tell myself that I have no choice but to stay in this profession. You also give me new outlooks on life. Sometimes I burst into laughter like a madwoman on the street on thinking of a certain stupid English sentence you made in class.

因為喜歡你，所以對你有期待，不是要成為最了不起的人，而是希望你對自己有要求，對自己負責任，找到過好生活的竅門，如果你和我說，我終於找到我要的，我會替你高興，那代表說，我可以不用擔心你，可以完全地信任你，可以滿滿地以你為傲。

Because I like you, I expect much of you. You don't have to become the greatest person in the world, but you have to believe that you can make something of yourself. You need to be responsible for yourself. You have to look for ways to lead a better life. If you tell me that you've finally found what you want, I'll feel so happy for you. That means, I won't have to worry about you, I will have complete trust in you, and I will be so proud of you.

我想，是因為遇見了你，讓我可以再多給一些，想再多給一些，我覺得自己很幸運。但是對於已經離開的你，曾經相遇過的你，還在我生命裡的你，我也一樣珍惜，我是這樣一路走來，才累積了力量，所以就算是負面的衝擊，都只是讓我成為更溫柔敦厚的人。

Because of our encounter, I start to believe that I can give some more and I want to give some more. I consider myself one of the luckiest people. However, for you who have left, who I once met, who are still in my life, I cherish you all the same. Everyone in my life makes me what I am today. Even though there were conflicts or unpleasantness, they all helped me to become a tender and magnanimous being.

我沒有哭，因為感情太深層了，是眼淚也無法包括的。

I didn't cry because the feeling was too deep-running. Tears couldn't contain all that…

Fantasy of the Little Room / 11號狂想曲

前一陣子無法抑止地想念台灣東海岸的風光，一看到「單車環島練習曲」的海報，整個心神立刻被吸引，這部電影讓我在數個月之後回到戲院。本來只是帶著可以欣賞台灣美景的期待，但是電影本身令人驚豔，即使已經過了兩個星期，想到片中用平實敘事手法帶過的感人故事，依舊在我的心上撩起漣漪。

A while ago I was obsessed with the beautiful East Taiwan. I couldn't help thinking back on my past trips. On seeing the poster of Bike Etude, I was tempted to go back to the theater which I hadn't visited for months. I didn't expect anything other than the lovely scenery of the island, but I came out totally carried away by the touching and profound stories narrated in down-to-earth ways. Even though two weeks have passed by, the film still arouses ripples in my heart when I speak of it.

雖然我很喜歡旅行，我想我沒有東明相的決心，能夠在七天六夜裏，騎著單車，用盡各種方式，體驗沿途和他交會的人生。不過我在慢跑之餘，想到以我每日3.6公里的腳程，一年換算下來（假如我沒有偷懶的話），也可以累積1500公里左右，這樣就可以繞台灣兩圈，以徒步的方式，我應該也會遇到各式各樣的人，激盪出各種火花吧！

I love to travel, but I don't have the determination of the protagonist, a young boy with hearing disability. He traveled around the island within 7 days by bicycle and encountered many people, even becoming part of their stories.

While I was jogging one evening, it occurred to me that with my daily 3.6 kilometers every day, I will accumulate a mileage of 1,500 kilometers per year, if I am not lazy. With that distance, I can jog around Taiwan twice. On my journey, I will run into people from all walks of life and end up with tons of stories.

我不確定會不會成行，但是我先把腦中的影像記錄下來，我自在地繞著這可愛的小島慢跑，沿途是金光閃閃的海面，陽光在波浪上漫舞，空氣中盡是海鹽和柏油路的味道，到達西岸，會有翠綠高聳的山脈迎接我，啊，美麗的台灣！

I am not sure if I will make it. Yet it doesn't hurt for me to put down the image in my head. I jog around the island carefreely. Along the coast is the dazzling sea on which the sunlight dances. The air smells of sea salt and asphalt of the roads. When I reach the west coast, the soaring and lush mountains will be there to welcome me. Ah, beautiful Taiwan!

Mother and daughter, traveling together 4 / 媽媽和我的旅行 4

第三章─媽媽總是對的 嗎？

Chapter 3—Mom is always right...?

last photo taken in Venice

As far as I can remember, my childhood was all about moving from one place to another. This trip feels like the review lesson.

It is mentally and physically exhausting to be constantly on the move. We have pleasant moments of heart-to-heart talks, but most of the time, we breathe, meditate, rest, communicate and even complain in the silence secretly accepted by both of us. I was not aware of such ease in my mom's presence when I was a child.

photos taken in Venice

Yet, the beautiful yet precarious balance between my mom and me does not last long. Soon, the lovely joy of discovering a new city is replaced by the panic of getting lost. I, the leader, am challenged by the heavy luggage and the burning sunshine. I have a feeling that my anger is about to break free the lid of rationality. As for Mom, her impatience brews silently.

"It's just impossible for me to get lost!"

photos taken in front of Alloggi Henry, Venice

All the negative feeling waits for a perfect moment to explode...

"Right here!"

"O sole mio!"

"Don't you ever touch my daughter!"

"Come with me!"

first photo taken at Alloggi Henry, Venice
second photo taken at Ms. You's apartment
last photo taken in Venice

I can't help flying into a rage. Besides the disrespect I feel in being treated as a child, I am even deprived of the little, trivial pleasure of arousing men's curiosity. My stupid vanity is examined with Mom's harsh sense of morality. I really regret traveling with her.

"Why do you always treat me like an ignorant kid!"
"I wanted to protect you for goodness' sake!"

If I didn't come, I would have a cool time with my honey at home...

If I were alone, I would encounter dozens and dozens of guys...

photos taken at Alloggi Henry, Venice

"Rise and shine!"

"O sole mio!"
"Here he comes again! To another woman!"

"I have told you that he is not worthy of trust..."

So my first lame romantic encounter in Italy ends in a lame way.

Again I have learned that there is some truth in the saying "Mom is always right." Though reluctantly I have to admit that my mom is more experienced, I still believe that she can't always be right!

Mother and daughter, traveling together 3 / 媽媽和我的旅行 3

第二章 (下)─旅行公約

Chapter 2 (part II)—Traveling Pacts

photos taken at Caserta

4. Walk, walk, and walk more:

One of the major reasons why I love traveling is that I can walk to my heart's content. Many of my traveling companions are aware of my self-abusive love for walking.

But it's different to travel with my mom. I have to take her physical condition into account. Thus, my insistence and willfulness face the greatest challenge I've ever encountered.

"Let's try to walk from here to there, the end."
"That is SO IMPOSSIBLE!"

"I hardly have a chance to walk so much!"

"I ache all over. I can't go on anymore…"

"Where is Mom?"

photos taken at Colosseum, Rome

5. Can't I be alone?

I am used to traveling alone, so I suggest to Mom that we should go each one's way from time to time. My mom is afraid of nothing except being left alone in a foreign place. Well, it seems that God has given me a very difficult task...

"Mom, let's be apart for a while. I'll see you later, bye!"
"She knows well that I am scared!"

"Where the hell am I?"

"I am the queen of the world!"

"From now on, we have to stick together forever!"
"Just like when I was little...Sigh..."

6. Being sentimental is FORBIDDEN!

Because of my age and single status, Mom is quite likely to become sentimental, especially on seeing lovely couples. On our trip, it is forbidden to feel so. I consider myself super lucky to live such a wonderful life, to be able to travel around the world, and to share with my mom a trip full of ups and downs.

There is more than one definition for a happy life.

"Why is my daughter single?"
"It's not fair!"
"Why!"
"I don't want it for my daughter!"

"Mom, life is not always about 'two' people."

"Besides, for others, we are 'a couple' too!"

photo 1 taken at Hotel Ascot, Rome
photo 2 (the upper pictures) taken in Rome / (the lower pictures) taken in Venice
photo 3 taken at Pensione Andreina, Rome

7. No traveling without writing:

Our trip lasts three whole weeks. We see tons of new things every day. I told mom if she does not make any note, then I won't take her out anymore. It feels good to say this to her because I, as a daughter, can repeat what Mom used to say to her!

"You have to write down our stories, or you can't come with me next time!"
"Gee, she is so demanding!"

"Good girl!"

"I used to be punished by mom for not writing homework. Now I can take turns to be the teacher. Isn't that fabulous?"



本日小問題：

從現在開始，miragee和媽媽會不停地出現在背景的照片中，今天miragee在哪裡？

Question of the Day:

From now on, you'll see me or my mom in the photos. Where is miragee today?

Encounters in the Little Room / 小房間裡的相遇

每年到了這個時候，我總是特別想念海洋，好像是因為從春末要進入夏季了，我的心溫度攀高，因應著季節的變化騷動著，情感特別地不安份，對於許多人事物的懷舊感觸，如波濤般地湧上心頭，有時強烈到我內斂的個性都無法駕馭。還好，我還坐得下來，靜靜地繪畫，把我的思念畫成一張又一張的明信片。

Every year at this time, I miss the ocean terribly. With the seasonal transition from spring to summer, the temperature of my heart rises abruptly, churning wildly in response to the change of nature. My feelings dance, unwilling to stop. I feel nostalgic about people I met and stories that happened in the past. The emotion is so overwhelming that even my reserved and calm nature can barely tame it. Luckily, I can still sit down and paint quietly, with a little bit of self-hypnosis. I thus turn the images in my dream into postcards.

兩週前才從熱情四溢的墾丁回來，卻不停地想著蔚藍大海，我以為那樣的思念來自於對現實生活的缺乏期待，生活四周也只有我嚷嚷著要去海邊，不過我一向知道自己和別人不太一樣。前幾天就在我即將枯萎之際，辦公室來了兩名興奮的年輕人─我就稱他們為「寫生雙拍檔」，因為學校畫展之故，我們發現雙方的共同嗜好，也就是畫畫，自此之後，我們就有聊不完的話題，還互相督促，相約下次見面時檢查間賞析彼此的作品。

Though I just took a trip to the hot Kenting in South Taiwan, I couldn't cease missing the azure sea. Somehow I had the feeling that it reflected my lack of expectation toward the boring daily life. I seemed to be the only person with such a strong longing. Well, I'd always known that I was kind of different from others. A few days ago, right when I was about to wither, two young men from an English magazine we subscribed to came into the office. I'll call them "Sketch II Men" here. Because of my exhibition at school, we had discovered our shared interest in painting. Since then, we have had tons of subjects to chat about. We even made a promise to supervise and examine each other's artworks next time we met.

「好想去海邊啊！」雙拍檔之小白大呼著，我睜大眼睛地看著他，心有戚戚焉地回答我也是，原來「寫生雙人組」夏季時便結伴去寫生，儘管烈日當頭，汗如雨下，路人指指點點，這兩名率性的青年依舊灑脫地在戶外塗塗抹抹，相較於他們，嬌滴滴的我坐在室內，吹著電風扇，我想我一定錯過了許多大自然的奇異變化和美麗。

"How I'd love to go to the sea!" Whitey of Sketch II Men exclaimed. I stared at him in astonishment, and replied "me too" with so much understanding. Sketch II Men often went out for sketches in summer. Despite the sweltering sun, despite the crazy sweats, despite the gossipy passers-by, they still had a superb time painting outdoors. Compared with them, I paint like a princess, sitting indoors with the electric fans surrounding me. I must have missed many wonderful and beautiful miracles of nature…

我們越聊越起勁，辦公室裡充滿我們吵鬧的聲音，不久下課鐘響了，不久午飯時間就這麼飛逝而過，他們離開之後，我居然回想不起來之前沒有精神的原因。最近勤讀各式各樣的插畫家介紹，幾乎所有的人都認為創作是很寂寞的一條路，大部分時間要和自己獨處。我常和自己獨處，是因為個性使然，可是即使我坐在小房間裡，還是有許許多多的天使從我的窗口飛過，敲我的門，我的幸福無法言喻‧‧‧

With time passing, we got more and more excited in our talk about art, traveling, and life. The office was filled with our noisy voices. Before long the bell rang. Before long the noon break was over. After they left, I couldn't remember anymore why I was so fatigued.

I've been reading introduction on many excellent illustrators lately. Almost everyone considers this profession to be a long lonely journey. Most of the time, the creators have to be with themselves. I often spend time with myself and that derives largely from my personalities. Yet even when I sit in my little room, still, many angels fly by the windows and come knock at the door, saying hello to me in all sorts of ways. My good luck is really beyond words...

謝謝貝琳、寫生雙拍檔、即將成為寫生雙拍檔之成員Jason、還有一直默默地愛著我的所有人。

Sincere thanks to Beiling, Sketch II Men, Jason, who is about to be the third member of Sketch II Men, and those who never stop loving me...