New Looks / 新風景

Chinese New Year / 新年

想了好幾天要不要搬家，本來有點不情願，但是年輕人的自我控制不知到會維持多久，社監們也都表示三樓的房間會比較安靜，到了昨天我已經接受搬家的決定。

I'd been thinking for a few days if I should move. I was not willing to do it in the beginning, but I have no confidence in the self-discipline of the young people in my block. The managers also hinted that it'll be wiser for me to make the move because the room on the 3rd floor is quieter. Yesterday I accepted the decision to move willingly.

不過今天一早起來我整個人脫胎換骨，上星期令我煩惱的事全都讓我看見它們真正的意涵，我這才了解上帝的用意，嘉蕊來幫我時我對她說，我應該要全心相信上帝，搬家這件事是有它的意義在的，她歪著頭問：你信教啦？我直受不了地回答：倒不是這麼說，而是也許我整個身心都需要新環境。

However, this morning when I woke up, something had gone over me. What had troubled me last week all came back to me with their positive messages revealed. I finally got what God wanted to say by giving me the "tests." When Jazel came to help me move, I told her, "I should have full faith in God. There's a purpose behind moving." She tilted her head asking, "Since when have you been converted?" I  couldn't bear with her simplicity and replied, "I wouldn't put it that way. I think I need a change of environment mentally and physically."

新房間和原來的比起來小很多，面對著馬路，沒有同一層的樓友撥放吵鬧的音樂或窗外年輕人的喧鬧聲，只有馬路上偶爾傳來的車聲，PK說這會是很不同的體驗。

My new room, compared with the old one, is much smaller. It faces the road. There is no deafening music from the same floor or noise from the young people gathering outside the windows. Occasionally I can hear cars whizzing by. PK said this is going to be a very different experience. 

搬完家和嘉蕊妹去亞洲超市買除夕晚餐的火鍋食材。今天我不再覺得自己要多努力證明什麼，我也不用強迫性地畫圖，我只要好好享受我的存在。

After moving, Jazel and I went to the Asian market for buying the ingredients for our Chinese New Year's Eve dinner. Today I no longer feel that I have to work hard to prove something. Nor do I want to draw compulsively. I just want to enjoy BEing... 

嘉蕊說過年要吃橘子，代表吉祥。

Jazel said that we have to eat oranges to have good luck. 

今日甜點是藍莓香蕉煎餅。

Today's dessert was blueberry and banana pancake. 

飯後娛樂是寫書法，我們胡亂寫了一堆，連「對你愛愛愛不完」這種芭樂的歌詞都寫。

Our entertainment after dinner was writing calligraphy. We scribbled on stacks of red paper. We even wrote something cheesy like "I can't love you enough." 

這學期開始我的心情起起伏伏的，今天我和那些掙扎說再見，我走入了我的龍年，要好好生活。下次再打包就是要離開這裡的時候，阿長也在電話裡說：明年你又會和我們一起吃年夜飯。沒錯，接下來的五個月我只要過得開心，其他事都不重要。

Since the start of this term, I had gone through ups and downs. Today I said goodbye to all those struggles, and thus strode into my dragon year. I am going to live well. Next time when I pack, I'll be out of here forever. Dad said on the phone, "Next year you'll have Chinese New Year's Eve dinner with us again." Exactly. In the coming five months, all I have to do is live happily. Other things don't matter anymore. 

祝我最親愛的你們有美好的一年‧‧‧

Best wishes to my dearest family and friends...

對了，我的房間號碼換了，新的住址如下：

By the way, I have a new room number. My current address is as follows: 

Weichuen You 

room 97, Brooke Hall, 17 Flodden Rd. Camberwell, SE5 9LH, London, UK 

Madeleine / 瑪德蓮

好幾天沒有寫部落格，不是交男友去了，也不是心情不好，因為前兩天晚上要吃晚飯時，嘉蕊妹妹就跑來敝人的房間，我們共進晚餐之後便進行幾小時的熱唱，等他回去我也差不多要睡覺了，我一直懷疑隔壁沒有住人，因為如果有的話，我想他一定快瘋了，因為另一邊的查理周五凌晨音樂開整夜，大姐我只好在早上五點穿著睡衣頂著亂髮去糾舉他，結果我同一天傍晚和嘉蕊晚上唱到十點，宿舍生活說來也挺熱鬧的。

I didn't post any new entry for a few days, not because I'd got a boyfriend nor because I was in low spirits. During the past two evenings, when I was about to have dinner, Jazel would come down to eat with me. After dinner, we started our karaoke session for hours, and after she went back to her room, I was ready to hit the sack. I've always had the doubt that nobody lives in the room next to mine. If there is, this mysterious person would go nuts soon. On the other side, Charlie played techno music for a whole night into the morning on Friday. I, for the first time, decided to take some action. Imagine my going to him at 5 am in sleepwear with tousled hair. On the same day, Jazel and I shouted our heads off until 10 pm. Well, in other words, the dorm life is certainly bustling. 

雖然被查理吵到沒辦法睡覺，我在不用上學的周五還是早起讀書，邊重謄筆記邊上網查資料，窗外卻看見愛理打扮地漂漂亮亮要出去速寫。

Though Charlie's music disrupted my sleep, I still got up early to study on Friday as it was a self-study day. I rewrote the notes and looked up more information online whereas I saw beautiful Elie going out on her way to do sketches. 

說到速寫，最近真是睡覺前也畫，起床也畫，吃早餐也畫，出門也畫。某一天被少女維琪看到札記本的某頁，她問：還有其他速寫可以看嗎？但是因為前面有很多都是寫字的記錄，她一副很失望的臉，這個圈子裡要贏得別人的肯定就是要有一本厚厚的速寫本。

Speaking of sketching, I've been doing it before going to bed, after getting up, while eating breakfast and  on my daily trips. One day Vicky in my class saw a page in my journal, and she asked, "Are there other pages to see?" The journal was filled with words, not purely images. She appeared rather disappointed. In this circle, if you want to win others' recognition, a fat sketchbook is the admission ticket. 

助教星期四和大家說，他們要大家回到基本點，再會畫圖的人也一樣，我想他們要學生先放下自己的風格，不要那成為我們的框架，我亂塗亂畫時漸漸感受不受束縛的自由，是非常快樂的。

The tutors told students on Thursday that they want everyone to go back to the basics. It's the same with those who have very good drawing skills. I guess they want us to put aside our styles for the time being because it might hamper us. I could gradually feel the liberating force when I was doodling. I was extremely satisfied during those moments. 

除此之外，這星期看了別人的速寫本之後恍然大悟，我居然沒有定期出去速寫！連著名的王子繪畫學校都有開倫敦市景速寫的課程，我卻浪費了一個月，而且天氣越來越冷，再不出去畫畫冬天來了就沒有機會，所以周末連著兩天我都跑出去畫圖。

Apart from the above-mentioned reason, it occurred to me that I should go out for sketching after looking at others' sketchbooks this week. Even the famous Prince's Drawing School offers courses on sketching in London in the daytime and in the evening. I have wasted a whole month without making it a habit to do so. It's getting colder and colder. If I do not seize the time, I won't have the drive to sketch outdoors in winter. Thus I went out during the two days on the weekend. 

星期六冷到我有點受不了，而一如往常，身邊又被情侶們包圍，剛好傑哥又在台北請吃喜酒，回家看了婚宴的照片還真是有點受刺激，我們家只剩我沒有對象耶！ 雖然我許了離開之前一定要和一個像樣的傢伙周六晚上出去約會，我內心強烈地覺得這非常困難，大家要替我祝福啊！

Saturday was freezing cold. And as usual, I was surrounded by couples. Jei, my brother, held his wedding banquet in Taipei on the same day. I was green with jealousy when I saw his wedding photos. I am the only person in my family that isn't seeing anyone! Though I've made the wish that I am going out with a "decent" guy on a Saturday evening before I leave here, I strongly feel that it's very difficult. Please send me your best wishes everyone:) 

還好晚上嘉蕊帶來了一朵玫瑰，是我在倫敦收到的第一朵花，周六晚上很多人都出去了，我們在家吃我胡亂煮的燉飯，用激昂的歌聲溫暖寒冷的夜。

Luckily Jazel brought me a white rose, which was the first flower I received in London. On Saturday evening, many people went partying. We stayed home to eat my self-invented rice and warmed the chilly night with our passionate voices. 

因為工作過再回來讀書，而且是讀自己很喜歡的東西，每天上課時我都感受到和老師同學之間的小火花，我知道對於我和那些年輕的孩子，過了這兩年，這些火花都會不見，也許工作時有不同的火花，但是要像現在這樣是不可能的，太清楚美好都只能留在當下，我迫切想充份利用每一刻，可是每天時間總是不夠。

Because I come back to school for something I really love after having worked, I feel the beautiful sparks of fire between me and the teachers and my classmates. For me and for my young friends, the fire will be gone in two years. It might come in other forms when we start working, but the sparks I see and feel now only stay at a certain moment. I am desperate to make use of every minute, but every day I complain about not having enough time. 

為了送給艾登書法紙和宣紙，包括有寫字在上面的，我告訴自己這個週末一定要寫書法，從星期六拖到星期天，外面下著小雨，我就在房間裡磨墨練字，這兩天的確需要平靜一下心情。

To give Aiden calligraphy paper and Chinese mountain and water paper, including the pieces with Chinese words written on it, I told myself to write calligraphy this weekend. I kept putting it off from Saturday to Sunday. It was raining outside, but I was grinding the ink and writing in my room. I was in need of remaining zen these two days. 

這個週日本來是空著的，不知發生什麼事，突然出現三個約，我選擇去科芬園見從里茲來的佳瑜。

I was originally free this Sunday, but somehow three appointments popped out of nowhere. I chose to meet Chia-yu from Leeds in Covent Garden. 

走著和佳瑜走散了，我坐下來速寫，這是我今天最愉快的一刻，想像我畫畫當時，後面有美妙的女高音和交響樂流轉著，人群不斷從我眼前走過，我完全不在乎，寂寞的時候畫畫是最好的陪伴。

Then I lost Chia-yu in the crowds. I sat down to sketch, which was my most wonderful moment today. Imagine, while I was drawing, there was a soprano singing in back of me, and later followed grand symphony music. Streams of people flowed by in front of my eyes, but I didn't care at all. When I feel lonely, drawing is my best companion. 

下午進城時，在公車上太無聊，把速寫本拿出來看到有趣的形狀就畫下來，來不及畫完也不管，我想這樣一定也可以組成一張圖，回家的途中繼續這個活動，沒畫多久有個金髮的小女孩坐到我身邊，她問我在畫什麼，我把遊戲解釋給她聽，她一邊看公車外的風景，告訴我可以畫什麼。

On my ride to downtown this afternoon, I was so bored that I took out the sketchbook to record the funny shapes I saw along the way. Even if I couldn't finish drawing it, it didn't matter. I bet a picture could be formed in this way. On my way home I continued the activity. Soon a blonde little girl sat down next to me, asking me what I was drawing. I explained the game to her. She thus looked at the scenery outside the window and told me what I could draw. 

小女孩的爸爸說，她喜歡畫畫，但很怕畫錯。我和她說我要送她一個小禮物，昨天跑去泰德現代館上廁所時又順便畫了一張明信片，我在明信片背後寫：親愛的瑪德蓮，你要一直畫下去，畫錯沒有關係，慢慢就會進步。我簽了名之後瑪德蓮問我怎麼念，我們一起念了好幾次我的名字。

The little girl's dad said she loves to draw, but she is afraid of not getting the right shape. I told her that I'd like to give her a small gift. I did another postcard when I went to the toilet in the Tate Modern yesterday. The father asked me to sign, and I wrote on the back: Dear Madeleine, keep drawing. It's ok to make mistakes because then you'll make progress. After I wrote my name, Madeleine asked me how to read it. We went through my name several times. 

我說：你知道我最愛的童書就叫「瑪德蓮」嗎？她答：我有「瑪德蓮」全集，我們一邊討論最喜歡哪一集，接著她又告訴我在學校學了什麼科目等等。我要下車時，她用很傷心的表情看著爸爸，很像我說要離開時小方臉上的表情。

I said, "Do you know my favorite picture book is Madeline?" She replied, "I have the whole collection as one year's birthday." We started to discuss our favorite ones. Madeleine went on to tell me what subjects she learned at school etc. When I was about to get off the bus, she looked at her father in sadness, which reminded me of Von's look when I bid him farewell. 

今天心情有點走下坡，還好上帝送給我瑪德蓮，溫暖我冷冷的心房。不知道瑪德蓮缺不缺繼母喔！

I wasn't in a very cheerful mood today. Luckily, God sent Madeleine my way to warm my chilly heart. I am wondering if Madeleine needs a stepmom:) 

明天要和男孩女孩們去大英博物館冒險，大家敬請期待！

I am going on a superb adventure with boys and girls to the British Museum. There should be stories to tell! 

spring in autumn / 秋天裡的春天

在秋天的倫敦，我常有季節上的錯覺，每天早上起床迎接我的盛陽，讓我強烈感覺生命的美好，反倒沒有我預期的蕭條。

In autumn in London, I am often confused about seasons. The dazzling sunshine that welcomes me at the beginning of every day makes me so appreciate the beauty of living. Instead, the sentimental feel of fall hasn't settled in. 

我的學習大作戰持續中，本來嘉蕊覺得我每天早一個小時到去搶課有些誇張，但是到了第二天大家都知道要早到這個小秘密，果然書本裝訂課沒多久就額滿，接下來幾天要更早起才行。

My learning battle continues. Jazel found it exaggerating to arrive one hour early to sign up for courses, but by the second day this week, more and more people were aware of the competitiveness of these workshops. So the vacancies of the bookbinding course soon filled up. Oh, it looks like I will have to get up even earlier during the coming days. 

今天的講師是珍，她其實是芭芭拉多年前的老師，珍的風格非常溫柔細心，幫我們把所有材料都準備好了。

Today's lecturer was Jane, who was actually Barbara's teacher many years ago. Jane appears to be a very nice and considerate person. It can be judged by the material bag she prepared for everyone. 

這個星期上完每一堂課，講師們都會發學生會設計的課程回饋表給學生填寫，看來這裡的教育真的是服務業，不過我帶著東方溫良恭儉讓的美德來上課。

After each course this week, the lecturers give out feedback forms designed by the student union for students to fill out. I can tell that education here totally belongs to the service industry. Fortunately, I am from Asia, born with the virtues of politeness, respect, kindness and everything you can imagine. 

其它人安靜地工作時，我和嘉蕊邊做邊用中文聊天，很像歐巴桑在做手工藝品，這孩子也挺有趣的，常和我說藝術做得開心就好，我會語重心長和她說：你是要走這一行的人，從現在開始要改變觀念，不然以後會找不到工作。明明兩三個月前我和他是一樣的想法，這中間到底發生了什麼事？

While others were quietly stitching their books, Jazel and I chatted happily in Chinese like two middle-aged ladies making handicrafts at home. She is certainly a very young and innocent child. She told me: Art is all about doing what pleases you. I reply: If you are going to stay in this field, you have to think differently from now on. Or I am worried that you might not be able to land a job. Strangely, I shared her thought two or three months ago. What had happened? 

上了兩天的課，看到幾張重覆的臉孔，有些女孩一看就是那種非常開心、活在自己世界裡的愛蜜莉。而且大多數學生都有種不食人間煙火的美麗，不是特別亮眼，但長得真好看。

I saw some familiar faces which had also appeared in the printing workshop. Some girls appear to me the doubles of Amelie. I feel at first sight their pure joy of life and they certainly have their secret worlds in which imaginary creatures abide. Most art students have a kind of unworldly beauty. They are by no means eye-catching among crowds, but if you look long enough, you'll find them really good-looking. 

做完簡單的一本書，珍說其實重要的是書本裡的內容。

After we finished a simply-stitched handmade book, Jane said that what matters is the pictures and stories we put inside the book. 

書本裝訂雖然屬於小眾藝術，但當我想到這世界上有人如此努力在研究如何創造更多形式的書本，不禁覺得很感動。

Bookbinding isn't really a popular form of art, but when it occurs to me that there are people who spend their lives researching and inventing creative forms of books, I can't help feeling moved. 

在這裡美術材料不便宜，所以從學校帶回家的紙張，我都要好好珍惜。

Art supplies are far from cheap here, so I cherish all the paper and materials I bring home from the school. 

話說回來，我發現並不是每個人都像我這麼小家子氣，學校的某個角落有一堆外面每本售價四點五磅的精美雜誌，居然被隨意丟棄在地上。

On the other hand, not everyone is as "careful" as I am. On one corner of the school was a stack of exquisite magazines, each of which costs 4.5 pounds if you buy it. And they were strewn like trash... 

雖然下課後其他女孩紛紛去參加南岸的旅遊導覽，仲秋的午後我和嘉蕊決定回家煮晚餐。前幾天薆文問我定下來了沒，我想我好像進入不同於前兩週的新階段，生活作息很清楚，不會動不動就往外跑，沒有之前那樣興奮，不過身體因此得到休息。

After the course, other girls invited one another to join the tour of Southbank, but Jazel and I decided to go home for dinner on a sunny afternoon. A few days ago Ai-wen asked me if I had "settled down." I think I have entered a new phase. Now I have a fixed schedule, and I do not go out so often. Though I am not as excited as when I first came, my body is thus able to relax. 

傍晚，孩子坐在外頭聊天，我在書桌前寫書法，好久沒寫了，早上努力研究Illustrator的電腦字體理論，晚上我要練習真實的寫字。剛寫完看不清楚，以為自己寫得歪歪扭扭的，過了一會兒看還不錯。

In the evening, kids sat and talked outside. I was practicing calligraphy at my desk. I hadn't written it for a long time. In the morning I was reading the theory of typography and how to use Illustrator, but the evening time should be reserved for the real handwritten work. Right after I finished, I couldn't tell if these words were well-written. In fact, they seemed kind of slanted for me. But they are actually not so bad... 

要開始覺得有點寂寞時，想到要把空白的手工書畫一畫，涼爽的秋夜裡，我有外面的青春的喧鬧聲，電腦傳來的廣播電台音樂，還有筆畫在紙上的咻咻聲。這一年我會因為畫圖這件事，把我從一個人的苦悶裡拉出來，轉換到心境愉快的寧靜。

When I was about to fall into the trap of loneliness, it dawned on me to draw in the blank handmade book. On a cool autumn evening, I had the company of young people's partying din, radio music from the computer and the whizzing sounds of my pen on the paper. I believe that this year, the act of drawing will pull me out of the pit of being alone and taking me to a serene hill where I am bathed in the joy of my humble yet colorful existence. 

這本叫作「我」的無字書是為小方而寫的，只是很簡單的草稿。

This wordless book titled "ME" was inspired  by Von. It is only a very simple sketch for the time being. 

其實我根本只是為了寫左頁這句話。

My biggest motivation was actually to write the sentence on the left page: for my beloved Von and Kai. 

親愛的你不管在哪裡，也祝你秋天裡有著春天的心情。

My dear, no matter where you are, I wish you a lovely spring in autumn.