Don't be afraid to kill your baby / 扼殺創意之必要性

昨天聽了一場很精采的演講，講者是來自Mother廣告公司的Sam Payne，他說了很多廣告製作的發想過程，最後說到很多時候我們辛苦想出的點子，就讓它去吧，因為有成千上萬的想法，不要執著於行不通的點子，今天我對於這個說法有深刻的體驗。

Yesterday I attended a fabulous lecture by Sam Payne from Mother advertising agency. Sam shared with us the process of creating a commercial or an ad. In the end he gave an example on the necessity of killing our creative ideas. After all, it doesn't make sense to stick to an idea that doesn't work. Today I experienced in real life his words.

既然下週是一個月以來畫畫訓練的驗收，今天進畫室得給老師們看我們如何把前幾天在博物館的速描和我們的想像力結合，變成最終的一張圖。一早起床我感覺離開我一陣子的樂觀精神又回來了，我想出的稿子不多，但我想老師必定會給我各種建議，早上讀完書之後匆匆出門上學去。

Since next week is the final presentation to summarize the past month of drawing practice, today our mission is to show the tutors our sketches done in Pitts River Museum a few days ago and our drafts of the final illustration. This morning when I woke up, I had the feeling that my optimism, which had abandoned me for a while, returned. I didn't have many finalized drafts, but I was very certain that the tutors would give me all sorts of advice. After studying for 40 minutes this morning, I left home in a hurry to meet the challenge of the day.

今天來的學生只有平常的一半，其它人不知跑哪去了，但星期四的評論大會對我來說非常重要，因為我在週四得到的回饋是週末三天創作的靈感來源，而且要畫圖我在台灣就可以畫，當初想要來讀書就是想得到建議。露把下週的行程解釋之後，傑克在旁邊幫腔說：你們想要讓大家看到你的畫驚呼嗎？上週很多人讓我們驚豔，那就要好好畫！聽到他很戲劇性的說法，真的令我想要奮不顧身地畫圖。

Today only half of the students came in. But the crit on Thursday is extremely important for me because the feedback I get today will last me through the coming three days. I can draw anywhere, and the main reason why I came here is that I want to get feedback and know what others think of my works. After Lu explained the schedule for next Thursday, Jake went on to say, "Would you like to be the wooooo... next week? Last week some people made us wooooo..." Hearing his dramatic expression, I was tempted to give my life for that final illustration...

今天分到了傑克的組，因為我光明的眼又回來了，突然領悟跟著他可以學到很多，因為他話多歸話多，他會分享基本的繪畫技巧，而且光和大陸同學解釋骷顱頭這個字，他很開心地就畫起圖來，是個很有趣的high咖，但他覺得不好的畫也會直接說。

Today I was in Jake's group. Because light had come back to my life, it occurred to me that I could learn loads of things from him. He is probably the most talkative tutor, but he shares everything including basic drawing techniques. Besides, in trying to explain the word "skull" to a Chinese boy, he drew it rather than using words. He is definitely a very interesting hyper person. However, he's also very honest when seeing a bad drawing.

繪里喜歡最上方著色的頭骨。

Elie likes the colored skull on the top. 

潔克喜歡這張圖的爪子。

Jake likes the claws in the drawing above. 

我知道自己客觀的速寫好像不會讓人太興奮，但現在我不管了，當天在博物館我很努力地搜集眼睛可以看到的資訊，至於有風格的速寫以後再說吧！

I know that my objective life drawing doesn't seem to excite people, but that's not my main concern now. I was doing my best to collect as much information as my eyes could see in the museum. I'll leave quirky life sketches for later. 

開始發想之際，我特別想拿羽毛和尾巴部份發展，我找了很硬的機器人和羽毛的柔軟對比，但一如往常，我想說的訊息太過囉唆，又充滿有的沒有的象徵，結果觀眾得到的訊息和我要說的不同，其實我在上個星期已經告訴自己傳達的訊息要直接。

As I was brainstorming, I focused on the plumes and the tail. I contrasted the hard, steely-looking robot with the soft plumes. However, as usual, my messages were too indirect, full of symbols. The viewer ended up reading the illo different from my original message. As a matter of fact, I had told myself to be straightforward a week ago. 

不如大家來猜猜看我這張圖要說什麼！

I'll let you guess what I want to say in this image! 

我把很軟的尾巴球想成是每個人心中很柔軟的一部份，但很多人忽略那一塊，無所謂地去傷害別人。不過因為豆豆鳥已經絕種了，同學們都說是這個人物謀殺了豆豆鳥！

I thought of the soft tail as a soft spot in everyone, but many people ignore that part and hurt others ruthlessly. Since the dodo bird is extinct, my classmates said they read in the image the death of the bird by the dark robot. 

發想的過程很好玩，我接下來就忙著研究機器人的畫法，從平面到立體，我和傑克說我從前不是會想畫機器人的人，所以我的改變真的是很巨大啊！這些用鉛筆畫的草圖居然讓大家很喜歡，只是隨性地發展想法，原來別人的觀點是如此啊！

The brainstorming process was a lot of fun. Next I went on to research how to draw robots, from flat ones to 3-dimensional versions. I told Jake that robots are not my thing, so I can tell my HUGE change. These pencil drawings excited a lot of my group mates. In fact, I was developing my ideas rather freely. So this was what others saw! 

這張我沒有特別滿意的圖居然也讓傑克說不錯，本來我想要畫很兇狠的臉孔，大家卻說有睫毛的臉很溫柔。

I wasn't especially satisfied with this drawing, but Jake liked it. I meant to draw a menacing-looking face, but my classmates found the tender face with eyelashes nice. 

很有趣的是，我一邊說出我想要改進的地方，例如說我覺得機器人畫得不夠好，傑克說這是我的機器人，不一定要和誰一樣，他反倒希望我可以把質感表達得更好或訊息更直接，他說：插畫家不是純畫家，我們的重點不在畫多好或讓觀眾自由詮釋畫的內容，我們的工作在於溝通，所以畫面必須表達出我們想說的，而觀者可以一目瞭然得到那樣的訊息。

Interestingly, as I said how I'd like to improve, for example, I could do a better job with the robot, Jake commented that it is my robot and that it doesn't have to look like anyone's. Instead, I should work on some basic drawing skills to enhance the texture or convey my message directly. He said, "Illustrators are not fine artists. We don't have to draw super well, nor do we leave our drawings for the free interpretation of the viewer. Our job is to communicate, so the image has to say what we want to say, and the viewer can get it right away." 

下一張圖的黑筆滲到這一張來，傑克喜歡的不是下一張圖，而是這個美麗的意外。

This is the shadow of the robot from the next image, but Jake liked the beautiful accident here. 

最後傑克問：豆豆鳥呢？我離題了，所以傑克說我的圖像很美麗，但都不著邊際，所以明天我要去看一個絕種鳥類的展覽，再好好想想我要怎麼重新構思。

In the end Jake asked: Where is the dodo bird? I got sidetracked. Thus Jake said that my images are lovely, but I am not hitting the target. Tomorrow I am going to an exhibition on extinct birds recommended by Jake and then I'll rethink about my image. 

沒關係，機器人就留待之後好了，我不怕扼殺我的想法，反正我什麼都沒有，只有想像力多到要滿出來。

Well, I might leave the robot for other projects. I am not afraid to kill my baby. After all, I have nothing but overbrimming imagination! 

remembered drawing II / 記憶畫法（二）

這一週天氣轉陰，開始下雨了，我的高昂指數立刻大幅下滑，再加上我可能給自己的壓力太大，居然有點失智，去美術行買完速寫本沒帶回家，去圖書館查完書學生證就丟在那裡，導致隔兩天去上學遭到警衛的為難。

This week the weather turned cloudy and rainy. As a result, my mood suffered a drastic downturn since I am such a weather-oriented person. Plus, I probably imposed too much pressure on myself so that I started to have signs of dementia. I forgot the newly-bought sketchbook in the art supply shop. I left my student ID in the library without being aware of it at all, and I came near being blocked by the guard when I went to school two days later. 

星期四的檢討會之前，我很努力地擠出六張圖，謹記老師要我們用圖像傳達過去這個夏天的回憶，但是我有種筋疲力盡的感覺，心裡面還是有圖可畫，可是我不想被困在同樣的風格裡。不知是不是天氣變化，同學們也都懶洋洋的，助教也只有傑克出現，我深愛的露不知為何沒有來，於是傑克要每一個人在全班面前分享作品，而不是像之前的小組討論。

Before the crit on Thursday, I struggled to come up with six images, bearing in mind that I should put down my memory of the past summer break and express its feelings by appealing to the viewer's five senses. I felt drained by the end of Wednesday. There were still ample images in my mind, but I couldn't proceed because I didn't feel like repeating similar techniques or style. I wonder if it was the change in weather that caused everyone's fatigue on Thursday morning. Only one tutor Jake showed up. Lou, whom I know much better, was nowhere to be found. Jake wanted everyone to present his or her works in front of the whole class rather than group discussions like the past few weeks. 

雖然有些疲累，我還是認真地記筆記，傑克是個多話的老師，不過給的意見又多又實用，我想在接下來的三天對於我將要畫的圖會有很大的啟發。儘管如此，隨著看每個人的作品，我開始有信心危機，覺得自己的作品好像不如人，尤其是看到那種走精工路線的作品，我的野獸派和印像派畫就自慚形穢。

Though I was rather fatigued, I still took notes like mad. Jake is a talkative teacher, but his advice is plenty and helpful. His suggestions will do me much good when it comes to the images I am going to present during the following three days. Despite this awareness, I started to suffer a confidence crisis as we looked at more and more people's assignments. I had a strong feeling that my works are inferior. Especially when I saw images formed  by super fine lines, I felt like hiding my Fauvist and Impressionist drawings. 

傑克為了懲罰遲到的同學，要他們先做分享，其實我覺得要懲罰他們應該不要看他們的作品，因為這樣他們就得不到評論，但傑克以為我們都不想把作品給大家看。雖然我並不覺得自己做得特別好，可是我如果得到建議會很高興，不幸地，隨性的傑克沒有把時間控制好，我是被遺忘的一群，也怪我不是很主動啦，於是我的週四似乎就要在黑暗中落幕了。

To punish the students who were late, Jake wanted them to share their works first. In fact, I think the punishment should be not to look at their sketchbooks because then they wouldn't get any feedback. However, Jake thought most of us didn't want to show our own drawings. I don't think I did a brilliant job, but if I get advice, positive or negative, I will know how to improve. Unluckily, the free Jake didn't pay much attention to time, and I was among those who were forgotten. I was to blame too since I wasn't very active. Thus, my Thursday was about to end in darkness...

回家的路上和維琪及繪里同行，陪維琪等車時，聊著聊著突然有點想開了，好像沒必要把自己弄成這樣，明明我也知道要放鬆，但狀況好的時候逼得了，一走下坡就要快點鬆手。看了一個晚上的愚蠢偶像劇，睡了一場好覺，第二天醒來又是滿滿的靈感，人生不就是這樣嘛！

On my way home I walked with Vicky and Elie. While waiting for the bus with Vicky, I kind of figured out the whole thing. There was no point in pushing myself like this. I know better than anyone that I have to relax. When I am in good shape, I can make myself go very far. But I have to let go once I detect I am going downhill. I watched a silly TV drama for a whole evening and got a good night sleep. The next morning when I woke up, I was full of ideas again. Isn't life so simple like that... 

這是被困在蘭嶼的颱風夜。

This was the night when we were trapped in Lanyu by an approaching typhoon. 

這張圖看起來很可怕，可是我卻覺得是很好的實驗。我在蘭嶼潛水的時候是很害怕的，雖然覺得是很棒的經驗，和別人也都這麼說，但深層的記憶是恐懼。

This picture looks terrible, but I think of it as a very good experiment. I was very afraid when diving in Lanyu. It's a fantastic experience, and I keep telling others that. However, the memory at the deepest level is about fear. 

其實很多圖都可以追溯到部落格之前的記錄，但我還是加了新的元素。過去的夏天裡親了宥宥，和小方阿楷玩耍，畫這張圖的早上下著雨，我想有一天他們對於小時候的回憶應該也記不清楚了，可是在心裡的一角應該還會有我吧！

As a matter of fact, many images can be associated with my earlier entries of the past summer on the blog, but I added new elements. In the past summer, I kissed Yoyo, spent much time playing with Von and Kai. The morning when I drew this picture, it was raining. I guess one day these boys won't have a clear recollection of their childhood, but maybe deep down in one small corner, they will still remember me... 

去山裡頭時阿長躺在竹林裡睡午覺，我想記錄林中的微風。週四只有兩個人看了我的速寫本，她們翻到這張時很讚嘆，但我很失望，因為這是我花了好幾個月練習的技法，可以騙騙人，我倒希望她們看出前幾張的突破性。

When we went to the mountains, Dad took a nap in the bamboo woods. I'd like to depict how the breeze felt at that moment. Only two people looked at my sketchbook on the sad Thursday. They were amazed by this drawing, but to be honest, I was disappointed. It took me months to practice the techniques so I could impress those who don't know much about Chinese ink painting. I would feel happier if they saw the breakthrough I made in the previous drawings. 

夏天和阿長小雪去神木林，為了表達樹皮的觸感，又不想重覆之前的技法，這次我拿了雞蛋盒，還有撿來的葉子用來印顏料在紙上。

I went to the giant tree forest with Dad and Mom in summer. To express the tactile feel of the bark without repeating what I had done before, this time I used the egg box and leaves I picked on the street as a kind of coloring medium. 

每次過度使用媒材之後我就想回到單純的畫畫技術上，可是我覺得這張圖看起來有點空，你們說呢？

Every time after I overuse media, I feel like going back to simply drawing. But this picture feels kind of empty. What do you think? 

低潮過後都很像吃了大力丸，狀態馬上向上攀升。這是和阿麗和小蕙去海邊玩，我以前很少用鉛筆，現在不能不用，完全憑記憶畫得出來這樣，我自己覺得很神奇。

After I hit the lowest point, I'll bounce back to a very high peak as if I took drugs. I went to the seaside with Lee and Hui back in August. I hardly used pencils, but now I can't live without them. I find it amazing that I could do something like this totally from memory. 

本來要畫外婆的冬瓜滷，但後來就畫成這樣，我很喜歡。

I had meant to draw Granny's pickled white gourds, but later it turned out to be so. I like it a lot myself. 

夏天有很多去醫院的回憶。

I have many memories of hospital visits during summer break. 

班上很多少女喜歡畫黑暗風的東西，我也被她們影響了。

Several girls in my class love the dark styles, and I am more or less influenced by them. 

這週我要用穩定又放鬆的步伐完成速寫本，至少我要是唯一一個在乎自己作品的人。今晚繪里和新朋友奇蒂來邀我去參加萬聖節派對，我說我明天要早起去打羽毛球，果然就是個和少男少女格格不入的大嬸啊！不過我知道自己這週的狀況有點走下坡，我得運動運動才行！

This coming weekend I am going to finish my sketchbook at a steady yet relaxed pace. At least I have to be the only person that cares about my works. This evening Elie and a new friend Kitty invited me to go to a Halloween party, but I said I have to get up early to play badminton tomorrow morning. Well, I do have completely different life schedules than young boys and girls. Yet since I know I am kind of going down, I can use some exercise! 

imagined drawing III / 想像畫法（三）

上周六過得很混亂，傍晚回到家，在又傷心又寂寞的晚上，畫畫有療癒的效果，果然到了週日早上起床又是一條活龍，窗外的天氣美好，我就坐在窗前享受著陽光，很努力地把第二本速寫本畫完，晚上還寫了書法要送給維琪，因為她的主題和鋼有關。

Last Saturday was rather hectic, and we finally made it home in the evening. On a sad and lonely night, drawing helped me to recuperate. It was no surprise that I bounced back when getting up on Sunday morning. The weather was more than agreeable, and I sat at my desk basking in the sunshine, trying with all my might to fill the second sketchbook. In the evening I wrote calligraphy for Vicky for her topic is "the steel experience."

又回到數學題了，因為之前幾張圖似乎一直在拒絕理財，我決定換個態度，用正面的心情對待數字。

Back to math questions. I had the feeling that I  was rejecting to face money management in the previous images, so I decided to take a different attitude and face numbers with positive thinking. 

太多時候我們只看解答，不想原因。

Too often we look only at the answer without thinking about the causes at all. 

我常想，這世界上的房子可能比人口還多，兩邊的總數不合。

I often think, there are more houses than people in the world. The sums on two sides are not right. 

我在會計師的眼睛裡長這樣吧！

I probably look so in the eye of an accountant. 

好多人努力計算每餐卡路里，最後節實計劃都付諸流水。

So many people work on the calory intake of every meal only to have the diet plan gone with the wind... 

我這個人的總數是不同的色塊，麥特很喜歡這一張，尤其是黑色的外輪廓線。

My sums as a human being are different color blocks. Matt likes this image, especially the black contour line. 

有時去到很遠的地方要換上好幾種交通工具，但有可能最後到達的是個大黑洞。

Sometimes our destination is so faraway that the distance has to be covered with different means of transportation, but we might only end up in a big black hole. 

畫到這張我已經江郎才盡了，只好換形式來點漫畫。月亮要算好數學，因為每晚要以不同大小出現，太陽很慶幸自己沒有這個困擾。

I was at my wits' end when I got so far. Thus I tried the comic form. The mother moon advises her child to get his sums right because he has to appear in different sizes every night. The sun is glad that he doesn't have such worries. 

上週末和凱特在肯辛頓花園時，我們真得繞著樹想測量樹的年齡！我一直沒有空寫信給江老師，但墨汁很好用，我在這裡常使用它，做出來的東西也受到老師稱讚，有誰可以幫我謝謝阿吉老師嗎？

Last Sunday when we were in Kensington Gardens with Caterina, we did hold our hands around a tree to measure its age! I have not had time to write to Jim, but Chinese ink comes in really handy. My works done with Chinese ink are constantly praised by the teachers. I am wondering if anyone out there can help me thank Jim when you see him... 

這是我上週的人生課題解答，想通了，我要前進了！向第三本速寫本邁進！

This is the answer to my last week's big life lesson. I have figured out the answer, and am more than ready to move on to my 3rd sketchbook! 

雖然今天老師沒有很仔細地翻閱我的速寫本，我覺得自己是用人生在做作業的，老師說有人只是畫線條，畫面裡感受不到對畫畫的熱情，我想知道別人看我的作品是什麼感覺？請和我說。

Though Matt didn't take much time to go through my sketchbook, I thought I used my whole life to do the assignment. Mike said that some people just drew lines on the pages without showing joy for drawing. I'd like to know how you feel when looking at my images. Please leave messages for me. 

上個星期聽到了很多當插畫家的現實面，儘管如此，我知道自己在這裡的日子有限，因此我打了個比方，我這麼努力，就像我知道自己什麼時候會死，所以在那之前的每分每秒我都不想浪費。老師說對插畫家來說，畫畫就是人生，要畫到像有強迫症，這個我應該有吧！

Last week I heard about the realistic sides of being an illustrator. Despite so, I know that my days here are numbered, so I compare the end of my stay here to death. Since I know when I will die,  I don't feel like wasting a second before that happens. The teachers said that for illustrators, drawing is their whole life. We have to draw to a compulsive degree. Well, I have that right? 

imagined drawing I / 想像畫法（一）

上周日在嘉蕊和凱特的幫忙之下，我在公車上和咖啡店裡完成了第一本速寫本，應該要先把第二部份的影像上傳的，但是我等會要出去和凱特琳娜說再見，所以先讓我上傳今天的作業。

Last Sunday with the help of Jazel and Caterina, I finished my first sketchbook exercise on the bus and in a lovely cafe in Camden Town. I should upload the remaining images, but I am going out to say goodbye to Cate in a few minutes, so let me upload today's work first.

第二個星期進入想像畫法，麥特讓每個人抽科學博物館的某一區，我們要用自己的方法畫出來，我抽到「把你的總數算對」，我想應該是有關數學題吧，但老師一直提醒我們要探索各種可能的想像，於是我把數學題擴大成人生，每個人有不同的加減乘除題目，我們是一群被人生題困住的人，用不同的方式解題，有人用身體，有人用心、用錢、用書本等等。因為過去這幾天行程有點多，每天又五點多就醒來了，邊畫邊覺得很累。。

This is our second week of drawing exercise. Matt let everyone draw a lot about one section in Science Museum. We had to present it with our own interpretation. My topic is "Getting Your Sums Right." I think it should be about math. However, Matt kept reminding us to explore as many possibilities as we could. I expanded the topic from math to life. Everyone has different math/life questions to solve. We are trapped by our life questions, and we manage to solve them in our own ways. Some people use their bodies, hearts, money, books etc. During the past two days, my schedules were packed and I woke up at a little bit later than five. So while I was drawing, I fought with my fatigue.

剛畫上這些黑色線條時，麥特很驚豔，他說看起來很像每個人解決問題的路徑，真不賴，因為我根本沒想那麼遠。

Matt was impressed by the black lines when I first drew them. He said they look like the paths which everyone takes to solve questions. Good, because I didn't think of that. 

人生題寫在樹幹上，大家一心以為解完題就可以吃到肥美的蘋果，不過樹是中空的，也許人生不是我們想的那樣。

Life questions are written on the trunks. Everyone has the idea that once we find the solutions to the questions, we will be rewarded with fat apples. But the tree is hollow, and maybe life is different from what we think. 

最後大家把畫貼起來分享，麥特今天挑了我的作品，心情用開心形容似乎太單調，雖然我總是很努力，我和凱特說我不是那種很有情緒張力的人，我的個性已經走到很圓融的地步，我老覺得自己來這裡是當心理治療師的，而且別人也不會因為我的作品而有那種羨慕或嫉妒的情緒，我是那種沒有殺傷力的插畫家，但凱特說她看到幽默童心的特質，我倒是無所謂啦，反正我怎麼樣都會很努力，這是別人無法阻止我的。

In the end everyone put up their drawings to share with others. Matt chose mine today. It would be too flat to use the word "happy" to describe my feeling. I've always worked very hard, but I told Caterina I am not someone with overwhelming emotion. I have a mellow personality, and I have the feeling that I am here as some people's shrink rather than as an artist. Others don't feel jealousy or envy upon seeing my works because generally they are not so outstanding in terms of skills. I am the kind of illustrators that don't intimidate others. Caterina said that she sees humor and fun in my works. Well, for me, whatever happens, I'll work hard, which others can't stop me from doing. 

這週又有一本全新四十頁空白的速寫本要畫滿，只能說：「奮鬥吧！」

This week I have a brand-new 40-page sketchbook to fill. Well, let's lunge ahead!