Thursday, January 29, 2009

non-passer-by / 非旁觀者

小時候被爸爸媽媽處罰的時候,我最大的心願就是希望自己是旁邊偷笑的弟弟,我羨慕旁觀者無事一身的輕盈。

My biggest wish, when punished by parents in childhood, was to become my younger brother, who gloated aside over my bad luck. How I envied his incomparable lightness...

一個人成年定型的樣子,其實累積成長路上各種奇奇怪怪的小創傷導致的影響,我的旁觀者情節似乎成為我的一部份,在許多事件裡,我希望保持超然的地位,只用我的雙眼冷靜觀察周遭的風暴,我盡量避免被情緒捲著、拖著,雖然我並不總是如此理性,當我無法超越情感時,與其對造成憤怒或傷心的痛苦源生氣,我更對自己失望。

The way a grown-up is, accumulates the after-effects of all kinds of trauma he has encountered since birth. My passer-by complex has become part of me. In many incidents, I do my best to stay detached. I observe stories that go on around me with calm. I avoided being pulled and dragged by irrational feeling. Well, I am not always rational. When I can't rise above emotion, I am disappointed not so much with the origin that causes my fury or sadness but with myself.

最近身邊刮起太多太強的大風浪,我很想只當旁觀者,但是我不想變得漠然,這對我來說,是人生的極惡。當我摸索尋找優雅的退場方式,凋謝的玫瑰提醒我,不管人生多複雜,還是躲不了綻放、枯萎的定律,既然我們無論如何都得前進,那就帶著勇氣和體諒吧!

A lot of emotional storms have howled and roared in my seemingly quiet life. I want very much to be just the passer-by, but I don't want to turn into someone indifferent. That to me, is the ultimate evil. When I am groping for an elegant way to exit the scene or bring a peaceful end, the withered rose says: No matter how complicated life is, it always follows the rule of blossoming and dying. Since we have to move forward anyway, then let's do it with courage and an understanding heart...

7 comments:

Liang-hui said...

我還以為你這幾天應該是最悠閒平靜的做著自己想做的事呢,還有幾天假期要放輕鬆點喔.

Weichuen You said...

這幾天心情是有點不平靜。

Anonymous said...

\|/
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今天天氣很好噢:)
下次好天氣在去爬山,還可以在草皮上滾來滾去~

Weichuen You said...

其實我今天很意外地又把昨天的路線重走一次了!

Anonymous said...

我喜歡....

Weichuen You said...

喜歡甚麼呢?

Anonymous said...

喜歡妳啊
因為妳有妳的優點啦