Have a good night's sleep! / 睡吧！

一月二十四日天氣晴，今天是阿嬤的派對，我們一早就起來準備，因為閃亮的陽光，連位在山丘上的南榮公墓都充滿生氣。

August, 24, sunny. Today is Granny's big party. Everyone of us gets up before daybreak to prepare. The golden sunlight even makes the solemn Nan-rong Funeral Parlor in Keelung appear lively.

        我們訂了最大的會場，大廳前台佈滿了紫色和白色的小菊花，還有粉紅色的玫瑰花和百合，氣氛很溫馨，禮儀師也很專業，我知道這會是一場很美麗的喪禮。可是從走進去就一直掉眼淚，看著小靖製作的照片回顧集，大家都情不自禁地哭了，見到裝扮好的阿嬤又哭了，家祭時聽到小阿姨和太哥訴說著我不認識的阿嬤，一邊跪在地上，眼淚就像珍珠串直滴落在地上，禮儀師就忙著遞衛生紙，喪禮對活著的人來說還真是很有療癒性的團體治療。好多人來看阿嬤，我感謝每一個抽空來送阿嬤的客人，有一群警察還立正致意目送著阿嬤的棺木上山。最後我們在火化之前去看阿嬤最後一眼，我們每個人上前和阿嬤說心裡的話，我說：「你是全世界最棒的阿嬤了，不只是一輩子對每個人慈愛寬容，而且從生病到死亡，一派地溫柔敦厚，再也沒有人能這麼優雅地走完一生。」阿嬤帶著最愛的四色牌和滿滿的玫瑰花上天堂了。

     We have booked the largest hall, with the front decorated with white and light purple chrysanthemums, pink roses and lilies. There is a very warm touch to the funeral. Also, the funeral directors are professional and caring. I have a feeling that this is going to be a very beautiful funeral. Still, tears roll down my face the moment I walk in. The photo collection prepared by Kay is a very moving tear-jerker. We go on shedding tears when seeing the dressed-up granny lying in the coffin. Upon hearing the speeches given by my youngest auntie and my cousin Tiger, tears pour like endless strings of pearls hitting the floor as we kneel in the ritual. The funeral directors are busy passing tissues all the time. I have to say that the funeral is very healing for the living. Granny has many visitors, to everyone of whom I show my deepest gratitude for sparing a morning to say farewell to her. In fact, a group of policemen even salute to Granny as her coffin is being driven to the crematorium, which is a rather magnificent sight.

     We take our last look at Granny before she is to be cremated. Each of us steps forward with a pinkish orange rose to tell her what we feel. I say, "You are definitely the BEST granny in the world not only because you are always kind and forgiving but also because you are so elegant even when ill and dying. I don't think anyone can ever do it better than you." My granny travels to heaven with her favorite card game and roses from us.

        中午全家聚餐時，大家繼續說著和阿嬤曾共度的時刻，小靖說常常睡不著，我想到之前我們在醫院陪阿嬤睡覺，現在她一定坐在月亮上哄我們入睡，以阿嬤的個性，她一定不希望自己的告別影響到我們的生活。

     When having lunch, we go on to share with one another the moments each of us once spent with Granny. Kay has had problems sleeping, which reminds me of our putting Granny to sleep in the hospital four months ago. Now she must be sitting high up there on the moon trying to put us to sleep. As we all know, she is the last person that wants to influence and change our lives because of her departure.

        可是怎麼辦呢？像媽媽說的，阿嬤太棒了，因為她的離開，我的心空了一塊。還好，謝謝我的家人，一路讓我覺得有強壯的肩膀可以靠著，可以一起哭笑地討論我世界上最棒的阿嬤，往後我們也繼續地用這樣的方式記住可愛的阿嬤吧！

     But what can we do? Like what Mom said, Granny is so wonderful. I feel a part of my heart missing because of her. Luckily, I still have my beloved family to lean on all the way. The most comforting moments after Granny is gone are those when we talk about her. Let's keep on doing that in the coming days to remember my adorable grandma! 

Chi-du Market / 七堵市場

阿嬤走了之後，我突然開始想要拼湊她的人生，越發現自己知道的少得可憐，就越想要挖掘。

After Granny passed away, I started to be curious about her life. As I ask more and more questions, I realize I know very little about her. And that just makes me more eager to piece the puzzle. 

        美麗說阿嬤最喜歡逛菜市場，我居然對七堵市場完全沒有回憶，所以我在一個陰雨天裡，又特地搭了火車去七堵菜市場。雨滴答滴答落，但菜市場充滿生氣，在市場逛一圈效果不輸喝蠻牛。

     Meili said Granny loved to shop in the market, which I didn't remember at all. So I take a train on a rainy day to visit Chi-du Market. Despite the rain, the market is throbbing with life. Taking a walk there works as well as drinking a bottle of Red Bull. 

        市場裡有各種顏色、各種味道和各種吆喝聲，我的眼光卻總是停留在老婦人身上。美麗說這陣子不敢去市場，因為大家都認識阿嬤，一定會問阿嬤怎麼沒有來，也許我看到的這些人物都是阿嬤的朋友。

     The market is brimming with all sorts of colors, all kinds of smells and all types of sounds. However, I can't take my eyes off old ladies. Meili has avoided going to the market recently because everyone knows Granny. They are bound to ask her how come Granny doesn't come if she shows up. Maybe these people I see are Granny's friends. 

        「阿嬤喜歡吃什麼菜？」每次回七堵受阿嬤招待，很少看他和我們一同歡樂地吃飯，她總是忙進忙出招呼大家，等我們都吃飽了，她才坐下來吃她專屬的稀飯。「阿嬤不是喜歡吃的人，她的快樂在於每週六為大家準備飯菜，所以大部分去菜市場都只是看看而已。」

     "What did Granny love to eat?" Every time when we went back to Chi-du, I hardly saw Granny eat. She was a busy hostess, and she didn't sit down to eat her porridge until we were all fed. "Granny isn't the kind of person that takes delight in eating. Her joy lies in seeing everybody and preparing the meal. Most of the time when she went to the market, she just looked around." Meili said. 

        媽媽和阿姨卻說：阿嬤這幾年很喜歡吃甜食。臨走前的幾個月，阿嬤特別喜歡喝甜甜的木瓜牛奶，去年十一月底居然也像孩子開始吃餅乾類的零食。

     Mom and Auntie said, "Granny had had a sweet tooth in the past few years." She was especially fond of papaya milk before passing away. At the end of last year, she also began to nibble cookies like a child. 

        「如果我有我們一起來的回憶就好了。」回頭看才知道錯過太多珍貴的畫面，而我們總是活得那麼漫不經心。

     "I wish we had shared moments of shopping in the market together." It's always when we look back that we realize we have missed too many precious moments, but most of us live our lives so absent-minded. 

My last lesson with Granny 3 / 和阿嬤的最後一堂課 3

風和日麗的星期天下午，我坐在阿嬤家的陽台，呼吸著暖冬的空氣，想要用速寫的方式把一切收進眼底和心底，感受阿嬤生活的風景。每次回七堵總是匆匆吃個飯旋風式地離開，這次我想要無止境地待在那裏，感受每一分鐘。

On the sunny Sunday afternoon, I sit on Granny's balcony, breathing the warm winter air. Wanting to remember it all, I begin drawing a sketch of what I saw. Every time when we return to Chi-du, it was always a whirlwind visit. This time I want to discard the manacles of time and stay there without hurrying to my next destination. 

        雖然公寓一間一間地蓋起來，從阿嬤家還是看得到前火車站，熟悉的汽笛聲讓我想到小時候，空靈的夜晚裡總聽得到一樣的背景音樂。焦點往眼前拉近，後火車站的兩樓建築擋住視野，再拉近些就是明德國中的教室，被我畫得很像台北的國宅，我身上的城市味渲染了整張速寫圖。教室後方原本是小小的菜田，以前阿嬤還在那裏種菜；人行道上披了美容院有破洞的毛巾。阿嬤家前方的街道是悠閒的，偶有一兩位行人經過，看見大阿姨熟悉的身影晃過去，我便熱情地打招呼。

     Despite the rising number of apartments, I can still see the train station in the distance. The familiar locomotive sounds remind me of my childhood when I could hear their whistles at dark nights. If we zoom in, the back of the station, which is nearer, has a new second-floor, and it blocks the sky. Right in front of Granny's are the classrooms of Min-der Junior High School. Somehow I make them look like the tall residential buildings in big cities. I can't help but color the sketch with my city feel. The lawn in the back of the school building used to be where Granny planted vegetables. On the fences that separate the school and the road hang some tattered towels of the beauty salon on the ground floor of Granny's apartment. The middle-aged beautician are in a rush to dry them on such a fine day. The street is empty most of the time, with one or two passers-by strolling. When I see my eldest aunt taking a walk after lunch, I greet her from the balcony enthusiastically. 

        從阿嬤過世的那一天開始，我總在陽台等著，看到有車子停在樓下，便猜想應該是來拜訪的親戚或友人。在黑悠悠的夜色裡，看見阿婆阿白花花的身影從車內緩緩地走下來，心裡想：阿嬤等著大家也是這種心情吧！晴朗的週日下午，有幾名不是很確定的中年男女也上樓來了，是阿嬤的鄰居，阿嬤家變成了一個人群聚集的目的地。

     Since the day of Granny's death, I've got into the habit of waiting on the balcony. Seeing cars approaching, I wonder if it's relatives or friends that come to express condolences. When my great aunt's cotton white hair emerges from the car and she slowly descends, I can somehow experience what Granny feels each time visitors come. On the Sunday afternoon, some men and women, not sure if they have come to the right place, stand downstairs. They turn out to be Granny's neighbors. The apartment suddenly becomes a very popular parlor in the quiet neighborhood. 

        我隔著玻璃窗聽著家人在客廳裡邊摺紙蓮花，聊東南西北，好久沒有這麼親切的感覺了。鄰居一上來便說：我才想好久沒在市場看到阿嬤。這幾個月阿嬤病情惡化就再也沒出門去逛他最愛的市場，聽著他們聊啊聊的，我看到了阿嬤在家庭以外的生活，原本以為她沒什麼朋友，這才發現她有著我不知道的人際圈，漸漸地我不擔心了，在另一個世界裡一定也有很多等著他的家人和朋友。鄰居沒有久留，卻帶來許多溫暖。

     I draw and listen to my elder relatives chat as they fold paper lotuses. They chat about everything, their voices being so soothing. One of the neighbors says, "I haven't seen Granny in the market for long." Well, Granny hadn't been unable to go out with her health deteriorating over the past few months. Their  conversation gives me a peek into a whole new world of Granny's life. I used to think that she didn't have friends. It is not until now that I realize she does, which relieves my worries. I bet in her current world, there must be many relatives and friends waiting for her. The neighbors do not stay long, but their warmth lingers even after they leave. 

        前幾晚一走到陽台上，眼淚就嘩啦啦地滾了下來，男孩們出來和我玩，我說：「以前阿祖就在這裡和我們說再見、看我們離開。」講著講著聲音變得哽咽，楷維問：「你怎麼啦？」我說：因為我很傷心。思維很懂事地接著說：「是因為阿祖嗎？」雖然很傷心，但是有小朋友大大的肩膀可以靠。

     A few nights ago, the moment I walked onto the balcony, tears dropped like a turned-on faucet. The boys followed right after me. I told them how Granny waved goodbye to us from the balcony. Then I choked. Kai asked, "What's wrong?" I said, "I am very sad." Von said understandingly, "Because of Granny right?" Though I felt sad, I know I have children's shoulders to lean on. 

        星期天我的肩膀是四歲的小心心，她陪著我在陽台畫圖，字正腔圓地說：「我好喜歡這裡的風景。」我一邊和她說著阿祖的故事，一邊被她療癒著，這些都是阿嬤派來陪我的小天使。

     Then another child comes on Sunday. The four-year-old Xin accompanies me as I sketch. She says to me, "I love the scenery here." I tell her that it's what Granny saw too. I share Granny's stories with her, while she heals me. These are all my little angels sent by Granny. 

        現在走在路上看到別人的阿嬤，眼光總是無法別開，會想要多看一眼，這似乎是回憶阿嬤的一種方式。有時候還是會有一點點傷心，我的快樂像是發酵過的麵粉，看起來很豐盈，但只要輕輕一按，我的心就會瘀傷，不過這也沒什麼不好的是吧！

     Now when I see Granny-like grannies on the roads, I can't take my eyes off them. I guess this is a way for me to remember my granny. Sometimes I am still kind of sentimental. My happiness is like fermented batter. Though it looks fat on the outside, it is bruised easily if someone touches it lightly. There's nothing bad about it actually....

My last lesson with Granny 2 / 和阿嬤的最後一堂課 2

阿嬤過世的同一天傍晚，我們回到七堵等著迎回靈位，客廳裡很熱鬧，孩子們奔跑玩耍著，感覺像是新年。

On the evening of Granny's departure, we returned to Chi-du to welcome her memorial tablet back. The living room was filled with my family members and children running around. It felt no different from our past Chinese New Year's gatherings. 

        靈位帶回家，阿嬤漂亮的照片被放在空空的牌桌上，還有鮮花素果，我們跟著法師念經，希望阿嬤能跟著佛祖走，孩子們也安安靜靜地跟著，這和我以前參加的喪禮都不一樣，溫暖且充滿祝福。

     With the memorial tablet, Granny's beautiful photo, flowers and fruits, the altar looked lively.  We followed the Taoist priest as he recited the Buddhist mantra to guide Granny's soul. The children behaved themselves and worshipped the Buddha figurines with us too. This funeral is very different from the ones I've been to before. Rather than terrifying, it is warm with our best wishes. 

        葬儀社人員幫每個人別上黃麻布，孩子們問為什麼，我們說：這樣阿祖在黑暗裡看到我們的小黃蝴蝶，才找得到回家的路。

     The gentleman from the funeral parlor helped us pin a piece of jute cloth onto our arms. The kids asked why. We replied, "Granny will find her way home if she sees the yellow butterflies in the dark." 

        接下來我們開始折蓮花，孩子們也爭相要學，人手一張蓮花紙，雖然折得歪歪扭扭，卻沒有要停止的意思，四歲的小心心還帶了一整包回家折，於是我把孩子們的作品又打開重折，因為不能辜負他們的心意。

     We went on to fold paper lotus for Granny to step on on her way to Heaven. The children were eager to learn. They each took a piece of paper with a lotus printed on it. Though their works were kind of slanted, nothing could discourage them. The four-year-old Xin even went home with a pack of paper to fold. Thus, not to dampen their spirits, I unfolded their finished works and refolded for them. 

        我參加好幾次喪禮了，可是好像這才是我真正學習的第一次，因為有很好的家人和孩子們，原本覺得麻煩的儀式現在對我來說，每一個細節都安慰著我的心。

     I went to several funerals in my life, but this is the first time I really learn. In the company of my wonderful family and children, the rituals I used to believe irksome so comfort my heart this time. 

My last lesson with Granny / 和阿嬤的最後一堂課

圖摘自游爲淳「小香與大樹」/ image from "Tammy and the Big Tree" by Weichuen You

一月二日早上六點半，家裡的電話響起，即使在睡夢中，我想應該是阿嬤走了的通知，我們隨便套上衣服，趕到醫院時，美麗已經為阿嬤整理好，那些看起來很礙眼的鼻管點滴都拿掉了，還戴上焦糖色的毛線帽，她看起來像個要出去玩的小女生，只是貪睡起不來，手指還是暖暖的，在等待葬遺社人員時，我摸了她好幾次臉龐，覺得這一切很不真實。

At six a.m. on the second day of 2015, the telephone rang. Though I was not awake, I guessed it was the call to inform us of Granny's departure. We dressed in a hurry, but Granny had already been gone by the time we left the apartment. When we arrived at the ward, Granny lay there looking ready to go. Without the intravenous drip and nasogastric tube, she simply looked like a little girl with her caramel knit hat on, but too tired to wake up. I caressed her face and hands several times, the latter still warm. Everything felt so real and unreal at the same time. 

        雖然這半年以來，阿嬤不斷地進出醫院，但從沒有令我覺得生病或死亡是難看的，她離開時也是一貫地溫暖和優雅。我們紛紛和美麗道謝，她已經好幾天眼眶紅紅的，畢竟她陪了阿嬤九年半，對於阿嬤的狀況比我們都看在眼裡，她說：照顧阿嬤我也很開心。之後她給我看了幾張最近和阿嬤的自拍，照片裡的阿嬤剛洗完澡，還是一副想睡樣，看起來精神也不好，可是旁邊的美麗卻一點也不以為意。我記得的是沒有生病的阿嬤，而美麗和生病的阿嬤過每一天，好壞都接受了。

     Over the past six months, Granny went in and out of the hospital several times. She had such an aura that I never felt that being sick or dying is ugly. Her death is consistently warm and elegant. Bidding goodbye to Granny, we said thank-you to Meili, whose eyes had been red and swollen with tears in the past few days as well. Having been with Granny for nine and half years, she actually knows much more about Granny than any of us. She replied, "I had a good time taking care of her." Later she showed me some recent photos of Granny and their selfie. They were taken after Granny's shower. Her eyes were closed most of the time, but in the selfie, Meili still smiled happily. It's the healthy and beautiful Granny that I remember; however, Meili sees the good and bad days of Granny. It feels like even the sick Granny is still beautiful for her. 

        阿嬤要走的一個半月前，我開始一個人坐火車去看她，對我來說這是一種儀式，我想要花一點時間和阿嬤在一起，我們被日常生活的大小事困住了，以為自己沒有時間撥來學習衰老和死亡，可是當我開始這件事時，卻發現應該要早一點做的，所以這兩天我想到這半年以來的阿嬤時很傷心，因為想到她的老化，卻忘了之前那八十九點五年是充滿光亮的。在我們不知忙什麼的同時，美麗和阿嬤有好多故事，他們之間有某種親暱和依賴，是我和阿嬤沒有的，對於這點我有種羨慕又嫉妒的心情。

     One and half months ago, I started the ritual of taking the train to visit Granny alone. I wanted to spend some time alone with her. Most of the time we are trapped by the trifles in our everyday lives, believing that we can't spare any time to learn about aging and death until it is our turn. Nevertheless, I found it was all too late when I began. That is why I felt very sentimental about Granny's change over the past few months; that is because I forget to look at the previous 89.5 years of light. While we were busy with this and that, Meili and Granny had so many stories together. There was a kind of intimacy and dependence that Granny and I didn't have. I can't help feeling envious and jealous. 

        一個人從醫院離開回家的路上，是自我療癒的時間，很久沒有像這樣掉眼淚了，沿途經過早晨的信義區，精品店也都還沒醒，我想著阿嬤坐在我身邊，開啟第一趟自由後的城市之旅，不知道她會不會還是喜歡七堵的純樸？

     On my way home from the hospital, I went on a self-healing bus ride. I hadn't shed tears like this for many years. As I passed by the department stores in Xin-yi District, the boutiques were still sleeping. I imagined Granny sitting next to me on her first city tour after the liberation. I wondered if she still prefers the simple town of Chi-du to the luxurious Taipei city?

Live well / 好好生活

每天晚上睡前我會對自己說：明天我就會找到關於生命和死亡的答案。上帝總是對我很好，我一醒來的瞬間，果然都有個答案等著我。

Every night before going to bed, I will tell myself: Tomorrow morning I'll find the answer to my question about life and death. God has always been nice to me. The answer is there waiting for me the moment I wake up. 

        我明白了在死亡面前我們什麼也不能做，只能靜靜地和它共處，有一天我們也都會走到那一步，而我們擁有的只有現在。今天早上吃完早餐之後我對媽媽說：我們都好好生活吧！雖然這一陣子身體上很疲累，但今天我還是要認真畫畫、認真運動、認真感受生活的每一刻。

     I've learned that in the face of death, we can't do anything but live with it. And one day we'll all face  the moment while what we have is the present. After breakfast this morning, I said the words to Mom: Let's live well. I'd felt exhausted for a while, but today I decide to draw, to exercise, to feel every moment. 

        去看外婆的路上，沿路家人有著瑣碎的對話，病房裡的另一床進行著對他們有意義的喃喃，離開醫院的路上我們又聊著工作上的細節，我們一邊面對著死亡，一邊生活著，沒有人的腳步會停下來，這些言語對我來說撫慰著我的心。

     On our way to the hospital, I am accompanied by the talk over trifles of my family. In the ward, our background music is an endless talk on real estate in Tokyo by the relatives of the other patient. After we leave, we talk further about work during the ride. Life doesn't stop because of death. Surprisingly, these words which might not make too much sense to me are so comforting. 

        眼淚停歇的片刻裡，我打從心底感謝這樣的新年禮物，也覺得自己在家人的擁抱之中，又悲傷又幸福。

     When I am not shedding tears, I really thank Granny for such a significant present from the depths of my heart. Surrounded by my family, I feel sad and lucky at the same time. 

I can let go / 捨得

過去幾個月像是在和時間賽跑，每見一次阿嬤，她就喪失些能力，同時身體的苦痛就多了些，於是我想了個辦法，如果我常去看她，感覺到的變化就不會如此巨大。上個月我們還可以一起度過十分鐘的下午茶，阿嬤神智清楚到還能回想怎樣從七堵到台北的家，一個月之後，阿嬤已經坐不起來了。

I have been racing against the clock in the past few months. Granny loses her abilities day by day, while she suffers from more and more physical pain. I figure that if I visit her more often, I won't lose her at such a fast speed. Last month, we had ten-minute afternoon tea one day with Granny reminiscing how to go from Chi-du to our place in Taipei. However, one month later, she couldn't sit up anymore.

        2014年的最後一天，阿嬤又住院了，我們在跨年的喧囂之中疾駛去醫院看阿嬤，雖然她因為打了嗎啡昏迷，整個人也瘦到不行，我記得的都是那張帶著微笑、發光的臉。入院之前，阿嬤對美麗說自己年紀大了，該走了，現在卻困在疼痛的軀體裡，我們沒有一個人不流眼淚。

     On the last day of 2014, Granny is hospitalized again. We whiz by the crowds that are celebrating the new year everywhere in the city. Though she is currently in a coma because of the painkiller, looking so thin and withered, all I remember is her glowing face with a beautiful smile. This morning she told Meili that it is time for her to go, but now she is trapped in her degenerate body. None of us can stop shedding tears upon seeing her. 

        回家的路上，車窗外的台北夜好迷人，自由的阿嬤可以盡情地享受這美好的景色，雖然會捨不得，可是我很想和她說：這一切都是你的，我希望你帶著大家的祝福展開無憂無痛的新旅程！

     On our way home, I can't help wowing at the fascinating night view of Taipei city outside the car window. If Granny is freed, she can enjoy it all. Though I am still learning to let go of her without feeling sad, I would like to say to her, "This is all yours my beautiful. I want you to embark on a care-less and pain-less journey with everyone's best wishes!"

the gift I can give / 給得起的禮物

這星期學校簡直被巧克力和糖果淹沒了，加上要上六天的課，聖誕節似乎長無止盡，還好同事愛密莉介紹了一個很不錯的活動，讓同學選一件意義非凡的二手禮物，和大家分享故事背後的故事，然後為它找個新主人。

This past week the school was literally inundated with chocolates and sweets. The fact that we had six school days this week made Christmas endless. Luckily, my colleague Emily introduced an extremely meaningful activity--everyone brings a secondhand object with them to school, shares its story and trades it with another person. 

        我有兩個班級，剛開始宣布這個活動時，我的班很強烈地表達，如果是自己珍惜的物品，會捨不得送出去，不如把活動改成故事分享就好，可是我很想試試大家的極限。真班也有類似的反映，可是意見沒有那麼大聲。

      I have two classes. When I first announced the activity, my class voiced their opinions strongly. They argued that if it's an object they cherish, they won't be able to give it away. It'd be preferable if we changed it to "Show and Tell." However, I really wanted to see how far everyone could go, so I insisted on the exchange part. The girls in the other class also shared similar ideas, but they didn't protest so vehemently.  

        到了送禮物的當天，真班一上場的同學多半說：這個物品提醒我不好的回憶，所以我想送出去。原本是要送出祝福的，變成了很多人的療傷園地。不過我也因次聽到了一些可能永遠不會知道的故事，怎麼說都很慶幸讓大家有這個機會分享。

     On the gift-giving day, a lot of girls in the other class started their stories this way: The object reminds me of something really negative, so I don't want to keep it. I had explained that the activity is to give best wishes. Instead, this turned out to be a healing camp for many traumatized kids. Still, I am glad because I go to hear many stories I wouldn't have known. 

        過去兩年裡，每次有機會和我自己的班做星空夜語活動時，不是我閃開機會就是機會閃開我。想不到這一次同學們一上場，完全不隱藏地分享關於自己的一些事情，故事裡有心碎、失望、成長過程中的自我期許和回憶，而且拿出來的禮物可能是對某位親人或朋友唯一的懷念，還是大方地給了出來。

     In the past two years, I've had some chances to have heart-baring group talks with my own students, but I kind of shunned away. To my surprise, today the girls were so frank that they didn't hesitate to share stories about their heartaches, disappointment, and growth. More importantly, the objects they offered might be the only memorabilia from an important relative or friend. Their generosity really impressed me. 

        上面的同學說得哭得語無倫次，下面的好多雙眼睛都紅了，我是個這麼在乎講話有沒有組織的人，也放鬆了。安靜的勵學樓裡，別班同學安靜地自習，我卻堅持我們在今年最後的一個週六做這件事。

     The story-tellers shed tears as they narrated their stories, while tears rolled in the listeners' eyes. I can never stop finding fault with people whenever their talks are incoherent, but I relaxed today. In the quiet building, the other classes were busy studying, but I insisted on exchanging stories on the last weekend of 2014. 

        聽到前一個同學率真地表達情感之後，還沒有發表的同學開始擔心自己的故事不夠有寫有淚，小獅居然狗急跳牆到想編出令人動容的情節，上台據實以報之後，逗得全班哄堂大笑，大家一下哭一下笑，真像在洗三溫暖。

     Having been touched by stories full of emotions, those who hadn't talked yet were worried if they could move the audience. Maggie was so anxious that she couldn't help inviting the girls that sat next to her to make up stories for her object, which made the whole class burst into laughter. We cried and laughed at the same time. 

        兩個小時的交換故事結束後，玉璽跑來對我說，今天真是很棒的兩堂課，聽到了很多故事，又知道了關於彼此的一些事，開心之餘，我想到的是這個孩子過去兩年多以來的起落，現在走到了這個點，是多麼長足的進步，這是今年多好的句點。

     After the activity, Enci came to me saying how wonderful it was. I agreed, but what came to mind was the change of this kid within two and half years. She's' come so far after all those ups and downs, which is a fantastic period to end year 2014. 

        當了十幾年的老師，每天我都還是要提醒自己要打開心，今年的聖誕禮物回應了我的努力，感謝孩子們的坦率，我常常想我說的話是不是都蒸發到空氣中了，結果證實了還是有些用處的。

     Though I've been teaching for more than a dozen years, I still have to remind myself to open my heart every day. Santa gave me a perfect gift in return--the girls' honesty. I often wondered if my words had evaporated into the air, but now I know they are of some use. 

        每天上完課有不同的情緒，我和孩子們的情緒交會有無限可能的反應，我一直以為這會是個極其勞累的星期六，想不到內心充滿如此感動，久久無法退去。

     Every day at work it is not the same because of the different chemistry between me and the girls. I'd thought this would be an extremely tiring Saturday. However, I was so moved that the rest of the day I could feel the good will. 

        我們要走入最後一學期了，回首看之前走過的路途，雖然真的很高興一起走到了這一點，但也會開始捨不得。

     We are approaching the last semester together. Looking back on the past two and half years, I am happy to have come so far, but meanwhile, I know it's not easy to let go when we say goodbye. 

後記：照片中的練習取自Keri Smith的Living Out Loud。 

P.S.: The exercise sheet is excerpted from Keri Smith's Living Out Loud. 

Weekend Children's Museums 2 / 假日兒童博物館 2

最後一週的假日兒童博物館，我們玩拼圖。我選了三組果實和種子，分別是水茄苳、大葉桃花心木和台灣鐵杉。我把畫好的圖切成十二片，讓小朋友重組，爸爸媽媽們也來幫忙。拼圖這件事可快可慢，剛開始我忘記提醒大家圖是直式還是橫式，結果就是到最後得重來。

In the last workshop of the weekend children's museums, our group task is piecing puzzles. I choose the fruits and seeds of three kinds of trees--small-leaved Barringtonia, the mahogany tree and Taiwan Hemlock (Tsuga chinensis). 

   In the workshops before, children don't need much of their parents' assistance. However, this time, the adults can't help taking part in the game. Some groups work fast, while others take much more time. In the beginning, I forget to remind the groups if the pictures are landscape or portrait, so in the end, some of them have to start all over again. 

        看起來好像快要拼對了，但方向錯了。因為爸媽和孩子合作，所以我有了意外的收穫，觀察每家的親子互動非常好玩，有些媽媽比孩子們還投入，一位長得像混血的美麗媽媽好喜歡我的圖和植標館的氛圍呢！

   It looks like the moms are going to get it right, but the image is landscape. Surprisingly, I get to see the interaction between kids and their parents because of teamwork. Some mothers are more involved than their children. One extremely beautiful mom who looks like a mix seems to love my pictures, plants and the herbarium! 

        水茄苳的海漂果實完成圖是這樣，不過這已經是另一組的小朋友了。

   This is the finished piece, but this boy is from another different group than the moms and children in the photos above. 

        拼完馬上到戶外實地觀察在豔陽裡茁壯的水茄苳樹、它又叫穗花旗盤腳樹。

   We have some small-leaved Barringtonia trees right outside in the garden. Isn't it nice to see with our eyes what we have learned? The tree is also called Powerpuff Mangrove. 

        水茄苳樹生長在水邊或海邊，因此果實靠水傳播，外皮防水。

   Small-leaved Barringtonia trees grow near the sea, so the fruits are carried off with the tide. They are waterproof. 

        而且果實很輕喔！

   The fruits are rather light! 

        接下來上場的是大葉桃花心木。

   Our next star is the mahogany tree. 

        這一組男孩很認真，身後的媽媽是老師，是第一個問我她可不可以畫畫的大人。

   These two boys are very committed. Their mom standing behind them is a teacher. She's the first adult that asks me if she can draw as well. 

        大葉桃花心木的主樹幹是單軸，樹枝兩邊對稱生長，我在周間趕著畫完，直到週六走過台大的桃花心木道，近距離觀察之後，才發現自己畫得不精準。

   The tree trunks of a mahogany tree is symmetrical, growing from the single sturdy stem. I was in a hurry to finish the picture during the week, so it is not until I walk by the row of mahogany trees on the campus of NTU on Saturday that I realize I didn't draw very precisely. 

        大葉桃花心木的蒴果在三月的晴天爆裂之後，螺旋槳狀的種子就會隨風飛翔，飛離大樹媽媽，到有陽光的空地成家。

   The fruits, which look like reddish-brown capsules, split along five seams on sunny days in around March. Then the propeller-like seeds will be carried far away from their mother tree by the wind. 

        最後是台灣鐵杉的果實和種子。

   Our last star today is the fruit and seeds of Taiwan Hemlock. 

        台灣鐵杉生長在海拔兩千公尺以上的山區。雄花粉隨風飄散，飄落在雌花毬，受孕的雌花毬果把鱗片關起來變成毬果，會從紫色轉褐色，雖然我把毬果畫得很大，真實的大小約1.5到2.5公分。

   Taiwan Hemlocks are found above the altitude of 2,000 m in Taiwan. The male pine cone disperses the pollen, which lands on the purple female cones. They are then tightly closed in to protect the eggs. The purple color will gradually change into brown. The cones of Taiwan Hemlocks are about 1.5 cm to 2.5 cm. 

        成熟時遇好天氣，毬果會打開一片片果鱗，讓帶有翅膀的種子隨風飛揚。

   When the seeds are ready, the hemlock tree will cut off its supply of water to the pine cone. This causes it to dry up and open up, allowing the seeds found at the base of the scales to fall or be blown out of the cone.  

        看孩子們畫畫是很幸福的事。

   It always brings me much delight to look at children drawing. 

        有一群孩子和媽媽實在太可愛了，我忍不住私心幫他們把明信片寄出去。

   I adore a group of adults and children so much that I can't help mailing their postcards for them. 

        戶外庭園的行程超級豐富，導覽詹姆斯先生可以滔滔不絕地說下去。

   The tour of the outdoor gardens are super enriching. The guide James can talk on and on when it comes to plants. 

        千萬不能錯過植標館外的筆筒樹，這可是館的特產啊！

   You can't miss the common tree fern outside the herbarium. It is our special feature. 

        這幾週真的很謝謝館方額外調派的工作人員，還有給我無限自由任我發揮，表面看起來好像是我多做了很多事，但其實我每週六離開植標館時總是無比地開心，能和小孩及植物一起生活，還有什麼好不滿足的呢？

   I really thank the staff and volunteers of the herbarium for making all this possible, also, for giving me so much freedom to plan what to do. I seem to have spent much time and effort preparing the teaching materials, but Saturday afternoons are my favorite. I never leave the herbarium without feeling fulfilled during these weeks. What more can I ask for when I am  blessed with a life with children and plants? 

A room with a view / 窗外有樹景

以前學生考試時，我畫她們，現在我發現窗外也有各式各樣的風景可以記錄，而且我們現在住在一棟樓，每一層教室的高度不同，看到的樹木部位也不一樣。原本我想要畫亞歷山大椰子樹由低至高的相貌，想不到這次監考的教室是另一邊，第一次遠遠畫記錄葉型，下午又到同一間教室，近看才發現花已經冒了出來，更幸運的是，當天立馬問到同事，原來我的新朋友是芒果樹！

I used to sketch students when they were sitting for monthly exams. Now I realize there are various views outside the windows. The 12th graders live in a building which is surrounded by trees on the two sides. The views of classrooms on different floors differ. I had planned to sketch the Alexander Palm from the bottom to the top on the day of the midterm, but it didn't occur to me that I was assigned to go to a classroom on the other side. In the morning I sketched the leaves, but when I went back there in the afternoon, I noticed that the tree had blossomed. Best of all, I found the name of my new friend on the same day by asking my colleague, which is the mango tree. 

        我的班級在頂樓，使我每天都有機會看到亞歷山大椰子樹的頂端，最近我常常盯著葉腋冒出的串串紅色果子，覺得很驚奇，不知道埋首書堆的孩子有沒有看到比書本還要真實的大自然呢？

   My class lives on the top floor, which gives me opportunities to observe the top of the Alexander Palm trees every day. Now I always look at the rounded bright red fruits with amazement. I wonder if the girls, who are buried in books, also notice the beauty of the real world. 

        我和孩子們的旅行要進入最後半年了，我說：這間教室是最接近我夢想的地方，之前從這裡去了倫敦，現在從這裡走進畫繪本和學習植物的美好人生，希望對他們來說也有同樣的意義。

   We are counting down our days together. I say, "This classroom is the closest place to my dreams. I went to London from here. I am reaching my dream of being a book writer and illustrator from here too." I so hope the room has the same significance for them too. 

        謝謝每天有你們相伴的生活！

   I want to say, "Thank you for your company!" to the trees and the girls!