Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Life Lesson in Barcelona / 巴塞隆納的人生課題

馬德里是國王的城市,一切都採最氣派的架勢,連遊客的調性也冷冷的。巴塞隆納沒有首都之名的負擔,華麗、熱情、不拘泥於傳統,當初我們之所以決定拜訪西班牙,就是因為伍迪艾倫在電影「情慾巴塞隆納」裡把她塑造地很迷人,讓我們有非去不可的理由。

Madrid is the city of kings. Everything is as grand and majestic as you can imagine. Even tourists exuded a certain aura of condescension. Barcelona, on the other hand, is free from the burden of a capital city. It is colorful, passionate, unconventional. In fact, it played a key role in our going to Spain because we were so tempted after having seen Woody Allen’s Vicky Christina Barcelona.

只可惜我們沒有電影裡女主角隨性的邂逅,我甚至不是抱著那樣的心情去到巴塞隆納,出發時內心充滿著某種失落的惆悵,有好幾次白花花的陽光照得我頭暈目眩,我只能被動地跟隨小秘書薛吉的腳步,必要時就出馬說出我有限的西班牙文生字,這種感覺很超現實,畢竟以前的我是多麼獨立自主的旅者。

To get back to many friends’ question, no, we didn’t have any romantic encounters, strictly speaking, like the lead roles in the movie. It was not with such expectation that I went to Barcelona. I actually set out with a sense of loss and sentimentality. Several times, the dazzling sunshine really made my head spin. I wasn’t capable of anything except following Shaggy around. When necessary, I would speak the few Spanish words I knew to get to our destinations. It felt very surreal since I used to be a super independent traveler.

人和人之間講求緣分,人和地方也是。「我愛巴黎」裡最後一段故事,陳述一位美國女子獨自去到巴黎,沒有情人、沒有朋友的陪伴,卻從與城市的連結得到撫慰,我看了好幾回,始終不太能理解她的經驗,但是在巴塞隆納,我居然也得到類似的啟發。某日午後,我們在奎爾公園,從入口畫到高第之家到人潮不斷的涼亭,街頭藝人一邊演奏有些滄桑的西班牙吉他,遊客不斷從我們身邊流過,我就頭也不抬地在紙上刷啊刷的,有人湊過來,我也完全不在意了,這是我必須要面對自己的時刻。

Some people and we are meant to be. It’s the same between some places and us. In the last episode in Paris, Je T’aime, a single American woman goes to Paris alone, without any lover or friend. Yet, her connection with the city consoles her. I watched the film several times, but I never quite understood how Paris did that. Nonetheless, in Barcelona, I was inspired in similar ways. One afternoon on our visit to Park Güell, we drew upon entering, then all the way to Casa-Museu Gaudi, to the huge pavilion where we were accompanied by the Spanish guitarist. The sentimental music and tourists flowed past by me, but I didn’t raise my head at all. I didn’t even mind the attention I drew from them. This was the moment between me and myself.

次日,我試著抬頭,不過是為了飲入更多的風景,那天移動的腳步很緩慢,踏出新的一步,就要畫下新的風景,一直到傍晚,我們到港口作最後的寫生,當作和巴塞隆納說再見的儀式,那天我畫了11張圖。

The following day, I raised my head, to drink in more scenery. I moved at an extremely slow pace. With one step I took, I had to draw a new scene. This lasted until we went to the harbor in the evening for the last sketch as our ritual to say goodbye to Barcelona. I drew 11 pictures in total that day.

人生盡是不如意,但是我不想要這些小挫折在我的心裡留下滄桑的痕跡。隔天清晨天還未亮,我們在錠藍色的天空下邁開腳步,儘管行李有些沉重,我的心輕快了起來,期待下一站。

Life is full of unfulfilled dreams and love, but I don’t want these tiny frustrations to leave any sad trace in my heart. The following morning, before the sun rose, we strode ahead under the indigo sky. Despite the heavy luggage, my heart felt light. And we were so looking forward to the next stop.

後記:我實在是過得太舒服了,才有空想這些有的沒有的,想到88水災的受難者,我因為很羞愧,所以已經採取行動,大家有錢有力都去賑災吧!

Sunday, August 09, 2009

sunshine and raindrops / 太陽和雨水

我很喜歡太陽天,是那種只要有陽光,心情可以晴朗到沒有陰影的喜歡,在西班牙過了三個星期幾乎沒有下雨的日子,回到天空陰陰的台北,是有些不適應。

I am a fanatic fan of sunny days. I have to specify, I love sunny days so much that whenever there is sunshine, I believe everything is possible. After spending three almost cloudless and rainless weeks in Spain, I wasn’t quite upbeat to get back to dark Taipei.

上個周末在馬德里的普拉多美術館外面寫生,天氣本來亮麗到不行,但是畫著畫著,突然就下起我們在西班牙第一場雨,大家急忙躲到排隊買門票的傘棚底下,因為急降的氣溫,眼前的情侶紛紛熱烈地擁抱起來,我們也感染到雨天的浪漫,嘴邊不禁掛起微笑,我還把札記本伸出傘外收集幾滴馬德里的雨水,水在亮藍色的線條上暈開來,我當時想,這是再好不過的紀念品。

Last weekend we were drawing sketches outside El Prado in Madrid. The weather couldn’t be finer. However, before we were aware, we were confronted with the first shower in Spain. Most people were eager to hide under the umbrellas originally used for those lining up for purchasing tickets. The temperature dropped abruptly, which only brought lovers so much closer, right in front of our eyes. We were infected with love in the air and couldn’t help smiling. I placed my sketch in the rain, trying to collect a few raindrops. The water blurred my water-blue lines. It occurred to me that this was the best souvenir.

回到家之後,媽媽三番兩次提醒我,要回到現實來,我已經不在西班牙了。為了大聲說,雨水也帶不走我的好心情,我在颱風過後的傍晚撐著傘,在樓下有著昏黃路燈的廣場,一個人散步,走著走著,突然就沉浸在滴滴答答的雨聲裡,也有一種幸福的感覺。

After coming home, Mom was so into reminding me of planting my feet on the ground—I am NO LONGER in Spain. To declare out loud that rain can’t make me blue, I took a one-man stroll in the company of an umbrella on the dimly-lit square after the typhoon sailed away. Step by step, I was lost in the pattering rhythms of rain. And, I felt good!

我是離開西班牙了,但要是我的內心住了個南歐人呢?

I did leave Spain, but what if a South European dwells in me?

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Me Gusta España, Me Gusta Shaggy / 我愛西班牙,我愛薛吉!

旅行回來好幾天了,卻不太知道要寫些甚麼,能說的太多了,但不知道要從何說起。今天赫然發現,在我留下的一片寂靜裡,還是有許多關愛的暖流游進來,所以我好像不該再沉默了。

I’ve come home for a few days, but I had no idea what to write. There is just so much to say, but I don’t know where to start. Today I discovered in all that silence I had left behind, many friends sent in warm currents of concern. I guess I shouldn’t remain taciturn anymore.

這趟旅行,用一句話總結,是我人生中最棒的旅行,一路上我們從匈牙利受到Carol的照顧,飛到慕尼黑,在冷冷的城市裡有溫暖的旅館,再飛到西班牙,遇到各式各樣幫助我們的人,謝謝那些和我們相遇的陌生人,你們會出現在我們即將創作的展覽裡。

This trip, in a few words, is the best trip in my life. We were showered with care and good luck all the way from Budapest by Carol, to Munich by our lovely hotel, to Spain by various kinds of people who gave us a hand. I want to thank those strangers we encountered. You will definitely show up in our future exhibit at the end of the year.

旅行中有很多過去出現的元素,我不時從別人身上看到自己曾經發生的故事,有時候真的很想走過去拍拍他們的肩,告訴他們一切都會ok,但因為我的新同伴薛吉,我們有了嶄新的嘗試,我開始在旅行裡認真畫畫,讓我的心沉澱。我學會用自在的步調在旅行裡生活。

There were many recurrent themes on this trip. I constantly saw my past stories in others. Sometimes I really couldn’t curb the urge to go up to them and pat them on the shoulder, telling them that everything would be ok. On the other hand, thanks to my new companion, we had brand-new episodes. I started to take drawing seriously and let my heart calm down. I learned to “live” at my own pace on the journey.

我在旅行札記裡寫著:如果你有愛的人,一定要一起旅行,因為一個人旅行看到的大多數是外在的風景,有同伴時會看到人的風景,然後也許我們會學著珍惜。

I wrote in my travel log, “If you fall in love with someone, you have to travel together. When you travel alone, you see mostly outward scenery. With a companion, especially someone you love, you get to see scenery inside him or her. Then maybe we will learn to cherish what we have.”

所以我要用我的西班牙熱情說:「我愛西班牙,我愛薛吉!」

So I can only say, “Me gusta España, me gusta Shaggy!” with my new Spanish passion!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Zen master You / 游‧禪學大師

趕搭「美麗的小錯誤」這本書的風潮,我也去買來試看看不一樣的人生,因為太想要和現在不同的生活,我從一開始就選擇不去上大學,直接去歐洲旅行,但走到最後的結局是,我嫁給了法國人,過著到處流浪的旅人生活,最後死於巴里島,並且很快地就投胎轉世為老鷹。說來這和我真實的人生出入並不大,讓我有些小失望。

To catch up with the trend of reading the do-over novel Pretty Little Mistakes by Heather McElhatton, I laid my hand on a copy, all worked up about different lives I might have had. In the beginning I made a choice of traveling to Europe instead of going to college, which I already had done. Well, in the end, I married a French guy, traveled around the world, and died in Bali. I soon reincarnated into an eagle after my death. To be honest, this is not very different from my real life, which kind of disappointed me.

不過這本書的好處就是可以一次又一次地重頭再來,我在書中偶然瞥見禪學大師這個名稱,於是我下定決心,這就是我把這本書看完的動力,有一天我一定要走到成為禪學大師的結局。

But the good thing about this book is that I can do over again and again. I came across the term Zen master on one page, so I made up my mind to try all the endings. Some day, I will make the right choice and become a Zen master.


因為在班上嚷嚷這個心願,儀柔在學期末的卡片裡就送給我「游,禪學大師」的封號,讓我過過乾癮。就算還沒有到大師的境界,我覺得自己已經是一座山了,在那裡穩穩地屹立著,可是如果是我來寫「美麗的小錯誤」,我是一座想要移動的山,雖然形體動不了,但是總有一天,我要和洛磯山或安地斯山交換靈魂,然後就像儀柔最後的祝福,我們會在異國相遇!

Because I kept talking about this wish in class, Elain gave me the term “Zen master, You” for free on her end-of-the-semester card to make me happy. Even if I am not a master now, I feel like a mountain, rooted there calm and poised. If I am to write Pretty Little Mistakes, I will be a mountain that feels like traveling. I might not be able to move physically, but one day, I will exchange souls with the Rocky Mountains or the Andes. Then like what Elaine suggests, we will run into each other in another country!

謝謝儀柔和莉筠的溫暖話語和祝福!

Thanks to Elaine and Lillian for all the warm words and best wishes!

Friday, June 26, 2009

10 x 15

問題:如果你想說的話加起來有全世界那麼大,卻只有10 x 15公分的明信片可以寫,你選擇說甚麼?

Question: If you have a whole world to say on a tiny postcard of 10 x 15 cm, what will you write?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

together / 我們要在一起


a few quiet minutes / 安靜的片刻

關於我現在的學生

About My Current Students


這一年來,沒有為現在的學生留下任何隻字片語,我想大概是因為我對他們的意義和之前的學生很不一樣,以前大家把我當作肩膀仰賴,至於現在,我覺得自己很像教室裡的某項擺設,如果我安靜不出聲,可能不會有人看見我,我還打趣地想,我們校外教學的時候,我很有可能會像「逐夢鬱金香」裡的母親,被丟在加油站裡,完全沒人注意到我沒有上車。

This year, I haven’t written anything for my current students. The major reason is that I, for them, play a very different role than my previous students. I was used to be thought of as a shoulder. As for now, I am more like the locker in the classroom. If I remain silent, no one will be aware of my existence. I even thought with a sense of humor that on our field trips, I might be left behind in the gas station like the mother in Bread and Tulips. No one would notice my empty seat and lack of presence.

到幾天前,我都還是這樣想著我們的關係:一群很自得其樂的傢伙和一個不甘心被遺忘的老師,可是現在我有了新的領悟,因為太容易被忘記,就要大聲地宣示我的存在,雖然大家可能會看不慣我執意被記住的堅持,這是我和這群人之間的平衡。

I still thought of us like that until a few days ago: a group of natural high students and a teacher unwilling to be forgotten. But it dawned on me that the more easily I am forgotten, the louder I have to declare my existence. Well, some people might not like how I insist on being remembered, but this is the balance point I found in my relationship with my current students.

今天是這個學年的最後一天上課天,我很慶幸自己從一團泥沼裡優雅地爬了出來,雖然目前還有一隻腳在裡頭,我要謝謝現在的學生,給了我影響深遠的刺激,這對我將來的人生會有某種程度的改變。

Today is the last school day of this semester. I am very glad to have got out of a mass of slime and mud, with some elegance, though I still have one foot inside at this moment. I want to thank my current students for giving me long-term stimulation. This will change my future life to a certain degree.

還有,我要謝謝現在的學生,在一年的磨合之後,教了我一件我之前無法體悟的事:就在學期要結束之際,我突然懂得享受早晨進教室,坐在電風扇嗡嗡叫的教室裡,在短暫的十五分鐘裡,陪大家讀書寫字,我開始覺得那不只是我的工作項目,因為儘管我不願意承認,我在情感上也依賴著你們。

Besides, I want to thank my current students, for teaching me something I didn’t know how to appreciate, after one year of mutual adjustment: Right at the end of the semester, I suddenly learned to enjoy going into the classroom in the morning, sitting in the classroom filled with the buzzing sounds of electric fans. Within the short fifteen minutes, I am there to keep you company while you read and write. I started to feel that it is more than a job item. Despite my reluctance, I rely on you emotionally.

我們共同有的,除了大部分時間都是我在碎碎念之外,不過就是那每天安安靜靜在一起的幾分鐘嗎?但是那會是將來我想起你們的回憶重點。

And if you do not count the time when I nag about this and that, what we have is a few quiet minutes together every day. Insignificant as they might seem, that will be my memory of you in the future.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

makeup=make up? / 化妝=虛構?

最近因為被批評邋遢,讓我想到了英文裡化妝品的說法makeup,轉換成動詞片語make up,就變成「虛構」的意思,我和學生討論兩者之間究竟有否關聯,有人說,化妝等同於創造出新的一張臉,又有人說,化妝其實是物理整容,我倒認為,雖然是可還原性的變化,但是每天要花上半個小時整理門面,長期下來也是很浩大的工程。

I was criticized as “sloppy” lately by people who don’t really know me well. This reminds me of the word “makeup.” If turned into a verbal phrase, “make up” means to create something out of nothing. I asked students if there is any connection between the two. A girl said that makeup is synonymous to coming up with a new face. Another girl said that makeup is actually physical change of plastic surgery. In my opinion, even though it is reversible, we end up spending a considerable amount of time on it in the long run.

我對化妝這件事沒有意見,畢竟每個人選擇用自己的方式面對世界,在路上瞥見精雕細琢的美女時,我的目光無疑地也會被吸引,我比較怕的是,化妝久了之後,我們認不得自己原來的樣子,而歲月的痕跡是無所遁形的,我發現再怎麼努力,白頭髮始終比我早一步,皺紋在不知不覺中形成一條條蜜粉的溝渠,如果要執意反抗,這就是一輩子的戰爭。

I don’t have any objection to wearing makeup. After all, everyone chooses their way in facing the world. I have to admit when I catch sight of beautiful women whose charm is further enhanced by cosmetics, I can’t take my eyes off them. However, what worries me is, after getting used to hiding behind the masks, we can’t recognize how we really look. Traces of age are powerful in their silence. No one can be exempted. I realize that no matter how hard I try, gray hair always pushes out earlier than I want it to and wrinkles form ditches of loose powder with time passing. If we insist on fighting against nature head-on, this will be a lifelong war.

與其把這些痕跡遮掩起來,不如想要如何把它們美麗地展現出來,因為在我的經驗裡,逃避終究會引向全盤崩潰,然後就是面對的大課題了。

Instead of covering the “flaws,” why not face them and show them in presentable and creative ways? In my own experience, escape will only lead to total collapse, and then we will have to deal with the huge life lesson of confronting our fear…

Sunday, June 21, 2009

serendipity / 留心

雖然最近整個人有點暈暈的,踩在地上的步伐像剛從遠方歸來的旅者,因為時差,不是很確定自己真的落地了,不過我勞碌的處女座性格,已經在我的腦裡設定一整張任務表,我就是無感,也能夠一項接著一項處理,事實上,當我用旁人的眼光看自己時,其實常常是很驚訝我的超高效率。

Lately my head was spinning like crazy. I felt like a returning traveler from a faraway land. I was not sure if I had really landed because of that jet lag problem. However, my laborious Virgo personality had scrolled down an entire list of tasks for me to tick off. I was kind of numb, but that didn’t stop me from accomplishing the missions. As a matter of fact, I am often amazed at my super efficiency when I look at myself from a detached perspective.

昨天在我前往書店的路上,我意外地發現紫藤廬內正在進行的畫展,我還差一點應徵女服務生的工作,因為上面要求英日文俱佳,可學習茶道,感覺這是目前我很需要的一門學問,讓我冷卻下來,定定心。

Yesterday on my way to Eslite, I came across a lovely exhibition going on in Wistaria Tea House. I nearly applied for the waitress job because I seemed to meet the requirements of speaking decent English and Japanese. I was actually tempted by the opportunity to learn the art of tea-making. I was in need of the knowledge to cool down and calm my heart.

然後當我在法國工廠外面瞄著明信片架時,我的眼光就是離不開那張有著黑貓的影像,雖然我知道是一張寄不出去的明信片,我還是買了下來,這兩天反覆看,很開心自己下了手。

When I passed by à l’affiche, I was squinting at the postcard racks inside. I couldn’t take my eyes off a postcard with a black cat in it. I knew it would be a postcard I couldn’t send out, but I still ended up buying it. I was terribly pleased when I looked at it over and over again these two days.

別人常說,我只差再擁有甚麼就不缺了,我卻覺得,因為我有充滿陽光的眼睛,所以甚麼都有了。我的serendipity-發現意外珍奇事物的小天份,讓我在下雨天裡看到彩虹,在黑夜裡看到星星。

Other people often say to me, as long as you have this and that, your life will be perfect. I never think so. As I have eyes full of sunshine, I don’t lack anything. My serendipity makes me see rainbows on rainy days and stars on dark nights.

我釋懷了,祝福你。

I am totally fine now. Best best wishes for you…