Saturday, December 20, 2008

gifts / 禮物

最近忙到神經麻痺,覺得自己有點在浪費生命,每天只想著把手邊的工作完成,拼命往前衝之後,卻沒有得到任何快感,這好像不是我要的人生。

Lately I've been so busy that my nerves are almost numbed. I have a feeling that I am wasting life. The only thing on my mind every day is to finish all the work that rolls in. But I don't feel any sense of achievement after I rush forward so blindly. This isn't the kind of life I want.

還好,我得到John和Sharon送給我的禮物─新畫桌,自從換了桌子之後,整個作息的方向也隨之改變,聽著從房間音響流出來的爵士樂清楚多了,而且晴天之際,我和陽光面對面,畫圖的時後感覺非常之幸福。

Fortunately, I got a superb gift from John and Sharon--a new art table. Since I got it, I have changed the seating direction. I can hear the jazz music that flows out of the stereo in my room better. On sunny days, the sunshine and I are face-to-face. I feel so happy when I paint.

今天早上讀到令我醍醐灌頂的一句話,Jack Kerouac說,愛著生命的每一個細節,看來我得重新讓我的神經紓緩,好好感受我渺小但美麗的生活。

I read a quote that moved me this morning. Jack Kerouac said, be in love with your life, every detail of it. It seems I have to let my nerves breathe to enjoy my humble yet beautiful existence...

Sunday, December 07, 2008

she deserves a story / 她的故事

兩個月前人生無聊時,無意間發現信誼基金會的繪本徵稿,雖然很認真地立了大願,不過寫完故事打完底圖之後,就開始沉迷於我的小書創作,一直到兩個星期前才良心發現,很誠懇地步回正途。

Two months ago when I lacked goals again, I came across the announcement of a picture book contest. In the beginning, I made a very big wish to participate in it this year. Everything all went well for the first week. However, after I wrote the story and drew the sketch, I was distracted by the beauty of mini-books and totally fell for it. It wasn't until two weeks ago that my conscience beckoned me to the path I was supposed to take.

我得說,準備一個很偉大的計畫,那種感覺很像結婚,明明是帶著喜悅和憧憬,但一路走下去之後,發現責任感是不可缺的,同時原來不怎麼了不起、之前被排擠到腦門後的一些想法,在此時顯得特別誘人,令人想要立刻放下正房,奔向新目標。我知道這個比喻是有些奇怪,可是我完全可以理解人喜新厭舊的習性。

I have to say, preparing for a BIG project is kind of like marriage. I start with joy and hope, but as I walk on, it hits me that the sense of responsibility is more important than any sentiment. When engaged in it, some originally trivial ideas which have been pushed back to the back of my mind appear to be particularly tempting at this moment. Sometimes I feel the longing to put down what's in my hands and start another new project. This comparison might seem improper, but I can't deny that we were all born with the preference for new things.

後來我之所以願意回來好好完成原先的計畫,是因為我想要替我的外婆寫故事,我可愛的外婆八十多歲,不是什麼有名的人,但是我想要為她畫幾張圖,就是再淺的痕跡,她都值得。當我這樣想時,我的出發點改變了,心態也全然不同。

Later I was willing to resume my former plan because I'd always wanted to write a story for my granny, who has been in this world for more than eighty years. She is nobody for most of you out there, but she means a lot to me. I want to draw some pictures for her. She deserves a story and leaves some traces, however light they are. When I thought like that, I had a completely different motive, and I felt different.

當然中間還是有疲累、沒有自信的時候,而這時我就特別想念部落格上的鼓勵,分享作品還真是很美好呢!

Well, there are still moments of fatigue, moments of diffidence. At this time, I especially miss the words of encouragement on my blog. It's certainly one of the most beautiful things to share works with those who care!